first trip family stress... how to deal

[gibsontrio]

My mother and mother in law are coming with dh and I (and our 2 kids 2 and 5) on our first family disney trip. I love my mom with all my heart and happy she is coming , especially for my children's sake, but she stresses me out SO much . I'm starting to really worry about having to bend and cater to her when i've spent so much money and planning for this trip I just want to worry about my kids and my dh having a good time. Does anyone understand what I mean? I usually am one to keep peace with everyone , trying to make everyone happy , but this is one time were I really just want to please myself!! Any advice?

 

[Perditamarie]

My mother has an overbearing personality. I sympathize! Here are some things that work for me:

* make sure she knows how much research you have done to establish your
itinerary..explain why you have adrs, tour certain parks on certain days,
etc.

* say silent Hail Marys, over and over

and after that

* say flat out: "it's not all about you"

Maybe you can enlist your MIL to keep things smooth as well.

Make an appointment for her for some spa time half way through your trip so you can get a break!!!!

Have faith that if she is making you crazy, Disney magic will be in the air to give you patience and serenity to deal w/it...which may be in the form of a Dole Whip, Margarita, Mocha Latte, etc.

Have a wonderful trip...I am sure you will and your children will be in heaven w/both Grandmas doting on them. I realized on our last family trip w/my Mom and Brother and Sister-in-law that my kids were having so much fun w/them that I actually got to hold my husbands hand for the first time in forever!!!

 

[turtlegirl1]

I have gone to WDW with my in-laws a number of times and I have learned/accepted that WDW is not a vacation for me - it's for the kids and it's even more special that they get to spend time in the most magical place on Earth with their grandparents. There are many times I bite my tongue or roll with it just to keep peace - mantra "it's vacation, let it go". When you see the amazement in the kids eyes and the joy on your mom's face you'll see it's all worth it. Have a wonderful trip - enjoy every minute and just let it go....

 

[dougsmom98]

I have gone to WDW with my in-laws a number of times and I have learned/accepted that WDW is not a vacation for me - it's for the kids and it's even more special that they get to spend time in the most magical place on Earth with their grandparents. There are many times I bite my tongue or roll with it just to keep peace - mantra "it's vacation, let it go". When you see the amazement in the kids eyes and the joy on your mom's face you'll see it's all worth it. Have a wonderful trip - enjoy every minute and just let it go....

After five trips with extended family, I couldn't have said it better. I always say that I would love to just do a trip with just us, but I also get satisfaction out of seeing my kids with their grandparents. I want my kids to enjoy this time with the grandparents, and maybe some day they will want to include me on a trip with their own children. To be honest with you, the anticipation of how stressful it could be is the worst thing. It usually goes very smoothly. Good luck.

 

[TDISFAMILY]

My mother and mother in law are coming with dh and I (and our 2 kids 2 and 5) on our first family disney trip. I love my mom with all my heart and happy she is coming , especially for my children's sake, but she stresses me out SO much . I'm starting to really worry about having to bend and cater to her when i've spent so much money and planning for this trip I just want to worry about my kids and my dh having a good time. Does anyone understand what I mean? I usually am one to keep peace with everyone , trying to make everyone happy , but this is one time were I really just want to please myself!! Any advice?

I suggest trying to plan a evening out or just anytime out of the day for you and you DH and let your mother and mother in law enjoy some time alone with there grandkids or if that is not a option plan something you want to do for just your family and let mom and mil rest back at the resort. Good luck just try to go with the flow and enjoy your familys 1st disney trip

 

[kxmeeh]

we went to disney for 9 days and took my 2 sisters in law, ages 24 and 17. i could not be more different from them if i tried. we spent half of the days arguing or watching these 2 women act more childing than my 2 children. i gave up, shut and locked the adjoining door between the rooms and told them to go wherever they wanted, but dining reservations have aleady been made. my recommendation is to let everyone do what they want. i got very angry because we had paid for everyone to go ,but then i realized it just wasn't what they wanted. this vacation, I am going with my dd's, my mother, and my sister...only now we are all in one room. this trip is 6 days long.

