Do you Charge your Adult children Living Expenses?

[dd50]

I charge my DD $150 a month. She is a full time college student and works about 30 hours a week. I mainly charge her because we are struggling and most of that money goes for gas because I drive her to and fro her job and school. She almost has enough saved for a car.

When I was a young adult my parents took a little more than 50% of my paycheck. I would never do something like that but I do believe that they should pay a little even if you are putting it away for them.

As far as young adults not doing chores, you need to sit down and talk to her and tell her that if she wants to live there she has to help out the family. If she can't do that chore than she should pay you for doing that chore. I bet then she will find time to get them done.

 

[lyncecelia]

Like I said, it depends on rank/duty station
http://www.defensetravel.dod.mil/perdiem/bah.html
With this link you can enter the zipcode and rank to see what a military member would receive for a tax free housing allowance. Many families, especially if they are a larger family in a high cost of living area, find it financiallly adventageous to live in base housing, instead of renting or buying out in town. The problem is, in many of the high cost of living areas, there is a waiting list for base housing. For example, when we moved to Dh's current duty station, we were told the waiting list for housing would be 12-18 months.

Thanks for the site!

From what I see for our area, all through E class they barely make enough to stay afloat. That's the bracket I was talking about. I know him, and if he could afford to stay on his own, no way would he want to live with two old stick-in-the-muds if he could help it .

 

[duffy]

My adult daughters don't live with us, but of course I would expect them to pay for their living expenses. My own living expenses would go up, and I would expect them to pull their weight.

 

[pipervali]

I have experience from the other side of the fence here. I'm 29, working full time, living at home. I was raised solely by my mother, in a single income family, just me and mom. My mother is now retired, though she collects social security and had quite a bit of money saved away over the years.

I do NOT pay rent, and she's never once asked or expected it of me. I pay all of my own bills, car, insurance, cell phone, credit card bills, the dsl since it's predominantly used by myself. We eat out quite a bit, which I DO pick up the tab for, and groceries when we need them. And I split the electric and water bill, since I take daily showers.

It's basically always been the two of us. If I moved out, I'd be bleeding money into paying rent, and she'd be paying all of the bills by herself, living alone in a big 4 bedroom home. So it's made sense for us. I don't expect her to clean up my messes or anything like that. For us it's a matter of me not wanting her to be alone, and it keeps me from having to waste money on an apartment when I have a nice big house to call home.

I think it's a very broad topic with a lot of gray area honestly. There's certainly a line between letting your child mooch off of you and allowing them to be lazy or greedy. And then there's being reasonably expectant that they not take advantage of your parent/child relationship

 

[StitchBuddy]

Well, I don't have any experience with adult children yet. But, the rule in my parent's house was you could live with them rent free for 6 months after high school, but at the end of the 6 months you had to either be enrolled in college or out of the house. Same rule when you graduated from colloege. It worked for all three of us. But, we have all moved back in with them at least once for various reason, my brother got a divorce, my sister because of employment, and me because I was inbetwwen houses. We all paid rent. Of course my sister and I brought our children with us. My poor dad!

I will probably have the same expectation for my own child. I see way to many of my friends with adult children living at home without jobs or even going to school. In the kids defense, they were never taught or expected to be responsible. Heck, I have a friend herself living at home with her retired parents with no job. I can't even begin to understand that!!

 

[PelletierBears]

My kids are too young (oldest is only 10) for me to have personal experience as a parent. For my experience as a child, my parents(particurly my mom) had the attitude that there was really NO excuse for still living in their parents home once you were 18 and graduated from high school. I HAD to move out when I was 18. Due to some personal crisis when I was 19 they did allow me to move back in, but was consistently reminded that I was a complete loser and failure for having to resort to that, and they expected me to be back out in less than a year (which I was). I was, of course, charged rent. I was a full time college student and had a part time job (making about $75/week) and was charged $100/month in rent.

Personal expenses, such as clothes, toiletries, automobile, insurance, spending money, etc. I paid for 100%, but that was expected as I had already been doing so since the age of 13 (with babysitting money).

I think my parents were extreme, but on the other hand I really can't imagine my children living with me past the age of adulthood except on a VERY temporary basis...unless they had some type of disability that made it impossible for them to live on their own. IMO, if they have a job that would allow them to pay rent elsewhere for less than 30% of their income, they shoudl be capable of living on their own.

It sounds like you were expected to be independant really early on

I don't understand the attitude of parents who make their kids feel unwelcome in the family home. I'm not talking about charging rent, it's completely reasonable to expect a child out of college to contribute. But why do people have kids if it's only to throw them out to sink or swim when they turn 18?
And why is living at home after college such a bad thing. Both my older sister and I lived at home until we got married at ages 26 and 24.
I do wish our parents had charged us rent and saved a portion for us later for a house. It's definately something my husband and I will do if our kids are with us after college. To be honest I hope they're in no rush to leave. We're a close family and love spending time together...hopefully that won't change as they get older

 

[daddyof2]

I agree to charge something reasonable given the situation when

I was younger my brother got me a job w/ him and let me move in w/ him didnt charge me anything his wife also made both of our lunches it cost me nothing (very nice but didnt teach me anything)

then I had the bright idea to buy a brand new truck, then about 6monts later a better idea to get my own place!!

after spending a fortune on dishes,pots pans,toilet paper, shampoo, do laundry you get the idea all the little things you dont think about but need to live

after about 2-2 1/2 years I had a nice man come take my nice truck away

so I had to learn a lesson the hard way even though my bro tried to be nice and help he didnt teach (Its my fault for being young and ignorant) but if he did charge me rent and I got use to it it wouldnt have been so hard to get my own place

