Doubts about officiant

[Tiggerific04]

I leave in FOUR days and I am now having some serious doubts about my choice of officiant.

He has been less than personable and slow to respond to my questions... when he does respond it's usually a one word answer or he just ignores my questions completely.

For example, I had emailed him a couple of weeks ago to touch base and make sure we were all set. I asked him if a check is ok for the balance and I asked some questions about the marriage license. The response I got was, "Yes, yes, yes, we are all set." Umm, ok, but the marriage license questions required more than a "yes" or "no" answer.

I let it go, and I had to write to him again with a question about one of the readings. I wrote, "One question: For the Prayer of the Faithful..." blah blah blah and ended with a question mark. The next line was a reminder that I wanted the vows portion to be the "consent" option where he asks us and we respond, "I do."

I didn't hear anything back for over a week, so I forwarded it to him last night and said I wasn't sure if he got it so I was resending.

This is the response I got from him this morning:

"I received it but I did not consider it a question thus no answer. I was not pleased with the consent part as I think it takes away from the service and makes you look not to bright, however, it is your service so I shall comply with your wishes."

First of all, it couldn't have been clearer that there was a question. Secondly, am I wrong to think that response is a little rude??

Is it too late for me to pick a new officiant? I'm worried because this one comes pretty highly recommended on here, but I haven't gotten a great vibe from him at all. Help?

 

[hmgolden]

Yikes! Honestly, after that last response, I would probably investigate finding a new officiant. I'm not sure how much luck you'll have so close to your date and I'm not sure what the cancellation fee (if any) would be with your current one, but after that last email, I think it would be worth it!

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

oh my god Erin, if that were me I would be freaking out right now. That response is awful. I wouldn't think it would be too late to get another officiant, although your choice may be limited. Have you spoken to him on the phone? Is he the same way?

 

[sajetto]

Holy Cow!!! Is that Rev. Tim by chance?

 

[JaxTeach]

I'm so sorry you are having problems with this officiant. It seems like I've read a similiar account of this particular officiant recently (I assume it's the same as the responses from him are the same).

While what he said is his opinion and he's entitled to it, I think to be so blunt and use the wording he chose was rude. He is right, it's your ceremony and if that is what you want, he should comply and really not even give his opinion. That's what our parents are for!

If you really want to, I don't think it would be too late to switch officiants if you can find one available. Maybe you can email/phone some of the others to check out their availability. I will add that people on the boards who have had similiar complaints about this officiant (if it's who I think it is) have said that things worked out more or less at the ceremony. I know this isn't easy so close to your date. I wish you luck!

 

[hiwaygal]

WOW!!!

Oh yeah, if my officiant had said that to me this close to my wedding, he'd be SO GONE!

I'm sorry but you are paying him for a service. You have taken the time to make your vows what YOU want them to be, they are personal and meaningful to YOU and that is what matters.

I would try to find out if anyone is available, CALL this rude officiant and tell him why you are FIRING him and going with someone else. I would also let Disney know because they do send recommendations to brides and if this is how he is going to do business, they should know.

I'm sorry he responded to you in that way and I hope that no matter what happens your ceremony is special to you in more ways than you can imagine!

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

I can recommend Rev Randall Miller at http://uniquelyunited.com/
He has been magnificent

 

[Tiggerific04]

Yikes! Honestly, after that last response, I would probably investigate finding a new officiant. I'm not sure how much luck you'll have so close to your date and I'm not sure what the cancellation fee (if any) would be with your current one, but after that last email, I think it would be worth it!

I think the cancellation "fee" is just that he gets to keep the deposit, which I'm totally fine with as long as we can get someone else!

oh my god Erin, if that were me I would be freaking out right now. That response is awful. I wouldn't think it would be too late to get another officiant, although your choice may be limited. Have you spoken to him on the phone? Is he the same way?

Thanks for the reassurance, I thought it was just me! I'm on the verge of tears here because I don't know what to do. I had originally looked around at several of the officiants, but this one seemed the most flexible with a Catholic ceremony. Guess I was wrong!! What gets to me the most is that the vows I chose were from the book HE SENT ME!

I have only spoken to him through email as I can't make calls from work and email is easiest for me. I know others on here have said that he is better on the phone, but I don't think that's an excuse to be rude.

Holy Cow!!! Is that Rev. Tim by chance?

I didn't want to say it, but yes. I know others on here have had similar problems with him, but overall he seemed ok.

I'm so sorry you are having problems with this officiant. It seems like I've read a similiar account of this particular officiant recently (I assume it's the same as the responses from him are the same).

While what he said is his opinion and he's entitled to it, I think to be so blunt and use the wording he chose was rude. He is right, it's your ceremony and if that is what you want, he should comply and really not even give his opinion. That's what our parents are for!

If you really want to, I don't think it would be too late to switch officiants if you can find one available. Maybe you can email/phone some of the others to check out their availability. I will add that people on the boards who have had similiar complaints about this officiant (if it's who I think it is) have said that things worked out more or less at the ceremony. I know this isn't easy so close to your date. I wish you luck!

Exactly, I don't understand why he had to be rude when like I told Summer above, I chose the vows from a book for Catholic ceremonies that he sent to me to use!! It's not like I made up those vows -- it's fairly common (at least in my experience) to use the "Do you, Erin, take blah blah blah" version.

I know others who have used him have said that things worked out ok, but it seems recently I've read more and more accounts of him not doing what the couple asked for, which really worries me. I think I'm going to contact some others and see what my options are.

 

[mcarthur205]

I agree with the others - that last response is just plain rude and uncalled for. He should keep his opinions to himself, and even if your last email hadn't made it clear you were asking questions, he should have acknowledged he had received it. If it were me I would move heaven and earth to make sure that he did not perform my wedding ceremony!

