Holding a child back from starting Kindergarten because of age?

[OceanAnnie]

What is your opinion on holding a child back from starting school when the child is of age? I.E. Holding a child back because he/she is a "young" 5 (birthday in late summer). I don't think there is a right or wrong per se. I think it should be an individual case by case type of decision, not a decision resting on age alone. I tend to think that if the age of Kindergarteners is 5 then 5 year old behaviors should be accepted.

What do you think? Please, keep it nice.

Poll coming if I can get one going, LOL.

 

[aprilgail2]

There is a big difference in maturity level in kindergarten, especially between the girls that are 5 going on 6 and the boys that are 4 going on 5- boys are immature to begin with so the 11 months seems like 2 years between the boys and the girls. My daughter was 4 when she started kindegarten and she was immature in some ways compared to some of the other girls in her class that turned 6 -3 weeks after she turned 5. In her school some teachers do recommend that if you have a boy with a late birthday you consider holding them back.

 

[crzyred]

I was held back a year ( late summer birthday). I think I turned out ok. lol. (this also was back when you only had 1/2 day kindergarten, not full day)

I was told though a few years ago in one of my college classes, that if you are holding a child back based on age alone, that it's recommended that summer birthdays are held back and for boys even if it's a later spring birthday because the mature slower than the girls.

But I do think it has more to do with whether you think the kid is ready for school, not just their age.

 

[luvdzne]

Both my dd's were young 5's (Sept & Oct). My younger daughter went to young 5's instead of starting kindergarten. Now she is in 3rd grade and I can't even picture her being in 4th because I think she would have really struggled. She is exactly where she should be with her class so I think it was a good decision for us. Older dd's school did not offer it or I didn't know it existed. She has done very well in school, she's in 8th grade and is on the honor roll. So I think it should be based on the individual child.

 

[KariC]

My twins are in kindergarten (see siggy), and they turn 5 next week. Their teachers, as well as us parents, agreed that there was no reason to hold them back. Socially and academically they are beyond kindergartners. Physically, my son is "smaller", my daughter is petite...but I'm only 5 feet tall. That could just be their genes....

It does depend on the child, but too many people are red shirting their 5 year olds. And different states, have differernt dates. And sometimes different districts within those states have differernt start dates.

I guess college will be the "great equalizer" where age won't matter, except in the bars.

 

[Daxx]

The cutoff for our school is age 5 by Dec. 1st for Kdg. So, even if you don't turn 5 until Nov. 30th, you can attend school ... making you "officially" 4 1/2 yrs. old.

DS10 has an Oct. bday. We decided to keep DS in pre-K for an additional year b/c he was extremely shy and it took him awhile to open up to his teachers! He would answer questions but would never initiate a conversation w/his teachers until Feb. I felt that he needed more time to "come out of his shell". Also, it gave him more of a chance to be better prepared for Kdg. on an educational level. I'm v. satisfied w/the decision I made ... but know that others may have chosen differently. Does this mean all kids w/an Oct. bday and a "5 by Dec. 1st" school policy should be held back a year? Heck no! There are some kids out there who are v. social and ready for Kdg. at age 4 but can't attend b/c they miss the cut off date. However, there are some 5 yos who aren't ready and could use the extra year.

Age should not be the only factor in deciding whether a child is ready for school or not. I have had some kids who were young kdgs. and did well. And, I've had some young kdgs. who struggled. However, the same could also be said for the older kdg. students as well. You need to know your child and what they can handle and are capable of.

 

[DisneyPhD]

My DD's birthday is Aug 3rd. She starts Preschool this year and we plan to put her in K in 2 years. Now ask me again in 2 years and if she isn't where we think she should be, we might hold her back.

I don't see that happening right now. She is very tiny size wise, but is too bright for her own good if you ask me.

 

[Beth76]

Depends on lots of things. My younger son meets the cut-off by about a month. I have two years to decide what to do. I'm sure I'll be debating about it until the day he starts kindergarten.

 

[Golf4food]

I had to wait a year to start kindergarten because my birthday was 5 days too late for the Sept. 1st deadline. I've always been more mature than other boys/men my age and probably would have been just fine starting at 4.9 years old, but the county didn't agree. So I spent my school years being the 2nd oldest person in the class. It worked out well though - the class in front of me wasn't the best in the world, and my class had the highest number of honors graduates in county history. My life would have been completely different and possibly not as good. God knows what He's doing.

Still, if a similar situation happened to me as an adult I'd be p/o'd and raise a fuss.

