Have you ever made a life decision without telling your partner?

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by reecejackox, Sep 14, 2018.

  1. reecejackox

    reecejackox Mouseketeer

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    Just seen this being discussed on loose women so thought I would start it here , or has your partner ever done something without telling you like for example buy a new house or decide on your child's name without consulting you.
     
  2. Nancyg56

    Nancyg56 DIS Veteran

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    No. I would never make decisions that affect the two of us without a serious discussion with my DH. I also would have to rethink how my DH considered me if he did anything like that without including me on the decision.
     
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  4. Tiki_Sara

    Tiki_Sara Mouseketeer

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    I can't imagine ever doing anything like that without consulting my partner. The only thing I can think of is that you had so much money that it didn't matter if they didn't want to move into the house you'd bought or whatever, but still it is weird.

    My father-in-law took his baby daughter to get registered and decided on a different name that hadn't been discussed with his wife on the way there. Not only that, it was the name of his ex-girlfriend. Amazingly, they stayed together and had one more child which I am very happy about as 37 years later, I married him.
     
  5. Colleen27

    Colleen27 DIS Veteran

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    DH didn't exactly consult me when he decided to start a business. He just started booking "side work" and then, when I got upset about him basically never being home, announced that quitting his day job was the perfect solution to the work-life balance problems he'd created. But it wasn't as though I was blind-sided. I knew he wanted to strike out on his own and only held back as long as he did for financial reasons, so when it reached a point that the side jobs were paying as much as the day job, it didn't surprise me much that the day job was on the chopping block.

    I didn't exactly give him a chance to weigh in when I decided to go back to school either. It was a very spur-of-the-moment decision, made mostly because I realized the commute wouldn't be as difficult as I'd anticipated, and I'd already made up my mind by the time we talked about it. If he'd had strong objections, maybe he could have swayed me. Maybe not. He didn't object so I didn't have to cross that bridge. And he knows I'm thinking about grad school, but we probably won't have a heart-to-heart about that decision either... When I decide the time is right, I'll just jump in.

    When we do things like that without consulting the other, it isn't out of lack of regard or a desire to "get away with something". We both simply take for granted a certain level of support and trust from the other - an unspoken expectation of support in chasing long-term goals even if they aren't the most sensible things on paper, and mutual trust that neither of us is going to make a decision that is damaging to the family as a whole.
     
  6. easyas123

    easyas123 Mouseketeer

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    No, nothing like that. That being said I do sign stuff on my husbands behalf a lot. I've gotten POA's for real estate transactions before because he couldn't go or didn't feel like it :). I also just re-did our wills, POA's and advance directives & all that kinda stuff and I had him sign all of his stuff for that - I asked him if he wanted to read it and he did not! Obviously we discussed the verbiage we wanted to use and what we wanted the different documents to reflect before hand, I just took it from there.
    I don't think my husband has signed a tax return, school paperwork for the kids or mortgage application in 25 years. But, we do discuss everything. I'm just the paperwork guy so-to-speak and it is what works for us.
     
  7. bethwc101

    bethwc101 DIS Veteran

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    Same here.
    We are currently in the process of buying a home, and i don't think he has signed anything himself. If we want it to get done fast, I just have to do it. And he's okay with that.
     
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  8. tvguy

    tvguy Question anything the facts don't support.

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    Nope, never. Nor would I.

    And we never spent more than $100 without mentioning it to the other.
     
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  9. KPeterso

    KPeterso Mouseketeer

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    A number of years ago my Dad was out of town for the weekend. I was doing a weekend babysitting stint down the street for our neighbors. My Mom shows up late afternoon to check in with me and tells me that she bought a car that afternoon and I was going to be the one to tell my Dad when he got home in a few days. Oh and to tell him that I had test drove it too. Sure, let me take the toddler and the preschooler to a car dealership so I could test drive the car. Of course he would believe that. We picked it up after he was home. Car was ok, but the only one who really liked it was my Mom.
     
  10. Gumbo4x4

    Gumbo4x4 Note to the ladies who forgot to

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    My wife & I have always discussed major things like job decisions, but as a matter of advice, not for “permission”.
     
