help... kids & school daycare.. feel bad

[motocrossmom]

We just moved to a new house... my youngest son is 6 years & in first grade. We live just outside our school district.. but there is a bus that comes right by our house for his school.. however it doesnt come until 7am. I have to be at work at 7am (my drive is about 15-20 minutes) right now I am taking him to a friends house & he is getting on the bus with their son. I feel bad about this, they offered and said they have no problem with it at all. My son goes to afterschool daycare until 5:15 and their son goes sometimes, when he is there i will be picking him up also. I feel bad,... he likes going to daycare and he likes his new school. My husband is an engineer and travels so sometimes he doesnt go to daycare or our friends.Is anyone else is this situtation? just feeling guilty cause I have to work...

 

[Nie0214]

If they seem fine with doing it and you are picking up their son when he goes to the daycare, I wouldn't worry too much. Just make sure to get them a nice gift card or something appreciative for the holidays.

 

[jeepgirl30]

I have a DD8 and DS5, both have been in daycare most their lives! When DS was born i had to return very early to work so we had an inhome nanny for about 6 mths.

Then, I was laid off for close to a year.

Other than that they have been in daycare. They go before school and after. Sometimes I too feel guilty but they love it. They have friends they get to see on a regular basis.

When they aren't in daycare or school I try to do extra things with them and we have DD wait until home to do homework so we are doing it with her instead of daycare.

Its a tough sometimes trying to get it all in but we do the best we can.

 

[mjkacmom]

If it makes you feel better, ds10's friend has been coming here 1/2 hour before school, and about an hour after school, every day for 1 1/2 years, and I love helping out! He was in before/aftercare for a few years, until I finally convinced his mom to let me take him instead - it's not a long time, and it saves her money.

She helps me out, too!

 

[motocrossmom]

Thanks, I just needed some friendly positive remarks!!!

 

[Princessbaby]

It's nice to read that others are in this situation! I am a nurse working night shift at this point and I am back in school to get my bachelor's in nursing and I plan on working day shift so we will be in this situation in a year. Fortunately the preschool my DD currently attends and my DSs used to attend has before and after care and there is a bus that picks them up in the AM and drops them off in the PM, so it will be nice to have this!

 

[Whipperwhirl]

Childcare solutions never come easy when you have to work. I feel your pain. Have you tried talking to your workplace about a work from home solution - I do it two times a week and all summer - it really helps to alleviate some of the pressure.

 

[powellrj]

my youngest has spent the most time in daycare of all my kids. To be honest, daycare isn't a bad thing.

She has gotten to do more in after school daycare then she would have done coming home. They had teachers come in and offer dance and gymnastics and at another after school program they took weekly field trips to bowling, putt-putt and skating. She is in middle school now, but her very best friends are the ones she met in day care.

 

[Cruz91]

You should never feel guilty for showing your children that sacrifices are sometimes necessary from everyone in the family. You're stepping up and doing what's needed in this tough economy. It's probably not a bad idea to let him know that you are sacrificing as much or more than he is because you really miss not being there to get him off to school and pick him up.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I'm in the same boat - I was feeling bad last night myself b/c I drop 9 month DS off at 7 am and usually pick up at 3:30 pm but last night not until 5 pm b/c i needed a hair cut and he goes to bed about 7:30 so I was thinking how few hours I have with him a day. But (a) I'm in a professional job so I need the haircut; (b) the haircut occurrs once every 10 weeks; and (c) he loves daycare and always seems happy there. But it's hard being working mom, it really is.

 

[PollyannaMom]

... right now I am taking him to a friends house & he is getting on the bus with their son. I feel bad about this, they offered and said they have no problem with it at all....

I wouldn't worry. - They wouldn't have offered if they didn't mean it. Also, you didn't mention the other boy's age - but maybe he finds leaving for school a little tough, and does better leaving together with your DS. If that's true, it is actually helping the other mom too!

 

[mom2aredhead]

When I was working, I felt bad that I was there and not at home.

Now that I'm home (not by choice - layoff) I feel bad that I'm not financially contributing and we need to live a little "leaner".

You're a mom...you're going to feel guilt no matter what.

