Elderly grandmother on trip

[cmdg]

I put this on the Disablities board as well, but hope someone can give some experience

Hi everyone, DH and I are excited to take our 2.5 year old to WDW this summer. I'll be 27 weeks pregnant, too, so it should be exciting!

My aunt and cousins will be meeting us, and had planned to bring my grandmother as well. We have a few concerns though and wonder if anyone has had similar experience. A few years ago, my grandma had a stroke and lost quite a bit of her mobility (she is a bit stubborn and won't do pt) and her mind is just not the same. She moved in with other family members and rarely will leave her room. She'll go to church and on Sundays she'll occasionally go to my aunts for dinner, but she doesn't move around much at all, even at home. So this will be a big trip for her.

She uses oxygen at night and she'll need a wheelchair to get around. She also won't be able to go on rides -- she is really immobile and my aunt thinks even transferring her from the chair to a ride will be really difficult. And then my aunt is worried about her waiting in the wc while they are on rides.

My aunt is also wondering if there is a service that can have someone come and stay with my grandma in the room (FT Wilderness or WL) if she doesn't want to go to the parks (she hates humidity).

Any experience with the very elderly at WDW? Thanks!

 

[Sue M]

Sorry, I have no words of advice. But it sounds like it will be a difficult trip. And I'm wondering if it would be better to leave Grandma home, and hire a home care agency to look after her while the family is gone.
One could hire an aide to bring with grandma on the trip, and get them their own room as an alternative. Their may be outside home care agencies in Orlando that would send someone out, you can do an Internet search. My mom lives in Florida, and for years we hired from a home care agency, till we had to move her into a home.
Best of luck.

 

[cmdg]

Sorry, I have no words of advice. But it sounds like it will be a difficult trip. And I'm wondering if it would be better to leave Grandma home, and hire a home care agency to look after her while the family is gone.
One could hire an aide to bring with grandma on the trip, and get them their own room as an alternative. Their may be outside home care agencies in Orlando that would send someone out, you can do an Internet search. My mom lives in Florida, and for years we hired from a home care agency, till we had to move her into a home.
Best of luck.

Thanks for the ideas. My gram actually lives with my uncle (not the family going on the trip) so if she stayed home she would be cared for. The problem is, the stroke caused her to lose some of her mental insight, so she doesn't really get how difficult the trip will be. And she just really seems to be looking forward to going and seeing our son there. My aunt doesn't have the heart to tell her that the trip may be too difficult (on both of them).

 

[gwynne]

Sorry, I have no words of advice. But it sounds like it will be a difficult trip. And I'm wondering if it would be better to leave Grandma home, and hire a home care agency to look after her while the family is gone.
One could hire an aide to bring with grandma on the trip, and get them their own room as an alternative. Their may be outside home care agencies in Orlando that would send someone out, you can do an Internet search. My mom lives in Florida, and for years we hired from a home care agency, till we had to move her into a home.
Best of luck.

Good advice. BBM. I think this is the safest solution. From OP's description, Grandma is in very fragile health. Even if somehow she is able to make the trip, how is OP going to care for Grandma if she has a health crisis while in Orlando? I think that would be a worrisome possibility.

 

[EagleScout]

Four years ago, my wife and I went with my mom and dad, in what was my dad's last vacation ever. While it is true we did not yet have kids, so my "helping out" attention was not diverted, but it was my pleasure to push my dad in a wheelchair the whole trip. There are a few -not a lot- rides that do not require you to exit the wheelchair (small world and mexico epcot, just from memory), so she could do some of the things, in addition to the shows, etc. Yes, it was a bit of work, but I do not regret it for a second. During that trip, my wife was also taking fertility drugs in what was ultimately the only attempt that was successful (out of nearly 20), and gave us our son. My best advice is threefold- have realistic expectations and tailor plans accordingly, go with a good attitude, and try to ensure you (or whoever is pushing chair) are in reasonably good shape- since I was in decent (not super) shape, the physical exertion was literally not an issue.

 

[cvjw]

I have no advice for you, but will tell you one of my saddest memories from a Disney/Universal trip. A few years back, my family of 4 was sitting on a bench at Universal Studios, enjoying family time and a snack. A random family wheeled their very elderly wheelchair bound relative over close to us, and left her there in her chair. It was so hot, and they just left her by herself while they went to enjoy the attractions. She looked beyond miserable in her chair. We still talk about how sad that was, and how that poor person had no business being in the parks that day.

