Help with grumpy SIL!

[karajeboo]

We are going for a week in May with DH's family - luckily we convinced his parents (who are paying for trip) that we all need separate rooms. Our biggest concern is SIL who is, for lack of a better word, a witch. Nothing is ever good enough and I truly believe she is the one person who could possibly ruin WDW for us! She will have a DS4 and DS 8 months and I just know that she will complain the entire time about it! Her food won't be cooked right, her room will be too noisy for the kids, her stroller will get moved and she'll freak, she'll have to stop and change diapers and we won't..... We have yet to ever eat a meal with them that they don't take DS4 away from the table because he doesn't eat. I can just see it now at Chef Mickeys, the only kid to get in trouble for not eating! I am absolutely dreading this trip because of this one person! How can I get through this - DH and I have already said we'll take DD7 and head out on our own, but we don't want to insult his parents. Help!!!!

 

[Aliceacc]

Why don't you take over as tour director, so that you can have a say in how things go?

Plan ADR's at buffets, so there's lots of choice... and things don't have to be sent back.

Send a email to each family, asking which 3 or 4 (or whatever) things are MUST DOs. Then you can organize a way to keep her-- and you-- happy, even if it means that you go your separate ways. Include things like "your ideal starting time for the day" type stuff. That way, if she wants to sleep till noon and you want to be there for rope drop, you can make plans to meet up at 3 pm either at the hotel pool or at some other spot.

But I think that you taking charge is key.

 

[karajeboo]

DH and I did kind of "take charge" by giving our "expert" ideas on resorts, parks, itineraries, etc. I emailed everyone a list of table service restaurants and asked them all to rate them in order, then we picked the top restaurants for ADRs. We booked them based on the days we'll be in the parks (DH and I put together the itinerary). But I'm just worried that no matter what is going on, she'll be put out because she has the infant, and she'll probably dump him on her parents (and they're the ones treating all of us to this trip!). OK, get this - DH and I suggested treating inlaws to HoopDeeDoo on our last night as a "surprise" thank you for the trip. SIL's response? Why? THEY are supposed to be paying for everything. Need I say more?

 

[chrisw127]

I also have a high-maintenance SIL and we recently took a trip to Disney with her. It actually went really well, but I think part of that was that we planned time away from her and time for her to just do what she likes to do. For example, she's very rigid about exercise, so she got her free time to do that and we watched the kids. Also, there were things we liked to do that she had no interest in so she stayed back at the room. So while there were days where we had activities scheduled together, there were times when she could just do her own thing.

How does she feel about in-room sitters? We used Kids Nite Out and loved them. That might give her a bit of a break. Also, if your MIL is her mom (or if they get along well), maybe plan some time for the two of them to get away and do mom-daughter things. A spa treatment or a trip to the mall (Mall of the Millenia is great and will get her away from you for hours!).

Just remember that when your'e travelling with a group, flexibility is key. Find out what is important to her and make sure that you incorporate some of that into the trip. It might make her feel important and it will have the added affect of making you look very generous. Also, keep in mind that you will ALL need a break from each other at some point during the trip. There's no crime in scheduling these breaks. Even the grandparents will appreciate them.

Sometimes when you have a relative who is a big pain, you kind of have to be the better person. It's not fun, but in the long run it helps.

Good luck.

 

[TheDizMom]

We did the exact same trip last year and to my utter shock and amazement we had a great time. My SIL and 2 youngest nieces can be very difficult, and after my MIL (she can really piss me off at times too) said I could absolutely not see my 2 Aunts and Uncles while on the trip (who live in Florida) I was truly dreading things. But like you I became the trip planner (making sure to get everyones general approval so as not to make anyone angry) when my MIL asked me to. It worked well. I was also none to thrilled to find out that our room CONNECTED to my SIL and BIL . We ended up having such a great time!!!! There were a few minor issues but over all things went so smoothly.

As for the Hoop-De-Doo, I think that is a great idea!!! My IL's loved it . It was absolutely one of the highlights of our trip . Just tell your SIL that if she doesn't want to help pay for it then she can just stay back at the hotel and you'll go without her and her children. Point out that while yes her parents are paying for the trip, this is to THANK them for being so generous when they didn't have to be in the first place. Look at it this way, it could be one way to spend a great evening with your IL's and not your SIL and her family .

 

[wilderness01]

We did the exact same trip last year and to my utter shock and amazement we had a great time. My SIL and 2 youngest nieces can be very difficult, and after my MIL (she can really piss me off at times too) said I could absolutely not see my 2 Aunts and Uncles while on the trip (who live in Florida) I was truly dreading things. But like you I became the trip planner (making sure to get everyones general approval so as not to make anyone angry) when my MIL asked me to. It worked well. I was also none to thrilled to find out that our room CONNECTED to my SIL and BIL . We ended up having such a great time!!!! There were a few minor issues but over all things went so smoothly.

As for the Hoop-De-Doo, I think that is a great idea!!! My IL's loved it . It was absolutely one of the highlights of our trip . Just tell your SIL that if she doesn't want to help pay for it then she can just stay back at the hotel and you'll go without her and her children. Point out that while yes her parents are paying for the trip, this is to THANK them for being so generous when they didn't have to be in the first place. Look at it this way, it could be one way to spend a great evening with your IL's and not your SIL and her family .

Great idea.

Does SIL have a husband? How is he?

 

[SmallWorld71]

We are going for a week in May with DH's family - luckily we convinced his parents (who are paying for trip) that we all need separate rooms. Our biggest concern is SIL who is, for lack of a better word, a witch. Nothing is ever good enough and I truly believe she is the one person who could possibly ruin WDW for us! She will have a DS4 and DS 8 months and I just know that she will complain the entire time about it! Her food won't be cooked right, her room will be too noisy for the kids, her stroller will get moved and she'll freak, she'll have to stop and change diapers and we won't..... We have yet to ever eat a meal with them that they don't take DS4 away from the table because he doesn't eat. I can just see it now at Chef Mickeys, the only kid to get in trouble for not eating! I am absolutely dreading this trip because of this one person! How can I get through this - DH and I have already said we'll take DD7 and head out on our own, but we don't want to insult his parents. Help!!!!

Ugh! You have my sympathy, but the ones I really feel bad for are her kids. I hope you all find a way for that poor little 4 year old to have some fun.

 

[TheDizMom]

Great idea.

Does SIL have a husband? How is he?

Yes. She is married to my BIL and she definitely wears the pants in that family . When it comes to disciplining the kids he has given up because she will literally criticize him in front of us and their children about how he's doing it. On the occasions in which she tells him to handle the misbehaving niece, she then doesn't like what he does. He is very definitely whipped . Great guy whom I like a lot, but he and my DH were raised with a difficult mom and trained to just give her her way so she wouldn't throw a fit. They do the same thing now with their wives. I like to flatter myself and think I am nothing like they are so my husband doesn't really feel the need to give in to me like they do . Hopefully I am right .

 

[The Disney Bunch]

If she is as awful as you say she is, then there is no way to head her off at the pass - just ignore her or tell her off. It is your vacation & if you allow her to ruin it, then you have allowed her - just tell her to keep her comments to herself. She got this way because she was allowed to do so. She is going to do it not matter what. Just try to enjoy your trip!

 

[MagikMom]

Sounds like she is just a miserable person. You can't change people but you can change how YOU react to them. Let her throw her hissy fits and go about your own business. Have fun despite her. I would still take your husbands parents to Hoopdee doo, even if she doesn't want to. Good luck!