Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[MaryAnnDVC]

We did not have an open Bar at our wedding. I had Wine on the tables a champagne toast and Soda water tea and Coffee. I am sorry that people feel it is the Bride and Grooms responsibility to have to get people Drunk. I would NEVER expect an open bar at a wedding.

I don't "get drunk", nor does my husband. But I will likely have a drink at a wedding or other celebration, and he'll have a couple of beers. Nor did we feel it was our "responsibility to have to get people Drunk" at our wedding. Anymore than I felt it was our "responsibility" to make people fat by providing food. It's about hosting an event and providing for invited guests without it being their responsibility to help pay for it.

 

[kpm76]

Instead of having a cash bar, if you cannot afford to serve alcohol, why not just have a "dry" reception? Or just beer and wine, no hard liquor? I wouldn't blink and eye if I went to a dry reception, but I find it annoying to discover a cash bar at an event. Don't throw a party you cannot afford, and if you cannot afford alcohol, then just don't serve it, please don't provide it for an additional fee. I just find it tacky to ask guests to contribute to the event in that blatent a fashion.

That would be a great solution if everyone felt that way....unfortunately, the NY/NJ/CT relatives balked at the idea of us serving only beer, wine and soft drinks. We were asked by DH's step-mother what we would do if their friends wanted a martini?? Here's the deal.....we could have afforded an open bar....we chose not to have one for a variety of reasons. The money we saved is in our DD's private education account. Just because you can afford something doesn't mean you should or have to do it. Every party we host is not a lavish 4 course meal with top of the line wine. There is just this expectation of what a wedding should be from some people and that I just don't understand.

 

[ameraumi]

I am asking honestly here:

Let's say a reception is held at a facility that is open to the public (our country club members) at the same time the reception is going. The bride & groom only offer X to drink, but there is a bar in another section of the building. No mention of this was made, but others found out and went to get drinks. It is technically not a cash bar as it was not offered that way. Is that tacky as well?

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Nope CT folks are too!!!

Sorry to leave you out...should have known better too-we have friends in SW CT.

 

[gina2000]

I'm from Joisey. I've never seen a cash bar, never seen a tip jar on a bar, and never seen less than a cocktail hour and three course (often 4) meal at a wedding. I've also rarely seen a DJ and almost always have heard a live band playing at a wedding. One relative had a simple but lovely cocktail hour with light hor d'oeuvres and champagne. We didn't expect it and were starved at the end of the wedding. I wouldn't mind going to cocktail hour weddings and skip the meal entirely. But it's not our way.

My understanding is that the host has already tipped the waitstaff and the barstaff. No tip jars. I've slipped a bartender or two extra money but I've never seen a tip jar.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I am asking honestly here:

Let's say a reception is held at a facility that is open to the public (our country club members) at the same time the reception is going. The bride & groom only offer X to drink, but there is a bar in another section of the building. No mention of this was made, but others found out and went to get drinks. It is technically not a cash bar as it was not offered that way. Is that tacky as well?

no.

 

[froglady]

I am asking honestly here:

Let's say a reception is held at a facility that is open to the public (our country club members) at the same time the reception is going. The bride & groom only offer X to drink, but there is a bar in another section of the building. No mention of this was made, but others found out and went to get drinks. It is technically not a cash bar as it was not offered that way. Is that tacky as well?

This was the case at my reception, and many receptions I have attended. If guests were not satisfied with what was being served, they could walk to the public bar and purchase a drink. Or I could have gone to the extra expense of having a private open bar set up in the same room as the reception. But a limited variety of pre-dinner cocktails, beer, wine, champagne toast, soda, tea, coffee, milk & water were provided.

But it was still not an open bar, as in any drink under the sun, but rather, a cash bar, for anything not provided.

I can remember some functions with an open bar where people (usually 20 somethings) would spend the night trying to stump the bartender. They would ask for some fancy mixed drink, take a couple of sips, decide they didn't like it, then ask for something different.

 

[ameraumi]

Ok, that is how a lot of the receptions here are, including my own. I refered to it as a cash bar and maybe I shouldn't have.

 

[rgf207]

From the Northeast here. Our wedding was completely open bar. I have been to weddings where there was a cash bar. I didn't buy any alcohol because I didn't need to. I was OK. I would rather have open bar, but hey who wouldn't.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I don't "get drunk", nor does my husband. But I will likely have a drink at a wedding or other celebration, and he'll have a couple of beers. Nor did we feel it was our "responsibility to have to get people Drunk" at our wedding. Anymore than I felt it was our "responsibility" to make people fat by providing food. It's about hosting an event and providing for invited guests without it being their responsibility to help pay for it.

ITA...I love all the excuses for not having open bar that are supposedly non-money related, when in reality if it was FREE, everyone would have open bar.