 

[JennyDrake]

Hi! I may be able to provide you with quite a bit of insight/help as I have gone 3x as a traveling companion/assistant to an 85 year old w/ mobility issues and mild/moderate dementia.

You may be surprised what all you CAN do with her in a chair--all of the shows, and Ellen's Universe of Energy. We were able to execute transfers ("my" senior had a hip replacement that did not do well) to attractions where the ride could be stopped for boarding: Spaceship Earth, Haunted Mansion, etc.

Expect your senior to tire very easily and a full day--even a non-commando one--is just not feasible. Miss M. was "done" by 5 p.m. We let her set the pace in the mornings, arriving at parks around 10 a.m.

Your senior may also enjoy touring the monorail resorts one day and the Boardwalk area the next.

Miss M. enjoyed street shows and players.

Fairy Godmother does offer senior sitting services. They do not have a web site but they do have a FB page. The family of "my" senior was not willing to consider such, but in a similar situation, I certainly would.

The summer heat WILL be a significant factor. Miss M. often resisted efforts to keep her hydrated. We found it easier to just get the bottle out and hand it to her, without asking if she was thirsty. Please note that I was NOT there as a helper during summer or full capacity times. Bring large towels from home to place on the wheelchair as the vinyl gets very hot and sticky. Try not to have the senior carrying packages, large purse, etc. while in the wheel chair as that will only make her hotter.

I think you have a very do-able trip, but as PPers have said, you will need to slow down and have realistic expectations, which I think you do. Be prepared for short days in the parks and as a family, decide ahead of time who will stay with her in the room before she gets up and after she retires.

Feel free to PM me.

 

[TwinkleKS]

If you take her, make sure you have a good plan for keeping her cool. My mother took my grandmother and her sisters maybe 5 years ago or so and it was waaay too hot for them. The same thing last summer when she went to the zoo with gma and my kids in the summer (they live in a humid area). Gma is 81, drives, lives alone, is completely mobil, but can't do the heat anymore. She got sick and started throwing up from it.

You might try to look up home health nurses in the area and see if there is someone you could hire through an agency to help her.

 

[Tonka's Skipper]

I would STRONGLY suggest you post on the disability board....those folks have a wealth of knowledge and experience and may have some great ideas on how best to help with GM.

I would also not rule out all the attractions, a good number of attractions will let you bring GM right on the attraction in the wheel chair.


A small world, POTC, Jungle boat, Disney railroad, Steamboat, Universe of energy, the boat tours in Mexico, and the land, the great movie ride, all the shows and movies, just off the top of my head.


AKK

 

[spiceycat]

use to take my mother (now she is in a nursing home and will not come out of it alive) to WDW.

she had a wonderful time mostly at my expensive. Never had the heart to tell her it was my vacation. She was retired at the time. She invited herself along on my trips. She never paid a dime for transportation, hotels or food. So she was to me very, very. very expensive - she demanded to eat at expensive places and would cry in public if I say no.

tell your aunt that you wish the best for your grandmother - but you need to take care of your child FIRST.

Understand that your aunt think of her mother first - you need to remind her that your child is first to you.

Maybe you should reconsider your relatives coming at all. Sounds like a trip with your husband and child might be best for this trip.

If they are coming to just meet with your child - maybe you can go visit them this trip - put another day on the trip (if possible) and visit with them.

Otherwise don't think this will be a pleasant trip for anyone. Except for the grandmother who gets what she wants.

not a good way to stay married - my opinion.

 

[JennyDrake]

I want to follow up after reading spiceycat's post.

While my trips w/ a senior were successful, there were two adults with nothing to do other than tend to her and every night we were exhausted. I think once during 3 trips we went out again after getting her settled in (no later than 6 pm)--that may or may not coincide with what you envision. Being Childless By Choice, I don't know how a 2.5 year old figures in.....

Again, it was two of us and I am rather fit, mid 40's. I think your trip is do-able but you will need to be very slow paced. Is that going to work with an excited 2.5 year old? You may have already done this, but before booking the WDW trip, _I_ would take Grandma and the little one on some long day trips to the zoo, botanical gardens, etc. and see what test runs w/o crowds and humidity look like.