 

[katieandallycat]

I wouldn't worry. - They wouldn't have offered if they didn't mean it. Also, you didn't mention the other boy's age - but maybe he finds leaving for school a little tough, and does better leaving together with your DS. If that's true, it is actually helping the other mom too!

we had a situation like this in Pre-K. I had to go to work, our youngest is autistic. The teacher felt I was disrupting her by dropping her off. Another mom offered to have me drop her at their house (we lived 3 miles away from the school) and she or her DH would walk the girls to school. They said my DD being there help get their DD out the door.

I wouldn't worry too much. Especially since you are offering to pick up at times. Since they have your son a little more, maybe offer to watch their son for a few hours at your house or on an outing?

 

[StephMK]

Do you feel guilty about the friend or childcare in general? I did b/a school care in the past & really liked that my kids were up & ready faster so maybe they like that too. You could ask if their offer is indefinite or meant for a short time frame, otherwise, just appreciate their offer & don't worry.

As far as after school care, mine went from just before care, to no care and now to before & after as I've changed jobs/hours a few times. I sort of have a hang up about it but really, it's just me. They always ask to get dropped off first (also take their sis to HS) and get upset if I pick them up too early! Looking at it from their perspective, they have a gym full of toys/games & friends, who wouldn't have fun! I've learned to use that & will sometimes run an errand or come home for a quiet few minutes before getting them.

We've really only lost 1 hr in the afternoon together from when they would have gotten off the bus and now they get that hour of exercise & playing w/friends every day. While I don't particularly like working FT, I do like having greater financial security & we're making it work without them suffering at all.

 

[dislal]

When I was working, I felt bad that I was there and not at home.

Now that I'm home (not by choice - layoff) I feel bad that I'm not financially contributing and we need to live a little "leaner".

You're a mom...you're going to feel guilt no matter what.

wow this is great, I thought I was the only person who felt like this. I hate the G..U..I..L..T

 

[motocrossmom]

WOW I want to thank ALL of you!! I now feel SO much better! He loves daycare and he never complains he tells me how much fun he has everyday when I pick him up, also he doesnt go every day, like this week he only went 2 times. My husband is an engineer and travels, but sometimes he is home for days at a time. But I know I have to work and my work place has long hours. I am able to buy my boys whatever they want and that feels great. They are both good children and my oldest was in daycare also ( he is now in High School)

Thank you all for sharing!!!

 

[alittlepixxiedust]

Please, please take the time to give your friend a little "thank you gift" at the holidays and at the end of the school year. You are so lucky to have a friend who is so kind to help you with your day care delima.

Just realize that your friend is making a sacrifice too in order to help you out- it might sound silly but the morning rush is crazy enough getting your own kids up and out and your friend in now taking on the responsibliity for your child too. Even if your child shows up dressed, fed, ready to go she is still responsible to get him/her out to the bus. It's just that a school year is a long time and 6:30 in the morning is early.

Helping her out is great but please take the time to give her a special gift to let her know how much you appreciate her helping you out. It sounds like you have a special friend!

Speaking from experience, I am a stay at home mom who helped out many working mom friends. I don't mind helping out too much but sometimes it does get overwhelming.

I'm not judging or criticizing working moms, personally I can't wait to go back to work!

 

[tasha99]

I think that your being aware that there might be an issue is a good thing. It sounds like your son is doing fine, and he'll probably continue to do well. If there are any changes in his behavior, you've got your eye on the situation already, so you will be able to deal with them.

My DS10 was in a similar situation when he was 7. He went to before school care, then school, then an after school care program that he loathed. He did not enjoy daycare (a key difference w/what's going on with your son) and he started having behavioral problems. I ended up leaving my job and working as a part time legal assistant so I could be home when school wasn't in session. He stopped having problems when I started being home. As a single mom, it was a huge sacrifice financially to do this, but for our family, it was worth it. It was temporary, too, because now DS seems to be old enough to handle my being gone more (I'm still working the same job but also going to school full time to be a speech language pathologist).

Anyhow, not sure I shared my "it didn't work for us" story when it sounds like your children are doing fine. For us, though, what helped was DS getting a little older and having a friend provide some care rather than a daycare (DS now goes home with his best friend some days). I think it's great that you've got a friend helping you now; maybe if I'd done it that way from the beginning DS would have done better when he was younger.