 

[Kitzka]

I am originally from MA (eatern near boston) and got married in Souther CT (near New haven). We had an open bar but I know my MA relatives and friends were in shock that we had an open bar with house liquor. I know it's talked about as being show offy. But it was included with the price as it was the norm in that area.

I think the whole MA bar thing comes from their origins as a puritanistic society. Some habits are hard to break.

Lara

 

[gina2000]

ITA...I love all the excuses for not having open bar that are supposedly non-money related, when in reality if it was FREE, everyone would have open bar.

You need to reread Mare's quote. She DID have a cash bar....and here's the relevant comment...

It's about hosting an event and providing for invited guests without it being their responsibility to help pay for it.

 

[Fizzgig]

ITA...I love all the excuses for not having open bar that are supposedly non-money related, when in reality if it was FREE, everyone would have open bar.

Except Southern Baptists, Latter-Day Saints, Muslims, Hindus, and a few other religions... Oh yeah, EVERYONE would have an open bar, you're right.

 

[Quiksilvr]

My understanding is that the host has already tipped the waitstaff and the barstaff. No tip jars. I've slipped a bartender or two extra money but I've never seen a tip jar.

At our wedding a 20% gratuity (on everything) was added to our final bill from the resort. I certainly hope nobody was tipping the barstaff any extra. I didn't really go near the bar during the reception so I don't know what was going on.

 

[Quiksilvr]

Except Southern Baptists, Latter-Day Saints, Muslims, Hindus, and a few other religions... Oh yeah, EVERYONE would have an open bar, you're right.

This is quite true. I have some LDS family and they don't even like going to places where alcohol is served much less drink any of it.

 

[hentob]

At our wedding a 20% gratuity (on everything) was added to our final bill from the resort. I certainly hope nobody was tipping the barstaff any extra. I didn't really go near the bar during the reception so I don't know what was going on.

I was thinking the same. The barstaff is tipped.

 

[MontanaZoo]

I was at a baptism where there was open bar before dinner and then cash bar after dinner, including soft drinks. I thought it was completely tacky. Why not just cut the event short then instead of having the band play after dinner with dancing?

I would never ever pay for my child to attend a birthday party. Isn't that why you bring a gift?

Sorry, haven't caught up on all the pages of this thread yet, but just had to ask. Is it typical everywhere else to have a big party like that for a baptism with a band and a bar? Here baptisms are usually family/close friends if they go to your church and then a cake and a meal usually at home. Maybe a bbq.

Just for the record, most of the weddings I've been to have been free punch/water/tea/coffee (ok, we're not huge iced tea drinkers out here) and then cash bar including pop. A LOT of times it's only cake/punch reception.

I went to one wedding that was potluck. It was my uncle's...that kind of took us all by surprise and a lot of people considered it their gift to the couple. I was very happy for them, there was a lot of hard luck on both sides before finding each other.

I went to another reception that was beer and nachos - I do think the beer was free though

 

[Quiksilvr]

Sorry, haven't caught up on all the pages of this thread yet, but just had to ask. Is it typical everywhere else to have a big party like that for a baptism with a band and a bar? Here baptisms are usually family/close friends if they go to your church and then a cake and a meal usually at home. Maybe a bbq.

Just for the record, most of the weddings I've been to have been free punch/water/tea/coffee (ok, we're not huge iced tea drinkers out here) and then cash bar including pop. A LOT of times it's only cake/punch reception.

I went to one wedding that was potluck. It was my uncle's...that kind of took us all by surprise and a lot of people considered it their gift to the couple. I was very happy for them, there was a lot of hard luck on both sides before finding each other.

I went to another reception that was beer and nachos - I do think the beer was free though

I've never been to a baptism that involved a live band. I've never even heard of such a thing until I read this thread. I don't know if it's a regional thing or a religion-specific thing but it's not something that happens in the protestant faiths in my hometown.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Sorry, haven't caught up on all the pages of this thread yet, but just had to ask. Is it typical everywhere else to have a big party like that for a baptism with a band and a bar? Here baptisms are usually family/close friends if they go to your church and then a cake and a meal usually at home. Maybe a bbq.

I've never been to a baptism with a band or bar. Our family is mixed Roman Catholic & Episcopalian, although I really think ethnic background and not always religion plays a part in how you celebrate occasions too. For baptisms/communions/confirmations we do the get together back at the house or at a restaurant.

 

[MontanaZoo]

I've never been to a baptism that involved a live band. I've never even heard of such a thing until I read this thread. I don't know if it's a regional thing or a religion-specific thing but it's not something that happens in the protestant faiths in my hometown.

Yes, I'm one of the protestant faiths too, maybe it is a religion-specific thing.