Her or me, someone's getting drugged....

[DanenRox]

So we thought having our 14 year old bring a friend on vacation would be a wonderful idea...........got the friend, her parents were thrilled, all seemed well. Now, with only months to go we found out that the child is terrified to fly. We'll be meeting with her parents next week to get to know them better (have only met once), and to discuss this little snafu. I'd like to have some medication plan in place, pediatrician recommended, that the parents will trial with her before the vacation. I'm not looking to knock her out, just take the edge off. What other choices do I have?

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

DanenRox you made my day I get reamed for wanting to drug my own kid But seriously, kuddos to you for thinking ahead and trying to work this out with her parents. I too have told my DD she can take a friend on our next family trip. Good luck

 

[twinklebug]

I'm not looking to knock her out, just take the edge off. What other choices do I have?

Is she open to learning how & why planes work? I was afraid to fly until I was about 18 and learned the physics behind it (becuase I wanted to join my brother & friends in Myrtle Beach). Now I love flying... love physics too for that matter, but that just means I'm nuts.

On the plane, whether drugged or not, make sure to sit her between two of you and keep talking with her throughout the flight, especially take off, landing and anytime they tell you to fasten the belts. Even at 14 she'll have a tendency to mimick your behavior. Stay calm and happy and she'll do well.

 

[peemagg]

I was afraid to fly too. The first time I got on the plane and it took off I was fine. Now I kind of like it. Is she scared because of the thought of flying because she never has or has she flown before? If she flew before find out what it was that scared her. It might help to calm her if you know what causes the fear.

 

[wendy46001]

Half a valium and a shot of stolii...Oh wait that is me...
Kidding aside...have her parents discuss with her why she is scared...I know a lot of kids witnessed things like 9/11 happen without to much expiation and now wont even think about flying.....If its just her first flight maybe you can get a book or a video on flying...

 

[DanenRox]

She's never flown, but here's the thing, she's not my child. While I think a good amount of conversation and casual therapy to calm the fears is the way to go, I have no control over whether or not that will get done. What I will be left with is this child (not mine) who may freak up in the air. That's why I'm hoping for plan B. So my plan (plan B) is to suggest to the parents that if all else fails, I have something to give to her to get us all through the experience (again, doctor approved and trialed by them before said flight). That seems fair, doesn't it?

 

[marconat]

Yes plan B seems fair too... I was very afraid of flying, I still get a little nervous but not like before... I also take Gravols half and hour before the flight...it calms me down and gets the motion sickness out of the way... I know they have non drowsiness ones, but I prefer the ones that puts you asleep ha! ha! I just take one now, the first time I took 2 Gravols... I don't know if it was because of the altitude, but it knock me out while we were going up... ha! I mean I was out, like a light. My mom had to wake me up because the Flight attendant wanted to pass her cart, and my foot was in the way... I snapped out of it, and noticed that I was even drooling and everything... VERY NOT COOL.... ha! ha!

 

[littleladykaty]

Let me give you some advice...b/c I dealt with and continue to deal with a ranther simaler situation. *sigh* It's gotten rediculous and I may sound a little callous, but please let me save you the headache!

I think when you meet with the parents and the girl you should first let her know that you are aware that she is afraid to fly and that of course you will do whatever you can make her feel more comfortable...BUT as she is (I am assuming) 14 years old, she is old enough to make a choice. If she feels that flying is going to be too difficult she should not come on the trip. I say this, b/c the more attention you give to this fear the more hysterical she will be about it. This is a trip to Disney, not a forced march to a wilderness camp. This is YOUR vacation that you are very generously including her in. This is a not a trip about her fear of flying and babying and cajoling her along. If she wants to come, GREAT! That means that she is assuming the responsibility to handle herself in the most appropriate way she can. If that means she needs a couple of xanax to get there, then she should do it. I'm going to assume once again that this is a fear her parents have probably enabled without meaning to. Don't join that bandwagon. Be kind but no nonsense about it. If she wants to come then she needs to be prepared to fly and deal with it the best she can. If she thinks that doing so won't be possible without some sort of a hsyterical, attention seeking meltdown, then she needs to stay home.

Maybe it was partly how I was raised, but if a family had extended such a wonderful invitation I wouldn't DARE have complained. I would either suck it up and deal with it or I would have said no thank you. But I certainly wouldn't have asked them to inconveniece themselves and make the trip over about me and my issues. It's RUDE! It is NOT your family's job to take on a major "issue" on your vacation...especially when she is not your child. This is vacation, not therapy!

hope this helps!

 

[DanenRox]

Dear Little lady,
I do not know who you are or where your from, but I'm going to do everything you said. That was the most articulate, concise and logical response I've gotten to any question I've ever asked in my life. Wow.
But you're right, and I thank you. And, by the way, my best wishes to you and Mr. Little lady on your upcoming marriage. ...may the celebration last a lifetime.

 

[mumeof3]

Half a valium and a shot of stolii...Oh wait that is me...

this is funny!!!!!please don't go read my{Funny}thread under transportation....actually go ahead and read it for a laugh but DO NOT DO THIS TO THE POOR KID.....

