Feeling so bad for DS (long)

[Microcell]

Honestly I was noticing that traffic is really light around here and I think alot of people are sewing their vacation oats- no one is around here in our neighborhood either! It just may be a bad time with people leaving town before the school stranglehold begins!

 

[missypie]

With kids that age, fewer is actually much better, esp. if they need help and the parents don't sick around.

But feel free to have the party at a different time of year next year. I worked with a guy who had a Dec. 25th birthday. As it happened two of his kids had December birthdays. Since he knew how bad it could be, they had their parties WHENEVER...October, April...only once a year, but whenever a good date came up.

I feel your pain on the excuses...I just hate listening to lame excuses and having to act like I believe them! I gave a couples baby shower for a friend. It was on a Saturday night. When declining, one lady from church said, "I am having some work done on my farm. There is a huge hole in my back yard." What that had to do with not being able to attend a baby shower I'll never know!

 

[Hillbeans]

In addition, i'm sure there will be lots of people at the bowling alley, so he'll still get lots of attention. In addition, maybe they can announce his birthday over the loudspeaker....he'd love that!!

 

[Kallison]

Honestly summer time is a bad time for parties -- I do all three of my kids then and usually a bunch of kids can't make it. I try to do DD's the day after school lets out. My DS 14 has 3 good friends and that is all he invites so we plan it around there vacation schedules. DS 11 is very social, he will ask 15 boys and maybe 9 will show up which is still too many for me!

About the not fitting in -- unfortunately I know some Moms who are exclusionary like that. I used to be part of their group -- but then they just annoyed me too much. DS still invites those boys over but they never reciprocate. I'm like whatever. One neighbor hand picks her sons friends, they have to live in a certain house. She would make comments if I let my kids play with children who lived in certain townhouse developments or the trailer park. Sorry I just don't think that way.

 

[robsmom]

I invited 20 classmates to DS's 5th birthday party. I believe that 7 said they were coming, 2 didn't show, and 1 left within 5 minutes (she is afraid of chuckee cheese and really was trying to come). in general this was fairly consistent with all the other parties. of the 20 kids in his class, about 5 or 6 never rsvp to anyone. Another 5-6 always RSVP but say no. There are 8 or 9 kids who come to the parties. of these, on any given weekend a couple can't make it because of conflicts so 5-7 kids show up. we see the same kids over and over.

My theory is that there are some parents that just don't want to get into the party scene. maybe they don't have the money to pay for gifts all the time or maybe they don't want to spend the money for a party for their kid and can't reciprocate? some parents just think that this is all overkill.

I would not take it personally. as suggested, maybe you can sublement with some relatives or neighbors. I wasn't going to invite cousins but then i realized that there wouldn't be that many people so I did. with cousins and a few neighbors we had 14 kids.

good luck.

 

[Tinkbell]

As a teacher, I see this a lot. Little girls will invite all of the girls and boys seem to invite all of the boys. Some kids invite everyone and others will only invite their close friends. When Monday rolls around, I will hear that only 2 people from the class showed up. My heart breaks for them and I'm not even their parents! Still, despite the no-shows, nobody has ever said they had a bad time at their party.

I have an August birthday and I never had any "all friends from school" parties. I only saw a couple of them over the summer and invited those 2 to a sleepover instead.

Hope your son has a nice time bowling!

 

[Lachesis00]

What about a 1/2 birthday party? Maybe one in February? I know my MIL did that for my BIL. His bday is 12/28.

 

[pw2pp]

I think it is because it is summer and everyone is so busy in the summer (vacations and weekends away).
Maybe apart from the friend party, you, your DH, (siblings?), could take him to his absolute favorite place for his B-Day (Chuck-E-Cheese or whatever) and make that a very special occasion for him.

 

[CindysGusGus]

I know how you feel!! I had a skating party for my twins this year. I throw a large party every year. Only 2 or 3 people for each one showed up. My DD best friend came 3 hours late (almost at the end, her mom thought we had it on a sunday) Then they snuck out when we were in the laser tag. I dont plan on putting that kind of money into it again. I think a small family gathering and sending cupcakes or something to school. I was just heartbroken for the kids, but kept my chin up and made sure they had a good time!

 

[saturday97]

We had a similar experience for DS's 5th. Low turnout, bad weekend for most families (everybody's gone in April for Spring Break and Easter). We had it at the kid's gym where he takes classes.

