Holiday Spinoff

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

So holidays seem to be a tough time for planning/scheduling. What's been your pain points? Any ideas that have worked to make things easier? Suggestions or just need to commiserate? All input welcome....those child free, with young children or teens or college aged? Parents/Grandparents nearby or far? All present unique challenges. Feel free to vent or offer positive solutions or both!

 

[DanceDisney23]

My pain point are all the special events and parties leading up to Christmas that make a busy time even busier. Do we really need a month of theme days at school?

I used to really try to make the holidays special when DD (11) was little but now good enough is good enough. No fancy present wrapping, the same meal every year, our house doesn’t look like Martha Stewart decorated it. And if we don’t make the gingerbread house or go the special event in town, so be it. I also try to buy presents in October/November.

Cooking Christmas dinner can be stressful but I’m drinking Prosecco while cooking which is a tradition I look forward to.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

My pain point are all the special events and parties leading up to Christmas that make a busy time even busier. Do we really need a month of theme days at school?

I used to really try to make the holidays special when DD (11) was little but now good enough is good enough. No fancy present wrapping, the same meal every year, our house doesn’t look like Martha Stewart decorated it. And if we don’t make the gingerbread house or go the special event in town, so be it. I also try to buy presents in October/November.

Cooking Christmas dinner can be stressful but I’m drinking Prosecco while cooking which is a tradition I look forward to.

I don't know how parents of up through elementary school kids do it with all the "special" days over the holidays while you are already under pressure and stress. I understand having fun for the kids but it's a lot of pressure on the parents. I just remember having the one holiday party where we celebrated lots of things (I'm sure some people weren't represented but we can work toward that).

I try to finish shopping before December 1. But I shop small...just my parents, my in laws, our niece and nephew. DH and I don't exchange. I wrap everyone in different paper with a different theme. Then I don't need gift tags and I know who belongs to what. That's just my weird quirk. I actually enjoy wrapping and would do it for others LOL.

I've learned to say no to the things that don't bring me joy and yes to the things that do. For example, a lot of people hate sending christmas cards. I love to send them especially to older relatives so I do it. I realize no one would notice if I stopped. I hate Christmas baking so I decline any cookie swap stuff. I decorate to the level I feel like that year. I go to whatever Christmas events strike my fancy. Some years not very many....some years I might be considered almost an elf.

I'll move on to how we figured out visiting in a way that caused us less stress later in the thread! May be useful to someone or useless. We will see.

 

[DanceDisney23]

I forgot to add the dang elf of the shelf. I’m convinced it was invented by someone who hates parents.

I thought we were able to escape this by never mentioning it, but then her friends talked about their elves, and then the teachers started asking everyone what shenanigans their elves got into the night before. Of course then we had to get one because DD couldn’t understand why everyone but her had an elf visiting.

 

[Rogue1677x]

The biggest pain point of the holiday season is that my husband loathes the holidays and suffers from depression around this time. He hates Christmas in particular because growing up his family was quite poor, but his mom would spend money that they didn't have on a ton of junky little gifts because she wanted the kids to have lots of gifts under the tree. However, with his dad in the military, she confided in him some of the financial woes and so he felt like it was a waste to be getting stuff they couldn't afford.

When we got married and had our daughter, he knew how much I loved Christmas, so he'll set the tree up for us and he gets a laugh watching us decorate because it makes us so happy, but knows I will also get him the one thing for Christmas that he wants: nothing. My family respects that wish...but to this day, his mom still buys him stuff he won't use.

 

[tvguy]

This year will be different. I have no idea how it will play out.
Our daughter just moved to Germany and won't be home for the holidays. With a newborn, a 2 year old and a 5 year old, my son and daughter in law won't be in a position to drive 400 miles here. (they also don't own a car that can hold all five of them, they would have to take two cars) Our friends who have been coming for Thanksgiving dinner decades are no longer well enough to make the 150 mile trip.
We will drive down to our sons before Christmas for a visit. And we may drive up to our friends to see them, but nothing decided yet. But not sure we will have anything here at our house. I do know my wife wants to go out this week and buy new Christmas lights for the outside of the house, so I guess we will at least decorate the outside.
We're retired, so no company Christmas party, although both our former employers long again stopped doing off site parties where you could bring a guest. And between covid, and health issues, the folks who used to throw a Christmas open house every year no longer do that.

 

[MamaMermaid]

I'm just a terrible gift giver.

 

[TiggerTrigger]

I forgot to add the dang elf of the shelf. I’m convinced it was invented by someone who hates parents.

