Girls at school spreading dangerous rumors (8th grade)

[mjkacmom]

I doubt the girls were saying he raped other girls. I think the term rapist was meant as an insult, not an accusation. It wasn't right, but many people don't think when they are angry, especially kids.

 

[Hikergirl]

If your son was not having a "Heated" political discussion in band, which is a totally inappropriate place to have such a discussion, there would not have been any fire, ammunition, nor reason to call him homophobic and racist. Nor would he have insulted the girls so much that they would feel the need to spread terrible rumors. Time to teach your son the golden rule that religion and politics are not discussed at work, school or other inappropriate places.

Do you think those girls should learn a lesson as well? They are the ones in the wrong here, not the OP's ds.
You have no idea the context in which the conversation was taking place.
My kid's school actually allows debate and conversations about the current political climate. When it gets to the point that people are name calling it would be shut down.

 

[sam_gordon]

How can we protect him at this point?

The bottom line IMO is "what can be done now?" I don't think much. Yes, I think the counselor should talk to the girls. However, you have no right to know if he did, what was said, and if there are any consequences.

I'm also with those who disagree, based solely on what you've posted, that the girls are "spreading rumors". I would tell your son to stay away from the girls and definitely don't talk politics. I highly doubt, again based on what you've posted, your son is going to be investigated for sexual assault.

I understand you're upset and why you're upset. But I think at this point it's a "let it go" and use it as a teaching moment for your son. IF something else develops out of this, my advice might change.

 

[momz]

What?

I agree, but I think your post will go over like a lead balloon as OP would prefer to blame the band teacher and the girls while trying to convince herself that DS was "only trying to defuse the situation."

DS was clearly a part of the discussion that got out of hand. He is guilty of that. I'm not sure where you get that i blamed the band teacher. All four kids that were involved are equally responsible for what each of them contributed. The girls contribution includes accusing DS of being a racist, homophobic rapist.

I am not saying that DS has done nothing wrong. He involved himself in the discussion.

That, however does not need to result in him being labeled a rapist.

 

[momz]

I'm confused by the title of the thread compared to what happened. Not defending the girls, but, from what's been described, they made the comment to the OP's son (in the middle of a heated arugment with only four people). Are they also going around spreading rumours? To me, these are two very different things (that should be dealt with differently).

Yes, they were spreading the rape rumor at school.

 

[mjkacmom]

There's something I wonder about.

Accusing the son of "going around raping girls". I wonder if that's related to Trump's statement at the Days of Our Live set back in 2005, and the girls conflating your son's "support" for the President with him being a racist, homophobe, and rapist because he defended Trump, or whether there is something else going on in the school regarding this rumor. I think that's worth investigating. I would assume it's the former rather than the latter, but it's worth keeping your ear open about.

This actually makes complete sense! I could easily see the girls using these terms to describe Trump, and therefore using those terms as an attack on the boy, who was defending Trump.

 

[Sabeking]

I doubt the girls were saying he raped other girls. I think the term rapist was meant as an insult, not an accusation. It wasn't right, but many people don't think when they are angry, especially kids.

Upthread OP said that the girls were saying that he "goes around victimizing girls" . Then she clarified victimized with rape because she wasn't sure she could use the word here.

 

[sam_gordon]

I'm not sure where you get that i blamed the band teacher.

I'm guessing from this...

Somehow, the band director is getting off Scott free for allowing this to escalate.

But others have the freedom of speech to destroy his reputation by spreading rumors that he is a racist, homophobic rapist.

Well, I guess you could push for slander charges against the girls.

 

[momz]

There's something I wonder about.

Accusing the son of "going around raping girls". I wonder if that's related to Trump's statement at the Days of Our Live set back in 2005, and the girls conflating your son's "support" for the President with him being a racist, homophobe, and rapist because he defended Trump, or whether there is something else going on in the school regarding this rumor. I think that's worth investigating. I would assume it's the former rather than the latter, but it's worth keeping your ear open about.

I think DS's political views are irrelevant, but for what it's worth, he was not defending Trump, and I'm not sure why so many on here think that he was. The girls were carrying on about Trump and the election. DS is not a Trump fan.

Again, I seriously don't understand why it is assumed he supports Trump and why it makes any difference regarding rape allegation.

Also, I would be surprised if these kids have any idea of what happened on Days of Our Lives in 2005. They might, but it has no bearing on whether or not DS is going around rapig girls.

 

[Southernmiss]

I think DS's political views are irrelevant, but for what it's worth, he was not defending Trump, and I'm not sure why so many on here think that he was. The girls were carrying on about Trump and the election. DS is not a Trump fan.

Again, I seriously don't understand why it is assumed he supports Trump and why it makes any difference regarding rape allegation.

Also, I would be surprised if these kids have any idea of what happened on Days of Our Lives in 2005. They might, but it has no bearing on whether or not DS is going around rapig girls.

Post #40 from momz
You hit the nail n the head here. You are absolutely right.

The four kids were discussing political issues that had to do with last November's elections. DS told the girls to give it a rest, Trump is in office and enough is enough, regarding them continuing to rehash the same arguments. That's when the comment was made. Something about his opinions not being valid because he is a "racist, homophobe" and he's be going around "raping " girls.

All of it is upsetting, goes too far and is untrue.



If the phrase "Trump is in office and enough is enough" is what ops ds said, I could see how that could escalate a conversation with 8th grade girls who were impassioned about what they were saying in an argument to say the vile things they said. Especially, 8th grade girls who don't properly know how to debate.

The question is, did it go beyond the discussion in the band hall. If it did not, then it becomes like tattling-he said, she said.