We pointed out that it would be really fun with only a few kids, because they would get special attention and they would each get to take more turns. We also had the rest of our family (grandma, etc.) so it was a good sized crowd even if only a few were kids. Also, we had a family party later so we emphasized the fact that he was so special that we needed two parties.

He'll have a blast, but I know-- it breaks your heart! This year he had about 15 kids and it was way too many. Last year it was just his "bestest friends"!

 

[buddy&wooz]

I agree about the summer birthday thing.

Personally I've managed to avoid having parties for my kids, but that's personal preference. I just think they get too crazy. I did have one for my middle child's 8th birthday- out of the 12 boys invited (all came!) he really only played with 3 or 4 of them, it was silly. Instead we've had sleepovers with 2 or 3 friends, or even just one, maybe take one friend to a hockey game or amusement park- it's still a special treat for my sons and there's none of the worries about reciprocating, mom cliques, etc.

Of course, my youngest is already planning his next birthday party (not till Feb. thank goodness!) and if he really has his heart set on a big party it may be hard to say no, but I'm hoping we can come up with a fun option that makes him just as happy- we've always managed that with his brothers!

But, to get back on topic- 4 or 5 kids is perfect for a bowling party at that age- they'll have a blast!

 

[soccerchick]

I know how you feel. DD is one of just 5 girls in her preschool class; the other 13 are boys (they rotate days -- not all 18 there at a time!). She gets left out of several of the boys' parties. She doesn't know/care, but once in a while, I do get a little hurt. However, I remind myself that an invite would mean more $ and all of these kids in her class have their BDs b/w the end of October and the beginning of Feb. and most of them are in Oct. and Nov. That would get expensive and busy if she was invited to all of them. Also, she wanted a Girls Only Party last year, so that's what we did. How could I get miffed when we didn't invite any of the boys?

You also never know in pre-school who really likes whom. She'll complain about boy X being mean, bad, etc, and then when you ask her who she played w/ that day, she says "boy X."

Try not to let it get to you too much. He'll still have a blast!
Happy 5th!

 

[aprilgail2]

In my daughters preschool they ask that you either invite ALL the children or none so that none get their feelings hurt. We would have done it that way anyway. I am always afraid that a lot won't come and she won't have a nice party but most of them do come. I've already booked her place for Nov for her 5th birthday party and we will invite her whole class, though they are a new group of kids so not sure how many will come and also she wants to invite the kids in her Karate class this year....so there will probably be about 30 kids invited and hopefully at least half will make it. If I find that the new kids don't come to parties I will just have her invite a few kids the following year and do something really fun. Most of the party places around here you have to have a minimum of 12 kids for a party but I am sure we could find something to do without a party place!

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I'm with those who say to put a positive spin on this and be excited with the people you have. You may want to celebrate his birthday earlier or later next year, while school is still in.

 

[BrerMom]

Originally posted by aprilgail2
In my daughters preschool they ask that you either invite ALL the children or none so that none get their feelings hurt.

DS' preschool (and the elementary, too for that matter) has the same rule, but only if you want to distribute the invitations at school. If you want to mail them, it's your party, do what you want.

 

[shortbun]

My DS also has a summer birthday. It can be tough with
people going away for vacation, playing baseball and other
commitments. I always make a B list for DS's parties and send
out invites 3 weeks ahead of time so I can invite others if we
get too many no responses. It's not like the B list kids are bad,
I just limit the # of children pretty strictly. This summer, we had
a campout and only 4 were invited. We got lucky and only went
to the 1st boy on the list. It was a great party. DS's first party,
I think it was 5yo, had very low attendance. Often the B list kids
would be my first choice but DS gets to call the shots about who
gets the first invitations.

 

[my3kids]

Summer birthdays are tough. All mine have them and we also experience the vacations and such. I wouldn't take the RSVP nos as anything except just that...they can't come. It is your child's birthday, and while it is unfortunate schedules and vacations make for a small party, he will still have a ball. What fun to be the center of attention of a group of 4 guests. They will actually be able to all play together on one lane, you won't have utter chaos that ten 5 year olds bring.

I have never dwelled on the no responses. When the child starts, I tell them it is just an inevitablity of a birthday in the summer. The kids who have birthdays during the school year....yeah, they might have bigger parties, but who wants to be in school on their birthday!