? For Parents of Teens / Cell Phone & Computer Use

[Tink888]

Just saw a segment on the news that said a study was done which found that the more time teens spend on social networking sites and texting, the more likely they are to engage in sex, alcohol use and other risky behavior at earlier ages.

So parents of teens with computers & cell phones, do you:

1. Set time limits on the amount of time your teens spend on the computer?

2. Set limits on the times your teens have access to their cell phones?

3. Ever read their texts?

We currently have no set rules at our house as there haven't been any issues yet but I will check texts from time to time.

Just wondering what others do.

 

[dislaney]

I haven't really set time limits. My kids use their laptops to write papers and help with homework. Also one of them does an online class. This makes it hard to take away computer time.

I do occasionally check text messages. I used to do it more when they were younger. I will take the phone away as a form of punishment but they still usually have their laptops.

 

[Robinrs]

I heard that this morning and said "duh?"

The more social a teenager is the more likely they will run into those things, it's a given. It's the exclusions no one wastes their times talking about, the ones who don't fit that category.

As for the rules, you know your child. Does he NEED monitoring? Doe he need limits? My Mom had all kinds of children and she knew who to monitor and who she didn't have to worry about.

My son is not a big cellphone person but I do check his computer usage. We once got a BAD virus due to his downloading a bad site and I made him pay for the removal, now he's more aware. I'm sure he's still peeking at things he has no business peeking at but he's going to be 18 in January and I guess he can do that.. I just don't want to KNOW.

 

[Trish Bessette]

My DD's are 17 & 14 - neither one cares for a Facebook account, nor Myspace for that matter. The only time they are on the laptop is for school work or my oldest shopping the latest fashions

They both have cell phones and do text - however not much. Neither have any time limits with their phones as they don't abuse using it.

For what it's worth my oldest does say that Facebook only promotes "drama" (from what she hears from her friends who have it) and she wants nothing to do with it.

 

[golfgal]

Sorry but you can find a study to come up with any conclusion you want. I am sure you could find one that says kids that have blue eyes are more likely to have sex or whatever you want.

Raise your kids right and you won't have to worry about this stuff.

We don't have any rules for internet or cell phones and so far all of our kids are just fine and none of them have had sex. The kids have learned to self-regulate their time. They know that if they spend too much time on Facebook they can't get their homework done and have to stay up late and then they are tired the next day.

 

[mjkacmom]

Not really. I might read ds12's texts, but he doesn't use his phone a lot, and he rarely uses the computer. Dd14 has a laptop, I'm her facebook friend, but never comment on her page - I think she forgot I'm her friend. Her grades are great, she's never gotten into trouble, and has really nice friends (I've known them since kindergarten, and know the parents as well).

 

[scrapquitler]

Just saw a segment on the news that said a study was done which found that the more time teens spend on social networking sites and texting, the more likely they are to engage in sex, alcohol use and other risky behavior at earlier ages.

So parents of teens with computers & cell phones, do you:

1. Set time limits on the amount of time your teens spend on the computer?My DD is 14. I don't limit how longs she spends online, but if I think that it is getting to be too much, I just tell her to finish up and get off the computer. It's not a big deal, nothing formal.

2. Set limits on the times your teens have access to their cell phones?No, but again, if it seems like it's getting late and she's texting her friends, I'll tell her to knock it off, its late enough, and she does.

3. Ever read their texts? sometimes. but they are boring, mostly LOL, haha, IDK, whassup? they don't seem to ever have REAL conversations. but she does know that I am going to randomly look, but its not like I"m spying on her, sometimes I'll just use her phone if mine is dead and I might look at a couple of texts (most often because she'll say, 'check out the picture that Madison sent me' or something like that)

We currently have no set rules at our house as there haven't been any issues yet but I will check texts from time to time.
Same here. She knows that if there is ever a question or an issue I'll be all over her, but until I have a reason not to trust her, then I trust her.

Just wondering what others do.

.

 

[eliza61]

My kids have/had strict computer time limits. Pretty much they can use the computer for homework and that's about it. We made this decision when they were early teens. some of our reasons where.

1) between video games and the TV, the last thing I wanted my sons to do is plop down in front of another mindless media. My sons are the type who could sit for 20 hours eyes glazed over if allowed to. When we go to disney we skip Disneyquest now, why would I shell out all that money to take them to a video arcade.