I understand as a mom that OP is upset by this, but as a mom looking in from the other side of raising kids this age, I think emotions are high and that the DS just needs to learn how to not discuss certain topics and ignore and walk away when conversations get heated.

 

[gotomu212]

Yes, they were spreading the rape rumor at school.

Are these girls now going around, outside of this band conversation, saying "Bob" rapes girls or was it something they said the one time in class? That, to me, is the difference between spreading rumors.

As far as how your son protects himself in the future- stay away from these girls, and in the future if someone makes a statement like that he should say "whoa that's really not cool to accuse me of raping someone. That's a really serious thing to say". I know you really don't want to hear this, but middle schoolers make these outlandish statements not as an actual accusation of rape, but as a throw away insult. It might be similar to how everyone used to be called "a big perv" when I was in school or when everyone used to say "you are so totally gay" as an insult.

Keep in touch with the counselor in case this escalates but this is probably the end of it.

 

[because]

..

 

[AppleDumpling]

If your son was not having a "Heated" political discussion in band, which is a totally inappropriate place to have such a discussion, there would not have been any fire, ammunition, nor reason to call him homophobic and racist. Nor would he have insulted the girls so much that they would feel the need to spread terrible rumors. Time to teach your son the golden rule that religion and politics are not discussed at work, school or other inappropriate places.

While I don't necessarily believe it's inappropriate, the girls are equally guilty. We don't know who started the conversation, and it might not have started out heated. It sounds like the boy was actually trying to stop the conversation from going further.

I really think it's a shame that our country is so divided right now. Of course we have the right to free speech and should also respect that right for everyone. Some may disagree, but IMO, its a good thing that young people are interested and knowledgeable about politics and government. They are our future. In a few years, these 14 year olds will be able to vote, and should be well-informed, not apathetic as many in previous generations have been. Is it appropriate to discuss in school? I don't know, but it's kind of hard to separate current events and history from politics. I suppose they should limit talk of this nature to a classroom, where a teacher can lead and monitor the discussion. I think OP's son has probably learned his lesson.

 

[jrmasm]

Yes, they were spreading the rape rumor at school.

How so?

 

[sunshinehighway]

It sounds like you don't really know what happened. There was some type of heard discussion and inappropriate things were said. While such an accusation is serious and you should find out what happened, I don't see where the girls are spreading rumors.
It sounds like young teens got into a heated discussion and being young teens they didn't know how to properly discuss their thoughts or how to properly end the conversation so it turned into immature behavior.
You need to be careful in listening to what happened and who said what.
I can say that there's been several incidents on these boards where someone has accused me of calling them things that I didn't. It's just how they interpret what I said (well posted) but it wasn't at all what I posted. Also, there's been times where people have posted outrageously racist, sexist, homophobic, or bigoted things and will insist there's nothing wrong with it.
Make sure you really listen and take the conversation as a whole.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I think DS's political views are irrelevant, but for what it's worth, he was not defending Trump, and I'm not sure why so many on here think that he was.

That's actually why I had "support" in quotes (although then used the word "defend" later)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Wrong. Hating President Trump, while fine, does not entitle people to label others as racist, homophobic, rapists. Totally unacceptable behavior that only serves to further separate those at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Also, your last sentence, what does that mean exactly?

Exactly. It is not easy out there. The labels out there are beyond the pale now.

Last sentence means that I am participating in voicing my concerns with my representatives. Government is never "over" it is an active body that I involve myself in.

 

[PollyannaMom]

...that they would feel the need to spread terrible rumors...

(italics mine)

Uh, no, nobody "needs" to spread rumors. They were arguing over one topic (and I'll fault all the kids equally for doing that in class!) but arguing over one thing is no justification to spread rumors about another! There is no "he made me say it" excuse. They were all arguing.

Sure, I'd teach the boy a more polite way to say "you've already used that argument" or "it's too late to change the election now", but I'd also be teaching the girls how out-of-control spreading rumors can get. Accusations are rape are way more serious than simple rudeness.

 

[ELKA]

Last sentence means that I am participating in voicing my concerns with my representatives. Government is never "over" it is an active body that I involve myself in.

That is your right as a US citizen, voicing concerns to your representative. I have done so myself and to congress representatives face to face. That last sentence to me felt threatening, why mention your age? The election is over and we have a President, Vice President and the required amount of Senators and Congress. I always had a problem with Bush II, that all the votes weren't counted and that the Supreme Court got involved, but I accepted that we had a President that I didn't care for, personally felt that he was unsuited for the job, acknowledged that he was our President.

 

[Wendy31]

W/o knowing exactly how the conversation went, I actually think what the girls said was a lot worse than what the boy said, &, as a mother, yes, I would be concerned if I thought some girls were spreading the rumor that my son was a rapist. That's a very, very serious accusation.

Politics aside, name-calling (especially the kinds of names that the girls called the boy) should never be tolerated. You don't call someone names just because he/she has a different opinion than you do.

I don't really understand how there could be any justification for what the girls said.

I think, within schools, there are excellent opportunities for kids to learn how to discuss/argue/debate rationally & respectfully. If the band director overheard the kids, he/she should have stepped in.

Middle school kids can get quite heated & idealistically passionate in their arguments. They are filtering through what they hear from parents, teachers, churches/institutions, & other relatives/friends as they begin to develop their own thoughts & ideals & feelings about different issues, but they sometimes don't yet quite have the maturity & wisdom to reasonably & respectfully articulate those feelings. (And, if you look at social media lately, it seems many of us adults don't always show maturity & wisdom either when commenting on different posts.)

I attended a small Christian school, &, in 7th grade, I remember having a very heated argument w/ a boy about whether or not women could hold positions of authority over men.