Does anyone have a son that is not interested in/not good at sports?

[pfishgirl]

Karate here too....

DS (14) has a Black Belt for over a Year now...He even Assistant Teaches the White/Yellow (newbies) belt Class before his normal Black Belt Class...

He was 9 when he started and he loved it... There was a time in between where he was bored, but I spoke with his Sensei and they figured out what the problem was... He was so shy and quiet and to see him now...There is such a HUGE difference and Not just with his Maturity level as he got older but the confidence, self-esteem, grades in school and the care he takes on his body now..

He was a Cub Scout then a Boy Scout as well up until he graduated 8th grade.. That was alot of fun... Then he dropped out to Pursue Karate more...

He also has been involved with school activities... Dare, Science Club, Computer Club and he even was on the Chess club for a little while..

Best Wishes !!!!!

 

[poohandwendy]

I don't think it is a good idea to push a non-athletic type into athletics.

However, I do feel strongly that all kids need to find an activity that they can be a part of during their school years. Peer acceptance comes from being involved in some way in some sort of group activity, on some level. IMO, being bored and not fitting in are the most dangerous things for the Ms and Hs student years. Staying involved, in some way, helps self esteem and self worth. It also makes kids less likely to be depressed and get involved in bad things. (I am not saying that it is a cure all, but it helps)

They should be involved with something they are comfortable in and with others who share similar goals and talents. It's important for parents to think outside the box and not expect their boys to necessarily be little athletes and their girls to be little cheerleaders. (not that those things aren't great if that is what they are into, but lets face it...not all kids are really good at those things, nor are they interested in them).

The best thing you can do, IMHO, is to 'help' by doing a little bit of research and finding out what activities are available to them and then step back and let them decide what fits their personality and abilities.

Good luck to your son!

 

[hannahouse]

I'm just afraid that as he gets older, and his peers get even MORE into sports, he will feel more "different".

He sounds just like my 9 year old - very intellectual, not physical. Encourage anything he wants to do to promote physical fitness, and be very supportive of his intellectual persuits. I suspect my child will go through some bumps when he hits middle school ( such a difficult age!), but I believe he'll have the self confidance to handle it, and become a wonderful young man.

 

[Robinrs]

Michael has looked like a football player ALL of his life and has been sick of hearing it ALL of his life. It's sort of turned him off from the sport, almost to the point of disdain.

My son is a music and theater fanatic, just like his mom. I know, people see this big boy and wonder "THEATER???".... He looks like Muhammed Ali and he wants to act? Uhhh, yeah!

I think we should all concentrate on the things our children love and tend to excel in. I do wish he were more into team things but it's not him. At 12 I realize what he is good at and try to instill pride in that instead of pushing him into something he has never shown interest in.

I loved my parents but my Dad tried to make me a sports fan and my Mom tried to disinterest me in theater. Almost a half century later, none of these things worked for me.

 

[Sleepy]

My 13 year old started ballet at age 8. He is making it a career and well on his way. He started out a bean pole of a kid and you should see how his leg muscles have developed over the last couple years. It takes alot of strength to do what he does several hours everyday.

 

[aprilgail2]

Matt liked sports but he really stunk at them! He ended up in Karate which seemedto be his thing. He wasa black belt by 12 and when he died his mom hung his sword he got for his testing on his casket and he was buried with it. (he used to say he was goign to fight bruce lee when he died).
My daughter I put into everything, By 5 she is in ice skating, baseball, soccer, taekwondo and kidnastics. I don't want her becoming a tv watching kid so I have her moving physically as much as I can. As long as your son is outside riding his bike or running around getting exercise I don't see anything wrong with him not playing sports he doesn't like.

 

[Christine]

Yep, my son who is 10 has hated all organized sports. He's not even particularly uncoordinated. He just hates the pressure of competing and performing physically with a team--being made fun of if he doesn't "make the goal" etc. He hates it. He loves recess and real casual activities on the playground.

I don't care if he's an athlete or not but I was concerned that he was not getting enough physical activity and I want he to get some more coordination and confidence in his body.

