Girls Night

[poohluvrs]

Just curious how much time you married ladies spend w/ your girlfriends? Ive noticed lately I may be resenting DH (who is wonderful), but he goes to the gym or walks every a.m. w/ his good friend, & is self employed & has many business contacts who are good friends, so he gets plenty of adult conversation during the day while Im home w/ the kids (not a complaint, just a realization I had)....

I feel the need for some girl time, not the chaotic play date type, but the kind involving make-up, pre-kids jeans, & a frenchtini or two...am I wrong, ladies?

How many of you make the time for this part of your life, what does it consisit of, & how often?
Thanks for the input

 

[Blondie]

I just recently started to do this. We meet about once a month for dinner and a movie. Over the summer months we cut back to allow for vacations and such. Now that school is back in session, we're back to our girls night out!

We're planning an overnight shopping trip here in a few weeks to some outlets in another state! We've got two suites reserved, should be a blast! I've never done anything like this before (without the DH and kids) and I'm really looking forward to it!

 

[goofinoff]

You absolutely need it!!! I go out probably once a week with my SIL and good friend. All 3 of us have 2 kids each and have different situations. I work full time, my friend works part time and my SIL is a stay at home mom. Although we all have different situations, one thing remains in common...we need our girl time! We had it before we had kids and we still have it! Sometimes it's dinner and drinks, other times it is shopping, or a movie. Whatever it takes! My DH and his friends have poker night at least once a week so I do not feel guilty in the least! And neither should you!! it is definately something to look forward to every week!!!! Have a drink for me, Sister!!!!

 

[disneymama73]

I don't get any girl time. I did make a good friend here on the DIS, and we go out and do things, but I always have at least DD2 with me, sometimes DDs 5 and 7.

HOWEVER, last January, I went to WDW with a couple of girlfriends for 3 days, and it was the most relaxing, best time I have had in ages. We are doing it again this January.

You are so not wrong for needing some girl time. We all do! I wish I could get out with the girls more than once a year, that's for sure.

 

[joats]

I have a few girlfriends that I get together for either dinner or lunch at least once a month with each of them (so a few times per month). I also go shopping, etc with my mom once in a while for the day. Both DH and I are supportive of each other having outside the marriage lives. Neither one of us is out "whooping it up" or doing anything crazy, but we at least get some individual time for ourselves and with our friends that are spouse and baby free. I may be a wife and a mom, but I also need "me" time. I highly recommend it!

 

[goofinoff]

Why don't you get girl time, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[disykat]

I think this is a very common problem among SAHM's - as well as with working moms in their off hours. In some instances dad can continue to go off without the kids, but when moms do it it requires an act of congress. My dh is a great dad, but I still had trouble with this issue. He could go off for hours with no guilt whatsoever, but I felt I had to rush everywhere to get back to my responsibilities at home. It wasn't even guilt he laid on me, I just sort of felt like I had made being a mom my full time job so I needed to hold up my end of the bargain. You also have society's view - people asking you if dad is "babysitting", etc. I had to force myself to do it without guilt.

I was also hard because when I watched the kids, we'd just continue as normal. Dh is a "one thing at a time" kind of guy, so nothing would get done during the time I was gone. He'd get behind on his share of the responsibilities and mine would be undone as well. (I never understood how a smart guy like dh couldn't take out the trash or make a phone call because he was watching the kids.) I'd come home to a mess, but didn't feel like complaining because the kids were happy.

It gets easier as the kids get older. The kids can be responsible for themselves and help with chores. I really feel no guilt whatsoever going off and doing my own thing unless I am leaving dh with the lion's share of parenting. I don't feel like I'm leaving them in a lurch anymore.

Reading this post makes it sound like dh is not a hands on dad, and nothing could be further from the truth. I really think the fact that as a SAHM your "career" is taking care of the kids and running the household, and it can make it seem that when you are gone, you're not doing your "job". I felt like dh got time off and I didn't. As I said before, it wasn't really about dh's expectations, but rather about my own guilt issues.

 

[JVL1018]

My girlfriends and I try to get together once a month.
Sometimes I'll do the big group thing and then also go to the movies or to dinner with one or two of the group during the month..nothing is set in stone, but if I need some girl time desperatly, I send out an emergency email and we plan something.

I also go away for a long weekend with a bunch of girls I met on the internet. LOL
We were part of an old pregnancy due in SEpt 2001 board and we've been together ever since.

 

[hpygrll]

I go out maybe once a month to dinner with a friend. I travel sometimes with work so that's my me time. Because of that I tend to get more me time than my DH.

Nothing wrong with needing that nor do we care if the other does it - we just don't do it that often.
Jenny

 

[Cantw8]

Actually, I think I spend too much time with my girlfriends I love being with them but we are all so close and live so close together that I see them and spend time with them alot. I love them, but sometimes I would just like to be left alone.

 

[poohluvrs]

Why don't you get girl time, if you don't mind me asking?

Sure! Its not at all that DH wouldn't let me, I guess more that I feel guilty taking the time for myself and leaving my family, despite that I know it would do us all good Im sure!

 

[poohluvrs]

I think this is a very common problem among SAHM's - as well as with working moms in their off hours. In some instances dad can continue to go off without the kids, but when moms do it it requires an act of congress. My dh is a great dad, but I still had trouble with this issue. He could go off for hours with no guilt whatsoever, but I felt I had to rush everywhere to get back to my responsibilities at home. It wasn't even guilt he laid on me, I just sort of felt like I had made being a mom my full time job so I needed to hold up my end of the bargain. You also have society's view - people asking you if dad is "babysitting", etc. I had to force myself to do it without guilt.

