Do you take pictures of the deceased laying in the coffin?

[Minniemouse07]

Apparently this was a "thing" my mom's sister and sister's husband were known to do.

When my mom passed away my father had my siblings and I, along w/ our friends that were at the viewing on camera alert. None of us wanted photographs taken of my mom ...and in fact mom hated her picture being taken when she was alive and healthy...there is NO way she would have wanted them taken after she had passed!

Thankfully my aunt and uncle never tried to take any photographs. I had never heard of the practice before then...and haven't known anyone to do so since.

 

[ToddyLu]

When DH's father passed away 5 weeks after Katrina he was cremated. My MIL lost her husband and home in a very short amount of time. My DH took pictures of the flowers and memorial urn for her. I think it was something concrete to hold on to since she lost so many of her photos in the flood. He wasn't happy about it but did it for his Mom.

My BFF had a beautiful baby boy stillborn at 28 weeks. After my firend spent time with him the nurses dressed him and took his little nursery photo. When the photos were ready she called me ( I am a nurse at the hospital) and asked me to go with her to look at them. I was uncomfortable because I didn't know what to expect. I would have done anything for her to help. It was very well done in a quiet room, with subtle lighting. The nurse brought in the photos and we all cried together--he was precious and perfect. The photo in that instant was appropriate in that it really happened, she had a beautiful child. She did not show the photos to anyone else except maybe her parents and husband. I had another friend who lost a child full term with a birth defect--she had a couple pictures of him too. I think in this circumstance it was helpful for closure.

It is not something routinely done in the South--I am from MS and DH's family is from CA. They do not think there is much wrong with it while I think it is inappropriate most of the time. I think it depends on the wishes of the immediate family. I am horrified that someone made your children feel that way and added negatively to an already hard and difficult time. I am stunned that someone would do that without asking you first.

 

[kevrab]

I had a crazy uncle, "Uncle Eddy", that was nuts and extremely eccentric. Eddy had a hobby of videotaping every family function while we were kids growing up.

My dad, his younger brother, died suddenly when I was a pretty young. At my dad's funeral who comes bouncing into the parlor with his 8mm? Yup, you guessed it. He wanted to film the whole funeral for "family history" and I almost shoved the camera up his tripod.

Well, we had words and he just made a really crappy day even worse. He's since passed away but I'm still pissed at his lack of class and respect for his own brother.

 

[EDuke98080]

Normally I would answer a resounding no to this. When my Dad passed 6years ago his brother (my uncle) asked me to take photographs to send to him. I took them and sent them and found it to be wierd and kind of creepy but I did it for my uncle. I have no idea if I have the negatives or where they might be and don't care to find them. I don't have an opinion on what other people do but would hope they are repectful to the immediate family and the deceased. I am sorry if you were hurt by what happened.

 

[eeyorethegreat]

Kathy I am so sorry that you had this surprise. You should have definitely been asked before those photos were taken and they should have never been sent to you unless you specifically asked for them. This imo is totally inappropriate.

As far as taking pictures of the deceased in other circumstances. I know my grandparents had photos of family members in the casket. It was something the family did "back then" .

My cousin's lost a full term baby and I was asked to take photos before she was taken away. The photos are displayed along with other family photos in their home as well as other family members. Mine are in an album. Another friend lost their 8 yo daughter (my DD best friend) . They took photos post mortem. They do not share them and the mom is a photographer. It was something the needed to heal in both cases I mentioned. This is not your case though and I can see why this is upsetting as it wasn't something you or your children wanted.

 

[*NikkiBell*]

Personally, I find funerals extremely traumatic despite my relationship to the deceased and his or her family. I would be bothered by someone taking pictures of a deceased family member of mine. I just do not think it is respectful or appropriate. However, I do not fault those that feel it is okay for them and their families.

 

[dansyr2514]

My personal opinion is that, that is not the way I want to remember them. I don't care how good the mortuary does preparing them, the spirit and expression is not there, especially with a younger person. Their spirit is what we loved and you won't see that in a picture.
I don't fault anyone who feels differently, but that is just my opinion. Everyone deals with grief differently and if having a picture helps you feel better, or closer to them ...then do it.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I voted no because I just don't like it. There is something about it that just creeps me out, and it's in poor taste. It can also be tacky if done it the following way.

