Ever let someone else's teen live with you?

[MizTink]

ok, so here's a quick little bit of background. 6 months ago my sons girlfriend moved in with us when she had the baby. long story short.....her family sucks. she has a brother (just turned 16) who is now going to move in with us too. this is not great news for me as i'm out of work (for several months) and will be starting school soon, so not working anytime soon. i love having DS'sGF and my DGD here. i would not have it any other way. i also love her brother. he has become part of our family. i'm happy to get him out of the abusive house he has been in.
my question is about finances. his mom will have to pay to help support him while he is with us. i simply can't just take him in with no help. i just don't know how much to even expect, or ask for??? i'm not looking to profit, but i at least need enough to cover the basics (increase in water, electric, household items, etc).
any suggestions???

 

[wdw_girl_18]

If his mother refuses to help you out, I would have him get a job (if he doesn't already have one) and chip in for his expenses. I know its tough in this economy to even find a job, but teenagers always seem to get jobs easily.

Good luck! You are doing a great thing by getting him out of his abusive family

 

[Disney Doll]

If his parenst are abusive, do you think they are going to agree to pay to support him elsewhere??? They probably don't give a hoot.

I don't really know what to tell you other than I wouldn't have too many expectations that abusive parents are going to be helpful.

 

[MizTink]

i know not to expect much out of them. but they already knew before they said yes, that i expect some sort of money. we just haven't discussed it yet.
him get a job??? not likely. me, ds, and ds'sgf have all been trying already. i think that the state may make his mom pay, but i'm not sure. i just know that i can't say no. and i hope the mom comes through. if not, we will just have to make do!

 

[kafitty]

i know not to expect much out of them. but they already knew before they said yes, that i expect some sort of money. we just haven't discussed it yet.
him get a job??? not likely. me, ds, and ds'sgf have all been trying already. i think that the state may make his mom pay, but i'm not sure. i just know that i can't say no. and i hope the mom comes through. if not, we will just have to make do!

are you becoming his legal guardians? then the state will definitely make them pay. Otherwise i don't think they'll get involved. i really don't know though.

i would take a look at what you're paying for groceries and such, and consider how much money he'll need for clothing and the like.

you're doing a wonderful thing, my dad & stepmom took my brother's best friend in for many many years without much compensation from his family, and it really saved him from what would have been a horrible life, and could have been a horrible future.

 

[shortbun]

Look, maybe he can't get a steady job but he can find work someplace. My husband is currently employing a 17yo in a temporary situation and has done it before. I'm talking about piece work. He can babysit, he can mow lawns, he can drive the elderly, he can do a lot of things for a little money to contribute.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

ok, so here's a quick little bit of background. 6 months ago my sons girlfriend moved in with us when she had the baby. long story short.....her family sucks. she has a brother (just turned 16) who is now going to move in with us too. this is not great news for me as i'm out of work (for several months) and will be starting school soon, so not working anytime soon. i love having DS'sGF and my DGD here. i would not have it any other way. i also love her brother. he has become part of our family. i'm happy to get him out of the abusive house he has been in.
my question is about finances. his mom will have to pay to help support him while he is with us. i simply can't just take him in with no help. i just don't know how much to even expect, or ask for??? i'm not looking to profit, but i at least need enough to cover the basics (increase in water, electric, household items, etc).
any suggestions???

If you cannot take him in with no help, then you really need to get legal help before he moves in. If the parents will talk to you, then get the ball rolling while they are receptive. I am not sure of the process. Start calling.

Once he officially moves in I expect the honeymoon period to be over and then you meet the headache.

Look for compensation in an official capacity is my suggestion.

You have health issues & legal guardian issues esp. with school/police.

The parents themselves could get in trouble from YOU. If things go south let's say and you want to extricate the boy from your home, you could call in the authorities on the parents and vice versa.

I would certainly use that line of thinking to get something legal done, sway them to sign things now rather than later.

 

[MizTink]

ok, so i decided to not even bother trying to get the boy's mother to agree to any sort of support. i just want him out of their house.
he showed up at my house with boxes of his stuff yesterday and was all set to stay. i called his mom and she refuses to even give me a letter saying that he has her permission to stay with us. she wants to keep him on her dcf case (medicaid/foodstamps). i told her that i HAVE to have the letter. she asked me to wait a month to report him being in my house, not hers. what a wonderful woman.......

