Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[Jennasis]

I've found that down here in the south, many functions offer only water or (The horror) sweet-tea for free.

When DH and I got married on our farm in NC 3 years ago, we WANTED to offer soda, and sweet-tea (oh the horror, but DH LOVES it). We are both originally from NY (Long Island) and my moth just about had a stroke when we said we weren't going to serve alcohol. Granted I know it's totlaly expected where they are from, but we didn't want to incur the extra cost and the wedding was at 11am reception following and it was 99degrees with a heat index of 110 that day. Nobody needed to be blitzed.

Mom insisted, and bought the booze (beer and wine). Most family members got good and blitzed. Didn't matter to me, I just didn't want to pay for it. DH and don't drink at all (no taste for it).

Now when I told my two Sex-in-the-city-clones sisters that there would be no DJ or dance floor, they both nearly died. Stuck to my guns on that one.

 

[Costumesaremylife]

I didn't read the whole thread, but I have followed other threads on this same topic.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest and I'm used to it. I've been to both cash bar places and open bar. I don't really drink so I understand and I wouldn't want to pay for my whole crazy family to drink like fishes. I would provide soda at my own function. I'm from Boston and Have been to numerous functions all over MA, NH that have had cash bars. And I've been to functions with a certain amount of open bar time and then it switches. That's when you see people with a drink in each hand an one on the bar. That's someone with a problem.

I don't think cash bar is tacky. That's my opinon.
What I think is tacky is that dance with the bride and groom where you have to give them money for the honeymoon. I don't know how many places do that, but i"ve been to two weddings in CT that did that.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Ok, I'll bite. What kind of "vibe" does the alcohol give to these parties that people (like yourself) are looking for?

Well I personally am not looking for a vibe. I have been to dry parties and have had a ball and I have been to open bar parties that were a yawn. I think overall the vibe is a festive one. To explain it would be like having a Chirstmas party on a cold night and offering hot toddies. (sp?) Sure hot chocolate is awesome but a hot toddy is a nice adult version and is very festive for lack of a better word. I hope that explains a little what I think the poster was trying to say.

 

[aprilgail2]

Now when I told my two Sex-in-the-city-clones sisters that there would be no DJ or dance floor, they both nearly died. Stuck to my guns on that one.

LOL- what did people do for the whole reception if there was no music or dancing???

 

[U2_rocks!]

Ok, I'll bite. What kind of "vibe" does the alcohol give to these parties that people (like yourself) are looking for?

I can only speak for my culture, I can't speak for yours. But around here, the the "dry" weddings have consisted of people sitting around their own dinner table all night i.e. not much mixing going on. It was hard to be sociable. The great thing about parties with alcohol is that people get a bit more relaxed, and the conversation then flows a little easier amoung those that don't know each well. I'm not just talking about me here - I'm talking about all the shy people at the party. I also have never found that alcohol at a party causes a bunch of drunk people. In my country we drink from young, so it's really no big deal to have free alcohol. People don't go nuts just because suddenly the booze is available! It's hard to explain what happens when there is alcohol - I just know that there's a different "vibe" to the evening.

Daytime events aren't really the same. I find that alcohol doesn't change a morning or afternoon event all that much.

And since kids' parties have been brought up - I have bonded with many a fellow parent while breaking out the beer or wine. There's something about a cooler of beer appearing that breaks the ice, even before any have been served! Those of us accustomed to drinking beer and wine will not get drunk on a couple of drinks, or even remotely tipsy - it's just an icebreaker for a group of parents who so far have nothing in common except for the fact that their kids go to school together. And if the parents already know each other well, and have partied together without the kids, then it's also natural for them to open a few beers together. Not because they NEED to, but because it's just what they do when they hang out together, and they like it.

When I have a kids' party I always gauge the crowd before any alcohol comes out. Sometimes I don't bring out any - I actually often brew a pot of hot tea and serve tea time food because that's how I socialize with my parents and family a lot, and it's a "cozy" way to chat with a group of moms. But if there are a lot of adults at the kids' party that I usually socialize with in a party setting, or there are dads there who don't "do" tea, then for sure I'll be offering them beer or wine.

 

[U2_rocks!]

LOL- what did people do for the whole reception if there was no music or dancing???

No kidding!

 

[Jennasis]

LOL- what did people do for the whole reception if there was no music or dancing???

We sat around and stared at each other all day of course.

The wedding was on my farm (horse farm) in August, in North Carolina. It was an outdoor wedding...well...the ceremony was outdoors, on my large lawn. The actual reception was held in my indoor riding arena (dirt floor). We decorated with hay bales and tulle and white bows on the horse's stalls and the fence and served NC BBQ. Essentially, the "vibe" (popular word on this thread) was like a family reunion or picnic, rather than a wedding. There WAS music. Dh and I had assembled over 5 hours of music (all our personal favorites) on a CD. I DID dance with my father and DH danced with his mother. But it was literally 99 degrees with a crazy humidity level. The heat index was close to 110 that day. So thank GOD we didn't have a DJ/band or any other kind of dancing.

