depressed college student

[Tiggeroo]

I've posted before about problems with one of my college kids. He came home early for thanksgiving break and i'm very concerned. There is a real possibility i'm not even going to send him back for the last three weeks of classes. I'm working with the school on a solution to this. I will be seeking out help on Monday and watching him til then. He seems much better since he's been home for a couple of days but he is sleeping much too much. There will be some time until I can get an appointment with a psychiatrist and I'll be taking him in to the family dr. on Monday for a full exam and blood work-up.
My question is I've been trying to keep him from sleeping so much. I wake him up against his wishes and nudge him into doing things. He is even sometimes falling asleep while his friends are over in the evenings. If I wake him up and get him involved in something, when I leave the room he's back under the covers asleep. Should I keep waking him up. It doesn't seem serious enough to take him to an emergency room or anything like that and I doubt he'd consent to it. So the first help I'll be getting is Monday from the family dr.
I'm also very upset with his coach at college as well as his roommate/teammates. They see him a good deal. Apparently this constant sleeping has been going on for some time. It's likely he's been missing a good deal of class time. His coach knows i've communicated with him. I doubt it would violate confidentiality for a friend to call me and say your son is in trouble. Son claims they are all hasseling him for sleeping too much and saying he's lazy and not motivated.

 

[NewJersey]

It seems he's using his sleeping as a way of keeping isolated and to himself; and essentially to shield himself from his problems with his surroundings. Do you know what is making him upset? Is he at a school far away? What about taking the rest of the year off and then starting up at a 2 year college or a 4 year that is closer to home?

Good luck.

 

[Tiggeroo]

that is what he wants to do. There have been some issues on his track team and his coach just quit with no notice last week. The team problems have apparently been simmering all semester with several kids leaving. He's homesick, etc.
The issue is whether to insist he come home now and not finish out the semester. I'm concerned enough to do this.

 

[NewJersey]

Hmm it's defininitely a tough call. I remember my freshman year and I went to a college an hour from my house (lived at school) and was so homesick the first week and wanted to live at home. But my parents told me to stick it out and a week later I loved it and never came home except Holidays. A girl I went to HS with went to the same college and she was too homesick the first 3 days so she dropped out.

I guess my point is just to make sure it's not too rash a decision and to allow him to adjust. It seems that after a semester he should have been getting into the groove and adjusted well enough. If the problems are still persisting and you both think it's the best thing to do then you should definitely have him take the 2nd semester off and see where that leads. Sometimes college right away isn't for everyone.

 

[Tiggeroo]

he's a soph. This started the end of last year. We thought it was related to academic adjustments and got help there. The grades improved alot but the depression escalated apparently

 

[RitaZ.]

Over-sleeping is one of the symptoms of depression. You're his mom, listen to your gut. Push to get an appointment with a psychiatrist as soon as possible. It's good that you're taking him to see his regular doctor on Monday.

Good luck to him and you.

 

[NewJersey]

Oh my mistake. It seems something definitely happened that sparked this...I would maybe take him to talk with someone. Good luck with whatever you both decide. Sorry I can't really be of help.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I'm sorry. I know this is so hard for you to see your DS so upset. I've experienced some emotional problems with my DS, and it was emotionally draining for me as well. What does he want to do? I think if my DS wanted to live closer to home, then I would support that. Some kids just cope better when they have the support of their family and need to be closer to them.
A coworker of mine is dealing with some issues with her DD. She is a freshman at an out of town college and is having a very tough time dealing with everything. She calls her mom all of the time.
I hope your DS figures out what is best for himself.

 

[hentob]

Just wondering if he is overwhelmed by the cross country/track training? It is one thing to train extensively in high school, but it gets more difficult with the academics of college.

Could that be dragging him down?

Also, MONO! Please have him tested. We just had an ordeal last year with my brother (also a runner) and mono. He couldn't even go to school for the full day. That is how much he slept. Also he was so frustrated that he wasn't getting better, he got a bit depressed.

Just trying to throw some ideas out there.

 

[Tiggeroo]

i believe this is much more then a little down. He's not eating he either stays up all night pacing or he sleeps all day til 6pm. He is not involved in things. I worry that he's actually at risk for something worst.

 

[Tiggeroo]

wow, mono. I wonder. He's been sick too, off and on all semester.
The xc training is the only thing he's been happy with. It's the reason I've been letting this go on when I felt he should probably should be home. In fact he wanted to come home earlier in the semester and I encouraged him to stick it out.

 

[meeskamouska]

When I was 20 I had a similar issue...I was living at home and working full time and I would wake up go to work, come home go straight to bed. My folks got concerned and forced me to go to a DR. I had a vitamin deficiency...my B-12 and magnesium levels were extremly low....my diets was horrible...I was sleeping way more than eating!!!hope you find out something soon.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

Tiggerloo, if my DS was doing what you are describing your DS is doing, I would let him come home. However, I tend to worry a lot about things, so I don't like to take any chances. Our neighbor's DS hung himself in their garage just a few months ago. Stories like that haunt me and so I tend to overcompensate when my kids are upset. But I feel like it's better for me to be safe than sorry. My DS has been in counseling off and on and is doing well now. There were times when I was so scared that I cried myself to sleep though.
I think it is so important for our kids to know we are here for emotional support. It seems like since your DS has been unhappy there for such a long time, maybe coming home would be a good thing. I don't know your situation though, so it is just a guess on my part. My prayers are with you and your family!

