Help me! FIL invited himself (again!)

[FreeTime]

We are planning on taking a trip the first week in December and we exchanged our points to stay at FW (although now I wish I hadn't, if you have stayed there is it awful? Will I be disappointed? Should I stay at the Cont instead?). Anyways today my FIL said, "When WE go in Dec WE will be spending 2 days driving there and 2 days back because he can't take the long ride in the car." My comment was, "Well at this point we don't even have a bed for you!" (We like to drive in one day as well) We had asked him many months ago if he wanted to go because he always wanted to go during the holiday period and he kept saying I probably won't have the money. (I guess I shouldn't have asked.) So we made no plans to get a 2 br (and I hate sharing a BaR with him!) So now how can I tell him no?! He went with us last weekend and was terrible! I mean the man would not order food and then when the kids were halfway through their meal he would say I'll eat what they have left! And sharing a room with him was a disaster! HELP!

 

[HookdonWDW]

I would just be honest. Tell him that since he hadn't thought he would be able to accompany you originally, you didn't book accomodations large enough for all of you, and that this stage of the game, it would be very difficult to change the reservations.

Why set yourself up for what you already know would be a horrible trip? JMHO

 

[Tagrel]

Repeat after me... NO!.

Family/friends/etc can only take advantage of you if you let them.

That being said, my Mother is going with us this December as well!

But we set down ground rules first, and we all agreed to them before anything else. On top of that, I'm EXCELLENT at telling her NO, and my wife is finally starting to learn the necessity of it as well.

I think parents are trying to get back at us children for those years of grief we gave them! If they get all offended at the rules, then they won't go. Problem solved. And after all those curfew rules, etc., they are darn well going to follow MY rules while staying in MY 'Home'!

As to the space problem, well he is your spouse's father. So let THEM tell him, or better yet, they can get a room together and you can have FW room to yourself! How about a tent for FIL and spouse?

Good Luck!

 

[DeeP]

Are you staying in a cabin at FW or a room at WL? If it is a cabin they are wonderful and I am sure you will love the cabin. The cabins sleep 6 with a double bed and bunkbeds in the BR and a murphy bed in the LR. Plus a full kitchen, a very nice wooden deck and a grill. There are a lot of fun activities at FW to do also.
Now as for your FIL, I don't have any answers, I have the same problem with my father and have still not found the answer without hurting his feelings.

 

[FreeTime]

We are staying at FW in a cabin, we were at VWL last weekend with him and it was awful! I glad to hear that the cabins are nice. I a just worried that staying at a DVC resort has spoiled me and I won't like the cabins. Thanks for your advice everyone!

 

[Mic]

FreeTime--
This guy sounds like a perfect match for my MIL! We invited my MIL on 2 different occassions, offering a free room and a ticket($200) to boot, and she told her sister that she could not believe how rude we were to expect her to buy her own meals! She was also upset that we did not extend an offer to her oldest daughter and her 2 children as well, at our expense, of course. After the second time of MIL saying she could not afford the food, I dropped the subject, and just did not talk to her at all the week leading up to the trip. I thought that was the end of it, but alas, she still says we left without her(even though she told us she was not going for 4 months!) I have also noticed in the last 2 years that my DH's siblings seem to expect an invitation for a free trip to WDW, so apparently rudeness is hereditary. My advice would be to tell your FIL that you planned this trip without him, not realizing he wanted to go. The first half of Dec. is very popular(especially for DVC'ers)and you will not be able to get a room that will accomodate him this late. If you are already planning your next trip(like a lot of DVC members, I have trips planned well into 2005!) let him know the dates, and ask him if he would be interested in joining you then. The only real question here is not what you should do but what can you do without feeling bad. Only you know if the guilt of not taking him will be worse than sharing a room and bathroom with him. Also, your spouse will probably want to weigh in with an opinion. How will this situation affect your marriage? I try not to put my DH in the position of defending my actions to his mother, but sometimes the situation warrants him playing the bad guy. Perhaps your spouse could speak to your FIL. HHmmm...I wasn't much help was I?

 

[Desperado]

I would just be honest. Tell him that since he hadn't thought he would be able to accompany you originally, you didn't book accomodations large enough for all of you, and that this stage of the game, it would be very difficult to change the reservations.

This sounds like great advice, I agree.

 

[JudithM]

Be truthful, but tactful! I would let family &/or frineds know you were not planning on them joining you. Give them a number for CRO. Tellthem to let you know where they will be staying & you can get together. Years ago some distant cousins came to play tourist nearby. They stayed with us & made life very miserable. I said if there was ever a next time, Iwould tell them to let me know where they are staying & we would come & visit .

 

[Dean]

The reality is that there is usually no way around people like this. You can be honest, tactful, etc and it will always be your fault in his eyes. No matter what you do or say, I suspect he will find ways of reminding you for years to come. I don't know what it is other than some people are jealous and it's their way of punishing you for being successful. It also frequently seems they have another family member who's also deserving of a handout at your expense of course, I've never figure out why. It's usually some parent combined with a brother or sister of the DVC member who is rude, abnoxious and generally unappreciative. They are also usually pretty bad at managing their money and that makes you responsible for providing them a vacation.

I've also noticed that the spouse that belongs to the aggravating family member in question is frequently no help. My guess is they've long since given up fighting the battles that inevitably happen when this person is involved.

We invite family with us about every other year. There are rules and it's clear if the rules aren't OK, DON'T GO. The rules are simple. NO smoking in the unit, we get the Master, you don't wait on us and vice versa, everyone pays for their share of the groceries, etc and there will be an occasional adult beverage. We provide the rooms because we can and expect nothing else in return above the rules. We find it a good way to get together with family we would not see much and provide something they would not get otherwise. If someone invited themselves along when they weren't welcome, they would likely never go again. And THEY'D be the one hearing about it for years to come.

 

[DVCDAVE]

If there is anything we miss about WDW, since buying in to DVC, are the cabins at FW. My family LOVES them, they are wonderful accomodations, and the atmosphere at FW is the best. We still go over there occasionaly to attend the campfire program, and grab a bite at the Trails End buffet.

Frankly, if you are having a problem with your FIL, tell your spouse to handle it, as it is their side of the family. I'd further tell your spoise exactly what your feelings and problem with the FIL is so your point is clearly stated. It is supposed to be your family's VACATION !! The more you remain silent, the more emotions you build up against your spouse, and that is wrong.

Fortunately, my BIL and SIL join us once a year, we happen to get along great, and have a lot of fun together. There are no rules, but each know their responsibility without being told. I guess I am well blessed.....

 

[chris1gill]

Dean, you just described my family EXACTLY!! How'd you do that???

 

[Regina]

Our solution, we haven't told the inlaws about the majority of our trips since the "Disaster of '96." We go and come back and they're none the wiser.

They live in Florida, and, even though they would book their own rooms, they have a knack for ruining the best of plans.

Good luck to you. It sounds like you have the sympathy of many others who have dealt with family members who were less than the ideal travel companions.