My father, uncles and cousins (all from Long Island) have a garage band. They're all living their second childhoods now that they are in their 50-60's. They brought their instruments down with them and I made them a stage out of hay bales and they jammed all afternoon long while the rest of us sang along or occasionally got up and helped out on the tambourine/cowbell/lead vocals.

To this day, the family agrees it was the best wedding they've ever been to, including the $50K extravaganza's back in NY. And the attire for the day was "wear-whatever-the-heck-you-want". Most people dressed in summer dresses and dress shirts/slacks for the ceremony and then changed into bermuda shorts for the reception.

It was awesome/

 

[kimmikayb]

We sat around and stared at each other all day of course.

The wedding was on my farm (horse farm) in August, in North Carolina. It was an outdoor wedding...well...the ceremony was outdoors, on my large lawn. The actual reception was held in my indoor riding arena (dirt floor). We decorated with hay bales and tulle and white bows on the horse's stalls and the fence and served NC BBQ. Essentially, the "vibe" (popular word on this thread) was like a family reunion or picnic, rather than a wedding. There WAS music. Dh and I had assembled over 5 hours of music (all our personal favorites) on a CD. I DID dance with my father and DH danced with his mother. But it was literally 99 degrees with a crazy humidity level. The heat index was close to 110 that day. So thank GOD we didn't have a DJ/band or any other kind of dancing.

My father, uncles and cousins (all from Long Island) have a garage band. They're all living their second childhoods now that they are in their 50-60's. They brought their instruments down with them and I made them a stage out of hay bales and they jammed all afternoon long while the rest of us sang along or occasionally got up and helped out on the tambourine/cowbell/lead vocals.

To this day, the family agrees it was the best wedding they've ever been to, including the $50K extravaganza's back in NY. And the attire for the day was "wear-whatever-the-heck-you-want". Most people dressed in summer dresses and dress shirts/slacks for the ceremony and then changed into bermuda shorts for the reception.

It was awesome/

That does sound like an awesome wedding!! We have a century old barn that is so cool....but in need of repair. My dream was to have our wedding in it but it would have cost too much to fix it.

 

[U2_rocks!]

We sat around and stared at each other all day of course.

The wedding was on my farm (horse farm) in August, in North Carolina. It was an outdoor wedding...well...the ceremony was outdoors, on my large lawn. The actual reception was held in my indoor riding arena (dirt floor). We decorated with hay bales and tulle and white bows on the horse's stalls and the fence and served NC BBQ. Essentially, the "vibe" (popular word on this thread) was like a family reunion or picnic, rather than a wedding. There WAS music. Dh and I had assembled over 5 hours of music (all our personal favorites) on a CD. I DID dance with my father and DH danced with his mother. But it was literally 99 degrees with a crazy humidity level. The heat index was close to 110 that day. So thank GOD we didn't have a DJ/band or any other kind of dancing.

My father, uncles and cousins (all from Long Island) have a garage band. They're all living their second childhoods now that they are in their 50-60's. They brought their instruments down with them and I made them a stage out of hay bales and they jammed all afternoon long while the rest of us sang along or occasionally got up and helped out on the tambourine/cowbell/lead vocals.

To this day, the family agrees it was the best wedding they've ever been to, including the $50K extravaganza's back in NY. And the attire for the day was "wear-whatever-the-heck-you-want". Most people dressed in summer dresses and dress shirts/slacks for the ceremony and then changed into bermuda shorts for the reception.

It was awesome/

I'd enjoy a party like that! It would feel strange as a wedding reception (only because I'm accustomed to different), but as a party it sounds like fun!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

We sat around and stared at each other all day of course.

The wedding was on my farm (horse farm) in August, in North Carolina. It was an outdoor wedding...well...the ceremony was outdoors, on my large lawn. The actual reception was held in my indoor riding arena (dirt floor). We decorated with hay bales and tulle and white bows on the horse's stalls and the fence and served NC BBQ. Essentially, the "vibe" (popular word on this thread) was like a family reunion or picnic, rather than a wedding. There WAS music. Dh and I had assembled over 5 hours of music (all our personal favorites) on a CD. I DID dance with my father and DH danced with his mother. But it was literally 99 degrees with a crazy humidity level. The heat index was close to 110 that day. So thank GOD we didn't have a DJ/band or any other kind of dancing.

My father, uncles and cousins (all from Long Island) have a garage band. They're all living their second childhoods now that they are in their 50-60's. They brought their instruments down with them and I made them a stage out of hay bales and they jammed all afternoon long while the rest of us sang along or occasionally got up and helped out on the tambourine/cowbell/lead vocals.

To this day, the family agrees it was the best wedding they've ever been to, including the $50K extravaganza's back in NY. And the attire for the day was "wear-whatever-the-heck-you-want". Most people dressed in summer dresses and dress shirts/slacks for the ceremony and then changed into bermuda shorts for the reception.

It was awesome/

That sounds like an awesome day! (well except for the heat- I would have burst into flames! )

 

[Jennasis]

I'd enjoy a party like that! It would feel strange as a wedding reception (only because I'm accustomed to different), but as a party it sounds like fun!