I thought we were able to escape this by never mentioning it, but then her friends talked about their elves, and then the teachers started asking everyone what shenanigans their elves got into the night before. Of course then we had to get one because DD couldn’t understand why everyone but her had an elf visiting.

OMG- I managed to escape this for 11 years and went that whole time being lucky with teachers that avoided them at all costs. Then in 2017, I won one at a Christmas in July pool party. My younger one was in 3rd grade and still believed, so I went through several years of having to do stupid elf things. Of course, she also wound up with teachers that had stupid elves, so I was now in a competition with someone who was actually into this stuff. The following Christmas, we were on vacation for the holiday. I had to bring the darn elf with me in my suitcase, have him do stupid elf things in our hotel room and then magically make him disappear on Christmas and not have him spotted during packing/unpacking.

 

[NYCgrrl]

It’s the logistics that’s making me crazed this year. DGD is travelling to Fl from France; her younger sister and I are taking the train down to WDW from NYC.

I’m bringing a cooler of food for our DVC stay, luggage plus the 6 y/o and currently have no idea how all this can happen. Don’t want to involve DGD since she’ll be visiting Fl relatives before arriving in Orlando.
On the bright side I anticipate a nice holiday get together.

 

[TiggerTrigger]

I don't want to dredge up all of the family drama, but my MIL is my biggest pain point. She's getting older, so we may pop in on Christmas Day, but that's really about it. We do our best to try and time things to avoid DH's horrible step siblings and their demon spawn.

My parents usually try and time things for the cheapest air. So that's another challenge, but never too bad. This year, they'll be coming in the day after Christmas. I don't hate it though, because it gives me some justification to extend the celebrating.

This is our first year with one in college. I'm really anxious about her drive home and back, but lots of kids catch rides with fellow students and it's just me having to learn to calm down and release control. I think I'm covering the transportation for Christmas/winter break but she's getting a ride for Thanksgiving. Still, with her home, I'm anticipating some fights. DD15 should be getting her license next month and I can see the girls fighting over the vehicle situation. It's sure to add some unpleasantness to the holidays. One of DD18s roommates is also coming home with her and staying with us for Thanksgiving since her family has decided to take a holiday vacation with her younger siblings and she's not being included. So, hopefully that doesn't make things too weird. I feel bad for her and want her to have a place for the holiday but it will definitely change the dynamic.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

Holidays are hard. Prettty much the whole things a pain point lol. I am a perfectionist when it comes to the holidays, my house has to look like it could be in a hallmark movie, we have to do lots of holiday activities, the elves do cool things every night, I bake and make candy constantly plus tons of shopping for our 5 kids and huge extended family…so stressful but I love “perfect” christmases and now my family’s so used to it that if I slack off in one area they’re like “what happened to Christmas?!” lol. To make the shopping part easier I buy stuff all year round, if I’m out and about and see something I know someone will like I buy it and put it away. I pretty much buy online for the rest.

 

[Snowflakey]

I'm in love with the Christmas season. The whole thing. Buying gifts, decorating, baking, everything. I have my 4 grandbabies almost completely done, back bedroom is full with gifts. Hoping to start wrapping them in a few days. Two daughters and their husbands I still have things to get. I bake and deliver goodie trays to several friends during December and I adopt a few families and shop for them too. The best part is both DD's are the same way. I won't even tell you when we start decorating ha!

Tips that work for me is shopping and wrapping early. I try to be done in October. The season is so much more enjoyable then. If you host Christmas, plan now. Make your holiday dinner list which includes groceries you need. If your tight with time, then order desserts or have people coming bring a certain dish.

The season is a "feeling" - allow yourself to enjoy that. Happy holidays everyone!

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

One of DD18s roommates is also coming home with her and staying with us for Thanksgiving since her family has decided to take a holiday vacation with her younger siblings and she's not being included. So, hopefully that doesn't make things too weird. I feel bad for her and want her to have a place for the holiday but it will definitely change the dynamic.

That's really really kind of you to do. What a thoughtful gesture. I hope it ends up being a really lovely time even if it feels a little different than usual.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

Get ready for a novel....We have it easier in some ways being childfree, but the expectation is always that we will travel and it's fine for us to be running all over the place (my family). My in laws have always been more laid back and no subtle guilt trips. Thank God for them.

My brother and SIL have a toddler and one on the way. They refuse (for reasons unknown to anyone) to make any definitive plans reasonably ahead of time. We literally just got a text invite today for my niece's 4th birthday party on Saturday (it's an hour and a half drive each way). And trust me, the drama if we didn't attend would be monumental. It's so inconsiderate. I accommodate to keep the peace for my parents. My brother has hosted every Thanksgiving since he's been married (8 years, by his choice), but always waits until like the Saturday before to confirm that he's actually hosting and invite us. I can't even bring it up without it being an issue despite the fact that I'm assigned things to bring.

