DH & I are having a DVC argument!

[kathleena]

I remember your previous post and I'm sorry you are still in agony over this. You have a lot of good advice here, and I agree, you should talk it over with DH first.

And at a minimum - if that doesn't bring you to a good point and you need to fulfill your promise - you should get a 1br and a studio - preferably the studio in another resort altogether. You still need to think of yourselves and your trip. That solution doesn't fix the problems (DH's remark and them not speaking to you) but at least it will keep them in their own spot.

I have a step-daughter that uses everyone in the family as a doormat - everyone except me. I learned my lesson - had to go thru it twice before I completely understood - but she went on two trips with me and the first time - didn't speak to me for two years after (oh, I was so busy, blah, blah, blah) and the second time bad-mouthed me to family after the trip and told so many lies about me and the trip!!!!!!! Never ever again.

Good luck and be sure to check in with us for updates. We would like to see this work out for you.

 

[rocketriter]

Please forgive me for being so blunt. But the way your husband's family is playing you and the way your husband takes their side instead of yours suggests that you and your husband need to start what will probably be a long series of talks with a clergyman or a marriage counselor. Believe me. I've been through this myself, right down to the spouse backing the aggressors and punishing the victim.

We did work our way through this, but it took a couple of years and some tears to get there.

 

[disneygang]

He says they are family and I will go and I will suck it up.

I have the feeling this goes way beyond just this trip to Disney with your DH's family. I will add a few things to consider past this particlar matter.

When you married the "Family" is now you, your husband and children. A Disney trip is not where you need to go unless your husband stands up to his other family members. He needs to be a man and not a boy that caters to people that are not nearly as important as his wife. His sole responsibility is to be a husband and father with allegiance to his wife. This has to be without you manipulating him or the family in a negative way. You may need to make more serious decisions in the future. I second the opinion to get intervention in your marriage if he doesn't come to realize he has a responsibility at home first.

I am a husband that understands my family is the first thing I take care of with my wife. If it is not good for us then I have the responsibility of changing things to make it right. But, to have a partner worthy of that is important to every man.

I hope you allow God to help as well.

God bless your family,

 

[MOMO2DK]

I also agree w/ rocketriter. You and your husband must be on the same team.

I think if you suck it up, this will be stressful for you and your family, because the underlying issues still exist. If you feel you must clear the air before your vacation, get your husband on your team and clear the air w/ the other adult(s) TOGETHER.

If things can't be resolved, get separate accomodations and consider this a lesson learned.

But I truly empathize w/ you, as I too have a very difficult relationship w/ my in-laws, and I continually remind DH that I married HIM not his mother.
LOL!!!

 

[megrod74]

I just wanted to wish you luck with this and with dealing with them in the future

 

[MELSMICE]

I feel bad for you that you are in this situation. Just curious, is this one of his siblings, parents, cousin?

I agree that before this trip can take place these family members should be spoken to. Just a simple, "hey, we've heard through the grapevine that you're upset with us for some reason - what's up with that?" At that point "the ball is in their court" as they say, but now they will know that you know what's been going on & said behind your back. BTW - your DH should be the one to ask the question - not you, if it is his family.

You shouldn't have to "suck it up & deal with it" - your DH should stop being afraid & deal with it. Aren't part of the marriage vows to "honor your spouse" - well this would be a great time to "honor your wishes" & deal with this. Both DH & myself get along with both families, however, if there are any issues he deals with his family & I deal with mine - & we always put each other first.

Also, when someone comes to you with information about these people talking about you, just nod your head & say "Oh, really, that's interesting" & leave it at that. This way, they can't go back & tell the relatives that you said something about them! (I hope that makes sense ) They can't be angry at you & continue to say bad things if there's no fuel to add to the fire.

Good luck with everything!

 

[sparkspeak]

Perhaps that December reservation for the 2nd 2BR wasn't confirmed? That would be so disappointing!

 

[chainkid]

As someone who takes family more often than not, I make it a practice to never invite relatives that I don't get along with, this includes most of my husbands family LOL. He and I always get along really well with my side but early in our marriage, we decided to see his family politely for holidays and such and be very pleasant, /This works for us as we don't end up fighting on vacation. We now get along with everyone as long as we stick to our guns and never invite the ones we know will be trouble. First rule on our marriage is we are a team and as such we come first. I don't understand people who tolerate bad behavior in family. We put distance between us and situation usually resolves itself without fighting. Talk to your husband and explain how it isn't a vacation for you if you have to suck it up to tolerate an invited guest. Believe me, you will suffer resentment not only toward your relatives but your husband as well for ruining your time.
Since they aren't speaking to you now, its a great reason to cancel them out and invite someone more pleasant to share your vacation with. Your family relations will never improve because you can't change people BUT you can remove them either temporarily or permanently from your lives. Believe it or not, some people can get along much better if contact is only minimal.