THAT is exactly what we were going for. A terrific party...at which we just happened to be getting married.

I'll be honest...having alcohol there DID provide much more comic relief. I'm glad it was there.

 

[kimmikayb]

THAT is exactly what we were going for. A terrific party...at which we just happened to be getting married.

I'll be honest...having alcohol there DID provide much more comic relief. I'm glad it was there.

Some of my homemade apple pie schnapps would have gone great at your party!

The heat would have got me too.

 

[Jennasis]

Some of my homemade apple pie schnapps would have gone great at your party!

The heat would have got me too.

Like the fiery pits of Hades! We had those big industrial fans set up around the arena (I use them in the barn normally to keep the horses cool), and it helped a bit. My wedding favors were hand fans for the ladies and bandannas for the guys. I found most of the guys drenching the bandannas in ice water and tying them around their necks...like real cowboys.

Oh...and our free beer/wine/soda was kept in giant 100 gallon stainless steel water troughs (new ones...not used by the horses) filled with salted ice water (keeps the water colder and cools the drinks faster). Just a tip for anyone throwing a party. Learned that one on Mythbusters.

 

[juliana_sd]

DH and I just got back from a wedding where not even the soda was free. Geesh. DH had to run out an ATM during the reception just so we could have a drink with our meal!!

I've never heard of, or been to, a function where the hosts didn't at least include some sort of beverage, even if they wanted to do a cash bar.

Anyone else??????

I accidentally did this at my wedding. We hosted wine and beer (and there was water and iced tea at the tables) but apparently soda was part of the "bar service" and they were charging guests for it! I didn't find out until a few weeks later when one of my friends told me. I was horrified!!!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Like the fiery pits of Hades! We had those big industrial fans set up around the arena (I use them in the barn normally to keep the horses cool), and it helped a bit. My wedding favors were hand fans for the ladies and bandannas for the guys. I found most of the guys drenching the bandannas in ice water and tying them around their necks...like real cowboys.

Oh...and our free beer/wine/soda was kept in giant 100 gallon stainless steel water troughs (new ones...not used by the horses) filled with salted ice water (keeps the water colder and cools the drinks faster). Just a tip for anyone throwing a party. Learned that one on Mythbusters.

I have to say that my sister would have loved to have her wedding exactly like this. It really sounds like it was a great day!

 

[sha_lyn]

LOL- what did people do for the whole reception if there was no music or dancing???

Don't attend a southern Baptist wedding (at least in GA and most areas. One DIs'er insist that in VA that SB do dance and drink). A common saying around here is you can't dance on a bended knee (meaning you should be praying not dancing).
Receptions are just as I described before. A time for the bride and groom to receive/greet their wedding guest. Receptions here don't last long. Maybe 1- 1 1/2 hrs.

On and Church of Christ, doesn't allow musical instruments recording of instruments etc in the church at all. bride either walks in silence, or has a soloist or choir singing acapella.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Don't attend a southern Baptist wedding (at least in GA and most areas. One DIs'er insist that in VA that SB do dance and drink). A common saying around here is you can't dance on a bended knee (meaning you should be praying not dancing).
Receptions are just as I described before. A time for the bride and groom to receive/greet their wedding guest. Receptions here don't last long. Maybe 1- 1 1/2 hrs.

On and Church of Christ, doesn't allow musical instruments recording of instruments etc in the church at all. bride either walks in silence, or has a soloist or choir singing acapella.

Wow. I am not putting anyone's religion down but I could not imagine a religion without song.

 

[sha_lyn]

Wow. I am not putting anyone's religion down but I could not imagine a religion without song.

They have a choir, but no accompanying instruments. Actually sounds really pretty, but seemed very strange to me.

The sisters I was friends with got married within a few months of each other. The older one decided to have her wedding at her parents and had a methodist minister neighbor perform the ceremony so she could walk down the isle to the wedding march. The other sister was married in their church.

 

[Par8hed]

I just don't get these 1st birthdays with open bars (or any alcohol at all). Around here you just don't serve alcohol at a child's birthday party. The party is about the birthday child, not the adults and supplying them with free booze.

Note to self: Do Not Retire to Georgia

 

[disykat]

- but it just wasn't a party. It was just a social gathering, which really wasn't that interesting for those of us related by marriage who didn't know many people there.

Exactly! And there's the point that many here don't "get." Many of us want a gathering of loved ones, a church service, a social gathering. NOT a cocktail party.

Sure, maybe I'd be more interested in going to weddings of people I don't know if it were all about the food, music, and alcohol - who wouldn't? But I very strongly didn't want my wedding to be about the food, music, or alcohol.

I always wondered why my photographer commented that he'd never been to a wedding where everyone knew each other so well. My husband and I got married in my church - which was 400 miles from either of our families. I had met his parents and he had met mine, but neither of us had met some of each other's siblings until the day before the wedding - or aunts or uncles. Most of our friends had not met our families. Yet, it was a gathering of 150 loved ones joined together for one purpose. It wasn't a party.