Do you know a lot of divorced people?

[Aisling]

My sister just shocked me by telling me she and her husband of 22 years are getting a divorce. I had no idea they had serious problems. My neighbors on both sides have recently gotten divorced, many friends, and even many within my family. It seems like I know more divorced/divorcing people than married. I don't judge them, they do what they have to do, but what's going on? Maybe people aren't meant to be with the same person for life??

By the way, I'm married for 27 years, not perfect, but good, and I'm not in that situation.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Sure, and why not? After all, the most important thing in the world is personal happiness, right? The family unit no longer exists. We are now just a bunch of related people living together until something better comes along...

 

[Jennasis]

Sure, and why not? After all, the most important thing in the world is personal happiness, right? The family unit no longer exists. We are now just a bunch of related people living together until something better comes along...

Unfair judgement. Many divorces are due to BAD situations. Mine was.


as for the OP...yes. I know many divorced people.

 

[FireDancer]

I am in my early 30's and have friends who are on their second marriage. Most of them are in their 20's. Some we all knew wouldn't work, some we thought would. If I count parents of friends and that generation I know a lot of divorced people, including mine.

There probably are divorces that weren't needed with a little communication and willingness to work on both parts. There are others where a divorce is just what is needed. I've seen both but it isn't my life so I wont judge it.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Not many, and those I do know broke up before they had kids or after their kids were out of school so I really don't think the family unit is in grave danger.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Sure but I don't think much of it. It's part of life. I know a few divorces where the couples just grew apart but they are still friendly.
Your sister may nat have been having "serious problems" but thought they'd be happier apart.

 

[bettymae1121]

To be honest, I don't know that many divorced people. My best friend's mother is long divorced. My boss was divorced twice. I think one of my cousins got divorced, but seeing as I've only met her about 3x, I don't know if I'd count that.

I think some people just can't stay in relationships for longer than a few years. I think others marry in their 20's and then by the time they are in their 40's or 50's, realized that they both have changed and have little in common any more. Still other's seem to be able to change and grow together rather than apart, so they stay married.

I have no problem with divorce, I just wish that more people could be adult about it and end it in a mature manner. Instead, some have affairs, or steal or hide marital assets that should be shared, or skip out on child suport, or all sorts of nasty things. If it's over, fine, but then deal with the consequences like a grown up.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Unfair judgement. Many divorces are due to BAD situations. Mine was...

How did that change my "judgement"?

 

[Jennasis]

How did that change my "judgement"?

Perhaps I misunderstoosd you Bama. You seemed to be mocking those who divorce. That their personal happiness was above all else (the family unit). Was that not your intent?

 

[MarkBarbieri]

Some, but not too many. I'm usually surprised at how high the divorce rates reported in the press are comapred with what I see around me.

Then again, most of the people I know have characteristics that correlate negatively with divorce. Just about all of my relatives and friends and most of my neighbors married after they were 25. Most are college educated and have well above median incomes. I also know very few smokers.

On the other hand, the people around me are somewhat more religious than average and surprisingly, at least to me, there is a correlation between being religious and getting divorced. I also read that having girls instead of boys correlates with divorce. I haven't counted, but I'm guessing that my social circle includes a pretty even split in children's genders, although my wife and I have two boys.

 

[frndshpcptn]

yes, I'm in my early 30's, live in NYC and know and ASTOUNDING number of people near my age who are already divorced.

Most are (in my opinion) better of divorced than they were in thier relationships. Some who are still together are miserable and would probably be happier apart.

Heck - I just left my live-in relationship of 7 years due to a number of reasons - but the breaking point for me was his inability to be faithful. No amount of communication could keep me with someone that has so little respect for me / our relationship. He had his "reasons" but (imo) there's never a justification for that behavior.

 

[MickeySP]

I agree with Jennasis, you seem to think most people divorce because their marriages are throw aways and they are "just waiting for somthing better to come along"

the better for me was a man who wouldn't throw objects at my head, who would stop dating other women, who would take care of his child - gee imagine me throwing all that away - stupid me!!!


My BF stayed for 20 years with a wife who descended into drugs abandoned her children. He threw all that away to save his children from living in filth, so they could have a stable enviroment - stupid him!!!


And before you ask - neither one showed any signs of what the future held.

 

[cheermom1]

I was divorced when my kids were babies b/c of the situation not b.c we couldn't work it out..he just left

but I do know a lot people who are divorced but more so that are still married

I think what is going on is that people tend to think they can get married and if they think it is not working out they can get a divorce..either one or the other or both..I am not talking about abusive situations.. i am only talking about situations where they think that getting married is just the next step even if they don't *really* love each other b/c they can leave. I'm not saying it is wrong just that this is what is going on...I am not judging them other people can live their life the way they want.

But I do know in my situation this is how he felt but I didn't know that till he left...

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Perhaps I misunderstoosd you Bama. You seemed to be mocking those who divorce. That their personal happiness was above all else (the family unit). Was that not your intent?

Not at all. I married young and was divorced young, so I get it. Sadly, my first wife was the one who didn't.

My present marriage is an altogether different story, built on love, trust , and hard work. My wife and I consider our relationship our most valuable asset and treat it as such. I know of no other couple in our circle that does. If even one party decides to stop working on it, the clock begins to tick until one day, somehow, the couple finds that they have "grown apart". Well, they didn't "grow apart" - they abandoned one another (or one abandoned the other)...

 

[MushyMushy]

In my circle of friends, I know more people who have never been married, which is kind of odd by the time you're in your 40s. Not that it's an odd thing to do, but that it's odd I know so many of them!

Only one friend in our circle is divorced and since remarried. Everyone else is single or married to their first spouse.

 

[Mickeypooh99]

I know a lot of divorced people. My parents divorced after 18 years. I was shocked by it. That was my mom's first divorce. She is now on her 3rd. All of my parents friends seem to be divorced one or more times too. I also know several people my age or younger who are divorced.

 

[belle&sebastiansmom]

So many friends have divorced, some even on second, third, fourth marriages. Not a lot of divorce in my family. Got my dd's kindergarten roster with the child's first and last name and the first and last name of the parents. Out of 17 kids on the list, 8 have different last names from their parents. That's a huge amount of (assuming) divorces for such young families.

 

[ilovejack02]

In the last 3 yrs Four of my very close girlfriends have gotten divorced, 1 the husband was mentally abusive, the other 3 husbands all cheating .. serial cheaters, not just a one time thing that maybe could be worked through.

Prob in the last 3 years, I have known at least 11 cpls divorce.

Most of the relationships ended at about 11-14 years.

CRAZY.. my Dh and I are no way perfect, but we look at each other almost everyday and thank God we are not in those folks situations.

 

[NY Disney fan]

I don't judge them, they do what they have to do, but what's going on? Maybe people aren't meant to be with the same person for life??

My husband divorced me out of the blue. I had no say in the matter. He walked out the door and never came back, that was in 2007. I did not choose my divorce. So not all divorces are consenual either.

He left me everything and walked out of the marriage with a duffel bag. He found a new woman with a built-in family and told me he loves her kids over the one we had together.

 

[wdwfan16]

I only know a few. Most of my relatives and friends are in long-term (some into their 50 year of marriage) marriages.