Help! Need to talk to people who have moved far from family

[Kimberle]

I moved out East as soon as I was done with college. I've been here 20 years now.

My bro lives in LA with his wife and 4 boys. My youngest sister lives in TX (grad school). Only my middle sister, her dh, and 3 boys live near my parents (MN).

You are an adult with your own family now. Your family must come first. Sure, your parents are going to miss you and be sad. But, well, that's life. It's not like it was 100 years ago where you could not visit due to time, distance, and expense.

You can visit your parents and they can come and visit you.

(You see, this is why I had only 1 child. When she moves, I can follow her!! ) (just kidding)

 

[AdventurerKat]

Thanks for the responses everyone.

My basic thought is that if we don't like it or are unhappy or miss my family too much, we come back to Seattle. That isn't my real concern. It was just trying to find out how you handled your parents disappointment/sadness over you moving away.

I think my mom is overreacting but I know she loves me and my kids and it will be hard for her. But I also know it is my life and something I want to try and it hurts me that she views the whole thing so negatively. But as said, I need to do what is best for my family and right now, I believe it is this.

It would mean a great deal to my husband to be with HIS family. Since we "grew up" and stopped clubbing and such as we did in our early 20s, he doesn't have many friends up here. His/our one friend bartends on the weekend so can't really hang out and the other one we used to hang out with had to move away for work. How nice it would be for him to have his brother to do stuff, or for his other brothers to be able to come down from NJ easily or for him to go "home". How nice it would be for my sons to grow up with a cousin(s) nearby, something I never had because my family didn't get together and do stuff like that.

Again, I thank you for your responses, especially the ones that specifically addressed what I was asking. I know it will be hard no matter what. I guess now it is just whether it will come to pass.

Thank you.

 

[WendyWhiner]

I'm glad I don't live too close to my family. What a bunch of whiners!!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

We've never lived close to our families--I'm from SO Oregon and my DH from SO California. When we first were married we moved to Wisconsin for grad school, Virginia for first job, then to Texas (hey, looked like we were going full circle) where we had two more and then here to Maryland where we had 2 more children. Most of the moves were job related and we had to go where the $ was. BTW, we've been married for 22 years on 8/22, so that's why we have this trail of homes.

We are now very settled here, mainly because we have 4 children 4-16yo, not to mention friends and a house. I'll have to say that if I had it to do over again I would have made sure that I ended up back on the west coast. It's a b*tch to have aging parents and be so far from them! My father died when my firstborn was a baby, my mother is 81yo, my FIL just turned 77yo and my MIL is 70yo. I have deep regrets that we're so far away and are not able to help my mother with home maintenance and we're not able to spend holidays with any of the parents on a regular basis. If we were just a day driving distance from them it could be so different.

When we made our choices our kids were little and our parents were not so old and we didn't anticipate how we would regret our move to Maryland. In every other way we love it here (well, not the cost of living) so it's not as if we are unhappy in general.

Make the decision that is right for you, but do try to look down the road because grandparents are very important to your children, not to mention that your parents are precious I'm sure to you! Very tough decision!!!

T&B

 

[Lachesis00]

We just moved....

My MIL was happy for us. My parents were not. (Sadly my mom and her issues are one of many reasons we moved). After a couple weeks my family seems to be happy for us...


It was bad there for a while

 

[Sleepy]

The farthest I ever lived from my parents was 2-1/2 hours. We always tried to visit on weekends at least 2 times a month if not more. 3 years ago my parents moved to where I lived (mostly to be closer to military bases since dad is retired military, but also to be closer to us and our son). My parents and my son are extremely close. He is 12. We moved to Italy last month and it was the hardest thing for my mother to let go. I think she must have said goodbye a million times in the airport.....everytime she walked away, she would come back for another hug until we finally boarded the plane. Before that, she never cried in front of us nor told us not to move. SHe knew this move was good for us and that we cannot base our lives around her for one day she will no longer be alive and we might always say......well, we *could* have moved to Italy, BUT........

Anyway, we still communicate via internet and we call once a week. I hope your mother comes to understand that people have their own lives to live and can accept yoru decision.

 

[sn00zn]

My parents have always been supportive of my sister and I having our own lives, including deciding where we live. I think you should show your Mom this quote from Erma Bombeck...I know I will need to refer back to it when my kids are ready to be on their own!

"You spend a lifetime trying to get them off the ground.
You run with them until you're both breathless.
They crash. They hit the rooftop.

You patch and comfort, adjust, and teach.
You watch them lifted by the wind and assure them that someday they'll fly.

Finally, they are airborne.
They need more string and you keep letting it out.

But with each twist of the ball of twine, there is a sadness that goes with joy.

The kite becomes more distant, and you know it won't be long before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you two together and will soar as it is meant to soar, free and alone.

Only then do you know that you did your job."

- Erma Bombeck


snoozn