Do you Charge your Adult children Living Expenses?

[EllenFrasier]

For those of you with grown children living at home, do you charge them living expenses? Like room and board?
My sister used to charge her son to live with her, but he had been out on his own and then came back home to live. My ds has never been out on his own, but now has a job. If he lived on his own, he would have to pay rent, utilities, food, etc. not to mention all his clothes, shoes, etc.
Of course I'm not expecting him to pay for everything, but just a fair contribution. I want him to be able to save money too.

 

[TraceyDisney2008]

My parents "charged" me basic rent of $500 a month and when I finally decided to move out and get an apartment they suprised me with the $20,000 so I could buy a house instead of rent. I have alot of friends whose parents have done this aswell as using half to pay for bills and saving the other half.

 

[laurafergie]

How old is your DS? Are we talking late teens adult or in his twenties adult?

Anyway - all my older ones are in college and as long as they are in college and moving forward with their goals - we do not expect them to pay rent, food, utilities money - BUT they do pay their own cell phone, car maintenance, gas and insurance, and health insurance. (We are self employed and have to pay private insurance)

They are also expected to pay any spending money, clothes and anything not covered by financial aid at college - so they work very hard in the summer to save up.

If I had young adult at home, that was not in school - I would absolutely expect them pay rent - (would probably save it for them, though) the amount would depend on their attitude and and how motivated they were about moving forward with their life. All personal expenses like, spending money, clothes, cell phone, car...... would of course, be their responsibility and not mine.

 

[Sagginit]

still at home rent free looking to move out for the first time. i paid for all my own bills, cell phone, car & expenses, clothes and always foodshopped for the house. as far as my parents were concerned i didnt cost them much in extra electricity and water and i needed the money to pay off student loans. i did have a friend who was paying $400 a month to live at home. she was expected to do chores (like the entire familys dishes after working all day) and had to answer to her parents about her comings and goings. she banked money and left after less than 2 years because as far as she was concerned she would rather pay more to live somewhere with no strings attatched. in her case though her parents paid for her college tuiton in full and provided her a car while in school. so it got tricky b/c technically it was her money to spend freely but she could do so b/c they kept her debt free. so keep in mind the emotional toll it may take to be your childs landlord.

if you are concerned the money saved will just go to lavish vacations or spending sprees then charge rent and maybe as stated gift it back to the child. if you think they will be responsible and use it wisely such as savings or for student loans and dont need the money, then dont charge. also dont let other people make you think your child wont learn to be responsible and stand on their own. people told my mother she was spoiling me and i needed to go out on my own. now that i have a really great job opportunity i will be able to afford to go out on my own b/c she allowed me to live at home. i also will return the favor when shes older

 

[Brandi1leigh]

I moved back in with my parents after I sold my first house (at a loss). They were incredibly generous and did not charge me rent or expenses. However, they also knew that I was really responsible and was saving a lot. I would say that if you feel like your child is saving the money and not recklessly spending and taking advantage of you, then you probably don't need to charge them. Of course, if you are struggling to make ends meat, then they should absolutely contribute. My parents and I had very open discussions about money. I accepted that if I was living at home, they had the right to ask me questions about money I was spending. I'm extremely lucky to be blessed with great parents and we've always gotten along really well. When I finally moved out, it was definitely time, but also a little bittersweet. Still, allowing me to live there allowed me to save up for another down payment on a house of my own.

 

[pearlieq]

It would depend on their reason for being home.

Are they home for their own advantage (to save money/pay off debt/prepare to buy a house) or just because they don't want to leave the nest? Then yes, they would be responsible for a modest rent. I may or may not return it back to them when they move out, depending on their attitude and progress.

Are they home because of a crisis (divorce, long-term unemployment, health problems)? If so, I would not charge them rent as long as they were making progress toward fixing their situation.

 

[pearlieq]

i did have a friend who was paying $400 a month to live at home. she was expected to do chores (like the entire familys dishes after working all day) and had to answer to her parents about her comings and goings.

Did she think that was unreasonable?

