Do we owe our Kids a Financial Headstart on Life?

[devotedchristian]

And did your Parents help YOU get a Financial Headstart in life?

Example: Co-Sign your house, car, money for college, gave you money to help get you on your feet etc...

I didn't and I am trying not to let it hamper my relationship with my Parents.

What are your views on this?

 

[6_Time_Momma]

And did your Parents help YOU get a Financial Headstart in life?

Example: Co-Sign your house, car, money for college, gave you money to help get you on your feet etc...

I didn't and I am trying not to let it hamper my relationship with my Parents.

What are your views on this?

I don't feel like I owe it to my kids, but I certainly want to be able to help them get themselves started.

 

[Bob Slydell]

My parents helped pay for part of college (I covered part with scholarships and loans). But that was less about giving me a headstart and more about their value placed on education.

Do we owe anything to our children? We owe them food, shelter and undying love until they're adults (well, the undying love part should be forever ). Aside from that, it's all up to the people involved.

 

[Poohgirl]

No, I had to get it all done for myself. They could have helped, well I guess they did by helping pay for college. I would do what I could for my kids. And will to the best of my ability when the time comes. I think it may be much harder when they are older then I "started out" 10 years ago.

 

[AllyandJack]

I did everything myself. My parents didn't have any money - they do now, but I'm on my own now. I got a scholarship to college. I'm paying for law school right now. DH and I bought our house and our cars on our own.

Since I grew up in the projects, I never presumed my parents would be able to help me, so I set out to do it myself.

I'd like to be able to have money for college for my kids, but I would probably expect them to carry on even if the college fund wasn't there. I wouldn't co-sign anything other than a student loan for them.

 

[Microcell]

My parent wouldn't and I am very much in debt right now with student loans etc...

It may not have been their obligation, but they didn't have to try to charge me rent while I was in high school.

I want to try to help my kids if I can.

 

[mrsltg]

My parents paid for college for me. I graduated without loans which was wonderful. Our goal is to provide our daughters with the same experience. My parents also gave me a car for graduation from college. They did it because they knew there was no way I could afford it just starting out and I had to have it. I made them proud, though, so they consider it a worthy investment!

Erin

 

[MagicalMom]

My parents didn't. I paid for my own wedding. Paid for my own college. They told me when I was a child that they would never co-sign for me. I didn't even know what that meant! I think it probably made me better off. I've never bummed money from people. I'd be too humiliated to ever ask for a loan from someone. I've always known that I had to do it on my own. Ya know, I think I even paid for my own prom dress. That was a long, long time ago.

I have friends who had a leg up from their parents. They are now in their 30s & still need the help (not all). Their parents may pay their electric bill. They don't have health insurance. Some even still live with their parents.

My parents have also never bought much for my children. I have friends whose parents buy their childs school clothes. I have a co-worker who was just talking the other day about how she had to get her grandchildren new winter coats. My kids get a 20.00 present on their birthdays & a 20.00 Christmas present. That's just they way they are.

What I need to decide is wether or not I will loan them money when they retire! I have much more saved for retirement than they do.

I also wanted to add that I will never take out a second job to pay for my child's wedding.

I also don't want my children to end up living in a trailer in my back yard hooked up to my electric & taking their dear time coming home because they know I will be there to get their kids off of the bus! Seen it happen! Really! Then acting like everyone else is poor because they can't afford big Nascar adventures! DUH! It's because we pay mortgages!!!! Geez, been holding that one in for years!!!

 

[NMAmy]

My parents weren't able to help me. Do I hold it against them? Heck, no, it was just a really rough time for them financially. I know if I had asked for help, my parents would have done everything they could to give me what they could. When I went through a rough patch financially when I got divorced in my 30's, I know my parents did without certain things to help me and I did pay them back.

I'd love to be able to help dd get a good start in life and if things continue as they are now, we'll be able to. I've seen first hand how quickly things can go financially wrong through no fault of your own to make any promises to her now. But we'll try our best.

And just as a side note, now that my mom's on a fixed income and we're doing ok financially, I help her out from time to time so she can do some fun things in her retirement (a cruise, new carpeting, etc.)

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

As a parent I don't feel that I owe my adult children anything, but I would like to help them get a good start in life.

 

[puffkin]

My parents did what they could comfortably afford, but nothing more. They didn't go into debt to put me through college or tap their retirement funds or anything like that. My parents were VERY generous (still are) but they in no way have given me a financial head start.

For college my parents made me take the max amount of government loans, plus I got several scholarships (or I wouldn't have been able to go to a private college). They paid my rent, but I paid all my other bills and food through my part time job. They also allowed me to use their third car and they paid the insurance on it til I graduated college (not a huge amount since it was an older car and I was on their policy).

I saved most of my money from two 3 internships in college towards a down payment on a house. My parents eventually gave me the car I had been driving, at that point it wasn't worth much anyway. They loaned us money for appliances and furniture for the house, which we paid back within a year. When I bought a new car, I gave them back the old clunker instead of trading it in....my dad still drives it on occassion.

My parents will loan us money if need be, they take us out to dinner a lot, and when we have the baby, I am sure they will spoil him/her rotten. Yes they have been very generous to us, but I was never handed everything. I worked hard for everything I got and yes my parents made it a little easier, but I certainly had no free ride. I plan on treating my kids the same way. I refuse to be broke for the next 25 years in order to give my kids a free ride through college. I will do what I can, but they will be responsible for the rest. I think it is more important to save for retirement so that I am not a burden on them. Many may disagree, but it worked for me and hopefully will for my kids....

 

[Hillbeans]

YES.

