Do you think this is fair? Am I being unreasonable?

[summersalt]

My DH dislikes going to Disney on vacation. After going with DD14 and myself for the past 10 years, he's just had enough. Ok, I understand this and will never ask or beg him to go with us again. If he wants to come with us, we'd love that too. Since we live at the beach, his idea of a perfect vacation is staying home and enjoy his passion (boating and fishing). My DD and I enjoy going with him sometimes but we don't consider this a vacation. For us, it's weekend activities that we enjoy. So here's the problem: Our family has started a budget. We are not behind on any of our debts, only have 31 months left on our mortgage, have an emergency fund, and are contributing 15% to our 401Ks.

Here's how I feel about things: I think we should give up vacations and fishing/boating until ALL debts (except the house) are paid in full. This will only take one summer! He will live!!

Here's how he feels: Vacations are a waste of money (especially Disney). Fishing/Boating are our enterainment and should be budgeted.

My DD and I enjoy boating and fishing but not as much as he does. You'd think I'm asking him to cut off a leg!! He has spent over $500 since May 31st on boating expenses. I don't think it's fair. If I had saved $500 for Disney, he'd have a cow!!

 

[kaytieeldr]

You said it yourself - you don't consider boating/fishing a vacation, but [merely] an activity. This does sound like entertainment. However, the "entertainment" line on your budget should cover ALL entertainment, not just this one activity.

But tell him exactly what you said here - he's spent $500 on boating in less than a month, how would he feel if you put $500 in a vacation fund in that same month

 

[Pumbaa_]

I have a fisherman husband too and it is expensive. However, I see the joy and happiness it brings him and I do not begrudge him a penny of it

I understand wanting to pay down, but at what price?

Sounds like some compromising needs to occur and not punish him from his fun because he doesn't want to do Disney any more. If Disney is your passion, there should be a line item in there for that also

Life is too short to stay off the water for a season

 

[kirstenb1]

You have only 2 1/2 years left on your mortgage? I envy you!!

You guys sound like you're in such great financial shape, why not just continue on your current payment schedule, and still have your vacations/hobbies?

Maybe the 3 of you (or you and dd) could choose a whole new vacation destination?

 

[iwrbnd]

I agree with you and that would make me mad! He wants you to give up your love (Disney) but he won't give up his love for a year? No way!

 

[apnep]

My DD and I enjoy going with him sometimes but we don't consider this a vacation. For us, it's weekend activities...

Here's how he feels: Fishing/Boating are our enterainment and should be budgeted.

I don't think it's fair.

I haven't read all the responses but:

First off, sounds like you are in great shape! Congrats.

Second, your DH and you BOTH agreed that his boating activities are weekend entertainment. Do you plan on cutting out ALL of YOUR weekend entertainment to reach your goal?

Third, doesn't sound like he is on board with getting it all done in the next 31 months. If that's how he likes to relax on the weekends, then I would let him destress. If you've gone to Disney every year for the past 10 years, why don't you give it a rest one year and try doing a vacation destination that all of you enjoy?

Ang

 

[Praying Colonel]

My DH dislikes going to Disney on vacation. After going with DD14 and myself for the past 10 years, he's just had enough. Ok, I understand this and will never ask or beg him to go with us again. If he wants to come with us, we'd love that too. Since we live at the beach, his idea of a perfect vacation is staying home and enjoy his passion (boating and fishing). My DD and I enjoy going with him sometimes but we don't consider this a vacation. For us, it's weekend activities that we enjoy. So here's the problem: Our family has started a budget. We are not behind on any of our debts, only have 31 months left on our mortgage, have an emergency fund, and are contributing 15% to our 401Ks.

Here's how I feel about things: I think we should give up vacations and fishing/boating until ALL debts (except the house) are paid in full. This will only take one summer! He will live!!

Here's how he feels: Vacations are a waste of money (especially Disney). Fishing/Boating are our enterainment and should be budgeted.

My DD and I enjoy boating and fishing but not as much as he does. You'd think I'm asking him to cut off a leg!! He has spent over $500 since May 31st on boating expenses. I don't think it's fair. If I had saved $500 for Disney, he'd have a cow!!

First off, y'all are doing a great job!

Second, it really doesn't matter whether we think you're being unreasonable, because we're not doing a budget with you. What matters is whether your husband believes you're being unreasonable. This is one of those times when you both need to come to the Budget Committee meeting with an open mind and open heart and agree to something that both of you can live with. "Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still."

 

[marie1203]

I think you should put him on a budget instead for cutting him at all. This is what we do I tell DH this month you can spend $$$ on whatever you like and he goes by it. If you are in such a great financial situation I don't see the reason to sacrifice so much.

 

[MarilIncredible]

Is your husband on board with this budget planning, or it this something you are kind of pushing for and it isn't settled yet?