 

[kctwinmommy]

Yes, I think it depends on more than just age, of course, I didn't read it all and didn't vote that way! Duh! Anyway, we also have twins, and I'm sure if it was just my DD, she'd probably go. But since we have a girl and a boy, our DS would most likely not guy if he was alone. Anyway, they're birthday is about 2 weeks before school starts, and we're planning on holding them back. They haven't been to any preschool or classroom settings yet, so I think they'll be good waiting for 2 years.

Oh and sorry, but there's no way that we would send one and not the other. I can only imagine the horrible things that kids will say when they know that one twin started "on time" and the other didn't.

 

[daisyduck123]

No...in fact we did the opposite.

My DD has an August b-day & after spending 9 days in 1st grade, she was skipped to 2nd grade.

 

[hopemax]

I had to wait a year to start kindergarten because my birthday was 5 days too late for the Sept. 1st deadline. I've always been more mature than other boys/men my age and probably would have been just fine starting at 4.9 years old, but the county didn't agree. So I spent my school years being the 2nd oldest person in the class. It worked out well though - the class in front of me wasn't the best in the world, and my class had the highest number of honors graduates in county history. My life would have been completely different and possibly not as good. God knows what He's doing.

Still, if a similar situation happened to me as an adult I'd be p/o'd and raise a fuss.

I had a sort of similar situation, yet very different. My birthday is Dec 21st. The summer I was four, I decided I wanted to learn to read. I asked my Dad what this word was (the word was oil) and he told me. Then after he was done reading, I took the newspaper, and circled every time I could find oil. So then he taught me the words "the" and "and" and then my mom went to the library and came home with "A Duck is A Duck."

Anyway, they tried to enroll me in kindergarten, but the cutoff was August 30th. So they found a private school that would take me. There, I learned how to add and subtract numbers in the hundreds. I remember being upset because the other kids got to read "fun" books and I had to read different books. I didn't understand then, that they were reading books that were considered level 2, but I needed level 5 books. The next year, my parents went back to the school district and they did let me into first grade, even though I was only 5. As it turned out my class was the "smart" class and the year behind me was horrible. So many teachers retired when we graduated because they didn't want to retire with that year.

My age was never a problem, actually I did better than most of the students. I was always one of the smallest kids. Now that I think about it the only time I really thought about how my age was different was driving. I had to wait while all my friends got their licenses. And then in college. In senior year, my classmates all wanted to go to a bar after the quarter ended, and I had to say, "I won't be 21 until next week.

 

[JVL1018]

My son's birthday is in the beginning of September, school cutoff is Oct.1.
I held him back starting in preschool.
He went to the 3-4 yr old class at 4, the 4-5 PreK class at 5 and started K this week, turning 6 the first day of school.
I cannot even imagine him going into 1st grade right now, no way, no how.

His 3/4 yr old preschool class teacher said he was okay to go to K if I wanted to send him, but I didn't..and the next year his PreK teacher told me I did the very best thing for him by giving him another year in preschool, I agree wholeheartedly.

I agonized over it for 2 years, seriously, but from spring on, I have seen him blossom and have no regrets. He wouldn't have been ready.

It has nothing to do with sports or being the biggest instead of the smallest in class, or being 18 instead of 17 when he starts college or any of those reasons that people say parents are doing it for.
It was based soley on what I thought would be best for him academically and socially.
If the cutoff had been Dec 31st like it was when I was in school, I would not have held him back since he would have most likely been with more 4 turning 5 yr olds, instead of all kids about to turn 6.

 

[MinervaStone]

Around here the cutoff is December 31, so all children born in the same calendar year are eligible for kindergarten in the same school year.


this posed a problem for one of my neighbors. They had two sons, one born in early January and another born in late December, 11 1/2 months later. Technically the younger son could have started kindergarten at the same time as his older brother. they wisely chose to hold the younger boy back a year.

I think, for children close to the cut off date, their social and academic readiness for school counts for a lot more than their chronological age. I made the decision to send my older child to kindergarten at 41/2, and she thrived in kindergarten. Another child might have stumbled.

 

[Saphire]

My daughter had a late August birthday with a September 1st cutoff. She was ready to go and everything turned out well. But she just left for college five days ago, and I can't tell you how many times I have recently wished we had kept her back that year. We would have had an extra year with her as a 17-18 year old, but now she is gone. Just something to think about. Good Luck.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

This is a bit of a personal issue with me. I have an early fall birthday, and was not allowed to go to school until I was nearly 6yo. In 2nd grade we moved to California, where the school district allowed 4yos to start kindergarten, so I was nearly 2 years older than some classmates.