 

[gibsontrio]

My mother has an overbearing personality. I sympathize! Here are some things that work for me:

* make sure she knows how much research you have done to establish your
itinerary..explain why you have adrs, tour certain parks on certain days,
etc.

* say silent Hail Marys, over and over

and after that

* say flat out: "it's not all about you"

Maybe you can enlist your MIL to keep things smooth as well.

Make an appointment for her for some spa time half way through your trip so you can get a break!!!!

Have faith that if she is making you crazy, Disney magic will be in the air to give you patience and serenity to deal w/it...which may be in the form of a Dole Whip, Margarita, Mocha Latte, etc.

Have a wonderful trip...I am sure you will and your children will be in heaven w/both Grandmas doting on them. I realized on our last family trip w/my Mom and Brother and Sister-in-law that my kids were having so much fun w/them that I actually got to hold my husbands hand for the first time in forever!!!

awesome advice thank you!!

 

[eliza61]

* say silent Hail Marys, over and overand after that

* say flat out: "it's not all about you"

Maybe you can enlist your MIL to keep things smooth as well.

Make an appointment for her for some spa time half way through your trip so you can get a break!!!!

Have faith that if she is making you crazy, Disney magic will be in the air to give you patience and serenity to deal w/it...which may be in the form of a Dole Whip, Margarita, Mocha Latte, etc.

Have a wonderful trip...I am sure you will and your children will be in heaven w/both Grandmas doting on them. I realized on our last family trip w/my Mom and Brother and Sister-in-law that my kids were having so much fun w/them that I actually got to hold my husbands hand for the first time in forever!!!

Sounds like a very good Catholic
Op, my advice (which I give to all first timers) is to don't expect perfection. I think we get so caught up in the "illusion" of a perfect family vacation that Disney sells on TV & in it's ads. Then enter in our real life, not so perfect family things are bound to get stressful. I can't tell you how many families in the parks I see having major meltdowns (& not just the kids) because some thing didn't go perfectly.
I agree with the other posters, make it about the kids, every one else has to chill.

 

[gibsontrio]

Sounds like a very good Catholic
Op, my advice (which I give to all first timers) is to don't expect perfection. I think we get so caught up in the "illusion" of a perfect family vacation that Disney sells on TV & in it's ads. Then enter in our real life, not so perfect family things are bound to get stressful. I can't tell you how many families in the parks I see having major meltdowns (& not just the kids) because some thing didn't go perfectly.
I agree with the other posters, make it about the kids, every one else has to chill.

i'm really really trying to keep that in mind. I think a part of me feels that I dont want my mil and mom to take the kids the whole time because who knows when i'll get to experience this with them again. Like, I'm sitting my dd next to my mom on the plane because I know she'll want to sit next to her, even though i'd like to be the one to sit next to her on her first plane ride. But the other side of me says its important my children spend as much time with their grandmoms as they can while they are here.
I dont think we'll be screaming at each other, but I do predict alot of frustration and tougue biting for dh and I

 

[Magic Mom]

I suggest you set the ground rules early on. Not in a nasty way, just "matter of fact".
Tell her and MIL (so you aren't singling Mom out) That you have a set plan, but you realize they might want to occasionally break away and do something else either alone or with the kids and that's OK with you.

Make sure you have some pre-set meeting times in case you get seperated.

Be willing to be a tiny bit flexible with her. Even though you payed and planned, it's her vacation too, and she might have her own hopes for it. Give in a little to that so everyone can be happy.

Finally, don't expect perfection. It ain't gonna happen LOL. Kids might get cranky, Mom might be critical, rides may close unexpectedly, and your coveted Dole Whip might fall on the ground. But you are going to have a great time anyway!

 

[moxiecola]

I am also the "peace maker" in my family. I love my parents but my mother is overbearing, a hyperchondriac and bullies everyone into doing what she wants, when she wants. They ALMOST came with us on our trip (in 2 days-woo hoo) and last minute backed out. Although it would have been great and the kids would have LOVED having them there, I can't tell you how happy I am that it didn't work out. It would have been a nightmare for me. I would have been going in every direction because we would want to do one thing and she would want to do another and in the end everyone would end up doing what she wants. I would be miserable and I'm sure DH would be too. There are plenty of other special times and trips we do with them. Disney doesn't necessarliy have to be one of them. Good luck...
The above poster mentioned setting ground rules...I know with my mother if you try to say anything she gets an attitude and is not like a rational person about things. Trying to talk to her about going our own way would cause an immediate blow out there's just no way around it for us.

