Help! What does He need to move out?

[Justanopinion]

Thanks Everyone, I really do appreciate the help and the kind words..

How do you prove who you to obtain a Copy of your Birth Certificate, plus wouldn't a copy be no real good, he would need the Original with the raised seal to do most things that require a birth certificate..

He has his valid drivers license, here, on him so that is a Plus

I agree that most of these things if he doesn't get can be replaced by going to local offices or whatever. I don't know about there, but here in TX, you actually don't have to have any identification to get a birth certificate.

I also say close that bank acct. ASAP! I was on my daughter's acct. with her when she moved out and I am still on my son's acct. When DD moved out suddenly I just went to the bank and closed the acct., whatever was left in the acct. was put onto a cashiers check that I stuck in the safety deposit box until she asked for it. I was the honest mom who knew the money wasn't mine, but I didn't want to be held responsible for her mistakes either if she overdrew the acct. If you don't close the acct. and she overdraws it will affect his credit.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

No advice, just hugs. You are a great person to take him in and help him out.

 

[Chicago526]

Very important!
Have him fill out a Health Care Proxy and name you ( or another responsible adult of his choosing) to make medical decisions for him should he become unable to do so.
This is very important especially since he is diabetic, and should he go into diabetic coma or insulin shock, he will need someone to sign consent forms and talk to the doctors and visit him in the hospital etc.
If he doesn't have a Health Care Proxy filled out, things could get pretty messy should his family try to get involved.
You can get a HCP form at his doctor's office or at the local hospital.
Power of Attorney would be a good thing to have as well.
Good luck, hope all works out for him!

Freaking good idea!!!! That's got to be the best advice I've seen on the Dis for any topic, EVER!!!!!!

If he isn't able to make medical decisions for himself, the docs won't say "boo" to you, they'll only talk to his mom or bio-dad, and given the situation I wouldn't put either of them in charge of a Chia Pet, let alone their son. Do this ASAP, seriously you need to do this by the end of the week.

 

[kellyg403]

I just want to mention about the truck. If it is in both his and step dad's name, his step dad can come at any time and claim the truck. If his sd doesn't want him to have it, he can file a police report, at least in the State of VA that is how it works. My best friend and her sister co owned a vehicle, got into an argument and my best friend moved out. One day after work, we walked out and her car was gone. Sis had driven it away and had filed a police report earlier in the day that it was stolen. It was a HUGE mess. Even though it has been 20 years, it is still a bone of contention between them. Be leary of that! If nothing else, call the police dept and find out what you need to know to protect the son.

I wish you great success and many hugs in helping this poor kid get his life back. I can not even imagine what he is going through...or you guys. Why do some parents just think they own their kids and make their lives miserable?

Kelly

 

[kellyg403]

I agree that most of these things if he doesn't get can be replaced by going to local offices or whatever. I don't know about there, but here in TX, you actually don't have to have any identification to get a birth certificate.

I also say close that bank acct. ASAP! I was on my daughter's acct. with her when she moved out and I am still on my son's acct. When DD moved out suddenly I just went to the bank and closed the acct., whatever was left in the acct. was put onto a cashiers check that I stuck in the safety deposit box until she asked for it. I was the honest mom who knew the money wasn't mine, but I didn't want to be held responsible for her mistakes either if she overdrew the acct. If you don't close the acct. and she overdraws it will affect his credit.

Yes, very true. There may only a small amount left, but it is very important for him to get his name off the account as soon as possible. Depending on who is the owner of the account, this may be a little more difficult at some banks. When my dd left home she could not take her name off the account she had here to open an account there until I signed something because I was the owner of the account. We had opened it when she was a minor.

Kelly

 

[mlynn]

I did call social services for our county and of course had to leave a message on voicemail and got no answers what so ever..

He needs to fill his pump every other day with insulin and change the sticky pad things.. He also has a tester kit with strips he uses 8 - 10 times a day..

I just want to drive down to the shore and give you both ! This boy has got a great family looking after him.

But to get a new Birth Cert. call your county. They will tell you where he can go get his BC but make sure he brings his DL, They will ask for that. If he was born in that county. If not call the county he was born in.

