Driving question

[iwrbnd]

My son (17 next week) got in a bad car crash last week. He was going too fast on a country road.

When would you let your son start driving again?

 

[iNTeNSeBLue98]

If he's able to get behind the wheel, I would get him back on the road asap. I would think the longer he prolongs getting back out there the more afraid he might be to do it, for fear he'd be involved in another crash.

 

[bigbabyblues]

My oldest is only 9, so I'm not sure how much this is worth.

I had an accident a few years ago, and I was terrified to drive for a week or two. I agree with the other poster to let him drive again, but I'd resrict his driving to school and going to work (if he has a job) for awhile until I thought he could be more responsible. Also, no one else in the car with him.

 

[vettechick99]

Depends on how fast "too fast" is. And was he punished?

 

[Magic Mom]

He needs to start driving supervised right away, I think. The crash is fresh and you can use that to steer him towards better driving habits. He will be 18 soon enough and can drive when ever he wants then, so you want to maximize the amount of time you have with him coaching him.
I wouldn't let him drive alone or with friends for a while though.

 

[tiggerlover]

I'm sorry your son had a crash, I hope he wasn't badly hurt. I would hope that he learned something from his mistake and as others have said, I would let him get back on the road soon so he doesn't fear driving. I also hope that he was given a consequence for his actions.

 

[mamacatnv]

Thats a tough one. I remember reading your post.

Personally, I would not provide another vehicle, he would have to do that on his own and I would make him pay his portion of the car insurance. We do that with DS and always have.

I would inquire with my insurance company about getting one of those monitors installed in the vehicle that he drives - Some companies will provide and install free of charge. We had American Family when DS was first driving and after he had been driving about 2 years, it became something they offered.

I would be very strict about passengers and where/when he could drive.

There is a reason that teenage boys are so expensive to insure and your DS is a case and point, but he is certainly not alone in creating that statistic.

 

[scottishduffy]

When my friends are I had accidents as teens we were all allowed to drive again immediately.

My Dad's philosophy was that every single teen was bound to get in at least one accident because they think they are invincible. Thank God above they aren't hurt, and then thank Him again for teaching your child one the most valuable lessons he could get. With this in mind I received a short chat about how important it was to drive safe and was allowed back on the road. All my friends I knew were much more careful drivers after an accident. It is just a lesson we had to learn for ourselves.


One of my friends though was very traumatized by an accident she was responsible for (myself and one other friend were passengers and received minor injuries). She was 17 at the time and refused to drive again until she was 23 because she had been so frightened by the fact she had hurt friends.

Your son needs to drive again, I know it is a terrifying though but he needs to drive again. Now, getting a new car is an *entirely* different issue....

 

[iwrbnd]

Thank you everyone for your insight! He's without a car now and not driving while we decide what to do. My DH and I will take all this into consideration. Getting another car is something we haven't decided on either. It's hard on us having to drive him everywhere but we also want him to pay for insurance and part of the car. The problem is the recession has hit our small little town hard and teens can't find jobs. He's put applications in everywhere. I heard today one grocery store is letting their teens go so they can hire adults that need the job! I'm just feeling stressed about all this. Raising teenagers is the hardest thing I've ever done...and mine are "good" teens!

I do agree that this wreck may help him be a better driver. It's humbled him and put some much needed fear in his life. He was the typical teen that was flying high on life and invincible to any and all dangers! He's realizing our warnings about things aren't so crazy after all!

 

[disfan07]

I agree with letting him start driving right away BUT I think that if the accident was a result of him going to fast, he needs to contribute to payments for a car and insurance.

When my car was totaled, I was in the hospital for more than a week which means obviously, I could not drive right away. It was a month before I could drive again. Having that month to think about the accident adn what could have happened made me extremely scared to drive. Its been a year and a half of therapy and there are still days that I have trouble driving on highways.

It migh tbe completely different for your son because for me, someone else caused the accident so it put the fear into me that no matter how careful I am behind the wheel, there are people out there that are not and I have no control over that adn that still scares teh crud out of me.