Also given the heat, I think you need to plan to be at your chosen park at rope drop. Another question to consider is if/when Grandma is "done" by 2 p.m., what will you all do the remainder of the day? I think a pre-arranged sitter is a good idea--investigate first and find out the cost--they are not inexpensive.

After resting up all of your may be ready to go back to the parks in the cooler temps, but what if Grandma is not?

"My" senior on the second trip overate/overheated and had diarrhea so badly the next day that she could not go out. What would you do in this case?

I think these and other questions need to be fully discussed before firming up your decision to go. Again, I think your trip is very do-able with lots of pre-planning and low expectations as to what you will accomplish day to day in the parks.

 

[cmdg]

Thanks for all the responses, you have given us a great deal to think about. We are definitely staying at WL, and my aunt, cousins and grandma may be staying at Ft Wilderness.

I'll have my 2.5 year old as well as will be slowed down bc I will be 27/28 weeks pregnant, so I know that my focus will have to be on him and taking care of myself (we booked the trip and then found out we had a little one on the way!). But I will be there to help however I can.

I like the idea of having one of my relatives who lives near/with my gram to take her out for the day to see how that goes -- the furthest she goes is to church or my aunts for the afternoon, so an outing to the zoo could be a great trial run!

 

[Marsheliz]

I agree with everyone about having realistic expectations.. We took my mom who has stage 4 cancer with us last trip.... She had a hard time getting around. It was hot for her alot of the time. We had to stop multiple times and it just wasn't what I had hoped for.... Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we got to take her with us, it just wasn't as happy and magical like I imagined. as long as you keep your expectations low, you will be fine. I'm glad we have those memories but it was still hard. I'm sitting here with her now in the hospital and shes not doing well. Thinking of the happy moments of that trip does make me smile.

 

[fla4fun]

I agree with everyone about having realistic expectations.. We took my mom who has stage 4 cancer with us last trip.... She had a hard time getting around. It was hot for her alot of the time. We had to stop multiple times and it just wasn't what I had hoped for.... Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we got to take her with us, it just wasn't as happy and magical like I imagined. as long as you keep your expectations low, you will be fine. I'm glad we have those memories but it was still hard. I'm sitting here with her now in the hospital and shes not doing well. Thinking of the happy moments of that trip does make me smile.

So sorry you are going through this. I went through the same thing with my mom. It's tough.

I agree that taking someone in less than good health can be tough, and if you're the caretaker and you're already tired, the vacation won't feel much like a vacation either. You really do have to keep the expectations very realistic - and I think doing a day trip somewhere as a pp suggested is an excellent idea. There's a big difference in taking care of someone at home, and taking care of someone on the road where you just don't have the same support in place. But there are occasions when the memories you create are worth more than the inconvenience you go through at the time. That's something only the OP can decide.

 

[karenklo]

I have friends that just did this last summer. They had a family trip planned and her Aunt and Grandmother decided they wanted to go to Disney too. The Aunt wanted to go and do things and they got stuck taking care of Grandma a lot. Except Gma got sick from the heat and refused to go anywhere 4 of the 6 days they were there and refused to be left alone at the hotel. It did not go well. They had not looked into someone to take care of Gma at the hotel before they went. So that might be a good idea before you go!

 

[Tink-n-Belle]

The summer is very hot and humid in FL. I moved here last July and it knocked me down for the count. I coudn't even think of going to Disney in the summer, in fact we don't even hit he beaches until 4 pm because its just so hot and draining.

can you changed the dates to early May...or late April as that may be easier. When my mom had cancer she went to the Casino (her Disney World) and she was so exhausted she slept for 2 days after.

Disney is a lot for anyone and since she is not used to going out, it will be exhausting for her. But you know her best, if you think she is up for the trip, but you need to think of everyone too and don't forget you will be 27 weeks along....so you shouldn't put yourself at risk either with the heat.

Would she enjoy a video of the trip just as much... ??

I would take her out to a local place and see how she does with that and just figure Disney will be twice as exhausting.

MDGF was in a wheel chair and we tried to take him out as much as possible, but it got to be so hArd on all of us including him.

Good luck with you decision and have a great trip.

 

[ToddyLu]

Sometimes people say things they really do not mean. Maybe she is expressing an interest because she is being polite--but doesnt really want to go and knows it???

As a nurse, even I think this would be a difficult trip