Extroverts versus introverts: my experience

[WonkaKid]

I've been an incorrigible extrovert for my entire life. It's only in recent months that I've come to realize fully that the way I interact with introverts (and/or, perhaps, folks with social anxiety) may cause them stress because, to them, social interaction is hard, draining work. To me, it’s like a drug. The more I talk, the better I feel and then the more I talk. It’s a self-sustaining process. When I’m crabby, talking with other people helps to cheer me up and gets my endorphins flowing, even at low doses. Most of the time people respond to me positively and I make a good impression - like when I engage complete strangers at DL in conversation. (sometimes I make suggestions to newbies or give them tips on best attraction strategies). But it’s become increasingly clear to me that some people may suspect that I’ve been drinking or ingested illegal substances when I talk so much. I neither drink nor do drugs.

I always presumed that all people – extroverts *and* introverts – love good conversation. The truth is that’s not always so. Side note: a close friend once said to me “Don’t presume that just because someone’s a performer that they’re also an extrovert. The two don’t always go hand-in-hand.” So: human interaction can sometimes be tricky because of differing interaction styles. But know that when I bump into you somewhere and I engage in conversation, it’s because I’m genuinely interested in what you’ve been up to, how things are going and what you have to say. It’s like a cup of coffee to me. (i don’t drink coffee either and have always joked that I love everything about coffee except for actually drinking it ;-)). Does anyone want to share their thoughts on talking with strangers at the park or anywhere else? A number of you have introduced yourselves to me at the park. Was that hard for you? Did my communication style stress you? I look forward to insightful replies .

 

[Piglet843]

I have always been an introvert. For some reason, I am that person that people like to sit down and talk to. Works good for me - I'd much rather just sit and listen that do any of the talking. At work sometimes I have to do huge presentations to lots of customers and important people. Over the years I've trained myself to do these very professionally and portray a confidence that "sells it" So people have a hard time believing how hard it is for me to do that "But you are soo good at it"... yea but it about ate me alive to do so....

 

[Karin1984]

Yesterday a TED talk on introverts popped up in my timeline. Quite interesting. https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts

I am an introvert. I am social, but I need my alone time to recharge. My home is my sanctuary. Except for some people who I am close to (immediate family), no one enter my home unless necessary. I live near the city center, parking is free in my neighbourhood. So when I go out for dinner with friends from out of town, it makes sense that they park near my home and we walk to the center. These friends expect me to invite them in for a drink before dinner, or just to chat before we leave... They arrive early to do so... If I can, I will try to avoid them coming in. Even with my good friends, I always try to either meet at their place, or at the restaurant whatever. My space needs to stay my space.

When I would meet to you in the park, I would chat with you in line, we are both waiting, we are both at a place we love, yes, let's talk. It will make the time go by faster.
It is easier, because I know when the conversation is going to end. Things would get awkward when you would say 'let's have dinner together' or 'let's meet again tomorrow'.
I would enjoy the conversation in line for sure, but I would be happy to be on my own afterwards to recharge.

 

[cruisehopeful]

I feel like I have all the same things going on as @Karin1984 I need to recharge at home with my dogs and I don't like people coming over. I quit having parties and people over for dinner because people never leave. I even tried invites that say things like party from 1-4pm and I feel like I am still sweeping people out the door at 7pm. Worst is when I have somewhere else to be and the visitor has my car blocked in my driveway in spite of me telling them that I have to leave - and they don't get into their car until I am inside of mine. I really need the transition times. I need people to leave so I can get my bearings before I go on to the next thing. Rant over.

Sometimes I see someone from here at DL, but I've never talked to anyone. I am there for myself and for time with my family. I suppose there are a few people here that I'd talk to if I saw them. Several that I'd hang out with, but I haven't seen them, yet.

I don't mind chatting it up in lines with people most of the time. It gets to be too much for me, though, when I am with one of my kids and I am trying to spend quality time with them and not with the talking stranger. There are times when I am in a line and I am using that time to chill out and absorb the scenery and during those times, it can be a real buzz kill to be next to someone in line who talks a lot and who can't pick up on social cues that I am not interested in listening to them talk. That doesn't happen too often, though. Gosh, the more I think about it, the more I think I want to visit solo when the park opens again. I have had so little time in the parks in my introvert universe that I really want some more of that.