I could see how it could go too far, but I don't think pitching in with the chores and giving your parents a heads-up when you're going to be out all night is too much to ask.

Everybody has to pitch in to make the house run. Assuming everyone has chores and the kid is not being treated like Cinderella, I don't see a problem with her being responsible for the dishes while Dad mows the lawn and Mom does the shopping.

And while no one wants to be treated like a child, as a parent I would want to know whether that person creeping through my house at 3am is my child coming home late, or a serial killer coming to get me. As long as they're not passing judgment, letting everyone know when you expect to be back is just common courtesy.

 

[allison443]

For those of you with grown children living at home, do you charge them living expenses? Like room and board?
My sister used to charge her son to live with her, but he had been out on his own and then came back home to live. My ds has never been out on his own, but now has a job. If he lived on his own, he would have to pay rent, utilities, food, etc. not to mention all his clothes, shoes, etc.
Of course I'm not expecting him to pay for everything, but just a fair contribution. I want him to be able to save money too.

OP I think I remember you posting about your son. Doesn't he work part time and you were applying for SSI for him? I think you were trying to figure out his share of the household expenses for that purpose. If he is awarded SSI, then I guess part of it is intended to cover his living expenses. If he is only working part time, though, I don't think it's realistic to think he could afford to pay the same amount as if he lived on his own when presumably he'd have a full time job, kwim?

My dd is a recent college grad, working full time and living at home. We don't charge her rent. She of course covers all her own expenses, phone, car, etc. She is saving up to move into nyc which is really expensive. She is frugal and is making good progress.

 

[disneychrista]

My daughter pays $200 month "rent." She pays for all her personal care products (I buy the house shampoo, conditioner, body wash, etc she buys anything else she wants that I don't buy the house), make-up, clothes, bus fare to work, personal food items.

I am actually saving her "rent" in an ING account so if she ever seriously decides to move out the money will go back to her.

 

[sameyeyam]

Our 18yo DD is going to college and living at home. It's much cheaper for her to live at home then the dorms. We pay for her insurance & gas (remember, MUCH cheaper then the dorms). She commutes and I got her a job at my office 10-15 hours per week earning minimum wage (filing, running errands, etc).

We pay her tuition and she pays for her books. She is also expected to buy her own clothes and personal items. During the summer she will work about 30-35 hours a week. She is still expected to help out with housework. She really isn't home a lot and probably only eats at home half the time.

Right now we don't charge her rent. She took college classes in high school and finished almost 2 years of college classes. So she will only have to go to college for about 2.5 years to get her bachelor's degree. Since our state pays for high school students to take community college classes, that was a huge savings for us. She helped us out by starting college in high school, so we plan on helping her out as much as possible.

I don't want to say we would never charge our kids rent, because we always reserve the right to change our minds. But as long as we can afford it and our adult children were behaving in a responsible manner, I just don't ever see us doing that. Besides, I kind of practice tough love...so they know they would never get away with living at home without a plan for the future. I would personally annoy them and bug them so much that they would want to move out!

Personally I would say do whatever works for your family. Each situation is different, so do what feels right for you and if that doesn't work, change your mind and trying something different.

 

[JCMHutch]

When I graduated college I did move back home, paid rent, did chores (yard work, shoveling, dishes, etc). I was responsible for my own car, clothing, and contributed items to the household (vitamins, shampoo, etc). I also let my mother know of my coming & goings because it's just the courteous thing to do. My mom kept the rent low. Of course, mom knew I was saving (had a full time and 2 part time jobs at one point) because I needed to replace my 10 year old car, pay off student loans and wanted to buy property. It did work out well and I paid off the student loans early, got the car i always wanted, threw in some travel and purchased my own place.

 

[annsteere]

The theory was that when you graduate from college you are on your own--DS filled his gas tank on the way to graduation.

The reality was that when our daughter graduated from college two years ago, the job market was really tough.

She lived in our basement in a mini apartment we set up for her. No rent. Free food with us upstairs if she liked what we were eating. She was supposed to put half of whatever she was able to earn toward paying down her school bills.

