Have you had to choose between visiting family and WDW / DVC Vacations?

[goofy4wdw59]

This can be quite a dilemma for me. I was wondering if others here have had a similar problem / situation...
I'm forced to choose between visits with my parents and vacations with our DVC. Sometimes, there's a good amount of guilt & resentment with these decisions, but, I have reasons in deciding the way I do.
Because my parents will not visit us here, we must travel to see them. It's roughly 1,800 miles each way. (They did come to HH in November!) My parents are most comfortable on their own turf & set in their ways. As they get older, it's likely they won't be physically able to visit us. I think they have come to "expect" us to visit, or, we are failing them somehow. I've begun to resent that they won't visit us on occasion--taking the burden off of us to always travel to them.
Now that we have DVC & spending more time/money on our family vacations, I'm thinking they resent it. I've tried to organize a WDW vacation with them, but, they don't really want to do that. (May try this again in the future?)
Now, I sometimes feel bouts of guilt & resentment in going on our family vacations and not visiting my parents every year. If I'm able to, I can probably see them every other year (driving by myself with kids and DH flying up for part of the visit--we want to use most of his vacation time on our DVC). Also, I really don't consider visits to my parents a "vacation", but I do like to spend some time with them & family--an occasional long weekend would be great--it's just such a distance away.
Everyone has their individual situations, but, have some of you had issues with this?
Margaret

 

[A1A1]

I have had to decide between spending holidays with family or travel to WDW, which I prefer. My family is very resentful, and thinks that I am making the wrong choice. Too bad.

I need the time with my daughter to unclutter my mind, and just concentrate on her (and myself). It is absolutely a priority for me. I got a little tired of the drama of the holidays, anyway.

I was wondering where your parents live, and if there are any concierge collection or other DVC options near them. Are they on the way to Disneyland? Can you make them the first stop on your vacation? Maybe you can see them for a couple of days on your way to WDW. I imagine this makes the driving unrealistic now. I wouldn't be able to drive that far myself anyway.

I do like your idea of every other year. Maybe you could ask them to see you on opposite years at your home in Illinois or at your chosen vacation spot. If they decide it's too much for them to travel, then that is their decision.

I know some older people just don't like to travel much. It's understandable. They get set in their ways, and some (my grandmother) get terrified of becoming ill or needing medical attention away from home.

 

[jaysue]

Have they seen the planning video? Do they know that there are lots of things to do at WDW that do not involve rides? Perhaps they fear they will have to take care of the children if they come?

Maybe you already have but it might be useful to discuss why they do not want to meet up at WDW.....

I had this discussion with my parents and it turned around their concern of having to walk too much around. I said we should all go and we will minimize the walking through car, train, monorail etc. and even electric personal transportation if required and no big walk around the World Showcase in Epcot

Anyways good luck to you but understanding the why of no WDW may help you dispel the objection

Thanks
Jason

 

[MinnieGi]

I also think trying to get them to meet you at WDW would be an excellent idea. An ordering the video/DVD may be a great way for them to see all that there is to do. In fact there is a video just geared toward grandparents. I ordered it for my parents. Its the same video but they just take it from the perspective of a grandparent. They liked it. Now my parents love WDW and have been with us before. But DH's parents have always said no to our invitations to come until this year!! So keep trying.

 

[chrissyk]

My husband and I live in the same region as our parents right now, but we'll be moving pretty far away next year (believe me, we need the space!). My parents would never in a million years actually bother to come visit us when we move. I can guarantee this! I'm sorry, but my first priority is spending time with my husband and the children we are planning on having. It wouldn't even be a contest for me...taking a nice vacation with my husband and kids would win hands down! I don't mean to sound harsh, but if my parents can't be bothered to visit us, why should I feel the least bit guilty about not using my vacation time to visit them? I say go to WDW and don't worry about the resentment. If there is no physical reason that your parents can't travel to see you, then don't worry about it. If seeing you and yours is a priority of theirs, they'll cheerfully visit you once they realize that they can't get you to always visit them. If not, put your energy and time into a happy vacation with your kids

