HELP! Marrieds ever live with parents? UPDATE p2

[tink2020]

*sigh* I'm in a bind. After a strange series of circumstances, DH and I are facing the possibility of moving in with my parents and sister for a while.

We've weighed pros and cons, and I just HATE that we have to make this decision.

We have no children, so that's not a problem. We've been married about 18 months, and are doing really well (no marital problems, etc). The issue isn't financial (we've got plenty of money to continue life as it is), but the extra money (nearly $1000/month) would CERTAINLY be nice to save up for our move in April, which will almost surely be out of state.

Without any details, the problem is that we are not comfortable living in our current complex. We are being taken advantage of by a company that is in the middle of a class action lawsuit from the tenants here. Although we aren't directly involved, we are being made "targets" (along with lots of other families) of meaningless threats, etc.

We've looked into landlord-tenant laws, etc and could possibly deal with some of this through arbitration, but there is TOOOOOO much going on in our lives to deal with that. We really just want a roof over our heads and a place to call home.

HOWEVER.... I can't help but wonder how terrible it might be. I have a great relationship with my parents (as does DH) and sister, but still..... obviously there's a privacy sacrifice. How weird is it to have a place of your own and then move back? .... not to mention the fact that nearly EVERYTHING we own would have to be stored, as the "extra space" my parents have is nothing more than a bedroom.

It would be from November to April or May, which isn't terrible. It would provide a better yard for my dear dog (lol) and we would certainly benefit from having others to help around the house, sharing cooking, etc... and we could help my parents out as well for that short time.

Any thoughts? Especially if you've been there....

Unfortunately, we have about a week to make a decision, and an additional 2-3 weeks to get the job done.

Help!

Thanks in advance.

 

[bananiem]

My dh gets along great with my parents. 18 months into our marriage I got along great with his parents . (Then MIL went through menopause...long story)
But if we had moved in with either one I think it would've killed our marriage. As long as you have the finances to get another place, get another place.

 

[Christine]

I had to do this three times. First, when my DH got out of the military and we literally had NOTHING. We lived with my parents for about 18 months until we got on our feet and could buy a townhouse.

The second time was when I had one child and we sold our townhouse. Our new construction home got delayed and we had to live with parents for 6 months.

It was tough only in that my parents had a very small house and, AHEM, we had THREE DOGS!!!

Then, when my parents moved, their house sold very fast but their new place wasn't ready. They lived with us for 6 months.

But it worked out well. My parents are very objective people and they know how to mind their business. We all let each other have the space we needed, all were on our best behavior, and no one tried to become my "parent". It worked fine and I would do it again if I knew it was temporary.

 

[tink2020]

Unfortunately, getting another place isn't an option.

It's either staying here which is INCREDIBLY stressful in a time we can't hardly deal with it, or moving there.

The places that offer short-term leases all jack up the prices, then it WOULD be a financial issue.

 

[grinningghost]

We did. We rented, but wanted to buy a house. We moved in with my parents so we could save some extra money while looking for a house.

It wasn't bad. But my parents house is run like an army barracks. Everything is done on time, in time, and everything is super neat. We're not clods, but we're much more laid back.

By the time we bought our house, it was good to get out.

Good luck to you.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Targets? What do you mean? Is someone trying to harm you? Is this a police matter?

 

[SDFgirl]

You're looking at 6/7 months, tops? I'd say move in with mom and dad. You don't need the stress of your current situation. I've been in a sticky situation with a less-than-scrupulous landlord and, believe me, it kept me up nights. Best get out now while you can.

Seven months will fly by, I think.

 

[nuke]

We lived with my parents for about 6 months after moving across country. It was really nice because I was pregnant at the time, my DH had just started a job working tons of overtime and I had someone to keep me company. My mom cooked everyday and all she wanted me to keep clean was our room. If my parents had more room we would have stayed forever.

 

[anewvance]

When we first got married, we lived with both sets of parents... well it was my grandparents but they raised me. Right after we got back from our honeymoon we moved from Fl to Co where my in laws lived. We lived with them the first 6 months, they have a basement area with living space so we pretty much had our own space, a bedroom, bathroom and living area. But of course we never felt at home, I had to go digging in the garage every time I needed something of mine because that is where all our moving boxes were. We finally moved into an apt and stayed there 6 months before we decided to move home to Fl because dh got a great job offer and it was where my whole family was and I was 6 months pregnant. When we got back, we were stuck again without a place to live, so we lived with my grandparents for 2 months. This was the house I grew up in so of course I was a little more comfy and I had to admit my grandma cooked and cleaned and picked up for us... LoL. But were happy to get out to our own place because of the baby...

If it's short term, you will get by.... it's a really great thing for them to offer, take them up on it... save some money and you'll get your own place again soon.

 

[mickeyboat]

We have done it several times over the years with DH's parents for one reason or another. It was excruciatingly difficult with children, but o.k. when it was just DH and I. Actually, we had a lot of fun together. MIL has since passed away, and I am really grateful for the time I was able to spend getting to know her.

