"He's just not that into you."

[Serena]

Have any of you read that book yet?

 

[danacara]

I leafed through it at the bookstore and thought it made some really excellent points.

Sometimes guys just aren't into you. It's an issue of fit, not of worthiness or rejection. Let them go. Life is too short to pine away for the frogs. Go look for the princes.

There have been a couple of guys in my past who just weren't all that into me, and I think I'm freaking fabulous So I remember my mother's words of wisdom, apparently a common saying within the Jewish community: Find a man who loves you as much or preferably more than you love him, and you'll have a good marriage. It's not a halfway bad point. He has to think that the sun rises and sets over your head, or else it won't work. Just move on and all turns out OK. Or so I hope.

 

[TigerBear]

I scaned through it at the bookstore and didn't think the price was worth it - at least not for me at this period in my life. Basically the theme is that if he is into you, you will know it. If he wants to call he will. If he wants to ask you out he will. If you are questioning it, he probably isn't into you. And if he is not into you, then let him go and find someone who is into you.

 

[Serena]

I bought it yesterday for future reference. I skimmed through part of it this afternoon and it made a lot of sense. Yeah, you should know it already, but it's there in black and white.
I also got it for my daughters. Bri can read it, but Kelsea will have to wait.

 

[beattyfamily]

I haven't read the book but I saw the author on Oprah.

I didn't realize they got that line from "Sex and the City"!

I'm a woman but I even realize that it's so true. If a guy is into you it's pretty obvious and if he isn't we, as women, tend to come up with excuses so as not to believe that "he's just not into" us.

 

[TigerBear]

Serena, if you are looking for a great dating advice book you should take a look at Mars and Venus on a Date by John Grey. Gender stereotypes aside, I think there is a lot of wisdom in this book. I'm 33 and dating again after my divorce - I think in many ways this book nails what the process is like. I mentioned it to a good friend of mine and was a little surprised that she "uses" it too. The funny thing is we are both psychologists. Its a book that I have turned to again and again during my dating journey.

Edited to add: I love the book but do find some of the advice not practical. For example, if you are at Stage Four: Intimacy and are ready to move to Stage Five: Engagement but your partner is not, he suggest you move back down to an earlier stage. I'm not sure how you can do that if you are in an exclusive, intimate relationship. But I still love the book.

 

[Serena]

LOL, thanks. First I have to get over just wanting to hide. I like John Grey, I'll see about that book. Maybe if I see that being nervous isn't fatal, I'll venture out there.
At the moment, I figure that who ever he is, he'll have to find me.
Having never really dated in my life makes the prospects of going out there daunting.
My ex's version of dating was showing up at my mom's house, getting invited to supper and then more than likely just watching tv, or possibly going to see a movie.
I think him and my parents had an arrangement. lol

 

[TigerBear]

I can totally understand -my ex-husband was the first man I had ever really dated. When you are ready you will know. I think being nervous at first is totally natural. Just take Dancara's approach - you are a goddess who deserves to be worshiped.

 

[Serena]

Originally posted by TigerBear
you are a goddess who deserves to be worshiped.

I couldn't even say that with a straight face. Hey at least if I practice then I at least will get one laugh for the day.

 

[TigerBear]

LOL! Ok, so goddess may be a little too much. I do think the point is a good one though. Believing in yourself and valuing yourself will take you far.

 

[Serena]

I understand the point.

Believing in myself is the hard part. Seeing my good qualities. For too long I didn't know I had any. I'm trying to work on that though.

 

[danacara]

Goddess is not too much! Ladies, goddess, when used to describe us, goddess is NOT ENOUGH!

 

[DisneyJules]

I saw the author on Oprah, he was great. So much of what he said was completely true. I'm going on my first date this Thursday, at the age of almost 21! I think I'll go pick the book up, or atleast read it in the bookstore. Though most of what he was talking about was very black and white, but love can certainly be blind. Some people do need that wake up call.

 

[TigerBear]

More than Goddess. I wonder how my DBF would respond to that?

 

[TigerBear]

Originally posted by Serena
Believing in myself is the hard part. Seeing my good qualities. For too long I didn't know I had any. I'm trying to work on that though.

Good for you! Being in a bad marriage can really wear you down. So many women lose themselves when they are married. Take some time to learn who you are: What are your strengths? Your interests? I think I have grown more as a person in the last two years since my ex left than in all of my adult years combined.

 

[legs22]

I don't have the book but I did see the author on Oprah. All the wondering of why he did or didn't do certain things boils down to one simple line. I love it! It frees you mentally.

 

[adamak]

I already watched that Sex and the City episode, no need for the book. Yes, sometimes he's not that into you when he doesn't want to "go upstairs". Sometimes he is just having diarrhea.

So, the less you read between lines, the more attractive you are to the opposite sides. How about that?

 

[TigerBear]

Originally posted by DisneyJules
I'm going on my first date this Thursday, at the age of almost 21!

Have fun!!

 

[DisneyJules]

Thanks, Tigerbear! I sure hope it is fun,ahaha I'm keeping an open mind.

 

[Serena]

Have fun and let us know how it goes.