 

[DLgal]

I'm an introvert, but love a good conversation with a stranger. Maybe that is because I've been a stay at home mom for 16 years to 2 autistic boys who don't really have conversations in the traditional sense. When I am out of the home, I crave a real back and forth conversation with someone. I tend to interject into stranger's conversations when they seem confused about something, or if I'm at a store and see people contemplating a purchase and it's something I have and like, I'll say "oh, that's a really good (product). I have it and it's awesome."

My issue is that I tend to take over conversations and talk way more than the other person. I have a hard time listening, to be honest, and get kind of spaced out when others are talking if it's not a topic of great interest. I feel like I try to steer the conversation so that I can feel more in control. My husband tells me that I come off as rude a lot, but it doesn't really bother me because I'm not trying to win anyone over. I've got enough friends.

I would talk to anyone at a Disney park. I often talk to people in lines and stuff. That kind of interaction doesn't stress me out because it's usually quick. Sustained social situations like a dinner out with people I don't know well is hell to me. I feel so exhausted afterwards. I avoid things like that as much as possible. When I hear "get together" I cringe.

 

[BadPinkTink]

I am an extroverted introvert

Everything in this perfectly describes me https://www.lifehack.org/350621/what-does-mean-extroverted-introvert

I'm the shoulder people cry on, the strong person in a crisis or trauma that others turn to
I bond with people on a deep level
I'm very aware of sights and sounds around me and I am sensitive to the moods and energy levels of those around me, I tend to "read" people and situations very well
I love meeting new people and going to meetups such as meeting people from Disboards in the parks

However I love my down time too. I need to recharge and just shut out the world. I love solo travel People often say I am brave for doing things on my own or for not needing to be around people all the time. Many people don't understand the difference between being alone and being lonely. I have been perfectly content and happy for days on my own in Disney parks, but have felt the most lonely when I am with friends or family.

People often think I am not shy or that I'm very outgoing but alot of times its just a mask, hiding behind a smile.

 

[NannyBeBe]

I am in the middle. I will sometimes initiate a conversation with someone in line with me, but I do not talk a lot. If I met you at DLR, I would most certainly start up a conversation with you and offer to buy you a treat or a drink, whatever your food choices would allow.

 

[B3rlingirl]

I never really thought about the question wether I am more an introvert or extrovert but I can relate to the article BadPinkTink linked... though I am trying my best to be more extrovert I am often quite shy with people I just met.
But with people from the DIS boards I feel like I kind of already know them... at least a bit and that makes it easier for me. That’s especially true with you, who contributes so much here and lets us visit the parks with him almost every week.

So introducing myself to you was not hard at all for me. Well, it actually was because I had to track you down through 4 different fantasyland attractions while enjoying some of them myself (I think it was my first time riding Alice)... but knowing your standard routine helped. It was so much fun meeting you and enjoying some time together in the parks especially because it was a impromptu solo trip for me. Though talking to you was indeed a little tricky because I was soo hoarse that day (unfortunate timing). I hope for a repetition someday.

In general I always enjoy a good conversation (just like you said) may it be a shorter or longer one even with complete strangers (at least in DL or even the US in general... I don’t enjoy it so much with Germans...). But I am always glad if someone else initiates the conversation because I am often to shy to start a conversation... (It actually bothers me that I am often to shy to initiate one myself.)

 

[WonkaKid]

So introducing myself to you was not hard at all for me.

Thank you. I’m glad that you did. On average, someone from the board would approach me and say hello about once a month. Often times it would be someone to whom I’d sent maps. I always enjoy when people take the time to seek me out.

 

[WonkaKid]

Another thought I just had. I was in Copenhagen several years ago. I always bring my inline skates along when I visit a developed country. It’s a great way to get around and to see far more of a city than I would on foot. Anyway, I was skating around downtown Copenhagen one afternoon and stopped to consult my map. A Danish guy walked up and asked if I needed help. While I don’t mind asking strangers for directions, it’s nicer when someone offers. As a result, I’ve stopped to offer help to people with maps countless times - in Disneyland, Chicago, NYC or any other city that I know reasonably well.