 

[Luhts]

Thank you for posting this topic!

We are going in Oct. with my parents and in-laws, too! Now for me, it's my MIL that is the issue...she is so negative. She has already been complaining about all the walking, the sun, the expense.

Part of my plan on how to deal is definitely to schedule some time away from her! lol She loves to shop, so we will drop her off for some retail therapy at the outlets and go to Seaworld one day. And we plan to separate from them at Epcot, too...let them do their own thing at World Showcase. I know I will want time away from my folks, too, and my mom has decided she wants to do the backstage tour of MK, so that will be a good break for us.

I am so looking forward to this trip, I know I will have to try really, really hard not to let her get to me if I want to have a good time.

Maybe we each need to find a moment each morning while we are there to meditate and chant our mantra: "I will not let her get to me, I will not let her get to me...."

 

[Jengonz1982]

Wow,I really thought that I was had the only mother that was just SO frustrating to deal with!!. I'm so glad that other people can't be cooped up with their mom's for a long time without wanting to strangle her . Me and my mom clash ALL the time and we're going to Disney with my dd's. I've been trying to mentally prepare myself for her and think of ways to deflat a potential problem. Lol the main thing that I'm worried about (besides a horrible sunburn that will put me in the hospital with severe sunburns) is how her and I are supposed to be together for that many days and not try to kill each other!. Oh man,this is gonna be fun

 

[RyJMom]

Epcot has adult beverages !!!! Just kidding - kinda. I can relate. My mother in law can be a real pill. We go to the beach with them almost every summer. I have to bite my tongue alot. I just keep telling myself how good she is to my kids and what a blessing it is for them to having loving involved Grandparents.

 

[snickerboo]

I think you have to talk to them before you go and lay out what you want to see and do and what they want to see and do. Will your mom agree to splitting up for things she wants to do but you don't and vice-versa? Will she watch the kids at the hotel/resort while you and dh go out to dinner or some shopping? I would find it really hard to go with my mom since she likes a slower pace and dh and I really boogie through WDW. My MIL? Heck no! Anyone who can take their MIL to WDW is either a saint or has a saint for a MIL! LOL

 

[TDISFAMILY]

Like, I'm sitting my dd next to my mom on the plane because I know she'll want to sit next to her, even though i'd like to be the one to sit next to her on her first plane ride. But the other side of me says its important my children spend as much time with their grandmoms as they can while they are here.

This was me on our last trip my DS 1st plane ride and trip to Disney...It was planned that he sit next to me and DH.....but he decided he wanted to sit next to mimi and paw confused3 Holding back the tears I let him after all the trip was all for him and what ever made him happy. Needless to say I got a stiff neck from turning back to look at him every 30sec. Half way through the flight I decided he was fine and enjoying time with his grandparents then I was able to relax a little more

My MIL? Heck no! Anyone who can take their MIL to WDW is either a saint or has a saint for a MIL! LOL

My thoughts exactly

 

[hmdavid]

Epcot has adult beverages !!!! Just kidding - kinda. I can relate. QUOTE]

This is the very reason that Epcot is being planned mid trip when we go with my inlaws in the fall!

 

[ERMama]

Sit down NOW and give them a typed out schedule of your tentative plans. Get their feedback. Allow them to add or change something.

We go to WDW with my parents all the time and its fine. They are early risers and are just happy to do whatever we want and enjoy the kids having fun.

Now I could NOT do Disney with my inlaws. They go every year themselves and are VERY set in their ways. They sleep in and stay up late. They dont eat breakfast and do lunch around 2 and dinner around 9pm. They wont budge on their schedule and quite frankly, my kids have limited leeway on what they can handle too (and its not staying up until midnite then being happy campers the next day).