My granddaddy, who we were not close to for many, many reasons, passed away two years ago. At the funeral my crazy step grandmother(gold digger) passed a disposable camera back to my BIL and asked him to take pictures DURING THE FUNURAL! A picture or two ahead of time, maybe, but NOT during the funeral! We were looking at each other like "WHAT"?!

Note: The use of a disposable camera during a funeral is not a good idea because they make to much noise, and it's just down right tacky.

 

[MelissaFromRI]

Curious about this. Does it bother you?

I find it morbid and upsetting , but if someone else wanted to do it and it didn't bother them , then I guess I wouldn't care.

 

[Gigi22]

I find the idea of taking pictures of the deceased somewhat morbid. My DH's family is from another tradition--they do not hold any 'visitation' at the funeral home at all. I used to think that was unusual, my family is part Irish, but I am starting to think it is a good idea.

 

[disneychic2]

My grandmother lost her 5 day old baby and when I first saw the photo of this dead baby, I hated it! I was probably too young to react in a mature way. I would not take any photos b/c I don't want that to be my memory of my loved one. But, I know it meant a lot to my grandmother, so for others it would be fine.

 

[BriarRosie]

I find it greatly disturbing for anyone to be taking pictures of dead relatives. I agree that I'd rather view pictures of the family members when they were alive and smiling than a distorted view of them in death.

In Jewish tradition, we bury our dead within a couple days because we don't embalm. I did not want to view my dad, but my mom did, and I didn't want her to be there alone. So I did end up viewing him and regret it. The option to view was done privately, but I would have been pissed off if anyone took photos of him in my presence. Because that was NOT my father in the casket, but some stranger that looked like a bad version of him.

 

[auroralark]

I've never seen this done and would never do it. To each his own I guess, but honestly this would upset me big time. I don't even like open casket wakes because my feeling is I really don't want to remember the person that way at all. Most of the time it doesn't even look like the person. Why would you want to remember that?

 

[WaltD4Me]

I mentioned this at work tonight. One if my co-workers said last summer when her mom died one of the things the funeral home offered was a photo package! She didn't get it, but she said the brochure stated the photos would be tastefully taken by a professional photographer and she thinks it was $100.

 

[Fantasmic23]

When I was a senior in high school, I baby-sat for this nice family every day after school. One day, the boys asked me if I would look through some photo albums with them (They wanted to show me some pictures from their summer trip to the Grand Canyon).

I was very surprised/shocked: Picture after picture of the deceased in coffins. The kids didn't comment as we flipped through the album, nor did I ask any questions (Though, I was dying to).

 

[PolynesianLily]

I find it a little bit disturbing taking pictures of the deceased in coffins. My great grandmother did that, but I prefer, like others have said, to remember those that I love or was close to in a different manner.

But if it gives others closure than who am I to judge?

 

[itsmuggsie]

My manager has pictures of her mother who passed away about 5 years ago this was the first time I heard of anyone taken pictures of someone in the coffin, she did say in her family is was common practice. I would not be able to do it. I have a vivid memory of my father laying in his coffin, I don't need an actual picture. I think I would also be disturbed by seeing one, Kathy.

 

[FunkyFunBuckets]

I personally would not do this but i wouldn't care if some one else took photos of their own deceased loved ones.



MY mum died 3 1/2 years ago and it is custom here to have funerals very soon after the death (3 days).

The body is always brought back to the house of the deceased's loved ones for that intermediate period and the closest friends and family are allowed to view it.

I was given this option but chose to remember my mum in her best days and as my sister my dad and I had been there when she passed away and given her a kiss goodbye I felt I had nothing to gain by seeing her in that way.

I am so sorry to hear about your incident Kathy and hope that you can get by it soon.

 

[mrzrich]

I believe it is a common practice in some other cultures. My roommate in college was from Poland. Her Dad died when she was 3. On her desk she kept a framed picture of her (3 years old) standing next to her Dad in his coffin. I thought the fact that she kept the picture out on her desk 17 years later pretty creepy, but I guess it was important to her.

 

[Nancy F]

But only because my Dad was in Intensive Care when she past. I wasn't sure if he'd want to see how truly beautiful she looked. He was very sick and we couldn't tell him for months. He knew Mom was sick but didn't expect her to die that fast. He never did see them. But I'd have felt bad not to give him the chance if he wanted it.
Nancy