Fighting in school - update, post 5

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Thanks...

But I appear to have missed my window, as my husband came home, heard the story, and immediately said, "Well done, lad!"

So, I talked to my husband about my concerns, and then we called the boy back and told him that there were two rules we needed him to follow, no matter what.

1. He will never be the first to throw a punch, kick, or make physical contact of any sort (thank you, Judge Judy!).

2. His response will always be equal to or less than what we done to him. His dad called it a "commensurate response". In other words, overreacting is not cool.

Then his dad said, "You stick to these rules, son, and I'll back you to the wall."

So that seems to be where we're at!

Something that I thought of earlier today, but didn't post...

You have to consider that the boy that hit him first did get punished. So it shouldn't be that your son learned that fighting is okay. What he learned was--don't go and attack someone unprovoked.

Now, I hope that he doesn't begin kicking the behind of anyone that looks at him funny--but I don't think it should be that big of a concern if he truly was defending himself against someone who did hit him in a vulnerable place.

I'm not a fan of zero tolerance policies that allow a victim to be victimized twice--once for the first punch and then twice if they opt to not defend themselves and risk more injury out of fear of punishment.
I think your school used common sense.

You also haven't missed your window. You can still make sure that he understands to not flip out on someone unnecessarily (like if they did something accidentally).

 

[Magpie]

True, not sure if it was done, or if stomp girls parents paid for the girl's medical bills,etc. but what could be done with a 12 year old unless she commited murder? Juvie hall?

I don't know... I know a juvie charge gets social services involved and also means the cops know who you are.

But in the US, having stomp girl's parents pay the medical bills seems like a fair consequence.

Something that I thought of earlier today, but didn't post...

You have to consider that the boy that hit him first did get punished. So it shouldn't be that your son learned that fighting is okay. What he learned was--don't go and attack someone unprovoked.

Now, I hope that he doesn't begin kicking the behind of anyone that looks at him funny--but I don't think it should be that big of a concern if he truly was defending himself against someone who did hit him in a vulnerable place.

I'm not a fan of zero tolerance policies that allow a victim to be victimized twice--once for the first punch and then twice if they opt to not defend themselves and risk more injury out of fear of punishment.
I think your school used common sense.

You also haven't missed your window. You can still make sure that he understands to not flip out on someone unnecessarily (like if they did something accidentally).

You know, that's never really been a concern for us.

The one time (at the beginning of this year, actually) when he was angry enough to want to punch another kid, he actually walked away instead, called me from school and asked to come home. I then called the school resource teacher, and he was able to talk to my son and sort things out.

I think the difference between that situation and this one was that the other kid was annoying the heck out of him, but he hadn't actually touched my son. So my boy felt that there was no way he could hit him. The frustration of not being able to do anything made him feel like his head was going to explode. But he handled it well, ultimately!