 

[hentob]

wow, mono. I wonder. He's been sick too, off and on all semester.
The xc training is the only thing he's been happy with. It's the reason I've been letting this go on when I felt he should probably should be home. In fact he wanted to come home earlier in the semester and I encouraged him to stick it out.

As far as mono--It was a life changing event for my brother. He, in my opinion, has never fully recovered.

We just had the discussion over T-Giving dinner tonight that he should go to Children's Hospital in Philly to get looked at inch by inch. We want him 100% before he starts college next fall. He is nowhere near 100% right now. This has been going on for a year now

I think Cross Country is one of the most grueling sports out there. Imagine what your son's body has been through over the years.

I would get some extensive blood work done.

Good luck.

This has to be tough

 

[DisneyBlonde]

My DS is just a few years younger than yours. If he were exhibiting this behavior I would not send him back to school. Keep him home, get him to a doctor for a thorough physical, and find a counselor that he feels comfortable with and might open up to. Concentrate on him for a while. My best to you both.

 

[horseshowmom]

My DS is just a few years younger than yours. If he were exhibiting this behavior I would not send him back to school. Keep him home, get him to a doctor for a thorough physical, and find a counselor that he feels comfortable with and might open up to. Concentrate on him for a while. My best to you both.

I tend to agree with this (although having had mono when I was in college, I can also agree that it's very hard to get over - I had a friend who dealt with the symptoms for years).

For sure, I'd see the doctor as soon as possible. He/she can probably give you better guidance than anybody here.

Also, how much longer until his semester is over? I know my daughter (also 19 and a sophomore) only has two more weeks left (one of which is exams).

If the doctor thought he could handle it, and if his grades are good enough to pass for the semester (if he's sleeping all the time, I can't imagine how he's getting to class and/or passing), AND if he doesn't have many days left, I would consider having him finish the semester, but only if I could accompany him back to school. Again, ONLY if the doctor thought he could handle it.

I realize that you may not be able to do this (due to work, family situation, or whatever), but if you are, I'd find a hotel as reasonably priced as possible (Priceline might work) just to get through the semester. If you can come home on the weekend, your cost might not be that bad (compared to a lost semester of school). I know that in our case, my daughter actually only has 9 days left until she's done for the semester.

After that, I would definitely bring him home where you can monitor him much more closely.

He's obviously having major problems (NOT due to being "lazy and unmotivated" as suggested by some of his friends who are probably too young to really realize the implications of his problems), and you're obviously concerned that something very serious could happen.

Best wishes and good luck!

 

[fivefordisney]

I also think you need to get some bloodwork done. It could be something as simple as anemia...but it could be as complicated as depression. You need to trust your gut feelings. This is your son...you do know him best. Did he ever have bouts like this during High School?

 

[Tiggeroo]

running is important to him as is surfing. If he had an injury that kept him from doing either he'd sink into a bit of a depression. Nothing this serious though. He has been unhappy with his school choice but due to a few complicated things didn't want to make a change. He would have three weeks left plus exams. He was able to do ok at school but he told me there was a week when he did nothing but sleep and didn't go to class. He had a pretty bad panic attack at school and that got him into the student counseling center. His school told me if I can show he had a health issue that was affecting his ability to perform well in school he would be entitled to a refund so we may be able to show this due to all the recent dr's appts.
This feeling is a very new one. In spite of the problems i've been really encouraging him to stick it out. He's been there for most of the semester because of me.

 

[tw1nsmom]

Definitely have him fully checked for any medical causes.

I suffered from depression off and on over much of my adult life. I was never treated, but it came to a head after the twins were born. I went on antidepresants for three years and finally weaned off of them earlier this year.

Recently I've gained a lot of weight and I've been absolutely exhausted. I was worried that the depression was coming back. When I went in for bloodwork, it turned out that my thyroid was almost not functioning. I've had hypothyroidism for years, but for some reason it went crazy this year. Due to that as well as the weight gain I developed fatty liver disease (it seems to run in my family as well), which can also cause fatigue. I'm getting help for both now, and while I'm still tired, I don't feel so discouraged.

I guess what I'm saying is absolutely pursue the psychologist/psychiatrist route (psychiatrists in my area only prescribe meds, they don' provide therapy...you'd need a psychologist for that), but also get a full workup for any number of fatigue causing disorders.

Maybe for the weekend you could set him up on the living room couch. If he feels he has to nap, at least he won't be isolating himself from the family.

 

[lsyorke]

Rule out the physical first!!!!! A full workup is necessary for accurate diagnosis. Going to a psychiatrist first will 99% of the time end up with a prescription for antidepressants.... there may be a physical cause that needs to be addressed, not covered up.