Freaking Out about Appointment! **UPDATED #39**

[Toad_Passenger]

Okay, I've mentioned many times how bad my health anxieties are. Over the past few months I've been to my dermatologist so that he could remove some moles. These were all normal visits, and none were "impressive" as he said, and they were removed without incident.

Well, on Friday I had to call them to make a non-routine visit because one of my moles has had a noticeable change. Extreme anxieties have now kicked in, and I haven't eaten since Friday, and have hardly been able to move.

All I can think about is that this mole now fits ALL of the major categories and it is 100% certain to be a melanoma.

The appointment is tomorrow (Tuesday) at 10am, but I don't know how much longer I can last. As I said I'm so weak from not having eaten, I haven't been able to play with my kids because it hurts too much thinking about not being with them.

My mind is flooded with thoughts of all I will be missing with them growing up, including a WDW trip we just booked for next year. I've tried so many methods to calm down, but every pamphlet I read just reminds me of how much this new changing mole looks like classic melanoma, instead of easing my fears.

Sorry I had to put this on the boards, but I've still got 24 hours until the appointment, plus the week long wait for the test results to come back. How am I going to make it? I'm sitting at work right now, just staring into space, I can't even use "work" to keep my mind from racing.

 

[mjkacmom]

I truly hope you are seeing a medical professional about the anxiety issues, for not only your sake, but for your kids. I will have skin cancer someday, and have it removed, as had my mom and grandmother (very fair, many sunburns). I'm okay with it. Right now, skin cancer should take a back burner to your anxiety issues.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Okay, I've mentioned many times how bad my health anxieties are. Over the past few months I've been to my dermatologist so that he could remove some moles. These were all normal visits, and none were "impressive" as he said, and they were removed without incident.

Well, on Friday I had to call them to make a non-routine visit because one of my moles has had a noticeable change. Extreme anxieties have now kicked in, and I haven't eaten since Friday, and have hardly been able to move.

All I can think about is that this mole now fits ALL of the major categories and it is 100% certain to be a melanoma.

The appointment is tomorrow (Tuesday) at 10am, but I don't know how much longer I can last. As I said I'm so weak from not having eaten, I haven't been able to play with my kids because it hurts too much thinking about not being with them.

My mind is flooded with thoughts of all I will be missing with them growing up, including a WDW trip we just booked for next year. I've tried so many methods to calm down, but every pamphlet I read just reminds me of how much this new changing mole looks like classic melanoma, instead of easing my fears.

Sorry I had to put this on the boards, but I've still got 24 hours until the appointment, plus the week long wait for the test results to come back. How am I going to make it? I'm sitting at work right now, just staring into space, I can't even use "work" to keep my mind from racing.

You cannot calm yourself because you have severe anxiety with an OCD component.

So in essence your issue is OCD. That is not something you can "calm".

I do not know any strategies for dealing with medical OCD. You really need to see a health professional about your condition, you are in the severe category.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I'd like to offer come comforting words but I don't think there are any considering what you've said. I think this is above and beyond plain vanilla anxiety, for your own sake please seek out a counselor of some kind. Your level of suffering is way too high and out of balance with the situation.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Thanks for the responses. I know I have put off counseling for way too long, and it is definitely something I need to make a priority. It's very conflicting, though, as I want to get rid of my anxieties, but, currently, those same anxieties are telling me there's no point, since my appointment tomorrow is going to confirm the worst.

I've tried to explain things to friends and family, but sometimes I just don't think they understand what it is like to be entrapped by your own mind/thoughts. By posting here, among so many different people, I knew I would find some people who could at least hear me out. Thanks, again.

I did just manage to eat something. Someone brought donuts into the office, and I knew that I'd be able to eat a glazed donut. Certainly not the BEST choice, but I figured it was better than the nothing I was eating previously.

I'm completely braced for the worst tomorrow, or whenever the tests come back. Should they tell me that I'm okay, you better believe I'm calling my insurance company to locate a therapist ASAP.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I agree with pps about your anxiety. Sometimes hyper-focusing on something like this is a way of not dealing with other things going on that are real issues, so I agree with counseling. Also, there are ways you can help your mind calm itself when you are nervous, but you need to learn and practice them first. I'd be happy to show you how sometime if you want.

But to get back to today, you said you've seen the dermatologist in the past few months. If you had a melanoma he or she would have been able to see those changes coming in those visits.

And to take it one step further, even if it was a melanoma, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll die from it and leave your children motherless. I won't criticize those fears because I lived them for real myself. But the likelihood of that happenening is extremely small, so there's really no need to go there.

You hang in there. Oh, and stop reading about melanoma!!

 

[Toad_Passenger]

I agree with pps about your anxiety. Sometimes hyper-focusing on something like this is a way of not dealing with other things going on that are real issues, so I agree with counseling. Also, there are ways you can help your mind calm itself when you are nervous, but you need to learn and practice them first. I'd be happy to show you how sometime if you want.

But to get back to today, you said you've seen the dermatologist in the past few months. If you had a melanoma he or she would have been able to see those changes coming in those visits.