.

We are living parallel lives ITA w/ this...my DH is wonderful & always makes a point of correcting people when they say he's babysitting, that he's actually "parenting"!

I guess I just feel I need some "me" time, & am so thankful to the responses that let me feel not so guilty about it

 

[momrek06]

Mom's weekend away with the girls...twice a year we go away (Spring and Fall)...be it Maine, Cape Cod, Boston...for 3 days Fri-Sat-Sun. We have been doing this since the kids were little. We always look so forward to our girls weekends. When the kids were little, it also gave DH a taste of exactly how busy and crazy our lives are trying to fit all the kid stuff in between activities, meals, laundry and bedtime..I came back from every girls weekend being realllllly appreciated by DH. One time DH did a whole load of laundry and only used the Downy Ball and ruined everything (had even thrown in a wool sweater)...but I did not care...he attempted to at least do the laundry...DH said DS (mind you who was 4yo at the time) said "Mom always uses the Downy Ball"....ugh!!! DH also loads the dishwasher and puts it through BUT never empties it all weekend long...he takes dishes out to USE and puts it back in with the still clean dishes and runs it again and again UNTIL I GET HOME. By the time I arrive home, there are NO dishes in the cabinets and a totally loaded CLEAN dishwasher but hey, I got a weekend away!!!

And dinner is ONCE a month with the girls. We have a blast and while we are at dinner we take out our calendars and pick the next months date. I am the one that does the "reminder" email the week before we go out.

As far as the weekends away...while we are away, we always have so much fun, we eat, we talk, we drink, we share so much and not to mention LAUGH!!!

OP, please try to get yourself some time away. It will be good for the kids, for DH but mostly FOR YOU!!!

 

[goofinoff]

Sure! Its not at all that DH wouldn't let me, I guess more that I feel guilty taking the time for myself and leaving my family, despite that I know it would do us all good Im sure!

I find that I end up appreciating my family more and I also feel a sense of relief after hearing that other kids are acting up like mine or that other mom's have felt a little unappreciated, etc. It's important to have that connection with another female. I'm sure you have friends but you really need to make time for you! Lots of times we will get together after the kids are bathed and put to bed! If I lived near you I'd come over there right now and take you out! Where are you?

 

[Beth76]

Not often enough. I love going out with the girls. Unfortunately, none of my friends are interested in planning them. So if it's going to get done, it's all on me. I've planned several in the past couple of years. Ranging from just a dinner out to dinner and the theatre to two weekend trips. It's nice to get away, but it's difficult to plan and frustrating that none of my friends will take the initiative to plan one.

 

[Tracy Savage]

My girlfriend and I go to the north pole every year to hand deliver our kids Xmas lists. The kids think it's great and I always bring a special gift home, (hand made toy from an elf or sleigh bells from the reindeer). When actually we book a hotel near a major shopping area, shop our brains out, have a nice dinner,head back to the hotel for a martini or two then hit the hot tub to soak our over shopped bones! I highly recommend it. My ds just turned 9,and the Santa deal is wearing thin so I don't know what to do now!

 

[clarabelle]

I You also have society's view - people asking you if dad is "babysitting", etc.

That drives me crazy. I say "No he's not babysitting- he's PARENTING"

 

[MiniGirl]

I don't make as much time as I'd like I'd like, but I cherish my time with my friends. My best friend has girls that are the same age as mine (7 and 4). They are best friends, too, and that works out really well. I can go to her house (or her to mine) with the kids and we still feel like we have a great visit. the girls are off doing their thing and we're visiting in the living room or something. I often try to meet with friends in the evenings -- like after the kids are in bed. We can meet at 8:15 or so and still visit for an hour or so. My dh is great t putting the kids to bed, but her's isn't, so this works well for her.

Our favorite thing though has become our gdirlfriend weekends at WDW. We do take the kids though, but it is really great. We get 2 connecting rooms and put the kids in 1 room and we take the other. It is a great, great time.

Try to make some girl time. It really doesn't have to be much. even an hour or so can do wonders for you. It is so important.
Eva

 

[Ms Marigny]

I think this is a very common problem among SAHM's - as well as with working moms in their off hours. In some instances dad can continue to go off without the kids, but when moms do it it requires an act of congress. My dh is a great dad, but I still had trouble with this issue. He could go off for hours with no guilt whatsoever, but I felt I had to rush everywhere to get back to my responsibilities at home. It wasn't even guilt he laid on me, I just sort of felt like I had made being a mom my full time job so I needed to hold up my end of the bargain. You also have society's view - people asking you if dad is "babysitting", etc. I had to force myself to do it without guilt.

This is exactly how I feel! I am a new mom and SAHM (DD is 6 months old), and my life is verrrry different than it used to be. I used to have girl time quite often, mostly with my best friend and also with a group of girls I've kept in touch with from high school. Now it just seems like a huge deal for me to go anywhere without DD because I feel like I am slacking off in doing "my job". As soon as I leave the house, I start to worry and get anxious to get back home because I feel so guilty. I used to have no problems going out with the girls- on road trips, dinner, shopping, you name it- but now it just seems like an ordeal. I know I have to just get over it because now he practically shoves me out the door whenever I have a "girl's night"- I'm sure he enjoys alone time with DD and I imagine he likes to have the house to himself once in awhile. I just have to start forcing myself to get out more.

 

[sugarpie]

I think I just need some new friends because I just don't have that much fun with them anymore. My husband doesn't care if I go out, he actually encourages it, but I really prefer to be home with my family.