 

[Toodles524]

Yes, that guilt thing is familiar. But in my case I have to choose because my Mom has been taking care of my grandparents and can't leave. My grandmother died last summer, but my grandfather is still alive and requires a lot of care. Right now he's in the hopsital in ICU and Mom pretty much just stays up at the hopsital from morning til night. I have plenty of vacation, but I can't usually get more than a couple of weeks in the summer time while school is out. I also need the time to reconnect with my daughter. Being a single mom makes life a little crazy at times. But having said that, this year was easy. I'm out of points!
I also managed to get vacation during spring break, so I'm taking my dd to the beach in Florida!
Of course, I don't know how I'll fare next year. But I'll worry about that then!

 

[mickeys#1fan]

My in-laws live 20 min. from WDW. My folks live about an hour from there. We travel to FL 2-3 times per year, sometimes on the sly, just so we don't have to hear the guilt. Sitting around either house for a week isn't our idea of a vacation, either. Without getting into details, neither is a pleasant place to be right now, and both places are frightfully boring.

We feel we're entitled to at least one trip a year that's just for us. Usually during summer we'll spend a week at WDW. The other times, we'll spend a few days there and bookend it with trips to our parents'.

Every other year is a fair compromise, especially for parents that won't come see you. On the one hand, you won't always have your parents with you. On the other, you've got to get all the time with your kids you can before they're grown up.

 

[Eglantine Price]

WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR PARENTS TO TRAVEL?
I to have had this issue. My parents have made little effort to come to my home and be a part of my children's lives. I have visited them every year ( sometimes twice a year)since I've been married ( I've been married for 14 yrs ) and several trips while I was single. This year I have decided enough is enough!!!! I will be spending my time and money on my dvc, If they can come along and join us in WDW sometime great ,but I'm done. Why does their relationship with my kids always have to be on my dime?

 

[jaysue]

Don't even get me started on the why it is so hard to travel....I am lucky that my MIL and parents live nearby however.....With regards to the next immediate family - Uncles/Aunts/Cousins/Nephews/Nieces etc. Mission Impossible!!!

I am always going to the States to visit them time and time again and I have cutback after my Grandmothers passed away to the point where I am barely going.

I regret my decision to some extent but could not keep up the always going to visit and wondering why they cannot visit us dichotomy. It was too much burden for me to keep it up.

Thanks for the chance to express
Jason

 

[sgtdisney]

I would have to say yes, but in a different way. Most of the immediate family lives close to us here.. However we do have some of wife's uncles in Orlando.. Plus she has much extended family in South Florida including a brother who recently moved down there. The people in Orlando, well not to be mean, but we wouldn't make a specific trip just to visit them. However 'since we are in Orlando anyway' we 'have' to visit them. I have started adding on an extra night and saying we will visit them both on X day. (They live a block away from each other.)

We tend to combine our Orlando trip and a visit to South Florida every time we go.. There are so many 'shirt-tale' relatives it takes days to visit them down there. The upside to it, since BIL lives there, we stay for free in his house. I just look at it that as long as I get my 'vacation' in while in Orlando, it is ok once we get to SoFla. Being away from work is relaxing no matter where it is

 

[Lora]

We are usually able to do 2 vacations during a year. One trip is a family trip and the other is our WDW trip. (Sometimes our family trips combine visiting multiple relatives over a 10-day time frame.) This was an agreement that my husband made when he wanted to move half way across the country. It was important for me to keep in touch with family.

We've been able to have the grandparents join us at WDW also. (My parents are preparing for their 4th trip with us since '99, and my MIL is preparing for her 2nd trip with us since '99. My FIL is not at all interested in WDW and so we get to see him about once or twice a year at most.)

For almost 2 years we've lived at least a 3-day road trip away from all of the rest of our family. My parents and in-laws have been here at least 2 times each and my sister and her family came once. I have 2 other siblings who may eventually make the trip, but I'm not holding my breath.