I signed it up for Tae Kwon Do. It was a struggle for the first month because my son has anxiety issues and he is still embarrassed doing the things in front of others, but he loves it. It is 95% individual, you progress at your own pace, and the atmosphere is full of praise and not bullying or competition or who's better than who. I'm really impressed with it.

 

[Barb D]

I don't have time to read replies or post a long message now -- I will later -- but please let me URGE you to find some kind of sport or physical activity for your son now. It's not so much for fitting in, but for keeping a level of physical fitness as he grows. My DS has also never been coordinated (he's still not, at 13), and we didn't push team sports. He played soccer in a non-competetive league, and never did well at it. He didn't have the coordination or the agression for it. Now he swims and runs. We've joined a gym as a family, and he gets exercise that way, too. I have also never been athletic or coordinated, and I wish that I had found a good activity as a kid. Now I'm struggling with weight issues.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Sports are not the end all for kids and there is nothing wrong with a child not being a natural and not being involved in organized sports. My 14yo has never had much interest. We had him try different things--gymnastics, baseball, swimming, etc, but he ended up dropping all of them. The hardest part is keeping him somewhat active and healthy. His younger brother (11yo) is very athletic and he has always had a hard time with that.

In our society many people put a high value on boys being involved in organized sports, which puts a lot of pressure on the boys who have no interest or who have coordination issues (he also has Tourette's Syndrome, which makes it harder and leads to teasing ). Not too different than it was when I was growing up in the 60's for a tomboy girl since girls at that time were expected not to be too involved in sports (actually, that viewpoint has not totally died, at least not in our middle school, from what I have recently heard).

Kids need to figure out what they are interested in and are good at. The time to try lots of things out is childhood--it's a great time to try things out, but every child will not like and excel at sports and should not be made to continue in it, even though I do think they should be encouraged to try a variety of different activities over the course of their childhood/teen years.

An active lifestyle is important, though. Maybe a family hike would be a good idea (an idea that I need to put into practice). Something to do to stay active and not totally veg out. Or a bike ride. A game of basketball.

T&B

 

[chobie]

This is why non-competitive teams are a good option for some kids. The important thing is that we have a way for all kids to get exercise and develop strength and coordination. I'm glad they have competitive sports for the kids who are athletic and like to compete and also its is good to have an alternative. My DS did the no-scoring soccer and he did not care for it, but he went every week and participated. Now he is in karate and wants to do swimming. My DD does dance 3 hours a week (tap, jazz, hip-hop and modern).

 

[missypie]

DS14 has mild Asperger's Syndrome. He is terrible at sports, has no interest in them, hasn't a competitive bone in his body.

He is a very good swimmer. He does summer rec swim team (comes in last most of the time but he's in the water for an hour a day, 5 days a week which would be fabulous for us all!). He rides his bike a couple of miles every day to school. He takes jazz and tap dance. He's great at choir and is in scouts.

I'll tell you that in my experience, school for him got MUCH BETTER in middle school where there is NO RECESS. He never wanted to play at recess...would have preferred to be reading. Also, by middle school level and definitely by high school level, there are FEWER boys playing sports, at least in competetive school districts. Boys get cut from their school teams, or else make the C team and get fed up, or don't make the team at all, or don't want to run for miles and do conditioning.

 

[Teejay32]

I'm grateful for this thread today. My nephew, age 9, has moved in with us for the time being and he's not involved with any activities whatsoever. He has hand-eye coordination issues and he's about 50 pounds overweight, and it's hard to get him interested in doing things out of the house...perhaps never knowing where your MOTHER IS and being dropped off with a different babysitter every day and night has a little something to do with that...but anyway, this reminded me, he swims like a fish. I don't know if we can manage Karate lessons for him but I'm looking into it...swimming is probably better. Archery is an interesting idea too.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Teejay, hugs to your nephew! I'm glad that he has you in his life--so much for him to have gone through in his short life. Every child deserves parents they can count on, at the very least. Kudos to you!

T&B

 

[golfgal]

There is nothing wrong with a kid not playing sports. The most "participated in" activity (if that is a phrase) in our town is marching band.

