Do your teens and pre-teens do chores?

[Big Cuddly Bear]

I have a friend of mine who has a 14 year old daughter, and a 12 year old daughter, and the ONLY chore they have is to keep their bedrooms clean - absolutely no other chores.

Here is how I found out about it:

I came to pick him up for work one day, and his kids were outside playing in the driveway. His trash cans were turned on their sides - which is what the trash guys do after they empty your trash in his area. So when I went inside I asked him if his kids bring in the trash cans or not. Mine do, and they are younger than his daughters.

Anyway his reply caught me off guard as I never would have expected this from him, as he has been my best friend for 32 years. His reply was "Nope, my kids don't do any chores at all other than keeping their rooms clean. Lisa and I don't want to interrupt their schoolwork or their after school activities with chores. Lisa doesn't work, so she does all the chores."

So, I don't know what I think about this, but that surely wasn't the answer I expected, especially in regards to the trash cans... I mean the kids were outside, and it would literally have taken 20 seconds to bring the cans to the back of the house.

Do you kids do chores? BTW, I didn't say anything back to him.

 

[LisaNJ25]

yep..my 11yo will do dishes, vacuum, brings her laundry to the basement and at times will do her own laundry , bring in garbage cans.. etc.

they live here.. they can help out.

 

[Magpie]

Anyway his reply caught me off guard as I never would have expected this from him, as he has been my best friend for 32 years. His reply was "Nope, my kids don't do any chores at all other than keeping their rooms clean. Lisa and I don't want to interrupt their schoolwork or their after school activities with chores. Lisa doesn't work, so she does all the chores."

I don't work outside the home, either. But my 12 and 14 year olds definitely have chores. If they're coming home and they see the empty bins outside I expect them to bring them in. If they don't, I'll send them back out to get them.

They take turns doing the dishes - after all, I cooked the meal!

They take the dog out, whenever I ask them to. They clean their own bathroom. They brush the carpet on the stairs. They help me out, whenever I go on a big cleaning spree. They rake leaves and weed and whatever else their father and I ask them to do.

I figure they're part of this family, therefore they're part of helping maintain this house. Everyone pitches in!

 

[Hannathy]

Not many because school is their job. My DD in high school was way to busy with homework and activities to do many. She would help if she were home and she kept her BR clean (usually during play or finals I did it) and her bedroom but it was messy and that is how she wanted it. but she also took 10 AP courses and 2 semesters at the university of English while in HS and was captain of all the science teams, photography editor, and was in or worked every play and musical, plus many, many other school clubs, orchestra, took dance etc. Well worth it, got a very good scholarship to a good school and will save a lot from those AP courses. I'll gladly bring in the trash cans to save almost 2 semesters worth of college credit.
Because I also wanted her to have a social life and fun.

My DS 12 does help cut the grass and does things when I ask.

 

[DebD4T]

DDs 15 and 12 do not have any official chores. That said, if I ask either of them to pitch in, I fully expect them to.

Neither of them are home much during the week, so they get a pass from Monday through Friday, but on the weekend, they can't go out until they do any chores I might have asked them to do.

DS is away at college, so obviously he doesn't have any chores!! LOL!

 

[Sorsha]

I have a friend of mine who has a 14 year old daughter, and a 12 year old daughter, and the ONLY chore they have is to keep their bedrooms clean - absolutely no other chores.

Here is how I found out about it:

I came to pick him up for work one day, and his kids were outside playing in the driveway. His trash cans were turned on their sides - which is what the trash guys do after they empty your trash in his area. So when I went inside I asked him if his kids bring in the trash cans or not. Mine do, and they are younger than his daughters.

Anyway his reply caught me off guard as I never would have expected this from him, as he has been my best friend for 32 years. His reply was "Nope, my kids don't do any chores at all other than keeping their rooms clean. Lisa and I don't want to interrupt their schoolwork or their after school activities with chores. Lisa doesn't work, so she does all the chores."

