Did you ever feel like you wasted a chunk of your life

[Tiggeroo]

I guess it's turning 40, plus all the other junk in my life. I've just been feeling like I've wasted so much time. I"ve been a SAHM until a recent financial crises caused me to look for work. Now I find out that with a college degree and having run my dh's hvac business for like 15years I'm qualified for the same jobs as high school kids. In fact, most of them will make more then me. I'm trying to finish up my last couple teaching courses but things keep getting in the way. I want to write and keep sort of starting on my book but again life gets in the way. I realize I could have done any of these things if I had just approached it differently. I have more free time then alot of people. It just seems like my husband and kids suck it all from me. As hard as I try to fix this it just doesn't seem to work. Today for the thousandth time I made a summer chore chart. In order to get people to do it I'll have to be the police officer. Then I think if I had pursued a career I would be well established by now.
Sorry for the whine. I wish I could offer you some cheese with it.

 

[mt2]

I understand your feelings. I'll give you some cheese on payday to go with your wine.

Happy thoughts to all,

mt2

 

[Tiggeroo]

It must be in the air. Look at all the simliar threads today.

 

[Cindy B]

I know that feeling.. I work in a job that pays very low, but offers immense flexibility.

I know whta you mean about the chore chart as well.. I'm pulling my hair out.

And I'm trying to finish my schooling as well, and I just want to finish one class at a time!

Take care! I know how you are feeling !

 

[Tiggeroo]

I have 2 16yo's and a 20yo colllege student home for the summer. They all work and have very active social lifes. It seems like everybody is getting to have a summer but me. I spend all my spare time cleaning up the mess everybody else is too busy to do. And they rationalize it because I don't work full time. I do during the school year though.

 

[Rajah]

 

[Tiggeroo]

I have 2 16yo's and a 20yo colllege student home for the summer. They all work and have very active social lifes. It seems like everybody is getting to have a summer but me. I spend all my spare time cleaning up the mess everybody else is too busy to do. And they rationalize it because I don't work full time. I do during the school year though. DH used to be very helpful. But he was hospitalized for a week with a staph infection in his knee. In addition to the knee pain he has a pick-line in his arm and at home iv therapy 3times a day. So he is just one more responsibility right now.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Not really, no.

 

[monkeyboy]

well there was those 2 years I don't care to talk about but aside from that Not really

 

[Tiggeroo]

I seriously doubt many men will say yes to this. Even men who I know to be good husbands and fathers are made different then many women. They can be more self-centered in a driven way because it is seen as adding to their families rather then taking away. Most men are also well able to eke out more free time to do the extra things they love. Many women I know when they try this are thinking in the back of their heads about things they should be doing, or people who need them.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by Tiggeroo
I seriously doubt many men will say yes to this. Even men who I know to be good husbands and fathers are made different then many women. They can be more self-centered in a driven way because it is seen as adding to their families rather then taking away. Most men are also well able to eke out more free time to do the extra things they love. Many women I know when they try this are thinking in the back of their heads about things they should be doing, or people who need them.

I have no idea what you mean by this statement, but I will tell you that I have sacrificed a lot for the good of my family and my spouse, that DW has never felt pressure to have to "eke" out free time to do something she loves and that I always have 100 things in the back of my mind that I know I have to get done know that there are people who need me (two, in particular).

Women and men are not made as differently as you may think.

 

[mtblujeans]

When I saw the title, I thought "someone's having a birthday crisis" before I even opened the thread.

Don't give in to your feelings, they will pass. You sound tired. Do some things for YOURSELF! A nice dinner with lots of wine, perhaps.....one you do not have to cook! (Let someone else drive if you go out) The wine will relax you and help you get a good night's sleep.

Organize YOUR time. The rest will take care of itself. My husband won't help around the house until he gets tired of the mess. My sons won't clean up their rooms until they can't walk from one end to the other anymore. Don't try to organize their time and space. Do what you want/need to do for while. Maybe you will find a more happy medium that way, too. Family stuff ebbs and flows. Don't get stuck in one spot. Just focus on your goals a bit more.

 

[bjgrazi]

I hear you loud and clear. As for the cheese, baked brie in bread with a raspberry topping would be nice.

I think we all need to take deep breaths now hold it for a count of 3 and blow it all the way out..... feel the stress leaving? Meditation works for me.

Huggs to you.

 

[Bumbles]

Originally posted by Tiggeroo
I seriously doubt many men will say yes to this. Even men who I know to be good husbands and fathers are made different then many women. They can be more self-centered in a driven way because it is seen as adding to their families rather then taking away. Most men are also well able to eke out more free time to do the extra things they love. Many women I know when they try this are thinking in the back of their heads about things they should be doing, or people who need them.

Wow, what a nice, broad sexist statement

 

[Dan Murphy]

I hear ya, Tig, and can understand how you feel. We all have been there (well, most of us) at one time or another. I can offer an ear and a

 

[ScarlettO]

Originally posted by Bumbles
Wow, what a nice, broad sexist statement

But then not many women have a "stay-at-home " spouse, doing the traditional "wifey" things.

I think a majority of men fall in Tigaroo's description.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Believe me when I say men are made differently I don't mean it in a negative way. I don't mean that they don't sacrifice for their families or not give their wives free time. My dh does alot around the house, and always has. His sacrifice is what allowed me to be at least alot of the time a SAHM. I knew when I was typing that it would be misunderstood and that I wasn't expressing myself clearly. Very few men are torn between working and staying at home. They may want on some level to be home, and many wish they could spend alot more time with their families but society doesn't put pressure on them about this. And when I say women are frequently burdened with extra stuff it's not the dishes or the laundry. If you really want to you can pay somebody to do that. It's the intangibles and there are hundreds of them, that go into running a home and raising children that men don't usually think about. Did I sign up to be a room mother. I really want to talk to the parents of the new girl my kids are hanging with. Has my dd been unusually withdrawn lately. I better call the school, jr. has done poorly on the past couple or math tests. Women frequently have things they need to deal with as their parents get older. They generally handle alot of the birthday and holiday shopping. It's all that stuff that adds up to, well alot.
And when we get bogged down with that we are probably doing ourselves a disservice. But I imagine a home couldn't function unless somebody was attending to this stuff. I am envious of the men I know who are somehow able to go in and do things, but not get caught up in these details. I hope somebody can understand what I'm saying. I see alot of wonderful caring men on these boards and I'm not in any way meaning to hurt you.

 

[ScarlettO]

Tiggeroo......you're absolutely right. Most men don't think of all those gazillion things wives/mother's have on their minds.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by ScarlettO
Tiggeroo......you're absolutely right. Most men don't think of all those gazillion things wives/mother's have on their minds.

 

[BigOnDis]

Originally posted by Tiggeroo
I seriously doubt many men will say yes to this. Even men who I know to be good husbands and fathers are made different then many women. They can be more self-centered in a driven way because it is seen as adding to their families rather then taking away. Most men are also well able to eke out more free time to do the extra things they love. Many women I know when they try this are thinking in the back of their heads about things they should be doing, or people who need them.

I am a man and I will say yes to feeling that I wasted part of my life. I wish I had been more serious and done better in college. Don't get me wrong, I have a fantastic job, and I am financially fine, but could I have done more? Where could I be if I had gone the traditional four year college plan rather than the 8 year plan I went through? I think we all have regrets about the past to some degree, so don't feel like you are alone.

As far as the other stuff, I will admit that I have to remind myself regularly to keep my priorities straight. God, family, then career. Sometimes it is too easy to let my career take over all the other aspects of my life, but I work at it and do my best. I am sure my wife would say I could do better, but I try.