And to take it one step farther, even if it was a melanoma, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll die from it and leave your children motherless. I won't criticize those fears because I lived them for real myself. But the likelihood of that happenening is extremely small, so there's really no need to go there.

You hang in there.

Fatherless, in this case.

Actually that made me chuckle for the first time since Friday, so your unintended joke helped a little.

As to the advice on staying calm, I welcome any and ALL advice on that front. I've tried doing the 7-11 breathing that I learned from a (free) therapist in College, but that only works for so long.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks for the responses. I know I have put off counseling for way too long, and it is definitely something I need to make a priority. It's very conflicting, though, as I want to get rid of my anxieties, but, currently, those same anxieties are telling me there's no point, since my appointment tomorrow is going to confirm the worst.

I've tried to explain things to friends and family, but sometimes I just don't think they understand what it is like to be entrapped by your own mind/thoughts. By posting here, among so many different people, I knew I would find some people who could at least hear me out. Thanks, again.

I did just manage to eat something. Someone brought donuts into the office, and I knew that I'd be able to eat a glazed donut. Certainly not the BEST choice, but I figured it was better than the nothing I was eating previously.

I'm completely braced for the worst tomorrow, or whenever the tests come back. Should they tell me that I'm okay, you better believe I'm calling my insurance company to locate a therapist ASAP.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Fatherless, in this case.

Actually that made me chuckle for the first time since Friday, so your unintended joke helped a little.

Ha! Forgive me, Sir!

As to the advice on staying calm, I welcome any and ALL advice on that front. I've tried doing the 7-11 breathing that I learned from a (free) therapist in College, but that only works for so long.

This is something that you can do on a daily or anytime basis to help yourself relax. (It probably won't do you much good today, though you could try it. It's best when learned and practiced in a quiet place, preferably before you need it, at least at first. Later, you can call it up anytime, anywhere.) It helped me a lot when I was sick and I still use it today. Research shows that both the physiological (endorphins) and psychological benefits of this type of relaxation exercise last througout the day.

go to a quiet place and get comfortable, somewhere you'll be uninterrupted for a while, even if it's only a few minutes. Do something that makes is "special" - like light a candle, or an incense, and put some soothing music on (you can pick up a CD at Whole Foods in the Wellness section). Concentrate on helping your body relax. Do NOT let your mind wander into all your worries - just keep it in the moment. Choose something ahead of time that you will focus on. It might be your favorite vacation spot - maybe your honeymoon or a place growing up, it really doesn't matter as long as it's somewhere you love to be that's relaxing. Then put yourself there in your mind. Hear the sounds, feel the air, smell the scents, imagine the tastes, use all your senses. And again, don't let your mind wander, keep it focused on this and this alone. Enjoy the time. Relax. You will find the benefits of this last most of the day. And the more you do it, the better you get at it.

Here's a link which also helps explain it. http://stress.about.com/od/meditation/ht/focused_med.htm

This is also an excellent book to read and refer to: http://www.amazon.com/Wellness-Book-Comprehensive-Maintaining-Stress-Related/dp/0671797506

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thanks for the responses. I know I have put off counseling for way too long, and it is definitely something I need to make a priority. It's very conflicting, though, as I want to get rid of my anxieties, but, currently, those same anxieties are telling me there's no point, since my appointment tomorrow is going to confirm the worst.

I've tried to explain things to friends and family, but sometimes I just don't think they understand what it is like to be entrapped by your own mind/thoughts. By posting here, among so many different people, I knew I would find some people who could at least hear me out. Thanks, again.

I did just manage to eat something. Someone brought donuts into the office, and I knew that I'd be able to eat a glazed donut. Certainly not the BEST choice, but I figured it was better than the nothing I was eating previously.

I'm completely braced for the worst tomorrow, or whenever the tests come back. Should they tell me that I'm okay, you better believe I'm calling my insurance company to locate a therapist ASAP.

I'm right there with you. I was treated for anxiety many years ago, but it's crept back up to a really bad level and I need to go back. You can start with seeing your regular physician if you're more comfortable with that.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Fatherless, in this case.

Actually that made me chuckle for the first time since Friday, so your unintended joke helped a little.

As to the advice on staying calm, I welcome any and ALL advice on that front. I've tried doing the 7-11 breathing that I learned from a (free) therapist in College, but that only works for so long.

When it's really bad, make your body (or upper half, anyway) go as limp as possible. You can also slowly rub small circles on your jaw where your pulse is - that will help lower your heart rate.

 

[Micca]

Please consider taking care of that anxiety. No need to suffer through that with various remedies available. That'd sure be worth a doc visit.

Good luck tomorrow morning. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

I'm right there with you. I was treated for anxiety many years ago, but it's crept back up to a really bad level and I need to go back. You can start with seeing your regular physician if you're more comfortable with that.

I'd actually be okay with going straight to a therapist. My PCP would probably put me on a pill right away, and I'd rather not go that route. From what I understand, health anxiety is similar to OCD, in that a pill will just be a "band-aid." Apparently CBT is the only real method to shake the anxiety.

