Ex-husband vent (long)

[CRB#33]

8 years ago, I made a new life for myself. New home, new school district, new friends, new church.

Why is it that my ex does everything he can to charm my new friends, think he can come into my new home because his kids live there (I have managed to stop this), and worst of all---he has met some people from my church because he's dropped the kids off for different functions.

His history is to charm the pants off people especially woman , and then start subtly spreading rumors about me. The man is 42 years old. You would think he'd have grown up by now.

I guess he does this because he's basically very insecure. He needs people to think he is wonderful. He thinks that I bad mouth him to everyone I know, so he has to "fix" that. The problem is, I never even talk about him to my friends. I can't even stand to think about him and most of the time I forget he even exists.

This was his pattern with the friends I made at my childrens new school, and a lot of them are now his friends and basically just say hi to me. He has a very puppy dog charm and I'm a very strong minded person. Who do you think people will believe?

This man had an affair with my best friend while we were married and you people on the DIS (except my SO and my dad) are the only ones that know that! I would never tell people in my real life this! What if the children found out? They adore their dad.

I've talked to him about staying away from my friends, he just can't help himself.

I just don't know what to do. He's starting the same thing over at my church that he did at my children's school. It won't be long before people start believing what he says about me. I know that a few of my true friends will stick by me, but jeesh, why should I keep having to go through this? Why can't he let me have my life? I completely stay out of his.

Thanks for listening. No need to reply. I just feel a bit better typing this out

 

[Beauty]

Hi,
I just wanted to offer you {{{{HUGS}}} and say how sorry I am.

 

[Jeafl]

I'm so sorry he's interfering in your life. He sounds like a manipulative weasel. I wish I had some good advice for oyu, but I don't. Instead, I'll send you a (((hug))).

 

[goofy4tink]

Suddenly my ex is looking better. {{{{{{hugs}}}}} for you. Have no advice, just good wishes. Just know that what goes around comes around. May take awhile but it will.

 

[jfulcer]

Originally posted by CRB#33
This man had an affair with my best friend while we were married and you people on the DIS (except my SO and my dad) are the only ones that know that! I would never tell people in my real life this! What if the children found out? They adore their dad.

Ok, pixie dust cause your husband is such a loser. But a question, feel free to tell me to mind my own business if that's the case...

Why do your kids not know that you kicked your ex to the curb because of infidelity? Sure, they are his kids, but are they old enough to know the reasons so they can make their own REAL judgements about him? Of course, I have about zero experience with divorce and how to deal with it and kids, so I may just be naive, but I would think they should know....

On the other hand, I can see where people may think then you are trying to color your kids feelings about their dad. I dunno. I'll send some more pixie dust along cause I don't envy your problems.

 

[CRB#33]

Why do your kids not know that you kicked your ex to the curb because of infidelity? Sure, they are his kids, but are they old enough to know the reasons so they can make their own REAL judgements about him? Of course, I have about zero experience with divorce and how to deal with it and kids, so I may just be naive, but I would think they should know....

I understand how you feel. My point of view is that even though he was a lousy husband, he's a good father. He loves them, calls them every day, pays more than he needs to, never misses visitation and wants to see them as much as he can. He treats them 100 times better than he ever treated me. Me telling them about him makes them choose. It's not fair to them. They deserve to love both their parents. As they grow up, they see his faults--they see the way he treats me. They also see I never bad mouth him. As adults, they will emulate me, I believe, not him. I don't want them to hurt about him. They've been hurt enough by the breakup.

Thank you all so much for listening.

 

[December99]

I don't have any advice on this aspect cause I'm lucky if I get child support and a hello and I chose not to have him know where I lived, etc. because I wanted a life of my own...not one that owned me. But that was easier for me than it can be....

Anyway - I just wanted to give you a
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

And tell you that ex's are jerks - that's mainly why they are ex's (for the most part).

 

[Disney Doll]

CRB, you make a huge and difficult sacrifice for your children, in not telling them the truth about their father. I agree that your children will emulate your behavior, and as they get older they will be smarter about seeing the real person your ex-H is.

As far as those people in your church, your childrens' school etc...your real friends will stand by you. Anyone who is too stupid to relaize that your ex-H is a manipulative, lying jerk aren't people you'd want as friends anyway, are they?

 

[helenabear]

I have no advice for you CRB, but I just wanted to pass on a {{hug}}

 

[minniecarousel]

Come and talk to us anytime - and continue to take the "high" road. You are acting in the best interest of your children - and also for yourself, in the long run. It may be hard to bite your tongue, but you'll be glad you did.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Hang in there!

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie. How very frustrating for you. You know what? If your "friends" turn on you because of lies told by your ex-husband, they weren't really your friends. You're probably better off without acquaintances that fickle.

I hope this doesn't happen though.