So, I don't have the same dilemma you are facing. I guess I'm sort of having my cake and eating it too. I hope you can work something out. That really would stink if no one put forth any effort to come visit me. I'm pretty sure I would get to the point where I would stop making the effort to travel to them.

 

[mikesmom]

Jaysue:
You're in Ontario, and they can't come visit from Detroit/Ann Arbor? Sheesh! We used to take that trip just to go shopping!!

I sympathize!!
(formerly from Detroit)

 

[mamarobin24]

Yeah, what is it about parents not visiting you? I plan on changing that when my kids leave home. I'm not waiting for them to bring the grandkids to me. I'm gonna go, scoop up them kids, and whisk them off to WDW without their parents. My daughter (who's currently 12) thinks that's mean and I should have to keep taking her. LOL


the hard part for me is that my inlaws really don't like me( I'm not catholic) and won't leave their farm in Nebraska, even though they've sold all the livestock and rented the farm to one of the brothers-in-law.

Now, don't you think they'd WANT to go to Disney? But no, they'd rather just get humphy about the whole thing.

So, with my Better Half's permission, we just go without them

 

[Aurora3]

I moved half way across the US four years ago. That was also the year my Grandmother took her two grandchildren and our children to WDW. Well I've been back every year since (sometimes twice a year!) I tried to get my grandmother and mother to visit me every year but the last 2 they've just dug in their heels and said no (even though I pay for my mother's transporatation). My brother has only been out to see me once in the five years.So I've traveled back to California once a year. Great tourist destination but all my family wants to do is "visit" in their own homes. My mother is a chain smoker and all she wants to do is smoke and talk. I have managed to get my Grandmother to go away on vacation with my daughter and I for spring break. We did the DCL cruise in '01 and went to Chicago in '02. Both trips were great!
It would be difficult for me to see them only every other year. Its tough only seeeing my Grandmother twice a year and Mom once a year. But I do think its up to other family members to make some kind of reciprocal effort. It can't all be one-sided. I probably will go to every other year once my Grandmother is no longer with us.

 

[JVL1018]

I live very close to all my family, with the exception of 1 brother an hour and a half away and a BIL 3.5 hours away.
If they moved farther away, they could all come back and visit me, as I'm not the one who left..if *I* was the one who decided to move away, then I would make the trek back "home" to see them.
Now the brother who lives an hour and a half away, that's nothing so we all go back and forth. My BIL comes here, he's the one who chose to move, why should all of us who still live here head on down to see him for holidays and such?
That said, I would never want to spend my vacation sitting in someone's home. I feel for anyone who has to spend vacation time not on vacation!

 

[goofy4wdw59]

Thanks for all the replies! I've been working through this for years--using our DVC makes it easier for me to focus more energy on my own family.
My parents live in Nova Scotia. Growing up, we moved back and forth from Illinois (where father is from) to NS (where mother is from), so...siblings&relatives in both places!...and, lots of family issues to go with it!
In early 2001, I tried planning a WDW vacation with my parents--gave them info, tapes, etc. I stressed that they could do what they wanted, we would go at slower pace (with our young kids), etc. but, it didn't work out (same old story).
I know they would like OKW--not so close to the parks and they wouldn't feel they "had" to do something. I may try getting a "grandparents" planning video and try it again. My mother would love to go, BUT...is afraid (I mean, fear rules her life IMO) of flying/travelling alone. My father has NO interest in a WDW vacation.
Now, DH's mother and sister go with us about every other vacation to WDW. She's just happy to be included and loves spending time with her grandkids. She doesn't mind leaving her husband behind--she doesn't let that stop her. We tried one trip with FIL & won't do that again. In some cases, it's better to leave them at home where they want to be.
It would be great if my parents lived in Florida and we could get the family visit in with our WDW/DVC vacations!
Sometimes, it's just sad that we aren't closer. I'm at a turning point and my family takes priority. The kids grow up so fast--I want to make the most of it. When I (&my kids) get older, they'll want me around and I want to be there for them!!

