Have you ever had to Parent your own Parents?

[MsDisney23]

Oh my Gosh MIL has became such a hand full! I have not been able to take it for some time now! I love her dearly and she can be a very sweet kind woman, and then she can also be a very mean spiteful game playing one at the same time! She will lie over the most stupid stuff, etc, even if she knows that I know she is, she just keeps right on and on! She plays dumb with alot of things, etc. I think it is an attention thing.

Yes she has health problems, etc. Everyone offers to help her, she will give everyone a fight, then turns around and wants to put a guild trip on all of us! Oh I let everything roll off of my back, etc. I have told both of her boys, my dh and his brother. They both know how she is, etc. they just let her go! It is getting to the point now that you have to almost talk to her like a child and treat her like one, as she wants to be as what I call "BABIED". She has even started to talk like one! Drives me nuts, so you know she has her complete mind there!

I remember she fell a few years ago because she could not wait for my dh to get over there to change a light! So she goes ahead and does it, then who does she call? Me Kitty, I fell and well I think I hurt my foot. I told her that I would come to take her to the ER for an ex-ray. This lady fought me tooth and nail, I had to put my foot down and tell her to knock it off she was going and that's was it. She broke it real bad!

Now today, she calls again about spitting up blood all night! She wanted to play games again. I told her this time, that she should go and I could get dh to take her. She started on and on, I said look it is up to you, I can not make this decision for you. call me and let me know what you want to do. I did not allow her to go on and on. I stood my ground!

I just don't understand it all, With her everything is a Secret with a lie, or a Lie with a secret, and the best part is, it is all the most stupid stuff! Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[alliecats]

I feel your pain on SO many levels.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Well I didn't have to parent my parent, but I had to parent my 91 year old grandma whom we inherited when my mom dropped dead. My grandmas lovely daughter in law refused to help us one bit and I should add her other granddaughter too for the 18 months she lived with us. During that time I also almost died and had to have 2 surgeries and take care of 3 kids 8 and under. I finally had to put her in a nursing home when she couldnt walk anymore, but I went to visit her every day to make sure she was o.k. The home thought I was nuts, but I knew she was getting the proper care when I was there every day. They couldnt believe I would help feed her, change her bedpan etc. I did have a few rules, one being she could only ask me what time it was for 3 times in a row and then I didnt answer that any more. It was not easy, but God helped us through it. Been there, done that.

 

[Mimi Q]

Yes, and it's no fun.

 

[barkley]

there's a great book "the idiot's guide for aging parents" that can at least provide some guidance (and afirmations that you are not going nuts-there is in many older adults a process of "de-maturing").

we have an aging mom and mom in-law who although we are the only ones with young kids (on my side the only ones with kids period!), know i am not in the best of heath, and that we are not the closest family members in driving proximity-always pick-up the phone to call us first. they ignore that they have other adult children who could assist them (and that's just dandy for those other kids, they facilitate calling us) it can get very gut-wrenching when instead of coming right out and asking for something it STARTS with a guilt-trip and manipulation. we are literaly at the point where we are preparing to move out of state to be able to live our own lives! we know that we have done everything to make sure that they are in safe, secure living situations, have adequate medical and financial guidance...we just need to be in a physical place that does not afford our siblings the ability to always rely on us to drive-in and "save the day". i can always turn off the phone and let the machine pick it up, i just can't always hide out in another room when someone drops off mom "for a visit".

we know our kids will "learn what they live", we hope they will learn from our experiences that you do your best but you have to put your own heath and that of your spouse/child first.