Today she has a job in her dream field. We are delighted we could help her get started. We also felt like having her around an extra year was wonderful bonus time.

 

[descovy]

I'm with the "it depends" on the situation group.

However, I would charge rent (and later give it back) to also keep my adult child from living outside their means.

I'll give you an example... I had a co-worker... full time $12 an hour. Engaged to the "love of her life" who also had a full time job (probably $15/hr?) They both were in college too, and wanted to move away from home but "couldn't afford to."

Yet they both drove newer cars, went to Vegas on Spring Break, etc... They "paid their own bills" but could afford all these nice luxuries because they didn't pay rent. It was hard to come up with $700/mo for a nice apartment when they were used to paying zero.

Had they been in the habit of paying for housing, it wouldn't have been such a big jump in their lifestyle, to afford an apartment.

 

[dimimi]

My parents "charged" me basic rent of $500 a month and when I finally decided to move out and get an apartment they suprised me with the $20,000 so I could buy a house instead of rent. I have alot of friends whose parents have done this aswell as using half to pay for bills and saving the other half.

This is what my parents did, BUT they saved the money and used it for our weddings. My parents also didn't charge me a lot of money because I was in grad school, but it was still paying something. I like this idea of saving the money for a house or wedding!

 

[EllenFrasier]

OP I think I remember you posting about your son. Doesn't he work part time and you were applying for SSI for him? I think you were trying to figure out his share of the household expenses for that purpose. If he is awarded SSI, then I guess part of it is intended to cover his living expenses. If he is only working part time, though, I don't think it's realistic to think he could afford to pay the same amount as if he lived on his own when presumably he'd have a full time job, kwim?

My dd is a recent college grad, working full time and living at home. We don't charge her rent. She of course covers all her own expenses, phone, car, etc. She is saving up to move into nyc which is really expensive. She is frugal and is making good progress.

Yes, that was me. His SSI got approved (which I am so thankful for!) and they told us how much he was responsible for and which expenses it should cover, etc. He also has his part-time job, which they subtract from the SSI.
Part of me wants to take whatever expenses he is responsible for and sock it away in a bank account under my name for his future use. Another part of me says that the SSI is supposed to be used for his living expenses, so at least some of the money should go for that. I am not expecting him to fund a vacation for us or anything like that, but there is the mortgage and heat and electricity that he could contribute something towards - not the whole thing of course. I was kind of thinking half would go towards his living expenses and I would save the other half for him. The paychecks he gets from his part-time job he can use towards clothes or whatever, haven't quite figured that out either - can you tell I'm not prepared for having adult children, lol? I am so used to everything they need just being paid for by us that it is hard to adjust. We are not well off and do have debt - mostly credit cards from taking care of everybody, not frivolous purchases.
I have no idea if my ds will ever live on his own - can't see that happening in the near future anyway. I'm not in any rush to get him out of the house or anything, just want to do things the right way.

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

My parents "charged" me basic rent of $500 a month and when I finally decided to move out and get an apartment they suprised me with the $20,000 so I could buy a house instead of rent. I have alot of friends whose parents have done this aswell as using half to pay for bills and saving the other half.

I seriously would've been happy if my parents did this for me. When I was 15, working at Burger King they took my check and gave me $25 a week. Even when I had a p/t job in college, they did this. When I started working in the city, I went from paying $150 to $300 to $600 a month. I never got a cent of that back.

 

[DWisher]

It has been very interesting to read all your posts about adult /college children living at home. I've been struggling with this issue myself. While DSD is just in her first semester of school... I'm wondering what more I can say other than giving her a move out ultimatium. I definitely put some fault on myself for not being more strict about chores while she was in HS, but have been very clear what I expect from her as a college student living at home. When things were still not being done, I even created a chore chart...like those you do for elementry aged children. Even with her approval that the chart would be a good idea, she has yet to check off on any of the weekly, be-weekly, monthly chores that I outlined. The chart has been effective for DH though I'm kinda at my wits end about it. We just found out she got her first ever job, improvment, but I will still want her to contribute around the house, and now with a job and school, I'm thinking I will never get her to do any chores...even cleaning her room is still an issue. Uggg....any suggestions? I don't see DH going to the rent option, but after reading many of your posts I'm thinking that would atleast make me feel less taken advantage of.