DH and I are planning on paying for both of our son's college when they are of age as long as they keep their grades and are good students. I do expect them to get a job when they're 15/16 in the summers and beyond.

My parents paid for a large chunk of my college however I worked 2 jobs during college and always had money to pay my own car insurance, gas, books for college, etc. I also lived at home though and went to Junior college for 2 years for my AA then got my BA at another school.

I do not, however, plan on supporting my kids past a certain age. I know way too many 30 year olds who ask "mommy and daddy" for money for everything and still live at home and the parents. Not acceptable.

 

[cats7494]

No...my parents did not help me at all.

I paid for my own college
paid for my first car (and gas and insurance...)
paid for all my clothes and shoes in high school
paid for any "fun" activities I wanted to do in high school
paid my own high school tuition (went to a private school)
we paid for our wedding and honeymoon...
paid for our own house, etc....


I do not begrudge their choice nor do I do not think it is the "right" of adult children to expect financial assistance from their parents.

On the other hand - dh and I will help support dd. We may not pay for ALL of her college and other items - but we will certainly help her out substantially. There is something to be said about financial independence!

Good luck!

 

[Marseeya]

In my opinion, we owe it to our kids to the best of our ability, but especially when it comes to college. If they're going to work that hard to get a degree, I'd hate to think of my kids being burdened with student loans after graduation. Life's tough enough without that hanging over their heads.

Down payment on a house? No. Car? No. Wedding? Not necessarily.

 

[Brianne]

My feeling is, I do all I can to prepare them for when they do become adults. My responsibility is to encourage them to be independent, and have a strong work ethic to accomplish it.

If we are able to help them a bit when they're older, we want to be able to. However, we don't want them growing up thinking it's a given. We've both seen too many people take it for granted, and end up resting on their laurels (not saying anyone here did that!). We both have family members with their hands out to this day, largely in part because they'd been coddled. I can't help but feel that the accomplishment is greater when you've actually worked for it, but that's JMHO.

 

[Just2554]

My parents are helping me out with what they can. They did buy me a used car after I got my driver's license, but I have always paid the insurance on it and paid for all my own gas. They're also paying for half of my college tuition, while I am covering the other half with loans and scholarships.

Other than that, I don't expect anything from them. They have always done what they could for my sister and I. I've been to Disney World a dozen times and I've been on a dozen cruises. I've seen parts of the world other people have only heard about. I was never without anything I needed and I'm far more cultured and educated than many people my age.

But when it comes to buying a house, a new car, getting married...they won't give me much, if anything. And I'm perfectly okay with that. I have a credit card that I charge only a certain amount to and I pay off monthly so I will have a good credit history when I get out of college. My parents have very little savings themselves because they enjoy their lives. They vacation, they eat out, they buy what they want (in reason), and they're happy. They won't be leaving my sister or I anything, and that's fine with me. I'm an adult, I need to learn to take care of myself and I don't feel that they owe me anything at this point. They shouldn't have to give up enjoying their lives for me; I should be starting my own life and learning/experiencing things for myself.

 

[EthansMom]

My father helped pay for my college (about half -- in-state tuition and some money toward expenses) and gave me a used car after I graduated. I truly appreciated the gift of starting out life with no debt.

My Dad told me when he was helping me out with college that I didn't have to pay him back, but he expected me to help my kids with their college someday. So, in the manner of "Pay It Forward", DH and I will be helping our kids with their college, will likely get them their first car (reliable used), and will probably give them generous financial gift for their wedding or first home purchase (my Dad gave my brother and I each $1000 when we got married: "Spend it however you want, but don't expect me to pay for anything else for your wedding.").

We will have DH's college (student loans) paid off next year. He paid for his first car on his own. In the past, DH's point-of-view has been, "I had to work for everything I ever got and so should my kids." But I've countered with, "But wouldn't it have made your life easier if you had been given more financial support."

My view, as long as the kids are working hard (paying part of car insurance, paying for gas, paying for spending money) and getting good grades at school and staying out of trouble, we should give them the support that we can (without suffering ourselves, of course). DH is coming around to my way of thinking.

Although, we do try not to spoil our kids too much -- neither DH nor I can stand the ENTITLEMENT that seems to be running rampant in so many teenagers and early-20s here in Connecticut.

 

[Disney Doll]

No, I do not think parents "owe" their child a head start in life. In some cases, gifting like that causes more issues, because then you have a parent who might say "well, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have your house" or somehting similar.

I think it's in the nature of a parent to want to help their child if they are able...most parents want their child to do "better" than they did...and therefore many parents do try and give assistance to their child.

I also think it's wrong of a child to have the expectation that their parent is going to give them anything.

To answer the second part of the question...no, neither of our parents gave us moeny toward a house. That was something DH & I decided we were going to do on our own. Both sets of parents were very generous in other ways. My in-laws are gone now, but my parents still continue to be generous in many ways...with their time, their love, their affection, and sometimes with material things as well.

 

[disykat]

I don't think parents owe anything.

My parents gave me money to pay for most of my college and also loaned me money to buy my first used car when I graduated from college. (If there had been a way for me to ride the bus to my first job, they would have expected me to do so.) I plan to do the same with my kids. We sat down every year, looked at how much money I made, my spending, what I'd need for tuition, etc., and they wrote out a check to me so I could pay. There was definately accountability. DH has a coworker who has been writing checks for three years and has never seen a report card!

I would not cosign on a house, nor would I give money after the kids were married or otherwise established as adults - except for in an emergency situation like health problems, job loss, etc.

 

[mickeyfan2]

And did your Parents help YOU get a Financial Headstart in life?

I got nothing from them. I do not think you owe it, but if you can and the kids would appreciate it, then go for it.