Funny Christmas songs

[Dismom+two]

I love "I Wanna Hippopotomus for Christmas". Did you know that song was sung by a 10yo girl? the local zoo(Oklahoma city?) used it to raise money--they raised $3000 and bought a hippo

I just heard this one for the first time the other day and I thought it was great! I agree, this one is a must!

 

[Virgo10]

I'm a Dr. Demento fan.

It's So Chic To Be Pregnant At Christmas

It's so chic to be pregnant at Christmas.
I feel like the round yon virgin of yore.
Cuz though I have a warm bed to sleep in
There's no room for me when I go to the store.

Cuz the aisles are so narrow and crowded.
Christmas shopping has never been such a pain.
Oops, here comes another Braxton-Hicks contraction
And I'm knockin' over knick-knacks again.

Ooh the salesclerks are so friendly this Christmas.
One said, "Oh, GOD, lady, don't have it here!"
Their discretion and manners go right out the door
When I and my stomach appear.

People like to put their hands on my fundus
And they want to know exactly when I'm due.
I say, "Why do you care? Are you plannin' to be there?
I could use an extra labor coach or two."

I am such fun at a party
Trying hard to get high on life
Desperately avoiding the smokers
And being introduced as someone's little wife.
(Chorus Not-so-little wife

No, I enjoy being pregnant at Christmas
Though my identity is draining away.
And if I ever get asked my opinion again
I'll simply smile and continue to crochet.

It's so biblical to be pregnant at Christmas
No matter what stories you believe.
And only suffer from gravid senilis
And heartburn and nausea and charley-horses and overwhelming fatigue and frequent micturation and varicose veins and swollen ankles and shortness of breath and that .. tired achy feeling in the groin.

But I won't be alone on New Year's Eve!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.


The Pretty Little Dolly

DEAR SANTA CLAUS:

MY MOMMY AND DADDY SAID THAT IF I WAS VERY GOOD,
I COULD HAVE WHATEVER I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS.

WELL, I WOULD LIKE A DOLLY FOR CHRISTMAS.
IT IS A VERY SPECIAL DOLLY.
I SAW IT ADVERTISED ON TELEVISION.
IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH DOLLY I MEAN,
I WILL TRY TO DESCRIBE IT TO YOU.

THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN SIT.
THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN STAND.
SHE WILL EVEN WALK AROUND THE ROOM IF YOU TAKE HER HAND.

THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN TURN.
THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN DANCE.
IF YOU FEED HER WATER THROUGH A TUBE, SHE'LL WET HER PANTS.

CLOSE TO FIRES......SHE PERSPIRES.
IF YOU GIVE HER A PLAYFUL SQUEEZE,
SHE WILL COUGH, AND BELCH AND SNEEZE.

OH THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY'S SO CUTE.
THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY'S SO REAL.
IF YOU TAKE HER OUT INTO THE SUN, SHE BURNS,
AND THREE DAYS LATER SHE'LL PEEL.

THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN SING.
THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN SHOUT.
HOLD HER FOOTSIES HIGH ABOVE HER HEAD, AND SHE PASSES OUT.

THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN PLEAD.
THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN BEG.
AND SHE SCREAMS IN REALISTIC PAIN WHEN YOU BREAK HER LEG.

HEAVY DRINKING, GETS HER STINKING.
ON HER BACK YOU CAN TURN A KEY,
AND SHE GOES THROUGH PUBERTY.

OH THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN WET. THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY CAN CRY.
IF YOU PUT A PLASTIC BAG AROUND HER HEAD...
SHE'LL CHOKE, TURN PURPLE AND DIE.

OH SANTA, REMEMBER YOUR PART.
DON'T BREAK A LITTLE GIRL'S HEART.
DON'T FORGET THIS CHRISTMAS, THE PRETTY LITTLE DOLLY IS THE PRESENT YOU MUST BRING.
REMEMBER THAT FAT BOY, BRING THAT KID, IF YOU WANT TO SEE NEW YEAR'S EVE.

The original version of this was sung on the Tonight Show and you can hear Johnny Carson laughing in the background.

The Chimney Song

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all night long.
Well, I waited up for Santa all Christmas night
But he never came and it don't seem right.
And there's something in the chimney
And it doesn't make a sound,
But I wish you Merry Christmas.

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all week long.
Well, the dog keeps barking up the chimney flue
And we don't know what we're going to do.
Cause there's something in the chimney
And it doesn't move around,
And it's been a week since Christmas.