My parents are about an hour and half drive also, but my in laws are in Florida. After several years of tying myself in knots, making myself sick, and begging my brother to tell me when they want to do Christmas so I can plan for Florida....ya know since my husband's family has a right to see us as well and Florida requires some planning whether flying or driving, I finally put my foot down and said we will see you for Thanksgiving and will be in Florida for Christmas and New Years every year. If you choose not to have Thanksgiving, that's fine, don't worry about us and we will work it out with mom and dad. Also, pick any other day in December or January that works and we will be happy to do Christmas with you then just let us know. We will be prepared with gifts by Dec 1 so I just don't worry about it anymore. I just can't stress about their weirdness anymore.

**Note: We would be happy to host any holiday at any time but my brother and SIL want to host everything and it's not worth stressing my parents out. Control issues to say the least.

 

[easyas123]

The season is a "feeling" - allow yourself to enjoy that

I think that is a great way to approach it.

We've entered the 'go with the flow' phase of life. Both sons married in last year, and we make NO demands of them over the holidays, after all they now have two families they need to deal with. We say- do what you want, do your own thing. Let us know, and if we can't get together on XYZ day then we will get together on ABC day.

As for this year, looks like at least one of the sons & DIL's may join us for Thanksgiving. We'll see....and Christmas Eve we will go to the other sons & DIL's new house for the day. Christmas Day looks to be pleasant and quiet. Do I miss busy, loud, tense, tiring long holidays with tons of family? I do. I am guessing those days will return once we have grandkids. One thing for sure is neither of my DIL's or Sons will EVER feel pressure from us to be here or there at any particular time/day/function/holiday.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I think that is a great way to approach it.

We've entered the 'go with the flow' phase of life. Both sons married in last year, and we make NO demands of them over the holidays, after all they now have two families they need to deal with. We say- do what you want, do your own thing. Let us know, and if we can't get together on XYZ day then we will get together on ABC day.

As for this year, looks like at least one of the sons & DIL's may join us for Thanksgiving. We'll see....and Christmas Eve we will go to the other sons & DIL's new house for the day. Christmas Day looks to be pleasant and quiet. Do I miss busy, loud, tense, tiring long holidays with tons of family? I do. I am guessing those days will return once we have grandkids. One thing for sure is neither of my DIL's or Sons will EVER feel pressure from us to be here or there at any particular time/day/function/holiday.

I have to tell you that my in laws are always so easy going and no/low pressure that it makes me want to spend more time with them. We know we are always welcome, but there is never any pressure/expectations. I'm always encouraging DH to make plans with them (it's tough because it's long distance but we do our best).

 

[disykat]

I'm just a terrible gift giver.

I do NOT enjoy giving or receiving gifts. So stressful. Fortunately the only people I give gifts to anymore are my children and grandchild so I can grit my teeth through that. My grandchild is young so that part is fun, but we don't see her much so it's pretty much just mailing presents. I love everything else about Christmas - music, church, food, decor, events - so I'm looking forward to that. Last year we hosted a gathering and someone suggested that we play that horrible game where you all get the worst gift ever and someone gets stuck with it. Yuck. I tried to be gracious, but that game is my worst nightmare!

Our traditions for Christmas Day etc. have certainly changed since the kids have grown. We still don't have Christmas nailed down yet this year. We're pretty flexible but we will have a pretty quiet Christmas Day celebration here because my mom is here and not doing very well, so my siblings will be here for that. I doubt my adult children will be - one's spouse prefers they are with their friends (I get it, no harm no foul) and the other is going to his partner's parents. We have friends we've always spent holidays with and a bunch of their kids are coming home this year so I'm guessing we might all try to do dessert/games together or something after I've gotten my mom back to her senior living place. (She's not doing well, so I don't really know what her situation will be at that point.) We try to do a holiday celebration with both of our kids/their families all together at some point other than on Christmas Day.

 

[neverlandsky]

We stay home for holiday dinners with a 100% no pressure open house. Then we visit relatives for dessert & coffee on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve. Christmas Day we bed/sofa rot in our PJs all day.

We adopted this format because DH and Oldest work very long and overstimulating days. Wanted them to come home from work to a hot meal and have relaxation so they can unwind a bit. Pluses are there’s no traffic to and from relative’s home, better quality time, an overall calmer environment and better experience, cooking our family favorites, and we have leftovers.

We already told our adult kids, we have no expectations for the holidays. There’s 365 days in a year. We enjoy whenever we can spend time together. It doesn’t have to be the holidays.