Have you been to a funeral for a child?

[browneyes106]

When I was 15 one of my friend's 10 month old nephew died due to a heart problems. I only went to the rosary and it was sad and most people cried there.

 

[Hidden_Mickey]

I went to one for an unborn boy. The funeral was the date of his scheduled c-section. At the very last pre-surgery OB check up there was no heartbeat. The tiny white coffin just broke my heart, and I'm no softie. I really could not imagine being in the parents' shoes. I was supposed to go to work afterward but just couldn't. I also had a friend who lost two sets of twins at 5 months of pregnancy, one set of girls, then one set of boys, about a year apart. I did not attend the services but they must have been horrendous. She does have 2 beautiful boys now though. I also have a soft spot for kids now that I have them. I never cried at movies before! I really shouldn't watch the news because any time a young person dies my mind goes into overdrive thinking about my kids. The car accident on the Taconic was just awful. My heart goes out to those who have lost kids. My mom died when I was 2; she was 22. My grandma has never gotten over it.

 

[Justanopinion]

The youngest I have been to a funeral for was my nephew who was 14 months old. That was 7 years ago.

It was hard on so many different levels. But we were/are strong for each other as family.

My SIL has never been able to go to his gravesite. My brother does go occasionally, the live out of state now, and when he is in town and can get away from his wife and daughters he does go. My mom and I are pretty much the only ones that go though.

It is hard but faith will get you and the family through this. It won't be easy though.

Less than 2 weeks ago we also attended the funeral for a 19 year old. My DH commented to me then, he said his preacher dad always told him, when you see a really long procession, you know it's a child. Older people out live so many of their friends. But when it's a child, everyone always attends.

 

[~disneydiva~]

3. 1st one when I was 9. It was my baby sister who had been born 3months early. She was 6 months old. I only got to see her 3 times since she was in the hospital the whole time. The second one was my mom's cousin's baby. They were all in a car wreck and he was the only one the didn't survive. He was 7 months. The third was my Aunt's baby. He was born early and passed away a few hours later. That was when I was 17. They were all extremly hard. I remember following my mom out of the funeral home at her cousins baby funeral. It was so hard on her .

 

[pilesoflaundry]

To everyone in this thread. How sad these stories are. My cousin died when I was younger, my parents wouldn't let us go to the funeral. It tore the whole family apart. Her parents ended up divorced, the retreated away from the entire family because it was too painful to visit and remember her being there. I didn't see my other cousins anymore (her siblings) it was just so hard on the family .

My parents went and said it was awful. She got very sick very fast and died, they still aren't sure what exactly caused it, she was 15.

 

[Nancyg56]

I have been to one, for a four year old little boy. That little casket . I pray I never need to attend another one. My heart breaks for the parents.

 

[LindaM]

Yes I have, 9 years ago this month we were on our way home and heard breaking news on the radio, two boys slipped down a slope into a canal. Sadly one of the boys was our nephew, he just turned 7 the week prior. His father was not a part of his life and DH took on that role proudly, he still is very much affected by it. The day after our nephew was buried, the other boy's funeral took place, we went to that funeral as well. So two funerals for 2 7year olds in one week one of the saddest weeks of my life.

 

[Micca]

Went to two funerals for kids one summer many years ago. Very sad.

 

[java]

Yes I have. And yes it's very sad and uncomfortable. However, my sadness isn't 1/10th what the parents of that child are feeling. I suck it up and attend. If my attending can help them in any tiny way- you bet I am going.

 

[C.Ann]

An 18 month old; a 5 year old; an 8 year old; a 13 year old; and a 17 year old.. All open coffins - and probably the most difficult things I have ever had to do in my entire life.. I hope and pray I never, ever have to go to another child's funeral as long as I live..

 

[CathrynRose]

A good friend of DS17's died 3 years ago and a good family friend lost their high school senior. Those were HORRIBLE to attend, I can't imagine a 1 year old.

My son's friend from 6th grade, passed away at age 17 - December 2007. It was terrible. Just awful.

The emotions, from not only the family, but a funeral home filled with 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 year old's was gut wrenching. I couldn't turn my head anywhere, and not see a poor child sobbing for the loss of their friend. It was just terrible.

The boys 'baby' - his car - was parked in the circle drive way in the front of the home - one of the rooms in the funeral home had everything - EVERYTHING you could imagine from his childhood. School pictures from Kindergarten on up. His birth was playing on a DVD on a laptop, with his Mom holding him at the end. His soccer equipment, just everything.

UGH! Just thinking about it makes me cry again. It was just terrible.

We still have his 'marks' on my wall, in my kitchen. We would always mark off any friend who came over's height.

Just terrible and tragic.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

The youngest I've been to is a 15-year old, and it was my friend. She passed tragically this past May.

It was undoubtedly the hardest thing I've ever done. There was a 2+ hour wait to get into her wake--half an hour before visiting hours even STARTED. It was so heartbreaking.

I can't imagine how it must be with an infant

ETA: It was a closed-casket wake/funeral because of the state of the body (she was hit by a bus).

 

[coolbeans]

I've been to one, he was 5 just into kindergarten. I've never cried so hard. It was awful.. that tiny casket, he wore a suit, like a little man with his scout's stuff and a few misc stuffed animals with him. I will never forget his little face and hands, he looked like he was sleeping.. like an angel. which he was.

I hug my little ones tighter now because of him.

 

[Minnie&Nana]

java posted: Yes I have. And yes it's very sad and uncomfortable. However, my sadness isn't 1/10th what the parents of that child are feeling. I suck it up and attend. If my attending can help them in any tiny way- you bet I am going

.

java, thank you so much...yours is an unusual and tender heart of understanding.

Dear friends, please remember the age of a child does not matter ~ she/he is some one's child and the parents just as devastated whether a newborn or 50 yr old. Please be sensitive to this...age matters not to the parent whose child has died.

Our son's funeral Mass was standing room only, with many guests having to stand outside the church. When it is a baby or young child guests come because they are drawn and feel terrible sadness for the family. When it is an older child, guests feel the same terrible sadness, but also come because s/he was much loved by many....and still, parishioners who do not know the family come because it is still some one's child, no matter the age.

The death of a child is the most devastating experience ~ a well known and wise Rabbi said that in our society we have a word for a child whose parents have died (an orphan) or a spouse - widow/widower, but there is no word for a parent whose child has died because it is too horrific.

 

[Sparx]

i've been to an 11 year olds funeral, and i was only a few years older than her. it was really devastating to me, becuase it put my own mortality in my face, at such a young age.

they're incredibly sad, and it almost looks...wrong. to see someone so small and young lying there. it just doesn't make sense when you see it, and that makes it more traumatic.