I would say, that if he has no fear of getting him back behind the wheel, do it sooner rather than later. BUT, I would make it very clear that he adn his friends got lucky this time and that next time might not be so lucky. I think that he needs to have some amount of fear in him so that he doesnt do something liek that again, but not enough to keep him from driving again.

The part about paying for the car....my parents paid for a new car for me only because the accident was not my fault. My brother had been in 2 accidents when he was a teenager and he had to pay for all the car repairs adn teh increase in inusrance. They made it very clear that if teh accident had been my fault, I would have been without a car until I could have paid the $6,000 OOP to cover what was not paid by the insurance company

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DH said he would have him take a professional driving course and then after that allow no passengers for awhile.

 

[PatsGirl]

As soon as he can afford a new car and the insurance. Unfortunately, driving too fast is a reality for teens, especially the boy ones I'm so glad he didn't get seriously injured or hurt anyone else but he most likely has learned that he is not invincible, better to learn this earlier than later.

 

[monarchsfan16]

At the very least, have him start driving you and your husband around ASAP. If you're going to take him somewhere, or you're going somewhere together, have him drive. I'm not a parent, but I was a typical teenager and got into an accident that was avoidable my first year with a license. I was not ready to get behind the wheel by myself for quite awhile after the accident, but my dad made me drive when we were going somewhere, and he provided lots of input. It was extremely valuable.

 

[mamacatnv]

FYI for all parents of teens who are driving or will be driving - if this program comes anywhere near you it is well worth the time and effort to get your kids there. We have sent DS twice - it is free of charge and comes here once every summer.

http://www.driversedge.org/

 

[KAMLEM]

When my friends are I had accidents as teens we were all allowed to drive again immediately.

You and your friends ALL had accidents? That's bizarre. I only had one friend who was in an accident as a teen, that's it.

The problem is the recession has hit our small little town hard and teens can't find jobs. He's put applications in everywhere. I heard today one grocery store is letting their teens go so they can hire adults that need the job!

If that's true I think it's awful. How do they know who is more needy? A teen could be the only one in the family working. I would definitely stop shopping in that store.

My DD is getting her learner's permit this week and I am terrified. Nothing has frightened me more as a parent than driving. Hopefully your son's experience will make him a more cautious driver. Good luck.

 

[happygirl]

As soon as he can afford a new car and the insurance. .

I agree with this

 

[kimmar067]

If he's able to get behind the wheel, I would get him back on the road asap. I would think the longer he prolongs getting back out there the more afraid he might be to do it, for fear he'd be involved in another crash.

...yes, ITA...

 

[ckay87]

Depends on how fast "too fast" is. And was he punished?

You know, rolling a car is no picnic. I'd call that punishment. I'm not being snarky, I mean it. Punishment is about suffering consequences for actions. Action = speeding. Consequence = car accident. Unless there is something really wrong with the kid, I doubt he's anxious to do THAT again.

I remember that I had my share of very minor accidents as a teen. I remember feeling stupid, feeling sorry and most importantly, learning some lessons the hard way. I mean, my parents could have grounded me or whatever, but what would that have taught me that I hadn't already learned?

 

[JessicaR]

I wouldnt be buying him a new car but I would let him drive one of mine. I would not allow any friends in the car while he drives. I wouldnt hand the car over for joy riding. He could use my car for work and errands. I would look into some of the programs mentioned here too. That sounds great. Do they offer a 6 hour safety course? Defensive Driving Course .

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Probably as soon as he is able.

He will have learned one of two lessons--to be more careful, or that he is invincible. Delaying his return to the wheel wont' make either one the more likely outcome.

Perhaps have him drive with you or dad in the car just to see how he does.

As far as contributing financially--if he is not able to find a job, I would think additional chores around the house to "earn" his contribution to increased insurance payments is reasonable. In the real world, that would be the additional natural consequence anyway.

I wouldn't buy him a car or anything--but I wouldn't eliminate the driving privilege either.