Fodors.com has some tips from a flight attendant. A few of these are pretty funny (WHO steals off the drink cart?) but...
Things Never to Do on an Airplane
Here's more dish from the outspoken flight attendant I interviewed for last month's column. "Paul" gave me the lowdown on what it's like to deal with the flying public for a living, and vented about the annoying habits of certain business class passengers. So, for your flying pleasure, here's Paul's short list of Things You Should Never Do on an Airplane:
Never curse at a flight attendant. Flight attendants are protected by federal law, and assaulting them -- or interfering with their duties in any way -- can land you in prison for up to 10 years (the maximum penalty was raised after 9/11). Even if you are grumpy, just drop the attitude. Says Paul: "People don't realize that if they throw attitude at me for no reason, I can make things unpleasant for them. I always win at that game."
Never "upgrade" yourself. The passenger manifest lists who belongs in which class, so don't try to upgrade yourself to first or business class and think you'll get away with it (à la Elaine on Seinfeld). "The embarrassment of the 'march of shame' back to your assigned seat after you've been caught should be deterrence enough," says Paul. "But people still try to sneak in all the time, claiming that there must have been some mistake. The only mistake is them thinking they could get away with it. It really is ridiculous."
Never steal alcohol off the cart. When the beverage cart is left unattended, some passengers tend to treat it as an all-you-can-drink booze buffet, which it isn't. "Stealing is stealing," says Paul. "You wouldn't walk into a liquor store and just take something off the shelf without paying for it, would you?" Again, when confronted, passengers claim that they took the liquor because they thought it was free -- even though they had to pay for the first one. (Even in business and first class, where alcohol is complimentary, passengers aren't allowed to take booze from the cart themselves -- a flight attendant must serve them.)
And while he has our attention: "Don't hit the call button for every little whim; don't ask the flight attendant for a pen or aspirin; and don't walk around the plane barefoot," says Paul. "People need to understand that an airplane is not a restaurant, it's not a bar, it's not a movie theater, it's not an office, and it's not a hotel room. It's a mode of transportation, a means of getting from one point to another, and we are here for your safety first."
And then there is this on flying business class and carrying on luggage. (I think the luggage part applies to ALL passengers.)
"It seems that in business class the attitude starts flying long before the plane even leaves the gate. "I know from the moment they board who's going to be a problem passenger," says Paul. "They treat the flight attendants like dirt from the get-go, flinging their carry-ons at us and demanding that we stow them." But Paul claims he is within his legal rights to refuse to assist them, since his employer's insurance will not cover any injuries sustained while lifting baggage on the job. "We aren't baggage handlers, so passengers should never demand that we take their bags, and never pack a carry-on that they can't lift themselves," he warns. (Of course, he added, he's "always happy" to assist elderly passengers, those who aren't tall enough to reach the overhead bins, or "anyone else who asks nicely.") "
Things Never to Do on an Airplane
Here's more dish from the outspoken flight attendant I interviewed for last month's column. "Paul" gave me the lowdown on what it's like to deal with the flying public for a living, and vented about the annoying habits of certain business class passengers. So, for your flying pleasure, here's Paul's short list of Things You Should Never Do on an Airplane:
Never curse at a flight attendant. Flight attendants are protected by federal law, and assaulting them -- or interfering with their duties in any way -- can land you in prison for up to 10 years (the maximum penalty was raised after 9/11). Even if you are grumpy, just drop the attitude. Says Paul: "People don't realize that if they throw attitude at me for no reason, I can make things unpleasant for them. I always win at that game."
Never "upgrade" yourself. The passenger manifest lists who belongs in which class, so don't try to upgrade yourself to first or business class and think you'll get away with it (à la Elaine on Seinfeld). "The embarrassment of the 'march of shame' back to your assigned seat after you've been caught should be deterrence enough," says Paul. "But people still try to sneak in all the time, claiming that there must have been some mistake. The only mistake is them thinking they could get away with it. It really is ridiculous."
Never steal alcohol off the cart. When the beverage cart is left unattended, some passengers tend to treat it as an all-you-can-drink booze buffet, which it isn't. "Stealing is stealing," says Paul. "You wouldn't walk into a liquor store and just take something off the shelf without paying for it, would you?" Again, when confronted, passengers claim that they took the liquor because they thought it was free -- even though they had to pay for the first one. (Even in business and first class, where alcohol is complimentary, passengers aren't allowed to take booze from the cart themselves -- a flight attendant must serve them.)
And while he has our attention: "Don't hit the call button for every little whim; don't ask the flight attendant for a pen or aspirin; and don't walk around the plane barefoot," says Paul. "People need to understand that an airplane is not a restaurant, it's not a bar, it's not a movie theater, it's not an office, and it's not a hotel room. It's a mode of transportation, a means of getting from one point to another, and we are here for your safety first."
And then there is this on flying business class and carrying on luggage. (I think the luggage part applies to ALL passengers.)
"It seems that in business class the attitude starts flying long before the plane even leaves the gate. "I know from the moment they board who's going to be a problem passenger," says Paul. "They treat the flight attendants like dirt from the get-go, flinging their carry-ons at us and demanding that we stow them." But Paul claims he is within his legal rights to refuse to assist them, since his employer's insurance will not cover any injuries sustained while lifting baggage on the job. "We aren't baggage handlers, so passengers should never demand that we take their bags, and never pack a carry-on that they can't lift themselves," he warns. (Of course, he added, he's "always happy" to assist elderly passengers, those who aren't tall enough to reach the overhead bins, or "anyone else who asks nicely.") "
these would make excellent starter posts for a "Flying Pet-Peeve" thread.
