Dr. Phil yesterday (11/17/10)

[ChrizJen]

I searched and could not find another thread about this. So if there is one, I opologize.
Did anyone see yesterday's Dr. Phil???
I usually don't watch Dr. Phil for two reasons. I'm usually at work, and for the most part I just don't care for him. But a co-worker was telling me about yesterday's episode so I looked it up. It was so disturbing that I couldn't even watch most of the video. Just reading the story broke my heart.

http://drphil.com/shows/show/1545

That woman should have her children removed from her home. My heart is absolutely bleeding for this poor little boy.
I realize first hand that there can be many emotional and behavioral issues that come with adopted children. Trust me. I know it can be challenging. But you do everything you can to get the children the help they need to work through the behaviors. It can be done. It sounds like this mother is just lazy and doesn't want to have to deal with it anymore.

This woman disgusts me. She claims she's "tried it all" when it comes to helping him deal with his behaviors. But then she also says that he saw a therapist "for a while". Why is he not still seeing a therapist??? He's obviously struggling. She obviously knows NOTHING about Reactive Attachment Disorder (which she claims she knows he has) or she would know that he doesn't "steal" food because he can and because it's there. He does it because it's a defense mechanism. Because he's obviously been neglected in the past. It's so utterly sad to me that a child would go from a bad situation right into another bad situation like that. Poor baby.

I seriously hope that someone will step in and save this little boy. It just breaks my heart.

 

[jen0610]

I searched and could not find another thread about this. So if there is one, I opologize.
Did anyone see yesterday's Dr. Phil???
I usually don't watch Dr. Phil for two reasons. I'm usually at work, and for the most part I just don't care for him. But a co-worker was telling me about yesterday's episode so I looked it up. It was so disturbing that I couldn't even watch most of the video. Just reading the story broke my heart.

http://drphil.com/shows/show/1545

That woman should have her children removed from her home. My heart is absolutely bleeding for this poor little boy.
I realize first hand that there can be many emotional and behavioral issues that come with adopted children. Trust me. I know it can be challenging. But you do everything you can to get the children the help they need to work through the behaviors. It can be done. It sounds like this mother is just lazy and doesn't want to have to deal with it anymore.

This woman disgusts me. She claims she's "tried it all" when it comes to helping him deal with his behaviors. But then she also says that he saw a therapist "for a while". Why is he not still seeing a therapist??? He's obviously struggling. She obviously knows NOTHING about Reactive Attachment Disorder (which she claims she knows he has) or she would know that he doesn't "steal" food because he can and because it's there. He does it because it's a defense mechanism. Because he's obviously been neglected in the past. It's so utterly sad to me that a child would go from a bad situation right into another bad situation like that. Poor baby.

I seriously hope that someone will step in and save this little boy. It just breaks my heart.

I didn't, but my co-worker did and she came into work still ticked off about that show. She said the same thing, this lady shouldn't have any of her 6 kids. Making her 10 year old DD shoot the video of her doing the "punishments" to him.

She said the lady made a comment along the lines of "the adoption is a done deal, she can't return him now." My co-work said she just about threw the remote at the tv.

She needs more help than he does.

 

[DisMN]

How awful. That's just over the top torturing someone. How sad for the little boy and dang someone else was watching and FILMING while she did all this?

 

[ChrizJen]

The filming was done by the woman's 10-yr-old daughter.
The stuff on the website about the show is sort of all over the place, but basically the woman knows that she needs help, but she thought she just needed discipline help with her son. She honestly doesn't see that what she's doing is child abuse!

She says that she "thinks" he has Reactive Attachment Disorder (and the "behaviors" that he exhibits do fit), but it's never been diagnosed by a professional. If you honestly think this poor baby has RAD:

1. Why have you not had him diagnosed and why isn't he still under the care of a professional? and
2. Why would you even BEGIN to think that what you're doing is appropriate for ANY 7-yr-old, let alone one who's likely already lived a life full of neglect and abuse and is likely suffering with RAD ?????

As I said, I didn't actually see this on TV yesterday, so all I have is what's on the website. But it looks like this woman is a smug monster who knows nothing about raising children. The way they leave it, Dr. Phil gives her an ultimatum. Either she gets help and agrees to in-home counseling and therapy (including cameras being installed), or child protective services will get involved and the children will be removed from her home. She agrees to this, but she STILL doesn't seem to get how horrific her actions are!!

