Did you do poorly in high school

[Tiggeroo]

I have twin sons who seem to be scraping thru highschool Sometimes they get a's and sometimes they get d's. The one boys gpa is pitiful. The other pulled his up some because he wants to run in college. They will be juniors this year and it will be a make or break year for them as far as college admissions. I am going to be happy to see them get into the local state school, with no scholarships. They are bright kids, just more interested in their social lives then most school subjects.
If you did poorly in hs, did you ever find something that sparked you. Did you manage to get into college and succeed? How did things turn out for you?
They are great kids, leaders in their surfing club and youth group. One works with downs syndrome kids. Never been in any trouble. It's just that they only worry about school when I am threatening them. And this seems to be common with most of the boys in their crowd. The girls are very self-motivated. They aren't mechanically inclined so trade aren't an answer. They just can't see what the future will be like if they don't pull it together now. I really don't want a pair 40 yo sons and their wives and kids living in my basement cause they aren't qualified to earn a good living. Help.

 

[Evil Princess]

I did poorly freshman and half of sophomore year. Sophomore year it was on and off lol.

I can't really explain it, but going into Junior year I woke up. I realized that I could do better, and I wanted to get into a good school. I pulled high honor roll every marking period that year, and I scored a 1270 on my SATs.

I had always wanted to go to college so badly and when I realized that I needed to get my butt in gear, I did. My parents also hired a tutor for me in math, which was my weak area.

I got into the college I wanted to, Northeastern University in Boston, and I'll be leaving for school in four days (we start late). I got into every school I applied to (7) except for one, and that was because I didn't finish the application once I got accepted to Northeastern.

 

[browneyes]

I graduated 6th in my class, with a 4.0. I rarely studied and I lettered in 2 sports and in band.

I have known people that did poorly in hs, but excel in college and vice versa. With high school students, it's hard for them to realize the full picture of how hs affects them later on in life. I think a lot (if not most) hs kids are more concerned with their social lives than with their academia.

Have they mentioned an interest in a certain college yet? Maybe you could take them to see some colleges and show them what the colleges require for entrance?

 

[Tiggeroo]

Have they mentioned an interest in a certain college yet? Maybe you could take them to see some colleges and show them what the colleges require for entrance?

This is also their guidance counselors suggestion. So I will be doing this during long weekends this year. The one son badly wants to go to college, and he has definite ideas about which ones, but I think he feels it is out of reach. His guidance counselor told him that if he gets very serious this year and keeps it up thru senior year he will be able to go where he wants. He will have to explain his first two years performance and show that he worked very hard to overcome it.
The other son wants to go, and doesn't want to go local and live at home. He just is not motivated.
They both letter in 3 sports, and have captained a team. They have great summer jobs. My one son is the best in his class in bio and other sciences. So when he likes a class he does well. 90% of the grade problems come from not handing in assignments on time.
EvilPrincess - so you were able to overcome your poor fresh/soph grades? I am going to hire a math tutor for the boys as this is their weakest area.

 

[MICKEY88]

2 very simple yet effective ways to get the point across..

1. good grades=good job
good job = better pay

better pay = better car and more toys{electronic gadgets}

2. old fashioned parenting..

poor grades= grounding=no social life...

 

[preshi]

I did awful in high school. I was going through alot ( parents were getting divorced, kids in school bullying me) not to mention I had mono my freshman year and failed 5 of my 6 classes 2nd semester (got a d in the unfailed class) I also used to cut school 43 times in one semester! It wasn't until senior year 2nd semester that I got on it and made up all the credits I needed to graduate... man did I give my parents some gray hairs!! It's not that I'm not smart, I just wasn't interested. I was severly depressed and really should have been in therapy. I really wish I had done better then. I dont regret not going to college right away though. I didnt make up my mind about what I wanted to do until last year. Now I look forward to going to school and know i'll do much better than I would have had I no direction

Good Luck

 

[Tiggeroo]

Mickey88 - this has been explained to them repeatedly, both by me and by their guidance counselor and coaches. My son's wrestling coach had senior wrestlers talk to him as well. Things improve for a spell then.....
Grounding - this happens all of the time. If you get bad grades you are grounded until they improve. So, bad interim - grounded til two weeks of notes from teachers showing improvement. Bad report card, grounded til you get a good interim. They pull them up til the pressure is off, then back down they go, then punished again, etc..
Today we are sitting down and hammering out a contract, with the consequences spelled out clearly. They will be even harsher. I can punish them into improving, and I do. I, however, would prefer the boys to be internally motivated into doing well.
They both worked hard this summer at typical low-paying greasy type hs jobs. I kept pointing out that this is all they will be able to get if they don't get it together in school. The thing is, they are excellent employees. Got raises, promotions, etc. Their current goal right now is to open a taco place over here on the boardwalk. They have done calculations, to see how much money they will need and are actually saving for it.

 

[Sharon A.]

I was an awful student in high school -- really irresponsible and lazy. I had to have a minimum 2.0 to play soccer and that's what I usually had. I can remember getting a 1.8 one quarter and having to go around and ask the teachers if there was anything I can do to raise my grade.

The lamest part was that I never got anything lower than a B+ on a test, but I never, ever did the homework. I would read the assignments because I wanted to know the information, but I didn't do any of the assignments. Fortunately sometime during my senior year, I grew up a little and realized I didn't want to work at McDonalds for life.

Even with great SATs, I had to go to Community College for 2 years (I could've gotten in to a few schools, but not with any scholarships). I transferred with a 3.6 and went on to UC Irvine where I graduated with a 3.48. Not great, but much better than high school.