Let's hope for good news from the mole thing first, and then find out what lies ahead to get rid of my anxiety.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

All set. Please try it. I'd like a report back in a week after you've done it every day, at least once or twice a day, even if it's only for a few minutes at a time, to start. First one is tonight. Give this as a gift to yourself. Make time for it. You too, Liberty Belle.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'd actually be okay with going straight to a therapist. My PCP would probably put me on a pill right away, and I'd rather not go that route. From what I understand, health anxiety is similar to OCD, in that a pill will just be a "band-aid." Apparently CBT is the only real method to shake the anxiety.

Let's hope for good news from the mole thing first, and then find out what lies ahead to get rid of my anxiety.

For starters pills are NOT band-aids. They are 1 tool in coping with anxiety.

Some people can be on meds get therapy and then go off meds and be fine.

Others have to take meds their whole life.

And honestly do not go with a PCP for meds. Get a psychiatrist for that.

 

[java]

As a skin cancer survivor I will say relax. I have 2 friends that both went through melanoma and based on finding it early they were fine. (if you've been to the dermatologist recently don't panic) I had surgery and now a scar on my face- but much happier to have that than cancer.

I have to go in every 6 months to get the body scan. They are on top of it all. I will keep my fingers crossed that all goes well for you.
We have made it a fun trip as planning appointments together. Then we all go out to lunch. Takes the anxiety away.


I agree with those that say you should be taking something for your anxiety. You don't know at this point what your mole is. Panic isn't helping. People die of strokes more than melanoma- try to stay realistic.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'd actually be okay with going straight to a therapist. My PCP would probably put me on a pill right away, and I'd rather not go that route. From what I understand, health anxiety is similar to OCD, in that a pill will just be a "band-aid." Apparently CBT is the only real method to shake the anxiety.

Let's hope for good news from the mole thing first, and then find out what lies ahead to get rid of my anxiety.

True, but often times if the anxiety is bad enough, you need medication, at least at first to calm things down. That's the route I took and it did really well. I was only on xanax for two weeks and then Zoloft, which helped my anxiety. It wasn't until kind of recently that I've felt I needed something again.

 

[minkydog]

I've tried to explain things to friends and family, but sometimes I just don't think they understand what it is like to be entrapped by your own mind/thoughts. By posting here, among so many different people, I knew I would find some people who could at least hear me out. Thanks, again.

I'm completely braced for the worst tomorrow, or whenever the tests come back. Should they tell me that I'm okay, you better believe I'm calling my insurance company to locate a therapist ASAP.

How about this--don't wait for them to tell you anything, call a therapist TODAY. Clearly, this anxiety is crippling you. What are you waiting for? I suffer general anxiety myself, so I do understand how overwhelming it can be. For a long time I didn't treat it. You know, just tried to "gut it out." Well, that method doesn't work. In fact, my anxiety worsened and limited my life. Your family/friends probably don't know what to say. Mine didn't. And if you're continuing to have symptoms,but they dont see you trying to do anything constructive about (besides talking to them), then you can see where they'd probably feel conflicted about it. If they don't have anxiety, they can't even imagine what it feels like to be controlled by your thoughts and emotions. But that doesn't absolve you of your responsibilities to get appropriate treatment for yourself.

While I think you might benefit from talking with a therapist, I would also strongly suggest that you connect with a psychiatrist. Not because I think you're crazy or anthing like that. Psychiatrists specialize in anxiety disorders and other mental health issues. They are supremely educated in the various methods for treating your illness(because that's what anxiety is, a legitimate illness.) Family doctors are not nearly as capable as the specialist would be. There are medications available that might be helpful to you when your anxiety is getting out of hand.

Best of luck to you. Stop reading the pamphlets and quit searching the internet. You are catastrophizing and nothing good will come of that. Perhaps your doctor can give you some encouragement tomorrow when she sees your mole.

 

[Jennasis]

Hey there...from one hypochondriac to another!

For starters, if it is cancerous, you aren't going to die from it. They will remove it. Since you just saw the dermatologist a few months ago and the change is so recent, even if it was cancer, it can't have gotten too bad in the short time from the last doc visit till now.

Breath!

My dad hada suspicous mole/growth removed from his chest this year. The dermatologist didn't like the way it looked, but the tests showed it was completely benign. I think they called it a carbuncle?

Lastly, don't wait until after the apptointment to make a new one with a psychologist/therapist. Call right now...today. Having the appointment all set up and ready to go will start to help alleviate a little of the anxiety as you will have "help" all set up.

Go make the call.

 

[marlynnp]

Quote edited for length....

Okay, I've mentioned many times how bad my health anxieties are.

As I said I'm so weak from not having eaten, I haven't been able to play with my kids because it hurts too much thinking about not being with them.

My mind is flooded with thoughts of all I will be missing with them growing up, including a WDW trip we just booked for next year.

You need to make an appointment with a therapist now.

You are already missing your children growing up because you've become paralyzed with fear about a 'maybe' situation.

I had a friend with a hypochondriac mother. My friend was terribly hurt that her mother didn't do things with her and go to school events, etc. because mom was so self-involved and sure her time was up.