Do you take pictures of the deceased laying in the coffin?

[safetymom]

I am asking because when my husband died 2 family members took pictures of him in the casket. We were standing right there when they did it. It upset my kids at the time. I wish they had asked or waited until we left the room.

Fast forward to recently. We received a gift from the funeral we should have gotten years ago. In the Bible were pictures of my late husband. My daughter opened the box and saw them. She was upset to see them.

I haven't looked at them since I prefer to remember him as he was in life. The pictures weren't taken to show someone that wasn't there, bring closure for anyone that I know of.

 

[Spaceace5150]

As someone who use to develop film for a living (before everything went digital), these pictures always caught me off guard and always thought the practice was a little strange.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Wow, Kathy. I'm sorry you and your daughter were hurt by that. I think no matter what people's opinion is over taking photographs, everyone would agree it should ALWAYS be with the permission of the immediate family.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

Members of my dad's family do that (they're from El Paso), and I have pictures of my grandparents and mother like that. I didn't want them taking pictures of my father when he passed (I know he wouldn't have liked it either), so I didn't give them the opportunity to do so. He wanted to be cremated, so we did that before the funeral and had pictures of him so people could see how he was in life.

 

[WaltD4Me]

I am asking because when my husband died 2 family members took pictures of him in the casket. We were standing right there when they did it. It upset my kids at the time. I wish they had asked or waited until we left the room.

Fast forward to recently. We received a gift from the funeral we should have gotten years ago. In the Bible were pictures of my late husband. My daughter opened the box and saw them. She was upset to see them.

I haven't looked at them since I prefer to remember him as he was in life. The pictures weren't taken to show someone that wasn't there, bring closure for anyone that I know of.

This would definitely upset me. If someone wanted to take pictures of my loved one and asked me if it was okay, I honestly don't know what I would say, but if they went ahead and took the pictures without asking and then sent them to me, without warning, years later I would be very upset.

 

[Danibelle]

I had never heard of this until I attended a close relative's funeral in Indiana. The funeral home took pictures and gave them to the family in a sealed envelope. No one was interested in looking at them and I never found out what happened to the pictures. And I am also in favor or a closed casket ceremony.

 

[CDolacki2003]

If it was your loved one would you feel differently?

I am not sure. I do not think I would stop someone from doing it. In some ways I wish I would of taken a picture of my Dad, this thread has made me think of that. He was in his coffin with his dress uniform and the US and Navy flags.

 

[CDolacki2003]

I am asking because when my husband died 2 family members took pictures of him in the casket. We were standing right there when they did it. It upset my kids at the time. I wish they had asked or waited until we left the room.

Fast forward to recently. We received a gift from the funeral we should have gotten years ago. In the Bible were pictures of my late husband. My daughter opened the box and saw them. She was upset to see them.

I haven't looked at them since I prefer to remember him as he was in life. The pictures weren't taken to show someone that wasn't there, bring closure for anyone that I know of.

Oh I am so sorry to hear that. I know its been 8 years for my Dad and I do miss him so.

 

[kaligal]

No way.

I don't care if other people do it, so long as they aren't taking them of a member of my immediate family.

I think it's an extremely bad idea, though. Anything that you would do that might upset someone who is grieving is just a bad idea all the way around.

I don't think the family should even be asked. If you think it might cause a grieving person pain, just don't do it. Don't force them into a position where they are confronted with an idea they might abhor and don't make them find a way to tactfully tell you no. Just leave them be.

 

[FeelsLikeHome]

My mom died when I was 25. My aunt (her sister-in-law) decided to document the occasion. I was not happy about it.

To provide comfort, they told me the pictures would be there if I ever wanted to see them. I don't imagine wanting to see them, but you never know. I would be bothered if I accidentally ran across them though.. it's difficult enough as it is.

 

[SoScary'09]

No, because that person has passed. What you're taking a picture of is just their body, or vessel I guess.

I would never want to hold onto a memory of just a body, especially if that living person meant a lot to me.

 

[sayhello]

No way.

I don't care if other people do it, so long as they aren't taking them of a member of my immediate family.

I think it's an extremely bad idea, though. Anything that you would do that might upset someone who is grieving is just a bad idea all the way around.

I don't think the family should even be asked. If you think it might cause a grieving person pain, just don't do it. Don't force them into a position where they are confronted with an idea they might abhor and don't make them find a way to tactfully tell you no. Just leave them be.

While I agree with what you're saying, if someone grows up in a family or area where this is a common thing to do at a funeral, it's likely it wouldn't occur to them that it would bother someone else's family. A lot of what is a common custom to some folks seems totally bizarre to others. You would only ask permission (or skip it altogether) if you thought there was something potentially wrong with the practice.

Sayhello

 

[Cap.Steamboat Willie]

In the Victorian Era is was common to take Momento Mori, that would be pictures of the dead, either immediately after, or soon after, the death of a loved one. This practice was especially used with young children, and, if one googles momento mori, the images you will see are very frequently young children.

This tradition still does carry one. It is not uncommon for there to be an image of the deceased sitting a top their casket. Usually this is a picture taken in life, however the general effect is the same. It's a little momento of the dead.

Taking a picure of the corpse itself could be significant to others in ways one cannot understand themselves. Some people will take a picture of the dead in their casket to remind themselves how beautiful the funeral was. They may also do so out of tradition.
http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/710308

You are absolutely right and please also remember that they also use to make casts of the deceased face---death masks.

That said, no one in my family has ever practiced such behavior.

I also agree that if it is something that you would want to do, you should clear it with the family members first. Kathy, your scenario sounds a bit unnerving. I hope your kids are OK.

 

[safetymom]

This was not a common practice in our family. That is why I found it strange they didn't wait until we left or asked me about it.

 

[smphbear]

My grandfather died about 6 years ago. The day before the funeral, my aunt went to Mass. She had an extreme allergic reaction to the incense used at the Mass. She ended up in the ICU for a week after almost dying. When my grandmother died 2 years prior, we had my aunt and his wife both in ICU. He had a tough time not getting the chance to say goodbye and view his mom.

My mom knew DH and I had a good digital camera. She asked me to take a picture for my aunt. I was pretty freaked out, but my DH said he would do it for her. We got there early before everyone else. There were 2 guests who came early because they had to go to work. We asked them for a moment alone. DH went in and took a picture of my grandfather and of the casket spray which was tailored to my grandfather's gardening.

DH got the pictures to my mom on a disk and deleted them from our camera. I never wanted to see them or run across them.

At first, my aunt did not want to see them, but she changed her mind later. They ended up having a small memorial for him with the siblings. It really was a help for my aunt to move on.

Were it not for these circumstances, I would have been totally freaked out.

 

[r1lissa]

My grandmother passed away this past September. I took pictures of all the beautiful flower arrangements and tributes that surrounded her casket. I even took one shot of the casket flower blanket at an angle. But I did not take a picture of her.

 

[sayhello]

This was not a common practice in our family. That is why I found it strange they didn't wait until we left or asked me about it.

I agree in your case it was odd and out of place.

Sayhello

 

[simonkodousek]

No, I think that taking pictures of a dead body (unless it's for CSI or something) is just weird. I would much rather have a picture of a happy time when that person was ALIVE hanging above my fireplace, than a picture of their dead body. Not appealing in the least.

 

[Cyrano]

I answered no. But then I have never understood the reason for an open coffin either

 

[Cap.Steamboat Willie]

I answered no. But then I have never understood the reason for an open coffin either

My grandmother, mother, and father have all been open casket.

I hate it.

Light me up, throw away the ashes.