So, I don't know what I think about this, but that surely wasn't the answer I expected, especially in regards to the trash cans... I mean the kids were outside, and it would literally have taken 20 seconds to bring the cans to the back of the house.

Do you kids do chores? BTW, I didn't say anything back to him.

Umm... yeah. That wouldn't fly around here.
Schoolwork is important, and activities, don't get me wrong, but they all have chores.

Each has to keep her room clean, help clean up the table after dinner, and clean up the bathroom after her bath or shower. Youngest has to feed the cat and the fish, middle child unloads the dishwasher, oldest re-loads it, oldest scoops the catbox (its her cat, that was the agreement) and takes out the trash if DH isn't around to do it. Oldest also usually does her own laundry.

On House Cleaning day, everyone gets assigned chores as well, I may be a Mean Mom, but they have all gotten to sweep/Swiffer floors, clean bathrooms, dust shelves, wash mirrors, etc. They have survived, LOL.

 

[1stluvispooh]

If mine want money the do chores. No chores no allowance. Each chore has a money amount attached to it so if they don't do it or do it in a timely manner no money. I also don't buy them things when we are out. Want more silly bandz buy them yourself!

 

[Magpie]

Not many because school is their job. My DD in high school was way to busy with homework and activities to do many. She would help if she were home and she kept her BR clean (usually during play or finals I did it) and her bedroom but it was messy and that is how she wanted it. but she also took 10 AP courses and 2 semesters at the university of English while in HS and was captain of all the science teams, photography editor, and was in or worked every play and musical, plus many, many other school clubs, orchestra, took dance etc. Well worth it, got a very good scholarship to a good school and will save a lot from those AP courses. I'll gladly bring in the trash cans to save almost 2 semesters worth of college credit.
Because I also wanted her to have a social life and fun.

My DS 12 does help cut the grass and does things when I ask.

I agree it would be a fair trade if it was either trash cans or college credit!

And I definitely agree that you should give your kids enough time to get their school work done, because that has priority over household chores.

But isn't it also important to teach your kids to be considerate and keep their eyes open for those little things that need to be done? I mean, my husband would bring in the trash cans if he saw them lying out when he came home at the end of the day. Why should the OP's friend's kids play on the driveway (not studying), while he hikes out there to get the trash cans? Wouldn't it be better if the kids had looked around on their own, spotted the cans and said, "Oh look, the cans are tipped over! Let's put them back, and then play."

 

[wvjules]

So, I don't know what I think about this, but that surely wasn't the answer I expected, especially in regards to the trash cans... I mean the kids were outside, and it would literally have taken 20 seconds to bring the cans to the back of the house.

Do you kids do chores? BTW, I didn't say anything back to him.

What would you say? His house, his rules. So what if it isn't the way you do things.

 

[shortbun]

My brother and his ex did the 'his work is his school work' thing. My nephew got great grades, is a really nice 20yo man BUT he is clueless about putting in a day of hard work.
He went to college with no knowledge of how to do laundry. He has no idea how to load or unload a dishwasher, forget doing dishes by hand. I think they failed to train him for lifes little chores and I'm guessing his first serious girlfriend will laugh him out of her apartment. My 15yo son has been doing laundry in some way since he was 6. He doesn't have to do yard work because he has allergies but he has done it once or twice so he's not totally clueless even there. He feeds the cats, empties the trash, can cook a few meals from start to finish and cleans his own bathroom.

 

[disneybound2010]

my DS is only 4 and he has "chores." He makes his bed(it's messy,but at least he TRIED) he makes sure all clothes make it into the hamper(he likes to sort them) and he vaccuums the living room...I go back over it after he is out of earshot. These are all things he has always seen us do and somewhere along the line WANTED to do on his own. We did start giving him an allowance in the last couple of weeks and he is so proud of himself. It makes him feel good that he is big like Daddy and makes money

 

[bethbuchall]

Honestly, no they don't have any assigned chores. They always help out when asked, though. I am not saying this is the right way to do it, but it has worked for us. If I were to start all over, I would probably come up with chores for them.