I remember being taller than the other kids, and kids talking about how I'd been 'held back' because I wasn't smart enough.

My DS7 has a late summer birthday. He attended a wonderful daycare/Montessori school before kindergarten, and I consulted with the director and his teachers about whether I should put him in public school kindergarten or hold him back, and they each assured me that he was more than ready for kindergarten.

He has done very well in school since then. He was a little delayed in his handwriting in kindergarten, but the teacher thought it was (fine motor skills) developmental and no cause for concern. I have had some mothers question our choice, apparently feeling that my DS couldn't possibly have been ready and that I pushed him too soon. I'm sure some kids aren't ready, especially boys, but mine was. I didn't make the choice lightly, and I definitely would have held him back if the teachers who knew him best had advised it.

I do think this needs to be determined on an individual basis and not based solely on age.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

In SC the cutoff is that you have to be 5 by the first day of the school year (which is usually mid-August). DD has a late Sept birthday and we could have petitioned the School Board to let her start Kindergarten when she was almost 5 but we talked to the Kindergarten teacher and she urged us not to push her to grow up too fast. Instead we enrolled her in a great 4 year old preschool program and she thrived there and started Kindergarten at age 5 (almost 6).

She actually was complaining this year that she could have been in 4th grade this year instead of 3rd because "we held her back"! I had to remind her of the rules in SC and that we followed the rules and didn't hold her back.

 

[momrek06]

I did exactly that...held my DS back. His birthday is December 30th. The cut-off for our town WAS December 31st. (It is now August 31st).

IT WAS THE BEST THING I DID!!! DH wanted him to go and I just knew DS would benefit from one more year in pre-school.

I cannot explain to all the young mom's out there struggling with this decision but like I stated it truly was the best thing we did.

Upon DS entering K I saw all ages from 4 turning 5 by 12/31, I saw those that were 5, and I saw those like my DS 5 turning 6. It was quite the range.

Having that one more year under his belt and that extra year of pre-school made a world of difference in our DS' academic life.

DS is now 21yo. He graduated from a private Catholic h.s. at the top of his class with a 3.85 gpa, National Honor Society and President of the Student Body. He is now attending a top private Catholic college here in the Northeast entering his senior year.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Absolutely not would I hold back any of my kids who meet the cutoff. My middle child will be 17 when she goes off to college next year, and I have no doubt she'll manage fine...she has all along, even tho I was concerned about her separating from me early on, and was pleasantly surprised how very well she did. It was a good lesson for her and for me...kids handle situations in life MUCH better than the moms and dads. She talks about how many of the kids in her grade are so much older (she's a senior and will be 17 next month) and how grateful she is we never held her back.

My daughter had a late August birthday with a September 1st cutoff. She was ready to go and everything turned out well. But she just left for college five days ago, and I can't tell you how many times I have recently wished we had kept her back that year. We would have had an extra year with her as a 17-18 year old, but now she is gone. Just something to think about. Good Luck.

If everything turned out well, why would you question your decision? It sounds like no matter when she left, you'd still miss her. I miss my oldest DD too (late August birthday, and entering her Sophomore year in college at age 19), but I relish in her accomplishments and her independence. She's becoming quite the young woman, and we feel tremendous pride, as well as a wee bit of angst that she's growing up. Having her at home an extra year would accomplish nothing.

 

[OceanAnnie]

One issue I think about is a few weeks/months does not a years maturation (difference) make. I think of that when age alone as "the" factor that is introduced.

When I worked as a teacher, Kindergarten start time was debated by educators. They were divided on it too. I think there are a number of variables to consider. I taught Head Start. My degree is in Early Childhood Education. It just seems strange to me that on one hand there are programs for readiness and on the other hand we (as society) hold our children back for age alone. I don't know.

I will share that I saw children mature through the years as they followed the routine, participated with their peers, and worked within the classroom. It was a beautiful thing. Holding children back to mature with children that are younger than them seems counter-productive to me. The children in the younger class are displaying younger behaviors. They would not be the behaviors you would want your child to emulate.

I know holding children back for age alone works for some people. I just don't understand it. I don't have to understand it. I'm just sharing my perspective. I was approached by a pre-school administrator (and other mothers) when my child was 3 and asked if we were going to hold back. It blew my mind! Ofcourse I couldn't help but think the pre-school's motivation was $ but I was still floored. My child could've been brilliant! The administrator had never had a conversation with her. It blew my mind. And other mothers encouraging it (neither knowing my background). Yikes!