Regardless, if you are planning a budget that will allow you to pay off all debts including the mortgage, in 2 1/2 years, your DH has to understand that spending $500/month during the spring and summer on boating & fishing won't allow you to accomplish that goal. Either he has to compromise and spend less, or you have to revise your plan and have everything paid off in 3 or 4 years instead of 2 1/2.

 

[Derby4me]

Congrats on being set with your bills! That is a real achievement these days!

Because financially you are doing so well, I assume you both are really hard workers. If it can be afforded, I find it EXTREMELY important to make time for fun. Relax, undwind so that you have the strength to keep working hard and maintain the financial security you have.

Just a side note, I hope your daughter has no vote in this decision. Sounds like something you and your husband need to figure out together.

 

[Disneychix]

Do you own the boat that he is fishing/boating on? If you do than it doesn't make sense to give up a summer of boating and fishing. How is that saving any real money? (besides the cost of gas etc) If you aren't boating or vactioning what would you be doing?

Honestly I don't think giving up a whole summer/season of boating/fishing is the same as giving up 1 Disney vacation. You are comparing apples to oranges. He likes to fish, you like Disney, so both things should be given up even though what it costs to fish for 1 whole month is comparable to not even 1/2 a disney vacation? Doesn't seem fair.

Maybe he can cut back on the fishing? Or only go out as a family?

 

[cseca]

Hmmm... this one's tough.
Here's my take on it, whether it's fair or not will depend on how you budget.
In our family we have vacation budget and a food/fun budget.
Vacation means that, vacation. Anything related to vacation goes in there (luckily I landed 1 in a hundred thousand guys in the world that actually supports my disney maniaism). And that $ goes from paycheck straight to savings.
Then we have food/fun, this is the weekly budget we use for restaurants, movies, zoo, pretzel, fast foods. Anything we do in between vacations to relax and chill out.

And then we have our own $. We can do whatever we want with it.
I can buy myself a nail polish or a $10k tiffany ring if I want to with my own $. And DH has his own pile as well.

Now, since you acknowlege that Disney is your hobby maybe you will need to build that $ out of your own pile. My weakness is disney pins, so I save $ for that. And if boating is more his than a family hobby maybe he should make that his personal savings.
BUT if you agree that boating/fishing is a family thing, then you should budget that in.

Onwards to the debt. I so know how you feel about paying off a debt faster. But another PP said it already, is it worth your DH being miserable/grumpy all those months trying to get it paid off sooner?

I feel for you but you guys are in such a great financial shape now, you shouldn't have a problem figuring out the best option.

 

[hffmnheidi]

Set up 2 'vacation' savings accounts in each of your names(yours for Disney, his for fishing)-set your budget up that so much goes into each account weekly or monthly and when his account is gone, it's gone and he'll just have to wait until next month if he wants something fancy, ect...

 

[ncbyrne]

Fishing is a hobby. A trip to WDW is a bona fide vacation. I don't see these as the same thing at all.
I wouldn't go as far as to say you are being unreasonable, but it does seem unfair to him. He has taken yearly trips to WDW several times, and you know it's not his thing.
If you (as a couple) are determined to cut back on expenses, you and DD can go fishing with him a couple times over the summer. Then, as a family, find something else (less expensive that a trip to the mouse) that all of you would enjoy doing together.
A happy marriage is THE most important part of a married couple's life. Life is much too short to waste time squabbling over things that can be easily compromised. Love him and let him love you back.

 

[Kathi OD]

It sounds to me that your DH doesn't give the same priority to paying off what's left of the debts as you do. You're willing to give up your luxury, but he isn't.

Honestly, I can understand where he is coming from. His luxury is something that can be experienced every weekend, and you CAN afford it. In comparison, a trip to Disney is over in a few days. However, $500 in one month is a lot of money for a weekend activity. My husband is a boater/fisherman and he never spends that much in one month for either activity. Maybe the two of you can come to a compromise where you cut that figure in 1/2 and put the other $250 on the debts.

 

[VAN]

Relationships seldom are "fair." I think the two of you need to sit down and come up with an understanding before this escalates any further.

Relationships are all about compromise ... communicate with each other!

 

[sjs314]

You don't mention whether both You and DH both work or not but seems likely since your finances are in such good shape. Now even though you have vacationed in Disney the past ten years, from reading your post DH still had his boat for his weekends of fishing. I can see your point since you live at the beach it is not a vacation, I know I would want and need to "get away" of course Disney would be my fist choice also.
I see nothing wrong if you want to take DD to Disney for a girls only trip and let DH stay home if he wants to boat and fish. If you work you can start an account for Vacations, when I worked for years we had two checking accounts one for everyday and one for Vacations/unexpected Expenses and it worked great. We use to go fishing almost every weekend since my Dfil loved it but we still had our yearly vacation if not Disney someplace away from home.