I'm always a little amazed by the people who "can't" figure out how to do laundry and dishes, because they weren't expected to do them while growing up. Neither is all that hard to figure out even without guidance. My oldest never did any laundry until he went away to school last year, and he was able to figure it out all by himself. This year he is in an apartment and can cook and do the dishes as well as the laundry.

 

[browneyes106]

My brother and his ex did the 'his work is his school work' thing. My nephew got great grades, is a really nice 20yo man BUT he is clueless about putting in a day of hard work.
He went to college with no knowledge of how to do laundry. He has no idea how to load or unload a dishwasher, forget doing dishes by hand. I think they failed to train him for lifes little chores and I'm guessing his first serious girlfriend will laugh him out of her apartment. My 15yo son has been doing laundry in some way since he was 6. He doesn't have to do yard work because he has allergies but he has done it once or twice so he's not totally clueless even there. He feeds the cats, empties the trash, can cook a few meals from start to finish and cleans his own bathroom.

I have a friend whose older brothers are that way. Her maternal grandmother lived with her family for many years. Both of the parents worked but the grandma would do all the chores for them and the kids while everyone was at school and work. My friend was the only girl but she was close to her grandma and learned to do chores. Her older brother are now in their 20's and 30's and she told me that one of her brother still doesn't know how to do laundry and depends on his wife to do a lot of chores.

I think it is good for kids to learn those skills early on. Growing up school work did come first in my family but often I helped cook dinner and I would clean the house on the weekends. I would feed the pets here and there.

 

[HM]

My kids 17/15 don't have set chores. I do give them chores to do occasionally as I need help from them or on "clean house day". I've asked them to try and see when things need to be done, and every now and then they'll surprise me and do something on their own.

 

[hereyago]

DD12 cleans the livng room, dusting vacuuming. cleans the kitchen floor and counter top. Her room is a hot mess, but she has to deal with her friends call her a slob, but she is actually cleaning that out this weekend.

She brings in the trash can from the street. She cooks simple meals now. She takes care of pup and cat, cause I don't do litter boxes,eeww. My DM pays her to clean her room each week.

Then she will find things to do like reorganize and clean out the pantry.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

yes they all have chores.

They all do laundry, empty the dishwasher, take out trash and recycling, kitchen helper, set the table, and other random stuff.

And they are supposed to keep their room clean but with 3 boys in one room it's hard. "I didn't do it" is my invisible child who loves to make messes.

Oh and DS14 cuts the grass if I can't get to it and he cooks, but he wants to go to culinary school so cooking helps both of us.

they do chores for 2 reasons, one to make money. No chores no allowance. And 2, some day they won't live here and they need to function on their own. Or if I died tomorrow I know the house would still be maintained and not fall to pieces.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Heck yes. We all live in the house I work full time and I can't do everything.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

And they are supposed to keep their room clean but with 3 boys in one room it's hard. "I didn't do it" is my invisible child who loves to make messes.

at our house it's the dog

 

[mom2travel]

We don't have a set schedule of chores, but the kids are definitely expected to help out when they are home and able. Each is responsible for keeping own room clean and dumping the clothes from their hamper into the laundry. They feed the animals and set & clear the table. DS brings in the garbage cans/recycling bins if he is home before DH (now that they are no longer "invisible" ). They will unload the dishwasher if they are home when it is done. DD likes to help fold laundry. Both know how to use a vacuum, dust and do windows. Both have been recruited for yardwork when we have family clean-up days.

 

[indimom]

We all help keep the house and yard because we all live here and help make the mess. We all have jobs during the day whether that's school or a career. And at the end of the day, those household chores still need to be finished.

I don't really care what other families do. I have friends and family who do things differently. Some do not ask their kids to help. Some pay their kids to help. Some take care of it themselves. It's their decision. And those kids who don't do chores now, will learn how to do them when their time comes.

But for me, I just don't feel it's my (or my husband's) job to clean up after four people when we are all capable of pitching in. Many hands make light work, and we are all happier living in a clean, tidy household.