Grrr...RANT...warning!UPDATE--Pg2

[UrsulasDaBomb]

Grrr...I am so ANGRY right now. Yesterday I went to a message board/chat for those who are TTC(trying to concieve).I asked a few questions,because when it comes to TTC I am completely ignorant.I thought all you had to do was have sex with your partner/SO and eventually you would be pregnant.NOT SO!!! You have to chart your BBT(base body temp) every day and go to the OB/GYN like 2X a month to check for fertility and if you're like me and have irregular cycles(sometimes 28 days,sometimes 36-40) and a high-stress job,you might as well <i>forget</i> about ever getting pregnant I was told.Plus because I am not willing to turn my LIFE upside down in order to get pregnant,several chatters called me selfish.I was told I wasn't fit to be a mother,let alone even THINK about getting pregnant.I was so upset and hurt by their comments that I had to leave the chatroom because I had started to cry.

Ok sorry...had to rant.Anybody else go through this kind of thing?

 

[shep]

We just stuck with the first part & put the rest in God's hands..

 

[Annie&Hallie'sMom]

No, but I am one of those going through infertility treatment. And yes, I am basically scheduling my life around my cycle. But I don't think you are selfish for not wanting to do that. It's your choice and that's that. Plus you never know what may happen...don't let some "baddies" get you down.

 

[bfeller]

So sorry that your feelings were hurt. You know what is right for you and what feels comfortable. Just hang in there and I am sure things will work themselves out.

 

[Kermit]

Those places will make it sound like you have to do all that stuff, but it's really not necessary for every couple. I started to feel like we had to go high-tech when we were TTC a few times, but then I remembered that high school girls get pregnant on accident every day, and they're obviously not taking Robitusin a few hours ahead of time and then standing on their heads afterwards.

Seriously, doing all that stuff will introduce stress, which decreases your fertility. I suggest that you start by just practicing a few common-sense, low stress tips that will increase your chances, and you can add all that other stuff later if you don't have good results. I'll PM you some tips that are easy. If you still haven't conceived after a few months, you can start doing all that other stuff. Visiting your doctor twice a month sounds rediculous to me. As long as you know you're ovulating, I don't see the point.

Good luck! I know you probaby hear this a lot, but relax if you can. Both of the times that I got pregnant (one with my miscarriage and once a few months ago), it was on accident. We were actively trying, but I was fertile when I wasn't expecting to be. The months that we did everything right nothing happened.

 

[mrsv98]

Ursala, that is RIDICULOUS!! I used to frequent a TTC board, but I have to say, many times I would leave for long periods because it would make me nuts. NO ONE has the right to tell you haw you handle TTC and that unless you give it all of your attention you are selfish. I don't know anything about your fertility history, but I would highly recemmend "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. It is an excellent book and will teach you more about your body and cycles than any health class you ever took. It is not just fot TTC, it is more about learning your own body and it's rhythms. I used it and conceived in 6 months (which at age 34 wasn't bad)...a friend of mine used it and conceived in 1 month, boy was she surprised! Yes, you do take your temp every am before you get out of bed, but if you get a digital, it only takes a min. Charting is good, especially if you are irregular, but again, takes very little time to do. In fact, I had a computer program that I used that made all the assumptions for me, all I had to do was enter my temp and it gave me all sorts of info. My mom likes to tease me about using a comp to get pg!

ANyway, don't let people get you down, just be yourself and *try* not to obsess! Also, unless you are really comfortable once you are pg, then I wouldn't go near any of those boards. Whenever anyone had trouble or hit a milestone like feeling the baby move, it made me NUTS!

Good luck!

 

[Dan Murphy]

UDB, there are mean spirited people on all boards I think, lord knows the DIS has its few also. I know of the 'scheduling' you speak of, adoptive parents we are, though multiple monthly visits to doctor seems a bit much. Just wanted to pass on a {hug]} to you this morning.

 

[Disney Doll]

Sorry your feelings were hurt. It's a difficult process. DH and I tried for several years to conceive, with no luck, but I, like you, was not willing to plan my entire existence around my monthly cycle.It was bad enough when we were doing the in vitros that we had to plan things around med times etc. I often wonder if all the focus didn't hurt more than it helped.

Do what's right for you, and if it is meant to be, it will be.If it's not meant to be, then eventually the reasons why it was not meant to be will be revealed to you. The universe unfolds as it should.It took me a LONG time to come to this level of acceptance, but you will get here too.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Most of those women on the TTC boards have been in the "Trying" phase for years. Some of them have extremely heartbreaking stories of infertility and multiple miscarriages. I have a feeling that you probably hit on a sore spot with more than a few of them.

You've only been trying for about a month now. If I were you I'd go the the Gynecologist once for an exam and advice. Also maybe a prescription for a good Prenatal vitamin with lots of folic acid.

You can start thinking about the more complicated procedures and techniques after a year or so if you still aren't pregnant.