 

[punkin]

Yes, that was me. His SSI got approved (which I am so thankful for!) and they told us how much he was responsible for and which expenses it should cover, etc. He also has his part-time job, which they subtract from the SSI.
Part of me wants to take whatever expenses he is responsible for and sock it away in a bank account under my name for his future use. Another part of me says that the SSI is supposed to be used for his living expenses, so at least some of the money should go for that. I am not expecting him to fund a vacation for us or anything like that, but there is the mortgage and heat and electricity that he could contribute something towards - not the whole thing of course. I was kind of thinking half would go towards his living expenses and I would save the other half for him. The paychecks he gets from his part-time job he can use towards clothes or whatever, haven't quite figured that out either - can you tell I'm not prepared for having adult children, lol? I am so used to everything they need just being paid for by us that it is hard to adjust. We are not well off and do have debt - mostly credit cards from taking care of everybody, not frivolous purchases.
I have no idea if my ds will ever live on his own - can't see that happening in the near future anyway. I'm not in any rush to get him out of the house or anything, just want to do things the right way.

I think you are in a completely different situation than most of the posters. They are all assuming temporary situations (after college, job loss, divorce, saving to live on your own). However for your family, this living arrangement is probably the best you can hope for. Your son has no plans to move on (nor can he). This is it. In your situation, I would charge rent since this is your son's adult living situation and as an adult (with a job as well as other income) he should be paying.

Good luck to you and your DS.

 

[bookgirl]

Yes, that was me. His SSI got approved (which I am so thankful for!) and they told us how much he was responsible for and which expenses it should cover, etc. He also has his part-time job, which they subtract from the SSI.
Part of me wants to take whatever expenses he is responsible for and sock it away in a bank account under my name for his future use. Another part of me says that the SSI is supposed to be used for his living expenses, so at least some of the money should go for that. I am not expecting him to fund a vacation for us or anything like that, but there is the mortgage and heat and electricity that he could contribute something towards - not the whole thing of course. I was kind of thinking half would go towards his living expenses and I would save the other half for him. The paychecks he gets from his part-time job he can use towards clothes or whatever, haven't quite figured that out either - can you tell I'm not prepared for having adult children, lol? I am so used to everything they need just being paid for by us that it is hard to adjust. We are not well off and do have debt - mostly credit cards from taking care of everybody, not frivolous purchases.
I have no idea if my ds will ever live on his own - can't see that happening in the near future anyway. I'm not in any rush to get him out of the house or anything, just want to do things the right way.

I would put at least half towards the household, because that is what the money is for. If you want to hold on to half to use later if he needs help that would be fine but really, as an adult he should be contributing to the household if he has the funds to do so, and he does so even if you use the whole amount to help with bills that is what the money is for. I would encourage him to use part of HIS money to save. I would not tell him about holding on to half of the household part as he may not feel the need to save anything.

 

[mistysue]

I agree it changes if you know he probably will never move out.
I would try to guess the real cost of him being there and charge him something around that figure. For example, when I lived alone with DD our utilities were around $125/month. DH moved in and it's around 150, so he is actually costing about 1/6 of the total utilities. Figure a % of groceries, if you help with laundry or something add a fee... add in $30/month for general house maintenance or something to cover things like light bulbs, a dent in a wall, a spill on the carpet.
It might be a rather low rent, but especially as an adult it shouldn't be costing you to have him permanently there and you won't feel like you are burdened.

My parents never charged any of us rent. They started to consider it when my little brother was still there ~4 years after college graduation when he was sometimes working and still asking for spending cash all the time. The rest of us (older 4) were just sort of there to save money to move out. My sister spent a few years there saving a downpayment for her house.