And I'm glad to say, I never had to work at McD's

 

[MICKEY88]

I'd eliminate the interim, bad interim grounded until report card..bad report card grounded until next report card,

grounding usually includes no computer except for homework, no video games.... study time in the family room with no distractions and parental oversite....

no extra curricular activites..no running..no surfing....

it's amazing how motivated they get when they are faced with losing activities they like

 

[Tiggeroo]

Mickey, that's what grounding looks like here too. I am removing the interim. They come out so quickly that the grounding is frequently only for two weeks.
And Sharon, that is the exact picture of my one son. He rarely gets lower then a B+ on tests, and gets at least a B on mid-terms and finals. Every bad grade he gets is because of homework/assignments. He keeps just the gpa he needs for wrestling. I am assuming he will be doing the first 2yrs at a community college. Also because of the lack of scholarships. Unless he pulls a wrestling scholarship off. His guidance counselor has told him that if he really gets it together this year and next he will be able to get into most of the schools he is interested in. I just don't get the irresponsibility in one huge area of his life, but not in others.

 

[Keli]

I would definitely follow thru though on the tutors for your sons. You want to take every stumbling block that you can out of their way. Good luck and I think you are doing the right thing in bringing the pressure down on them now before it is too late to do much good.

 

[Claire L]

Grades at school in the US sound so important. Shame it wasn't like that here in England when I was at school/college otherwise I'm sure I will have pulled my socks up a bit and got to go to University even though I was working all hours I could to pay my way. Saying that I'm not unhappy with what I am doing as I am a Police Officer married to a Police Officer with acceptable pay and good pesion with job security, but thinking about how things could have been so different if only I had studied harder. Hindsight is a very good weapon but honestly I wouldn't change things for the world now, but if I should ever have kids I would make sure they did well in school and had the best education and grades behind them.
Claire

 

[MICKEY88]

Originally posted by Tiggeroo
Mickey, that's what grounding looks like here too. I am removing the interim. They come out so quickly that the grounding is frequently only for two weeks.
And Sharon, that is the exact picture of my one son. He rarely gets lower then a B+ on tests, and gets at least a B on mid-terms and finals. Every bad grade he gets is because of homework/assignments.


if the bad grades are from homework assignments make him bring his books home every night and check for homework, tell him you will call his teachers every day to check if that's what he wants, odds are he'll do it to avoid the embarrassment of you calling his teachers...our high school posts all homework assignments on their web page, you go in by student and all homework assigned is listed..it's a great system, you can check the site then ask your child to see the completed work

 

[Tiggeroo]

Unfortunately, Mickey here is the problem. The school will not really help me. They'll tell me he is old enough to do it on his own, and if he doesn't then it is his loss. He has to learn to stand on his own. They don't post homework, and they teachers aren't available for daily phonecalls. The most they will do is allow him to take a sheet around to have his teachers sign it weekly telling me if he has handed in homework for the week. If not, all it says is missed at least one assignment. It does not say the assignment. And, again it is on my son to get that sheet to every teacher. I have been willing to bend any way for the teachers. I have said I will call them if they allow. Or, could they just drop me an e-mail stating that my son missed an assignment, or call me when he is not handing things in.
I agree with the school that my son should be responsible for his own things. But I don't agree with just letting him fail. As long as he is living in my house I can force him to do his homework and to study. If not there will be consequences. They know I am an involved parent. They know I will enforce the consequences. I just want to know he is missing an assignment before it gets too far along. By the time interims come out he could be missing quite a bit of work.
By the way, I substitute at the hs at least 2 days a week. So teachers could leave me a message at the office, even.
I am not in any way blaming the school for my son's irresponsibility. But when you have a parent who takes the time to call every teacher and leave them all notes, who will sit with her son and do extra work if needed, and who wishes to enforce consequences on this boy so he can learn to do his work, they should bend a bit. I know how busy teachers are. I am a full time sub, and have done long term subbing for a class for well over half a year at a time.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Oh Tigg - you have Fred and George Weasley on your hands!

In all honesty, the successful summer jobs sound very encouraging as well as the ambition to plan owning a business.

Academics just aren't for everyone and some students just don't "get it" until later in life. Some never get it. Remember that Bill Gates is a college dropout. In all honesty, there are Universities that will accept them and there are some excellent Community Colleges out there. Ambition and a work ethic are just as important as an A+ in Calculus.

Just refuse to support them after High School if you must. Go rent them an apartment and pay for 3 months rent, and tell them they have to figure it out beyond that. I have an ex-boss who did that with his son, and 1 year later he was in the Army and the taxpayers were paying to send him to college.

 

[Claire L]

Tigeroo,t
I really don't know what to say to you seeing the children from the poorest communities that I do and knowing what their lives will be like. But with the support you are giving them then I hope they turn out to be good citizens with an aim in life which will take them to places they want to go even if they are not the highest achievers, sometimes a persons life experience can speak a college degree or two.
Claire

 

[MICKEY88]

make up a signature sheet with 2 columns..homework complete or homework assignment missed...no signature=grounding..
missed assignment = grounding until all assignments up to date.... that way your son must take responsibility

low grades..no sports.......

it's one thing if a student is giving 100% and not doing well..but when you know they are capable of doing better if they try then I believe in doing whatever it takes to get that effort from them...

I told my kids. my primary responsibility was to do what was neccessary to see that they become the best young adults possible, best prepared to face the real world..that would mean making decisions they would not like, but good sound decisions made rationally by an adult with more life experience and more wisdom,

 

[Evil Princess]

To answer your question, yes, I did much better. Went from 70s and some failing grades to all 90s and one or two high 90s (we don't have letters in our school, it's 1-100).

The fact that I might not get into the college of my choice scared me enough to get my act together. College was important to me, I wanted to get out of the house!

I even wound up with an academic scholarship from my school in the end