What I also don't understand is that this woman also has a husband. How does he sit by and let this happen??

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

It absolutely broke my heart. Made me feel physically ill.

 

[DWGal210]

How terrible..,,, poor sweet child.

What a disgustng excuse for a parent....

 

[2Kds2K9]

First and foremost, this woman contacted the show. She knows she needs help. She admitted it. Did she admit that it was child abuse, no, but she knew what she was doing was wrong. She sat there and listened to the audience tell her off and agreed with what they were saying. She knew it, but didn't know how to change it.

I've been briefly exposed to a child like this. "Jonny" was a Russion adoptee and was in my DD's pre-school class for one month. The kid was a terror. Mom knew this but looked at the preschool as time off for her. She was the first to drop off as she went skipping out of there and then was the last to pick up, dredding dealing with this child again. This was a co-op so I had to volunteer for one week. During my time in the classroom, I could not believe what this child did. He pulled his pants down several times and exposed himself. He ran around the classroom with scissors "stabbing" at the air. The teacher would put him in time out, but that meant nothing. And that's just the very tip of the iceberg.

I went to the Director and asked what they were doing about this child. Since it was a Church pre-school, the Director told me they could not turn him away. WHAT?! I suggested that they help the mother find a better suited place for "Jonny". Bottom line was, I pulled my child out of that environment.

I surely hope the woman from yesterday uses all the resources Dr. Phil is providing and helping herself and her child. Don't beat her up. She knows she's wrong and is seeking help. Pray for her and her family.

 

[happygirl]

It was horrible she didn't at all seem like she was sorry.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Don't beat her up. She knows she's wrong and is seeking help. Pray for her and her family.

Absolutely, pray for her and her family. They're all going to need it.

What bothered me about her...besides her horrific behavior on the video...is her behavior ON the show. How could SHE sit there and watch that video and look so unaffected by and so unashamed of what she did. She SAID a lot, but not with anything resembling shame, or guilt, or remorse. She just seemed to be saying "I tried this, it didn't work, I need something else to try." There appeared to be very little real acknowledgment about how horrible her behavior really was.

IMHO.

 

[ChrizJen]

But 2Kds2K9: when Dr. Phil told her that what she was doing was child abuse, she simply said, "You're entitled to your opinion."

I'm just not convinced that she knows how horrible the things she's been doing are. She contacted Dr. Phil not because she knew that what she was doing was wrong. She contacted him because what she was doing wasn't affectively working. There's a difference. At the end of the show, I think that MAYBE they had gotten through to her. But then it says that after she was given the ultimatum, she asked Dr. Phil if she would be expected to "drop the bar" (I read: lower the standards) for the rest of her children, or just the one. She honestly thinks that by not abusing her child she's "dropping the bar" or lowering her standards????

The reality is that she DESPERATELY needs to learn the difference between punishing and discipline. She needs to take some classes on parenting hurt children. Traditional "punishment" does not work for these children.

The difference is this: A healthy, well-adjusted child who comes from a loving and nurturing environment is taught from birth the lesson of cause and effect / actions and consequences. An infant cries, and her needs are met. She is fed, she is held, her diaper is changed. She grows into a child who knows that you do A, and the consequence is B. A child whose needs are never met from the beginning has no concept of this. He never learned that you get what you need when you cry. So as a 7-yr-old, he has no concept that if he lies or steals or hurts someone, that he will have consequences. It's just not something he can comprehend. It's not in his wiring at this point. All he knows is that he's being abused. Again. So he's being scarred further.

I honestly think that ANYONE who adopts children should learn what is involved in parenting these very special angels. There's MUCH more to it than signing a bunch of papers and bringing a baby/child home.

ETA: And 2Kds2k9, I get what you're saying about the little boy at your DD's preschool. And I hear you about the behaviors. But what you have to understand (and it's very difficult to understand sometimes) is that it's not his fault. It's not a behavior problem. It's a mental illness that he suffers from, and he's not getting the help that he needs. That's what's so sad. The kids are misunderstood and labelled and "bad", so they're dealt with in the ways that "bad" kids are dealt with. But by doing that, we fail these kids miserably. And they've already been failed to miserably. SO we're essentially just continuing the long cycle of abuse. It's very sad. The "Johnny" that you referred to? He needed help. All the punishment in the world would have been useless with him. And his adoptive mother was obviously clueless to that.