 

[laurafergie]

MizTink:

I have done this exact thing. See my signature - I call her DearFosterDaughter, but nothing ever was ever legalized.

DFD had just turned 16 and had stayed with us off and on as her Mom was trying to get section 8 housing and didn't want to pull DFD from school. At that time, I was unaware of any abuse (...though I suspected maybe verbal)

It hit the fan when I hadn't seen DFD for a couple of months and she called me and said she getting ready to fail 11th grade. Come to find out, Mom had checked herself into the Psych Ward and left DFD in the apartment with no utilities, no money and no food. DFD was working for cash under the table, but was missing school because of her work. (She had other family in the area - don't get me started on that trash) Then Mom got out of the Psych Ward and LEFT THE STATE and her daughter. She has since come back.

I picked her up and she has been with us ever since. It was only 3 years ago, but she has become one of my own. It was not easy - DH was unemeployed. DFD was not in a great place mentally. (example....she used to "slink" around the house, like she didn't want to be noticed and never would eat anything in front of us)

She is now in college and doing great. We never got a penny from her mother or her father.

Her Mother did not make it easy for us - calling, harassing (when she came back) and I found out her Mother still kept her on the Food Stamps, Welfare and Section 8...My DH the other night - said we should pull DFD's credit report to make sure her Mom hasn't taken a few credit cards in her name.

I could have just gotten DFD through the "hump" with her mother - but she probably wouldn't have graduated high school much less go to college.

The bottom line, IMHO and also my DH's - we have a duty to do everything we can to protect the children. They are our future.

You are doing the right thing. You may have to eat Ramen Noodles and shop at Goodwill, but you will sleep easy at night knowing that boy is in a safe home.

 

[laurafergie]

You have health issues & legal guardian issues esp. with school/police.

I just wanted to add - Make an appointment with the school principal and the head of Guidance. Tell them what is going on. Believe me, they have heard everything. They will work with you and put you in touch with the right people. This is one of the most important hings you can do.

We would not have made it through this without the Head of Guidance. DFD's Mom caused all sorts of trouble - but quieted right down when Guidance Lady had the Homeless Liaison of the City pay a visit to Mom. Seems like she broke a few laws when she abandoned her daughter. Mom still would not sign anything, but quit making noises and the school "unofficially" allowed us to operate as her guardians. (think of ALL the stuff you have to sign as a parent for the school)

As far as Health issues - we were lucky, DFD is healthy and we got through that OK. She did break her collarbone, which wasn't cheap - but we just made payments on it.

 

[kellyg403]

I just wanted to add - Make an appointment with the school principal and the head of Guidance. Tell them what is going on. Believe me, they have heard everything. They will work with you and put you in touch with the right people. This is one of the most important hings you can do.

We would not have made it through this without the Head of Guidance. DFD's Mom caused all sorts of trouble - but quieted right down when Guidance Lady had the Homeless Liaison of the City pay a visit to Mom. Seems like she broke a few laws when she abandoned her daughter. Mom still would not sign anything, but quit making noises and the school "unofficially" allowed us to operate as her guardians. (think of ALL the stuff you have to sign as a parent for the school)

As far as Health issues - we were lucky, DFD is healthy and we got through that OK. She did break her collarbone, which wasn't cheap - but we just made payments on it.

Yes, if he is still in school you should definitely speak to someone there and give them the heads up. When dgd8 recently moved in with us because her parents were having issues, we could not even sign a permission slip to let her go on a fieldtrip! Until we could get some paperwork, the school was not even supposed to let us know how her work, her day, did she eat her lunch, was she having peer issues..nada. They bent the rules a bit for us, but were strict on some like the fieldtrips.

Kelly

 

[DizBelle]

At 16 can he become emancipated from his parents and become independent (and therefore live anywhere he wants)?

 

[cheermom1]

At 16 can he become emancipated from his parents and become independent (and therefore live anywhere he wants)?

I second this..you can at least try..