2) We wanted them to cultivate "live" friends. One summer my sons and his friends whined that there was nothing to do. this, beside the fact that there were enough of them to play a game and they had enough "sports equipment" to furnish a professional team. I really do believe thats because they don't know how to use their imagination. they have all these tools to "entertain" them that they did not know how to "entertain" themselves.

3) I've got enough worries about their safety without adding nameless knuckle heads hanging out on facebook and other media sites. We had one young lady who had a close call at my sons school. She befriended a "young man" who told her he was a student at the University of Florida, so they arranged to meet when she came down to wdw on her senior trip. Well the young man turned out to be a 36 year old convict drug addict. The girls roommate squealed on her (thank god). seems she had a brother who actually did attend U of F. and said some of the things he posted didn't add up.

My sons are now 17 & 19. My neice is 16 (we are her legal guardians when her parents died) not one has a face book page or an email account (as far as I know). My oldest son got an email account because his college required it. They don't miss it or so they say.

 

[mamacatnv]

Didn't/Don't regulate computer time nor do I stand over their shoulders.

Didn't/Don't regulate cell phone use except to say not at the table and not after bedtime.

Monitored (periodically) MySpace/Facebook with DS. DD is not yet old enough to have either and I have no inclination to monitor Club Penguin

Read texts every once in awhile if the phone was left sitting around when DS was living at home, when he left for college IMO it was no longer any of my business. Occassionally read DD's again when the phone is laying around, I don't seek it out or go looking for it.

I didn't read the article, the title had Hyper-Texting, did they define Hyper Texting???? I need to go read it but in truth its not of a real interest to me. "Studies" can come out with all sorts of outcomes depending on what one wants to know.

 

[DVCLiz]

Didn't/Don't regulate computer time nor do I stand over their shoulders.

Didn't/Don't regulate cell phone use except to say not at the table and not after bedtime.

Monitored (periodically) MySpace/Facebook with DS. DD is not yet old enough to have either and I have no inclination to monitor Club Penguin

Read texts every once in awhile if the phone was left sitting around when DS was living at home, when he left for college IMO it was no longer any of my business. Occassionally read DD's again when the phone is laying around, I don't seek it out or go looking for it.

I didn't read the article, the title had Hyper-Texting, did they define Hyper Texting???? I need to go read it but in truth its not of a real interest to me. "Studies" can come out with all sorts of outcomes depending on what one wants to know.

Hyper texting and the other "hyper" term had to do with amount of time spent. I think I remember it was three hours or more a day of screen time.

 

[RitaE]

Yeah, I'm not fond of these studies because they imply causation where I'm extremely doubtful it exists. Sex, alcohol and other risky behavior in the teen population existed long before Facebook. The Internet and text messaging doesn't cause them, they are simply something that most teens have access to in these times.

And highly sheltered teens have less opportunity to drink and fornicate so it isn't surprising that they do so less often. They also have less opportunity to learn self-control - as opposed to parental control.

I can check my son's electronic footprints - but I seldom do because he's pretty sedate. He's also 17 now, I was much more concerned when he was 13. At 17 I consider him to be near adulthood and not needing near as much monitoring. I expect him to make sound decisions on his own. His older brother was much more adventurous and that one warranted much closer parental observation.

 

[skater]

I'm not sure how accuate the study it, but we do have lots of limits on all technology. There are just too many other things to do !

 

[laurafergie]

My older kids got their cell phones when they were about 12ish - the age when they started to hang out at the mall or going roller skating. When they were younger teens, the thing for them was more the "instant messaging" like AIM on the computer.

I did not formally limit time on the computer, but we only had one, with everyone sharing, no one spent a hours on it. I did log the the AIM, so I could go back and read them if I wanted. The kids knew this, and couldn't figure out how I did it. I actually didn't read them much, very boring like a PP said.

My 11 year old does have a phone and does text - mostly to her older siblings. She also has an email address (mostly sends funny pictures of our kitty cats to her cousins) and again, I don't formally limit time on these - but she knows that I monitor and may check any at anytime. She asked me about a facebook account, because some her friends have it - but I said lets wait another year. She didn't seem to care about it, was just curious.

I guess just be AWARE of whats going on. Discuss things with your children. Too much of anything could be a bad thing.

 

[golfgal]

I'm not sure how accuate the study it, but we do have lots of limits on all technology. There are just too many other things to do !