Good luck and I hope you can get this sorted out!

CarolAnn

 

[Tiggerific04]

WOW!!!

Oh yeah, if my officiant had said that to me this close to my wedding, he'd be SO GONE!

I'm sorry but you are paying him for a service. You have taken the time to make your vows what YOU want them to be, they are personal and meaningful to YOU and that is what matters.

I would try to find out if anyone is available, CALL this rude officiant and tell him why you are FIRING him and going with someone else. I would also let Disney know because they do send recommendations to brides and if this is how he is going to do business, they should know.

I'm sorry he responded to you in that way and I hope that no matter what happens your ceremony is special to you in more ways than you can imagine!

Thanks, I've just contacted three other officiants and am hoping someone else will be available. I've been trying to call DF but he's not answering his phone -- he's going to FREAK when I tell him this.

I will definitely let both the officiant and Disney know why I am no longer going to be needing his services.

I can recommend Rev Randall Miller at http://uniquelyunited.com/
He has been magnificent

I had contacted him originally and liked him, so I just sent him another email. Here's hoping he might be available!

I agree with the others - that last response is just plain rude and uncalled for. He should keep his opinions to himself, and even if your last email hadn't made it clear you were asking questions, he should have acknowledged he had received it. If it were me I would move heaven and earth to make sure that he did not perform my wedding ceremony!

Good luck and I hope you can get this sorted out!

CarolAnn

Thanks, I'm working on finding someone new!

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Oh Erin, I sincerely hope you can find another officiant. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour. I think it's pretty obvious that you meant Rev Tim, even though you didn't mention him by name. He seems to give the same sort of responses to everyone

 

[Kismetdreams]

I have heard this type of thing so many times about Rev. Tim. I wish it wasn't so close to your wedding day. We had Rev. Jack Day and he was wonderful to us. He was never anything but sweet and helpful. We did a modified Catholic Ceremony as well, everything except the communion portion, and he had no issies and even made a wonderful homily for us about marriage.

I would suggest holding on to Rev. Tim for now, but start calling the other officiants and seeing if any of them are available to perform your ceremony. This way, if you can't find anyone else, then you still have Rev. Tim, just in case.

Best of luck

 

[hiwaygal]

Thanks, I've just contacted three other officiants and am hoping someone else will be available.

If you don't mind my asking...who else did you contact?

Recently there have been several threads recommending officiants and maybe if the three you contacted aren't available, others can be suggested for you.

 

[BaBeeCee14]

Hi Erin-
Lots of s to you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this so close to your wedding. I'm sure the last thing you need right now is a rude officiant . I really hope you can find someone else in time to perform your ceremony. Sending some pixie dust your way! Good luck!

 

[BayouPrincess]

Erin,
I'm soooooooooo sorry that you are having this trouble. How rude! I can't imagine anyone who calls themselves a minister of any kind would "talk" to someone like that.

Sending you lots of so you can get this worked out. I hope you can find someone else on such short notice. Keep us updated so we can keep you in our prayers!

 

[Sparkles9306]

I'm sorry, that response was definitely uncalled for.

We've been dealing with Rev. Keving Knox. He's been responsive so far, but I've mostly dealt with his wife who is very nice. He is flexible with ceremonies and give you a 30 page document with choices from no mention of faith to mainly faith based ceremonies.

Keep us updated.

 

[Tiggerific04]

I have heard this type of thing so many times about Rev. Tim. I wish it wasn't so close to your wedding day. We had Rev. Jack Day and he was wonderful to us. He was never anything but sweet and helpful. We did a modified Catholic Ceremony as well, everything except the communion portion, and he had no issies and even made a wonderful homily for us about marriage.

I would suggest holding on to Rev. Tim for now, but start calling the other officiants and seeing if any of them are available to perform your ceremony. This way, if you can't find anyone else, then you still have Rev. Tim, just in case.

Best of luck

I've emailed everyone on Disney's list and am going to make phone calls this afternoon if I don't hear back from anyone. As soon as I told DF, he asked if he should call our current officiant and cancel (and tell him off, lol). I told him to wait because we need to make sure we have someone first! So far I've heard back from two people who are available so at least there is hope

 

[aprincess72]

Let me just say that if you want your ceremony a particular way then you will want to find another officiant. I've read a ton of comments that said "the ceremony was nice, but he didn't do anything we asked".
I asked for very specific things that were not done by Rev. Tim and it was upsetting to me. We were told in the beginning that he would have a call with both of us about 2 weeks from the wedding to discuss the ceremony and what we wanted. That never happened and he would not allow us to see even a sample ceremony prior to our wedding. The communication was horrible. After many many attempts at email (I got yes, yes, yes to my questions as well) and phone calls I finally reached him on the phone he told me that he writes every ceremony different for each couple and if we see it, it will ruin the romance. Well I was upset about all of this but didn't make a huge deal about it. Saturday I turned on my TV and guess who's doing the EXACT same ceremony on a wedding show for someone else. It's a good thing I didn't find that ceremony to be all that special.
After the wedding DH and I both said we couldn't wait for it to be over because it made no sense and didn't fit us at all. Rev Tim made several "jokes" that were geared toward old fashioned relationships which ours is not.
Sorry for the rant... as time goes on I think we actually get more upset about it. DH says he thinks now he should get his notary and start performing weddings at Disney. I think it's a great idea because he's got a great memory and would actually do what people want!!!

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Erin who is still available, maybe you can get some more recommendations for them?

 

[oneyodafan]

I am so sorry to hear this. Best of luck finding a new officiant! Glad to hear there are some available to choose from. Sending major pixie dust your way!