 

[UrsulasDaBomb]

Thanks guys...they just really got to me.It's bad enough that I'm already*counts on fingers*10 days late and craving ranch dressing on everything,but I've also been crying over the slightest thing lately too.Makes me think I am but I'm afraid to think that I am after that last big 'scare' where I was without good ol Auntie Flow for nearly 3 straight months.I have a busy life,retail is never an exact thing...my schedules change from week to week so I never know when I"ll be working and with DH in retail too,it makes finding time to 'do the deed' let alone schedule a gyno appointment darn near impossible!!I've thought about reading that book,"Taking Charge of YOur Fertility" but the website I went to had portions of the book ont he website and from what I read,it's horrifying!Espec to someone like me who barely has time to DIS,let alone keep track of her cycle!Up until now,it's just been something that happened every month and I had a general idea of when it's supposed to happen but if it was late I was never really all that worried.I guess now I should worry,since I was told that having irregular cycles means you almost never ovulate and if there's no egg,there can't be a baby.It's all very frustrating,esp if you're like me and used to getting what you want on the first shot.Grr...makes me want to rend things I swear.
BUT I will try to calm down and let nature take it's course.Honest.

 

[disykat]

Here's a thought. If you don't want to do that stuff (why would you if you just started thinking about this?) stay off those boards.
They are for people struggling with infertility.

 

[UrsulasDaBomb]

diskat...how was I supposed to know that? All I had were some questions that I thought maybe could get answered there.*feels like crying now*I'm sorry....I made a mistake and I swear it's one I"ll never make again.I'm just a fertility idiot...

 

[tiggerlover]

{{{HUGS}}} Ursala, a PM is on its way to you now.

Debbi

 

[Kallison]

Are you having infertility problems or are you just trying to conceive? You can purchase over the counter kids to tell when you are ovulating and have fun! If you don't get pregnant within a reasonable amount of time, which for me would be about 6 months, then you should have a full work up by your Ob-gyn to see if there are any problems and DH too. Good luck!

 

[UrsulasDaBomb]

Thanks,tigger and Kallison.
We don't know if we should wait six months and then go see a dr or if we should go right now(as the chatters suggested)because I've always had irreg cycles and we've not been on birth control for almost 3 1/2 years.I just don't know...I'm trying not to get stressed out but when you are as easily frustrated by this stuff as me it's easy to do. I thought getting pregnant was supposed to be easy...after all teenage girls do it every day,don't they? And DH and I are young and in fairly good health,so why shouldn't it be easy for us? I guess if we got pregnant easily,we'd just upset everybody who's had infertility issues and then everybody would be angry with me...I just can't win!If I don't have a kid,I"m a freak but if I get pregnant easily...a whole other group of people are pissed off at me...what's a girl to do?

 

[bsnyder]

I'm like browneyes....got pregnant on the pill and had two kids within 15 months. I've also dealt with the other extreme and had to have IVF to concieve child #3.

Ursula, I would recommend tbat you go ahead and make an appointment to see your regular OB-GYN. It can't hurt to have a check up, and maybe the doctor can put your mind at ease a little bit.

 

[goofygirl]

Wow, those TTC people were rough on you!

Well, you're always be welcome back into the childfree camp if you should decide to come back to us


Seriously, dont stress. The best way to live life is not to give a damn what other people think.

 

[fireplug]

YO URSULA,
tell us da address of dem udder guys board and we'll go talk some smack wid'em and show dem da error of dere ways.

Seriously, don't get down. Take the advice from those on this thread that mean well and ignore those that don't.

I hope everything works out for you and your family eventually begins to grow

Steve

 

[ckr]

"You can purchase over the counter kids"

You take ALL the fun out of it!! LOL!!

Seriously though, one tidbit of advice for TTC. Every Other Day -- "like it or not" I told my DH! The "old guys" get their 48 hours shot at success (I recall reading that is their life span once "called into action") and the "new guys" get a chance to "load the cannon" for the "next shot".

Worked for us.

Good Luck.

 

[noel]

I'm sorry you had a negative experience on a TTC board. I certainly hope that things work out and you are able to achieve a pregnancy and have a healthy baby. I would seek the aid of a Dr at this point, just to make sure you are on the right track, especially since you have a history of irregular cycles. Make an appointment TODAY...

I certainly am not defending the actions of the posters on the other board/chat room. Most couples/women have their limits that they are willing to put on their quest to have a baby. But because of the emotional, physical and even financial toll that infertility can take on a couple, often times they'll get bitter and have a had time understanding why someone else wouldn't want to go to the lengths that they have to try and have a baby. Also women dealing w/infertility arm themselves w/as much info as they can about their bodies and how our reproductive systems work, so sometimes they forget that not everyone knows as much as they do about our "parts" and tend to think they are Jr Gynocologists.

Not all couples are like that, it's just been a general observation I've made and even how I've felt at times, seeing as that after 3 IVF's DH and I are still w/out a child....and I'm only 30.

So whether you just want to know if everything "works" and it's just a matter of time before you'll achieve a pregnancy, or you're willing to do WHATEVER it takes to have a baby, it's not an easy thing to go through. And just because you're not willing to schedule your whole life around trying to concieve, it doesn't mean you'd be any less of a Mom IMHO.

I will tell you at first both DH and I thought only weirdos took fertility drugs and tried to make "test tube babies". But when we very quickly were given those as our only chances to even have a child, we educated ourselves, and really did some soul searching and decided we really wanted to give it a shot. And yes, treatment does require to pretty much stop your regular life and concentrate on getting pregnant, but not at the stage you're still in. Heck, there's still some fun involved in trying to make a baby right???

I'm sorry those other folks berated you like that. It's not fair to you, when you're just now trying and really learning what this is all about. Good luck to you and pm me if you have any questions.