Have him call his doctor adn tell him what is going on maybe the doctor can point him to where he can get the meds he needs. Or call the company that make his meds and maybe they can give them to him for free.It is worth a try.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I don't know about the rest of it, but I can tell you about some of the diabetic stuff.

He will need to have strips for his meter. These are very expensive (a little over a dollar per strip). The nice thing is that many meter companies now have programs to help people who have a hard time affording their testing supplies.

I use the Freestyle Lite, and was given a Promise card at the Diabetes Walk in October. With this card I only pay $15 for a month's supply (200 strips for me). I believe One Touch also has a similar program.

I don't use insulin (so no pump) yet, but there are similar programs for people who can't afford insulin. Most pharmaceutical companies have programs to help people who cannot afford prescriptions, some hospitals do too. If he has health insurance (doesn't sound likely) then he will need the health insurance card. If he doesn't and you all need to navigate the waters of affording diabetes supplies, PM me and I can send you the links to several organizations. If he does have insulin, strips, spare meter, spare pump, infusion sets, etc. at his house, he will need those.

As for the medical records- as others have mentioned those will be kept at the Dr.'s office. I highly doubt he will have that information at his house. Do make sure to have a note put in his file that his family cannot have access to it.

 

[cruellababy]

Hugs to you all; what a mess- and even more horrible for him right before the holidays. Thank God you were there for him!

 

[sunnyday123]

to you and your family for stepping up to the plate for this kid....I followed the other thread, and it amazes me that people will treat their own children like this.

This will probably be his most relaxed Christmas ever.

 

[Disney Doll]

You are great people to be doing this for this kid.

The "legal" questions...ie-truck, Social Security number, credit reports, bank accounts...I'd probably talk to an attorney or go to each individual agency. For the visit home to pick up his things...call the police and ask them. For the truck, call Motor Vehicle or the police and ask them about getting the father's name off. At the very least, can you get the locks changed on the truck so that "Dad" can't come and take it one day, crash it, and cause this kid all kinds of grief with insurance etc. Credit reports...talk to the bank or a credit card company and see if some kind of "warning" can be attached to his name and SS# to not allow accounts to be opened. I'd talk to SS about any SS questions. Bank account...again, talk to the bank. Realistically, if they won't take the mother's name off the account, and it's an "either/or" account, then I'd close it or at the very least get his name off it. Don't let her overdraw it or something and screw up his name/credit...whatever. Write everything down and get the names and phone #s of people you talk to. Also jot down the dates and times when you speak to people. Meticulous record-keeping is key here. You don't want to make a misstep and give the "parents" (and I use the term loosely! ) any kind of power or legal ability to harass this kid.

I can help you with the medical stuff.

Since he probably doesn't want his parents making health care decisions for him, the PP who suggested a Healthcare Proxy was spot on. You need to do that ASAP, since with his diabetes, his condition can change in a heartbeat. VERY, VERY important!!!!!!!

There is a lot of help for diabetics as far as their medical supplies go, at least in my area. Tell him to speak to his doctor...many of the pharmaceutical companies that specialize in diabetic products have programs for people in his situation, who may not be able to afford supplies. Tell him to talk to his doctor about samples. Call your local hospitals and ask them if they have a diabetic nurse or any kind of diabetic program where he might be able to get supplies. Call the American Diabetes Association...they may have some leads too.

IIRC, you said that this kid's family likes to keep up "appearances". There's a little evil side to me that would like nothing better than to have their whole neighborhood see the kid have to be escorted to his house by the police to clear out his things and protect him from his parents.

 

[pfishgirl]

I was talking to my DH tonight and he said to call Legal Aid, because if my son's friend needs help, he should qualify for it.. So I will do that tomorrow and get some answers

Again, Thank You all so much for all your help

He tried to get a bank statement today, and they refused, said his Mother would have to be there as well since she is the custodial of the account

I will need to sit and talk to him and we will take all of your suggestions and go through them 1 by 1 and see what he wants to do

I agree the Medical is the most important

 

[foxlore]

Your husband is right - He should qualify for Legal Aid - hands down. The's the first place to start - they should be able to walk you through the rest. He may also be able to qualify for emergency assistance - food stamps etc to help him get on his feet.

I don't understand about the bank... The account may have been set up intially as a minor account with a custodial parent, but he's 18 now... He should be the primary and should be able to access information. Again, Legal Aid can help with this.