I think in order to make it work, you have to be very clear about everyone's expectations, especially with respect to meal planning. One way we liked to get some alone time was going out to dinner, which left MIL wondering whether we would be there or not. She also got tired of planning meals.

So, maybe you could make a schedule of who will be responsible for what, when. Plan some times where you and DH can be alone, too.

Good luck to you.

Denae

 

[Marseeya]

My sister and her DH lived with my parents for a little over a year and everybody was miserable. Once they were there, it was more difficult to leave than they'd anticipated (not financially related either).

I'd slit my wrists before I'd live with my parents or in-laws. I know that sounds bad, but it's true.

 

[pozey]

DW and I lived with her parents for about 6 months while our house was being built. We had just sold our house and was building a new one. We decided to go ahead and live with them instead of renting an apartment. We had to basically store the entire contents of our home in a storage unit during this time. Our oldest son was about 6 months old at the time as well.

It was stressful at times and yes, you will have to temporarily give up some of your "freedom", but, for us, it all worked out fine. There will just have to be some give and take on everyone's part.

In the end, we went from 3 of us living in 1 bedroom for 6 months, to a spacious 3000 square foot new home!!

 

[agotta]

Dh and I plan on moving in with my parents shortly. Looking to move back home (about 7 hours from here) and they are helping us out so we can save a little bit toward a down payment on our first house!! Ok, anyway, why not? It is only for a short bit. I say go for it.

 

[tink2020]

Thank you all so much. DH and I have pretty much decided that it will be stressful, etc w/ a lack of privacy, but there will be just as much stress here -- and really nothing we can control.

It is VERY nice to hear, though, that many of you have done it. I appreciate all of your honesty and opinions!

We're saying yes or no for sure by the first of next week, so the next few days might be some ups and downs....

Thanks again!

 

[tink2020]

Dh and I plan on moving in with my parents shortly. Looking to move back home (about 7 hours from here) and they are helping us out so we can save a little bit toward a down payment on our first house!! Ok, anyway, why not? It is only for a short bit. I say go for it.

Do you ever have second thoughts? Here I was a few hours ago just fine with it.... almost excited, because there really ARE a lot of great things that can come from living with them for a while.

Now tonight, I just FREAKED out. DH is on call so I'm here alone with my thoughts (never a good thing ) .... and I realize I'm terrified.

On paper, this still seems like the best idea. 99% of the time I'm thrilled with it, and REALLY believe that 7 months from now it will have been the biggest blessing.

But sometimes... I dont know, I guess I'm just worried because I don't know what to expect.......

 

[tink2020]

Targets? What do you mean? Is someone trying to harm you? Is this a police matter?

not so much a police matter, but just stuff that likely could be settled in court. landlord/tenant stuff ... threatening eviction when a family writes a complaint to corporate offices, threatening to take dogs, private property, etc (i swear I'm not making this up)... even ones that clearly fit the leasing rules.

it's really quite rediculous..... but no, nobody is threatening immediate bodily harm or anything. at least not yet.

the tenant union (or whatever) has already reserached some avenues to take care of this other garbage, but I just don't have the strength to deal with or worry about it. we have other issues (health, school, etc) to tend to (when it rains, it pours.....) and it's all i can do to keep my head above water WITHOUT this added to it!

thanks for the concern, though. believe me, if it were something of a police matter I would not be spending time on here until it was settled!

 

[tink2020]

Well, the decision has been made...

... and while DH is on call tonight, I'm starting to pack up my life to put it in storage.

Nah, I really think its the best decision. The timing works out as such that when DH goes out of town for residency interviews in November-January (when I can't go with him) I won't be home alone.... which is good until we figure out current health issues. Also, we'll save so much money for the REAL move, and I honestly believe the time will fly by. We have SO much going on during our last few months in town, that it will be June before I know it!

Thanks again for your encoruagement. If anyone else has more to share (no negative stuff, please) ... I certainly could still use it. Some days I'm more sure than others

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I've never lived with my parents or in-laws, but my sister lived with her grown daughter and her family for awhile, which is a similar situation in a way. Anyway, from watching her I realized how important it is to be clear and upfront about certain things. Such as who cleans which areas, who is cooking dinner and which nights, is there a day you should do your laundry, etc. The more things that are discussed before you move in the better. And keep the lines of communication open--if one of you has a gripe discuss it before it turns into resentment.

 

[Lyn5]

DH and I lived with my parents for about 8 months after our first anniversary. It worked out since we all respected each other's space. I can say this, I would much rather live with family members that get along than a bad neighbor.

 

[DisneyDotty]

We (me, DH, DD who was 4 at the time, and newborn DS--oh, and 2 dogs) lived with my parents for three months while we waited for our house to be built. I loved it. Sharing the housework with my mom was a huge perk. Of course, the four of us were crammed in one bedroom (can you say cozy?), but we didn't mind. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Good luck.