  11. chicagodisneyfan

    chicagodisneyfan Peace

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    We buy cars without telling the other. Figure its my car (or his) and why would we have to "ask".
    When we built a house in Florida, I had a work emergency and could not make the first trip down to pick the floorplan. So DH went and made the decision without me. But I knew I liked two of the plans equally and trusted him to walk the actual properties and pick one.
    I buy furniture without him.
    Basically we are totally easy going - been married 22 years next week and it works for us.
     
  12. Cannot_Wait_4Disney

    Cannot_Wait_4Disney Ok all you A cattle, get in ...

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    Nope. My dad bought a car without telling my mother. He surprised her. It didn't go well. Long story short,she made him take it back and get a new color. Probably at the time cost about $2000 when all was said and done. That was a lot of money back then. For perspective, Vegas had day limits of $1-$100 at the tables. College tuition at Harvard was about $3,000.

    We don't spend much over $100 without consultation.
     
  13. china mom

    china mom DIS Veteran

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    We don't usually make major purchases without discussing them just to make sure we are on the same page. Well, except the time I bought a boat on a whim at an auction. We are not asking permission, rather asking for feedback or making sure the money is there.

    I will say that one of the biggest compliments DH has given me was when a house I had been watching came on the market. He was out of town and he told me that he trusted me so if I wanted it, I should make an offer. He had never seen the house. It was listed for $500K. I decided to wait and have him look at it.

    When I say "major" purchases, our definition of major has evolved over the years. When we were younger, the dollar amount was a lot lower than it is now.

    When it comes to decision about the kids, I usually make the decisions and let him know how things turned out.
     
  14. aprilchem

    aprilchem DIS Veteran

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    Not really. One time I was going on a business trip to Australia and a house came up on our street for sale that we both had thought we might like. He asked me what to do and I told him to go look at it and make an offer if he thought it was a good house for us. He didn't end up buying it though. I trust his judgement and we pretty much like the same things, so if he'd bought it I would have been fine with it, even though I'd never seen it.
     
  15. easyas123

    easyas123 Mouseketeer

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    I see some folks consult with SO over purchases over $100, which I understand. But I'd be calling my husband every other time I was in the grocery store if that was the case!
     
  16. Happyinwonerland

    Happyinwonerland DIS Veteran

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    I guess it depends. I make decision about my car, career, and school on my own, but I work and make my own money and I don't really care what anyone thinks I should do with my paycheck that I work and earn. We make joint decisions on things like a house that have an impact on the whole family
     
  17. SC Minnie

    SC Minnie <font color=purple>Are we there yet???<br><font co

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    DH bought DVC points without telling me. He had gotten an inheritance from an uncle (without telling me) and decided to use it to buy resale DVC points at Hilton Head. When it was a done deal he told me. I was not happy at first because there was so much we could have done with that money. It's been about 15 years and I'm appreciative of those points now. We actually used some of them last weekend.
     
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  18. chicagodisneyfan

    chicagodisneyfan Peace

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    Right? I was at the hair salon last night and spent way more than that.
    I will say - my DH and I have separate checking accounts - so we each have our own discretionary income. I go to concerts and buy shoes! And lately plastic surgery.
    He likes sports and pot.
     
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  19. Colleen27

    Colleen27 DIS Veteran

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    No kidding! DH & I don't make major purchases without consulting one another, not even on the order of a new camera or computer much less a car or boat, but I don't need to consult with him every time I go grocery shopping or take the kids to get new clothes. :rotfl: I'd put the line more around $250 for discussing a purchase with DH; he, on the other hand, tends to want my okay before making any non-routine purchase of more than about $50 or so, simply because I'm the one who manages the budget and he doesn't want to "mess things up".
     
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  20. Hikergirl

    Hikergirl DIS Veteran

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    Dh did come home one time to find me with auburn hair.
     
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  21. RedAngie

    RedAngie 80's New Wave Girl

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    ExH came home one day and announced that he accepted a job offer and that we'd be moving from L.A. to the Silicon Valley. He never previously mentioned that he went on four interviews with the company or even that he was considering switching jobs. Just BOOM: I have a new job and it starts in a month. We're moving.

    Let's just say that didn't go over quite how he expected.
     

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