Chance of getting an academic scholarship to college-about 90%, chance of getting an athletic scholarship--less then 1%.

I have to agree that Tae Kwon Do, especially with a good instructor, would do wonders for his muscle tone and cooridination. In Tae Kwon Do, you don't have to go to any competitions at all. Our oldest loved going to the tournaments, our twins hated them. They are all black belts now and just go to teach in the classes. Swimming is also great. There is also nothing wrong with just letting him walk/ride his bike around the neighborhood. The bike riding, especially, will be good for his coordination. Start going on family bike rides in the evening.

As for recess, can he bring cars/trucks, etc to play with? I know they let kids do that at our school and there is usually a large number of kids building all kinds of things in the sand box. They even added a second sandbox to accomodate the kids. That is something he can do on his own, but most likely others will join him.

Our oldest likes sports, but not football and that is what all the boys played at recess. We sent a frizbee with him to school and he and a couple of his friends ended up playing that and he was fine with that. Sometimes he would join the girls for a game of basketball, too.

Another "favorite" game with our kids is throwing a superball (the bigger ones) against a brick wall. I remember doing this in elementary school, too. I laugh when I see the kids doing this.

 

[shelbyjosh]

My 7 year old has no desire to participate in any individual or team sports. I feel bad for him since he is always going here and there with DD and I for skating. DH is a big time hunter and loves to fish. DS has taken to both of these. He has already gotten a mallard (that is mounted and hanging on his wall!!) and has oodles of tackle and fishing gear. I would like him to get involved in a group sport but I don't want to force him. My hands are tied right now and until he says he wants to try something I won't push the issue.

 

[Disney Gator]

I don't want to sound like a jerk, but I think kids should be involved in something competitive. It doesn't have to be team sports, or sports at all. It could be chess, ballet, dance, whatever. The real world is competitive and you have to learn it sometime. Better to learn it while you're young instead of when you're old.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Well, school is competitive, so I guess that could qualify.

I think exposing kids to a variety of activities is important and making them follow through on their commitment, but other than that they should be able to try various things. Some kids are too competitive (my 11 and 5yo are this way) and need to learn to control that streak. Others, like my 14yo, are just the opposite.

T&B

 

[meandtheguys2]

Better to learn it while you're young instead of when you're old.

Why? Anything to back that statement up? Just wondering. I can't think of any reason why a kid would *have* to be in a competitive activity. All of the kids I know already compete with one another. It is inherent, IMO. My DS8 lives a constant life of comparing/competing with both his brothers, 10 and 5. They are all always competing with themselves. (Last week I hit 8 of 10 target practice, this week I want them all!)

I don't have to lose at soccer to understand that I can't always win. I didn't have to play soccer to experience winning.

As for excercise and self improvement, though, I think swimming, golf and archery are great ideas. They are all physical activities that can be enjoyed throughout a person's life. Not just in grade/high school.

*This is not saying that I agree with all of the PC non-competitive BS, BTW. I think that is foolishness.

 

[Rajah]

I absolutely hate sports, never have liked them, though that was more acceptable in a girl. I still to this day couldn't find anything exercise-related that I enjoyed -- until Tae Kwan Do. So I'll second that suggestion as well. From one sports-hater to another.

 

[Disney Gator]

Why? Anything to back that statement up? Just wondering. I can't think of any reason why a kid would *have* to be in a competitive activity.

Well basically what I was saying is that you have to learn sometime that life isn't non-competitive.

Competition is good. Of course if you take it to the extreme it's not healthy, but that's true of anything. Competition is what makes you excel. If you work hard but you get the same rewards as someone who slacks off all the time...what incentive is there for you to work so hard? There are non-competitive sports, should there be non-competitive school as well? Should every kid get an "A" no matter how well they do on their tests?

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe parents should shield their kids from reality until they turn 18 and then just throw them to the wolves.

This is not a pro-sports rant by the way. I love sports but not everyone does. I do think that kids should find something physical to do though. Exercise of some sort. There's hundreds of physical activities out there.