Once about 18 months ago I saw two women near the DL hub. They seemed a bit confused as they read their map. I asked if they needed help and, without looking up, they simply replied “Nope!” That struck me as rude. I was merely offering to help. I knew the park well and, presumably, they didn’t. I wondered if they thought I had some complex DL scam whereby I’d give people bad directions, they’d end up on the bad side of town and I’d rob them in some dark alley. Some people are simply suspicious of everyone. That hurts them more than it hurts me. It’s unfortunate. It cuts them off from many positive experiences. I’ve had countless great ones overseas and very few negative ones. Their loss .

 

[disneychrista]

Once about 18 months ago I saw two women near the DL hub. They seemed a bit confused as they read their map. I asked if they needed help and, without looking up, they simply replied “Nope!” That struck me as rude.

The response was kind of rude but declining your help was not. As someone who is in general an introvert, socially awkward and likes to figure things out on their own I would have likely told you "No, thank you" to your offer of help unless I was hopelessly lost. My guess is that this was the two women's first trip and they were just getting a lay of the land. They didn't need or want help as they weren't lost or trying to figure out how to find Splash Mountain.

 

[DizMe]

I am an introvert, but it's hard to tell at DLR because like so many others here, I love to chat with people I meet there. I'm very good at--and enjoy--chit-chat with people I meet on vacation. It's a totally different story at home or at someone's house, though. I'm usually quiet, a bit tuned out, and not looking to socialize much. I feel awkward and anxious with others and when people come to my house, I have a hard time enjoying it because I have a million things going through my mind about what they're thinking. Is my house clean enough? Do I offer them something to eat/drink? If so, what? Should we sit? Where? and things of that nature. If there are many people over, like during the holidays, I am miserable. I usually keep busy in the kitchen so I don't have to interact much. When we go to visit relatives for holidays and we have to stay a few nights, I beg my dh to book a hotel but to him, that's rude, and he enjoys a houseful of people having drinks and playing games until late. It drains my batteries and I just can't wait to go home. Being an introvert doesn't mean you don't enjoy a party or have a good time chatting with people, it just means there's a finite amount you can do before it begins to deplete your resources and eventually, it feels destructive. I think there may be a link between being an introvert and also being an empath, because one reason it's so hard for me to be around people for extended periods is because I "feel" a lot of things that others are going through. I don't mean that to sound ridiculously NewAge or otherworldly, but I tend to suffer along with anyone/anything that is suffering because I can put myself in their situation, even if it's a pet. Man, that's sounds silly, doesn't it?!

 

[Mike_M]

I am an extroverted introvert

Everything in this perfectly describes me https://www.lifehack.org/350621/what-does-mean-extroverted-introvert

I'm the shoulder people cry on, the strong person in a crisis or trauma that others turn to
I bond with people on a deep level
I'm very aware of sights and sounds around me and I am sensitive to the moods and energy levels of those around me, I tend to "read" people and situations very well
I love meeting new people and going to meetups such as meeting people from Disboards in the parks

However I love my down time too. I need to recharge and just shut out the world. I love solo travel People often say I am brave for doing things on my own or for not needing to be around people all the time. Many people don't understand the difference between being alone and being lonely. I have been perfectly content and happy for days on my own in Disney parks, but have felt the most lonely when I am with friends or family.

People often think I am not shy or that I'm very outgoing but alot of times its just a mask, hiding behind a smile.

This is a pretty good description of me too.

I enjoy being part of the crowd, but not necessarily the center of attention. I love traveling to exciting places, and meeting the people that live in those places, but I always enjoy coming home to the peace and serenity I have here.

 

[cinder-ellah]

@WonkaKid thank you for sharing this about you. I'm basically an introvert, but at DL I love to chat. Love talking to CM. At family / friends gatherings I start out with trying real hard not to talk about Disney (as I've been told its a bit annoying). But then they bring it up and ask me questions about this or that about Disney and away I'll go, lol. If they don't want me to talk about it, then don't ask me. Oh, well...... Looking forward to meeting and chatting with you at DL.