 

[mumeof3]

just thinking back,about 2 years ago the school I work for took all the kids to Disney for 1 day,flew down in the Am from NJ and returned that evening,yeppers it actually was the Sunshine Fondation,needless to say we had 3 schools aboard a plane with 100 children with severe disabilities and some autistic,well we were all afraid because we did not know how some kids would react on the plane,so some parents opted to use Benadryll,not sure if some of that would help calm her with out using a narcotic?

my kids have never flew before but I keep ragging on them....but again they are with their own family

 

[littleladykaty]

DanenRox--I read the first line of your response and I immediately thought "Uh-oh she was offended..." I had to laugh when I kept reading! I'm glad I was able to articulate a good response for you!

Just so you know, I am a social worker from New Jersey who is SICK TO DEATH of kids being coddled and babied through life. It seems that children these days know nothing of personal responsibility. They are allowed to scream and tantrum and manipulate their way through life and it's such a shame. So many of them don't even realize that the world does not revolve around them and when someone does not give them what they want when they want it, it is a total shock and they really don't know what to do!

I was raised in Texas where manners are more important than anything else. Being a good hostess, a good guest, is taught from a very young age.

I wish you a wonderful vacation and I do hope that my suggestion is useful. I feel that with a girl of this age it is totally appropriate. You just have to stick to your guns. If after meeting with the parents you get the feeling that they are not going to require their daughter to behave like a gracious guest, then I would tell them that you don't feel comfortable with the responsibility of their daughters emotional well being. Like I said, it's VACATION, not therapy! I'd even be prepared to call her a cab from the airport if any theatrics start up beyond normal nervousness. Yep, I'm VERY no nonsense about this sort of thing.

And thanks for the congrats!! I'm SO excited to be getting married in 23 days!!! We'll be in Disney world for 8 days for the first half of our honeymoon! yay!!!

good luck and Godspeed!

PS-let us know how it works out!!

 

[daisyduck123]

I haven't read all the replies but here's what I would do...

I would tell them that you need to know very soon if the girl will be making the trip because if not, your DD needs time to ask another friend.

 

[DebbieTN]

If she has an ipod or some other source of music, be sure that she takes it with you. She can sit back in the seat with her eyes closed and listen to her tunes and maybe it will get her mind off of flying.

 

[ro80]

Hey Rox - seeing I am your official DFRM (designated flight reservation maker!) if she goes, we need to make her reservation separate just in case she cancels out at the last minute if she's that apprehensive (you know you just never know with kids). She'll just have her own res. # that way it won't affect everyone else's ressie since there a bunch of you going. From what I remember, if there are several people on 1 res. # and 1 has to cancel out, they all have to be cancelled and rebooked (something re: security??) and at that point the low fare might not be available so........Sorry, I just had to throw that in but doing it that way might take the stress off a bit too. Just something to think about.........

P.S. You can make the ADR's 180 days in advance which is right now. Get to it!!!

 

[DanenRox]

RO80-And this is precisely why you are my DFRM...I would have NEVER thought to keep that ressie seperate (separate?). Also, the parents will be at the clambake next week so perhaps you can help me broach this subject. Also, I did secure 6 out of 7 ADR's this afternoon. This Disney thing is an illness.

 

[sandiegosusie]

I haven't read all the replies but here's what I would do...

I would tell them that you need to know very soon if the girl will be making the trip because if not, your DD needs time to ask another friend.

Right on!
Having taken a 14 year-old friend of my son's to Hawaii two years ago I feel that I can say a little something about this. It is stressful enough to be responsible for someone elses child, that when extra "stressors" come into play, your vacation has now turned into a trip to a world unlike the happiest place on earth or sea.

 

[gems_smiling]

Definitely try to do it without medication but if not make sure the medication has been tried before you fly. My mum had a fear of flying one year (yes it was just for one vacation, i think becuase it was a smaller plane than we usually go on) and she was panicking so much she nearly had to get off the plane before take off. She took some medication (not sure what the name was) but she had not tested it before the flight. She hated the feeling it gave her more than the feeling of fear. She said it made her legs feel funny and she felt to out of it. Good luck with your trip.

 

[deekaypee]

You've been given lots of good suggestions, and I just want to echo the idea put forth by a couple of posters that the 14-year old should be an active participant in your conversations. After all, they are her anxieties, ones I'm sure she'd rather not have, and she's old enough to accept certain responsibilities. When raising the idea of medication and other coping strategies, it would be useful to hear her ideas. Indeed, if she's encouraged to take responsibility for the situation--for instance, doing some research (alongside her parents, of course) on medication, mental activities, aversion therapy--might very well have the happy side effect of helping her become an advocate for her own health in the long run. And, of course, she needs to be willing to implement whatever strategies are agreed upon if they are to be effective.

I applaud you for being willing to work with her in this situation. It sets a good example for your DD on how to behave toward others with compassion and patience. And it also sets a good example for the kinds of behavior you would expect DD to have if the situations were reversed and she were to be a guest of someone else...

Finally, to be optimistic, I can't think of a better incentive than to face one's fear of flying than to go to WDW with a friend. (In fact, I think that facing one's fear with a supportive group of people who aren't one's family--sort of neutral observers--might work out very well for your DD's friend.)

 

[DanenRox]

This has been such incredibly good advice, with options that I hadn't even considered. I think, by using many of your suggestions, we will be able to fly our little friend calmly and safely from Providence to Orlando...2 1/2 hours...for her first visit to Walt Disney World.