Funny, our kids don't have any limits and have no problems finding things to do outside of texting and Facebook

 

[jsmith]

We had one-shared desktop computer in the family room when my children were at home-usage was limited by the fact that it was one shared machine. Im an It professional and i didnt want to be around computers in my off time-and it was a financial measure as well-college is ex*****ve and the money that would have been spent on personal laptops and TV's for individual bedrooms went into college funds. Not having a personal laptop didnt handicap either of them. They got a cellphone the same week they got thier drivers licenses-the week of their 16th birthday. I found that lots of their peers parents who thought kids needed laptops and cellphones at 12 didnt think that same kid was resposnsible enough to drive. I never monitored or limited texting as long as they didnt abuse it-if they were responsible enough to drive they must have some judgement. What works for one family wont for another-this worked for ours. My kids were not deprived -or stunted-we traveled alot and they are quiet well read. they also were not technology dependant.

 

[Buckalew11]

we've never had an issues with either.

 

[laurie31]

Just saw a segment on the news that said a study was done which found that the more time teens spend on social networking sites and texting, the more likely they are to engage in sex, alcohol use and other risky behavior at earlier ages.

My guess is it's really the other way around. Kids who engage in risky behaviors are more likely to be up to their necks in facebook drama and surfing the net for who knows what.

I don't think limiting their screen time would decrease their risky behavior (unless it was coupled with some better parenting overall - because THAT is usually the common denominator with those kids, although there are those who have great parents and choose to rebel, because, you know...they are teens).

Kids have been drinking and having sex long before there were computers.

As far as what we do with our kids, when they were younger, we literally did sit there and watch. Not because we were afraid they were going to do something "bad" but so we could teach them that those pop-up ads that claim you're the 1,000,000th visitor you have WON are LIES and they should never click them, and other things like that. We do not supervise closely like that now, but they know to never click on something unknown without asking. It's very rare now, but DD12 will still come get me and show me something and I'm all OMGOMGOMG inside (because I know it's a virus) and tell her she did the right thing by asking before she clicked.

I have read both girls' texts from time to time, but they are pretty boring. LOL.

The average preteen text conversation looks something like this:
what r u doing
idk
lol
c u l8r
k

DD14 is on Facebook, but she is only friends with her real life friends, and they talk about stuff they would talk about on the phone. She also keeps up with her cousin who is away at college. Despite their age difference, they are very close. However, they don't talk on the phone or even text often, but they "like" each other's stuff on Facebook, and write on each other's walls.

DD12 is not on facebook but many of her friends are, and they DO have the drama. (and that's one of the reasons DD12 is not on there, plus the fact that we aren't comfortable forging her birthday to register her - but that's a topic for another thread!). However, these girls are drama queens in real life, so I don't think going on facebook makes it better or worse, just more visible to lots of others. (and I think they forget they friended me and I can see everything they post- heh).

 

[Sorsha]

My guess is it's really the other way around. Kids who engage in risky behaviors are more likely to be up to their necks in facebook drama and surfing the net for who knows what.

I totaly agree with the above.

DD16 has a cellphone and her own laptop. She has her own Messenger account, which I don't keep tabs on, and her own Facebook page, which I do, by virtue of the fact that she "friend-ed" me a long time ago. So did most of her friends, so I keep an eye on all of them as well. I will, actually, go to her some times and ask "Hey, what's up with 'Mary Jo', she seems kind of depressed in her Facebook posts?" and she will tell me... we will talk about it, and how she might be able to help, and that way, if there's REALLY an issue, I can get 'Mary Jo' help if she needs it. So far its never been more than "Her mom made her break up with that guy she really liked and she's sad about it." but you never know...

DD16 does not have texting on her phone, none of us do. We have a pretty bare-bones cell plan to keep costs down, and that's not part of it. To hear DD16 describe it, she's the only child in the whole wide world to be deprived texting, but oh well, that's how it goes.

DD7 and DD9 have neither cellphones not laptops, though they do play on Webkinz and PBS Kids on my computer.

 

[Hannathy]

never had a problem with either and never put a time limit on. They are both excellent students and know what they have to do work wise and if they want to relax on the computer who cares?

My son will go in spurts Saturday he may play on the computer for 4 hours and then Sunday be out playing all day and not touch the thing.

I have never looked at my DD's phone or texts! Until she would give me any reason or cause to I consider that private.

 

[mamacatnv]

Hyper texting and the other "hyper" term had to do with amount of time spent. I think I remember it was three hours or more a day of screen time.

Thanks DVCLiz.......
Well crap, I am doomed, I can spend 3+ hours a day on social media, the web, my online food journal etc......let the promiscuity begin