Birth Certs... On the off chance that one of his parents was in the military when he was born you can call that base and they should have a liaison to help him obtain new certificates etc and usually at no cost. I'm betting that's a slim chance, but wanted to share it just in case.

Also, tell him this too will pass - everything is a season - and this season has and will make him a stronger person. Hopefully he can take it and learn from it and not become bitter from it - could make him a more compassionate and caring person. I wish him the best - it's definitely an uphill battle emerging from a situation like that. The other positive is that he's safe now - he should NEVER go back. He's 18 - he needs to focus now on making his life secure and letting them deal with their own problems. I know they are "family", but you know some family is so toxic you just have to walk away and then create your own. Sounds like he has a good start on that with you.

 

[tazdev3225]

I was in a similar situation with my son's fiancee. He woke me up one night in a panic. She was being thrown out, at midnight, and had school the next day. She turned 18 the day before but still had 2 months until she graduated. My DH and I attended her graduation and took her out to dinner, her dad came to the graduation and couldn't wait to leave. Over the years she has changed her Social Security number, her mother ran up a ton of debts in her name from the time she was 5. Future DIL even had trouble opening a bank account because her mom bounced checks in her name when she was 6.
OP this young man is an adult and can have his mother taken off of his custodial account, my kids did it without me there. Have him talk to a manager, explain the situation to see what he needs to do. I would go with him. A copy of his birth certificate is easy as other posters have stated. I did it for my grandson and it was $10, I only needed my ID to show who I am. Go to motor vehicles and get the step-father off of the truck, they will be the best place for that. Have him change his Social Security number. Again, all he needs to do is explain the situation and I don't believe there is a cost involved. I would notify all three credit reporting agencies and put an alert on them so that his family cannot open anything in his name and they will send him copies so that he can check it now. DD was a victim of ID theft so she had to do this. A medical proxy has to be done by a lawyer or it may not be accepted at a hospital. I went through this several years ago with elderly friends that I was taking care of. It is a legal document and his mother could contest it if she wanted to. Medical providers will have his records and as he is an adult I don't believe they can provide his parents with any info unless he authorizes it. Again this is first hand knowledge. My DD was very ill 2 years ago and even though I paid for her insurance, because she was 19 I was not allowed to have any medical reports given to me they had to be authorized in writing first. This is overwhelming at first, take it one step at a time. I know what it is like taking in a child's friend and some of the hardships it can involve. PM if you ever need to talk. As I said I have been there.

 

[RUDisney]

I don't understand about the bank... The account may have been set up intially as a minor account with a custodial parent, but he's 18 now... He should be the primary and should be able to access information. Again, Legal Aid can help with this.

I was a banker for over 20 years. Once he turned 18, the account is his and he doesn't need a custodian anymore.

As an aside, legal aid can advise him about the actions he can take on his mother for draining the account. As custodian, she was supposed to be using that money for his benefit and not her own.

Please relay one message to him from me. He is lucky. He may not feel lucky right now, but I know a young woman who was adopted when she was 14. Her sister was 16 when they were adopted together from Russia. One day, their mother threw them out of the house. I don't know what the circumstances were that led up to this. However, when the now 21 yo found out she was pregnant, she needed her birth certificate to be able to get insurance through her DF's plan. (He works for his GF and she would have been put on the company's plan.)

She asked her mother for all of her records. Her mother told her she burned them. She went to the police and they escorted her to her mother's house to demand her records. Her mother told the police that she didn't have them because she didn't need them anymore.

So, she has been trying since then to get copies of this information from Russia. The adoption agency has been trying to help her, but she still doesn't have anything to prove who she is or when/where she was born. She and her DF paid out-of-pocket for the birth of their DS since she couldn't get insurance.

So, your new charge is lucky that he was born in this country where his records are easily accessible to him for a small fee. He's also lucky that you and your DH are looking out for him by thinking of these things before too much time has passed and more bad things happen at the expense of having these "parents."

Thank you for helping him and keep reminding him that he has the power to change everything about his life and not repeat the cycle of dysfunction from which he was raised. My Dad is testament to that.

 

[Chicago526]

Any updates? How are you all doing?

 

[Chicago526]

Any updates, pfishgirl?