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all month long.
Well, it's jammed up tight above the fireplace
Now the house smells funny, such a big disgrace.
That there's something in the chimney
And it doesn't talk at all,
And it's been there since last Christmas.

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all year long.
I'll been waiting up for Santa like I did last year
But my brother says, "He's already here."
And he's stuck up in the chimney
And he doesn't say a word
And he'll be there every Christmas.
And we'll have him every Christmas

 

[luckywife]

The 12 Pains of Christmas

 

[alldiz]

Adam Sandler "The Haunakah Song"

love that song.....

also

funny version of 12 days of xmas ..
kerri

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I love Bob Rivers, too - I've made my own Christmas CD with some of his stuff on it:

It's the Most Fattening Time of the Year
Police Stop My Car
Parking Spaces
All You Need is Elves
Buttcracker Suite
Rummy Rocker Boy
The Twelve Pains of Christmas
The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen
There's Another Santa Claus
Teddy the Red-Nosed Senator

And who can forget Spinal Tap - "Christmas With the Devil"

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Again, thanks for your suggestions everyone In my search I came across this on another board and had to share this not yet made christmas parodies..

Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and trees and Fire Hydrants and......

Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get me

Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder --- You'd Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, ...Maybe I'll tell You Why

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

Gothic/Morbid--Deck the Halls with parts of Charlie, fa la la la la la la. Pieces of his head and body..fa la la la la la...

TOV

 

[amy4bruce]

Dr. Demento has a CD of the greatest Christmas novelty songs. They include some that have been mentioned (Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, The Chipmunk Song, I Wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas) and some that haven't (Allen Sherman's version of the 12 Days of Christmas, Tom Lehrer's Christmas Carol, Stan Freeberg's I'm Gettin' Nuttin for Christmas [much better than Barry Gordon's]).

There's also a CD, probably tough to get ahold of, called Blame It On Christmas, which contains carols done in "other" styles - an Irish version of White Christmas, Frank Sinatra singing Away in the Manger about "the little cat, Jesus," etc. Very funny.

The Capitol Steps has a new Christmas album out, which is very funny but very political.

 

[debbi801]

The 12 Pains of Christmas

That song cracks me up no matter how many times I hear it.

Another funny one here in Maryland is Crabs for Christmas. (the seafood kind of crabs)

 

[JMD]

Dominic the Donkey

A Christmas Classic!

 

[simba928]

Don't know if this was said already, but my family loves "Merry Christmas From the Family". There are two versions (both the same, but diff. people singing) one is by the Dixie Chicks and its on the second Rosie O'Donnel Christmas CD (Another Rosie Christmas) and the other one I just heard yesterday by Cledus T. Judd. We listen to it every year on the way to my aunts house on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Its become some what of a tradition for us.

 

[laurajetter]

I can't believe no one has said The Muppets version of the 12 Days of Christmas, it's hilarious! Badump bump bump...

 

[Jrsy Boy]

Santa Looked A lot Like Daddy
by Buck Owens

Santa looked like daddy,
Or daddy looked like him.
It's not the way I had him pictured,
Santa was a' much too thin.
He didn't come down the chimney,
So momma must have let him in.
Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked a lot like him.

Well, they thought I was fast a' sleepin',
They thought that I was tucked in bed.
They never thought I'd come a' peepin',
Or that I'd hear what was said.
Santa put his arm around momma,
And momma put her arm around him.
So if Santa Claus ain't daddy,
Then I'm a gonna tell on them.

CHORUS:
Santa looked like daddy,
Or daddy looked like him.
It's not the way I had him pictured,
Santa was a' much too thin.
He didn't come down the chimney,
So momma must have let him in.
Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked a lot like him.

I never saw Dancer or Prancer,
I never heard the sleigh bells ring.
An' I never saw the Red Nosed reindeer,
Like they show on the TV screen.
But he sure brought a lot of presents,
So Santa Claus, he must have been.
And Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked a lot like him.

CHORUS:
Santa looked like daddy,
Or daddy looked like him.
It's not the way I had him pictured,
Santa was a' much too thin.
He didn't come down the chimney,
So momma must have let him in.
Santa looked a lot like daddy
Or daddy looked a lot like him.

 

[barbeml]

Eric Cartman singing "Swiss Colony Beef Log"

 

[sk8ingmom]

I can't believe no one has said The Muppets version of the 12 Days of Christmas, it's hilarious! Badump bump bump...

I love that one! Also the Muppet version of "Little St. Nick". Whenever we hear the normal version in a store or elsewhere, DH and I always insert our best Animal impression "RUN RUN REINDEER" into the appropriate place in the song.