 

[mamarobin24]

I think so many of us are at that turning point, goofy. Maybe it will be different in our generation, somehow. I know that my parents' parents didn't visit them either; we were supposed to go there every year instead. I just don't think that's fair.

I truly believe that my first priority is my children right now, even though they are 12 and 14.5. They are going to remain my priority until they leave my home. Sometimes I can't wait, and sometimes I think, oh my gosh, only 4 more years!! If DVC helps us stay together as a family, then I'm all for it. And it does. My son has a kind of autism and hates new things; they throw off his sense of the world. So even though WDW is overstimulating, it's familiar, and he's comfortable there. For him to voluntarily leave my side and go off and do something on his own is an amazing feat - he won't walk through our local mall by himself. So when he happily goes off to Japan at Epcot while we have tea in England, I regard that as a total success and training for when he isn't in my home.

And if my mother doesn't understand that (she doesn't - we're supposed to spend our entire lives at her side in the nursing home -she has severe Parkinson's disease), then too bad. She's a grown up (supposedly); my kids aren't.

 

[TheRustyScupper]

1) Relax and chill-out.
2) You have taken the initiative too often.
3) It is time for them to reciprocate.
4) If they can't make the effort to visit you, then it is their loss.
5) It is time for you to start making YOUR family traditions.
6) Be respectful and kind, but you still have a life.
7) If they want to see you, they will find a way.

8) I have parents, children and grandchildren.
9) If I tried to see everyone, I would have no vacation time.
10) Mrs Rusty and I deserve vacation time alone.
11) My kids and grandkids deserve their vacation time alone.
12) We blend as much as possible.

 

[Merilyn]

that our Mother lived about a mile from us. We all loved our trips to WDW and took other vacations together also. We started taking family trips when Mom was about 70. We have a handicapped brother that lived with her and we all went. We have so many fond memories of our times on vacation, with the best being at WDW. She made her last trip with us to HH in March 2000 and passed away in June of that year. My brother now lives with me and my twin sister. My children are grown and they live many miles away. We still take family trips and we are the ones going to see them. When I have grandchildren, I will be taking them to WDW. We will take our brother, my children and my grandchildren to see Mickey as long as we can. I hope that will be another 39 years, but I will be 92 then. I guess I will have to have a wheelchair. Mom never minded being pushed around. I wouldn't trade my Disney years for anything.

 

[Davey Crockett]

I know what you are talking about. Family can have many issues, from one end to another. Just a little history here. My Parents divorced when I was ten. My Mom is now deceased. She really loved her grandchildren and did what she could for them. My son was four years old and my daughter only six months at the time of her death. My Dad remarried when I was eleven and now I’m forty-two. Since then I have not been a part of his new family. It’s a shame. I have tried to connect with him, with no success. And it appears that he wants no relationship me and our children.

Here’s the issue that I can relate to goofy4wdw59. My wife and I have been together for fifteen years. I have in-laws that live in Canada. A good thirty-six hour drive from our home. They are great people, I like being with them and I love them as my own family. But they do not like to travel unless for family issues, i.e., wedding, funeral… And since the death of my Mom, I feel that our children should know their grand parents. My wife and I have made many trips to see them. Some times twice a year. Their have been times that my wife and I have made separate trips with the kids to see their grandparents. It is a shame that they do not come here since they are retired. There is always some sort of issue to prevent them from coming here. The kids are getting older and they want to have fun. I know that they love their grandparents and want to see them, but grandma and grandpa 's house gets boring after a few days. Not much for the kids to do there. I know that this is an issue for our family this year too…grandma’s and/or DVC. I know that we can not do both this year. So we have decided to go to DVC. We told our in-laws that we will not be there this year. My mother-in-law still thinks we will be there this summer. Well she is going to be surprised when we do not show up. You have to do what's right for your family. This year is DVC at Halloween time……



Can you say..............BOO.............