BUT my bro tell me to NOT get a brand new truck to but this really nice used one for 3 grand and own it out right and for that price I could afford to save the 380.00 bucks a month to fix anything that may go wrong and if nothin did go wrong in 2-3 years take that 10 grandish and get a better truck and own it w/out payments

of corse I didnt listen to him cuz I knew what i was gettin into

 

[lyncecelia]

I agree to charge something reasonable given the situation when

I was younger my brother got me a job w/ him and let me move in w/ him didnt charge me anything his wife also made both of our lunches it cost me nothing (very nice but didnt teach me anything)

then I had the bright idea to buy a brand new truck, then about 6monts later a better idea to get my own place!!

after spending a fortune on dishes,pots pans,toilet paper, shampoo, do laundry you get the idea all the little things you dont think about but need to live

after about 2-2 1/2 years I had a nice man come take my nice truck away

so I had to learn a lesson the hard way even though my bro tried to be nice and help he didnt teach (Its my fault for being young and ignorant) but if he did charge me rent and I got use to it it wouldnt have been so hard to get my own place

BUT my bro tell me to NOT get a brand new truck to but this really nice used one for 3 grand and own it out right and for that price I could afford to save the 380.00 bucks a month to fix anything that may go wrong and if nothin did go wrong in 2-3 years take that 10 grandish and get a better truck and own it w/out payments

of corse I didnt listen to him cuz I knew what i was gettin into

This is exactly why I would charge even my sister rent....I don't want this happening to her, and my parents aren't exactly "amazing" at money...

I like the suggestion on the car though, I might do something similar when I finally get a car

 

[Juliah]

Yes, that was me. His SSI got approved (which I am so thankful for!) and they told us how much he was responsible for and which expenses it should cover, etc. He also has his part-time job, which they subtract from the SSI.
Part of me wants to take whatever expenses he is responsible for and sock it away in a bank account under my name for his future use. Another part of me says that the SSI is supposed to be used for his living expenses, so at least some of the money should go for that. I am not expecting him to fund a vacation for us or anything like that, but there is the mortgage and heat and electricity that he could contribute something towards - not the whole thing of course. I was kind of thinking half would go towards his living expenses and I would save the other half for him. The paychecks he gets from his part-time job he can use towards clothes or whatever, haven't quite figured that out either - can you tell I'm not prepared for having adult children, lol? I am so used to everything they need just being paid for by us that it is hard to adjust. We are not well off and do have debt - mostly credit cards from taking care of everybody, not frivolous purchases.
I have no idea if my ds will ever live on his own - can't see that happening in the near future anyway. I'm not in any rush to get him out of the house or anything, just want to do things the right way.

I have been exactly where you are--that is, feeling funny about not paying for everything any more once your adult child starts getting SSI. But the money is *supposed* to be for paying his share of living expenses. You shouldn't feel bad about using it for the things it's intended for...his share of the mortgage, his share of the power bill, his share of the groceries, etc. (in other words, the fair share formula, per the SSA office). It sounds like you need the money to help with the household expenses, and there's absolutely no reason not to use his contribution for exactly that.

My suggestion is to take the amount out of his check you are supposed to take, document that he gave it to you, and use it toward your bills; somewhere down the line if your finances improve and you feel like you could put some money aside for something he will need in the future, you can re-evaluate.

I think you are understandably feeling a little guilty about accepting the money after 18 years of paying for everything he needs, and you may just need to give yourself a little time to adjust. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with using the money for what SSA has told you the money is for.

 

[angierae]

In the OP's situation, that's what that money is for, and I'd definitely take it. If you don't need it, sock it away in case he needs it later in life.

As for my own DD15, she's welcome to stay here as long as she wants, but if she isn't in school full time, she needs to pay rent. It will probably be a small token amount, and I'd love to save it for her (without telling her) but I wouldn't feel bad if I needed to use some of it for expenses, either.

 

[bettymae1121]

The deal with my parents was always that as long as my brothers and I were in school full time, we didn't have to pay rent. If we weren't enrolled in school, then we had to chip in. It was never much though, maybe $100 to $200 a month, just to offset the increase in utility payments. We of course also had to pay our own car expenses, cell phones, etc. Chores were expected as was a heads up to them if we'd be out late. Not a bad deal all the way around.

 

[alyssa810]

When my DH was out of high school but still living at home, he used to pay his parents $10 a week. He also had all his meals and laundry done. When he had any medical expenses, like the dentist, his parents gave him back his "rent" money to pay for it.
When I lived at home for a year, I paid my dad either $150 a month or twice a month (as I got paid 2 time a month back then) and he used that money to pay taxes on the house; I made the checks out to my town, not to my dad. We did most of the grocery shopping together, but I did most of the laundry, he paid- this was before we had a washing machine at the house- and he worked nights so I was usually on my own for dinner. He works at restaurant though, so he'd often bring me home sandwiches for lunch for work.
When my brothers lived at my mom's after they were out of college, they used to pay her $25-50 a week, which she used for household bills like utilities. While we were all in college, we didn't have to pay "rent" at our parents' houses.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

I am very thankful my Mom never made me paid rent. But once she lost her job i took over all the bills for months. Since she didnt charge me rent i had a nice emergency fund.

 

[Cin]

Yes, but it depends on the conditions. Over 18, attending school full time, no. Over 18, not in school, yes. Part time school, yes but a discount.