Dear Mom & Dad

[dakcp2001]

I am 32 years old, moved out when I was 18, and there is a reason I do not communicate with you often. I am so sick of cleaning up messes that you create in my life. And it never ends.

I just returned home from a job interview out of state to find a million emails in my inbox. Apparently while I was gone, my mother took it upon herself to go to several websites, send inquiries & emails to nurse recruiters asking for a job, pretending to be me. She cannot type, and has no idea what spell check is, and it is very obvious in the emails she sent. Some of the emails were so bad, I could not even figure out what she was trying to say. What would possess a grown adult to do such a thing? I have no desire to work at any of these places, some of them would require a 2 hour commute. Oh, and the recruiters now think I am illiterate. And while mom was doing this, dad was sending emails & posting on people's facebook pages that I can't seem to find a job. ( I just got my license 7/16) So now all my friends and family think that I need my parents to find me a job. No thank you!!!!!!

Why can't they just mind their own business? And telling them to stop just ends in a huge screaming fight. They are always right and I am always wrong. Impersonating me and making me look like a fool IS NOT HELPFUL. This has been going on my whole life. I know I can't change them or their behavior, but I am so sick of it!!

BTW My out of state interview went REALLY well, please cross your fingers for me!

 

[minniebeth]

Pixie dust for you that you can find a position that is a good fit for you and that your parents can find boundaries and allow you to be the adult that you are. Sincere best wishes to you.

 

[minkydog]

No kidding! I totally get it. Best thing we ever did was move 400 miles away from our families. Hope no permanent damage was done and you can just move on from here. Congratulations on passing boards! That's quite an accomplishment!

 

[My sister's princess]

I am 32 years old, moved out when I was 18, and there is a reason I do not communicate with you often. I am so sick of cleaning up messes that you create in my life. And it never ends.

I just returned home from a job interview out of state to find a million emails in my inbox. Apparently while I was gone, my mother took it upon herself to go to several websites, send inquiries & emails to nurse recruiters asking for a job, pretending to be me. She cannot type, and has no idea what spell check is, and it is very obvious in the emails she sent. Some of the emails were so bad, I could not even figure out what she was trying to say. What would possess a grown adult to do such a thing? I have no desire to work at any of these places, some of them would require a 2 hour commute. Oh, and the recruiters now think I am illiterate. And while mom was doing this, dad was sending emails & posting on people's facebook pages that I can't seem to find a job. ( I just got my license 7/16) So now all my friends and family think that I need my parents to find me a job. No thank you!!!!!!

Why can't they just mind their own business? And telling them to stop just ends in a huge screaming fight. They are always right and I am always wrong. Impersonating me and making me look like a fool IS NOT HELPFUL. This has been going on my whole life. I know I can't change them or their behavior, but I am so sick of it!!

BTW My out of state interview went REALLY well, please cross your fingers for me!

DIS parents take note

I'm sorry, but sometimes the things people post over here that they do for their child, I can see this being a post by a few DISers in a few years,

"I applied for jobs for my daughter and she is ungrateful!"



OP that stinks, at least they weren't places you wanted to work That would have been terrible!

 

[castmemberb4]

Congratulations on passing the board and on the good job interview!
Did you post that on Facebook? Hopefully the family and friends on there know your situation and take your Dad's comments with a grain of salt.

that it all works out for you.

 

[A Mickeyfan]

I really hate to say this to you, but try to bite your tongue with your mom. My mom use to meddle in my life something terrible. She would show up at my doorstep with one of her friends & their kids to visit.. and we lived 5 hours apart! That meant I had to put everyone up for the night. She would go thru my cabinets and take out the food she felt weren't good for my kids. She would take over the kitchen and make "all fresh" food. She would leave the mess behind for me to clean. She would always yell at me for going to Orlando "wasting my money". I would get to the point where I would tell her to leave me alone & not call me again.. well my mom died Oct 2008 of lung cancer. I would give anything now to have her leave her mess behind for me to clean up. We were on speaking terms when she died. We never really did stop speaking to each other. I would just get so frustrated with how she was trying to run my life.. like buying my children their first cars!!! She gave them money for their cars!! I didn't want her to do that, she would give them anything they wanted.. she didn't listen when I would tell her not to.. they were her grandchildren & she will do what she wants, was what she would always say..
I do miss her very much.. so please... just try to bite your tongue, someday your mother will not be around to screw up your emails.. Enjoy her while you can. You can't take back words you have said.. no matter how hard you try.

 

[SaraJayne]

I am 32 years old, moved out when I was 18, and there is a reason I do not communicate with you often. I am so sick of cleaning up messes that you create in my life. And it never ends.

I just returned home from a job interview out of state to find a million emails in my inbox. Apparently while I was gone, my mother took it upon herself to go to several websites, send inquiries & emails to nurse recruiters asking for a job, pretending to be me. She cannot type, and has no idea what spell check is, and it is very obvious in the emails she sent. Some of the emails were so bad, I could not even figure out what she was trying to say. What would possess a grown adult to do such a thing? I have no desire to work at any of these places, some of them would require a 2 hour commute. Oh, and the recruiters now think I am illiterate. And while mom was doing this, dad was sending emails & posting on people's facebook pages that I can't seem to find a job. ( I just got my license 7/16) So now all my friends and family think that I need my parents to find me a job. No thank you!!!!!!

Why can't they just mind their own business? And telling them to stop just ends in a huge screaming fight. They are always right and I am always wrong. Impersonating me and making me look like a fool IS NOT HELPFUL. This has been going on my whole life. I know I can't change them or their behavior, but I am so sick of it!!

BTW My out of state interview went REALLY well, please cross your fingers for me!

Some Dis parents really need to read and then read again (and then READ AGAIN) this post. Because this is where some of them are heading.

The fact your mother is going to die some day (just like we all are) should have absolutely no bearing on your feelings.

You certainly have the right to be upset AND to tell your mother you are upset.

Honestly, if it's that bad, I would move, change my phone number and email and not tell them the new address/number, etc.

Sometimes it takes a drastic step to break free from control-freak parents.

Congratulations on passing your boards! Both my Mom and sister are RN's, so I know how tough it is! Good luck with the job!

 

[Silent1CB]

I'm mid 40's & have a mother who still thinks like OPs parents. I would love to know how to make it stop too. Sadly, I've realized she will never stop. Its how its going to be until she's gone. And her aging is almost making it worse at times.

Hate to say this, but there are times that I look forward to when I'll finally have MY life & my freedom.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I am 32 years old, moved out when I was 18, and there is a reason I do not communicate with you often. I am so sick of cleaning up messes that you create in my life. And it never ends.

I just returned home from a job interview out of state to find a million emails in my inbox. Apparently while I was gone, my mother took it upon herself to go to several websites, send inquiries & emails to nurse recruiters asking for a job, pretending to be me. She cannot type, and has no idea what spell check is, and it is very obvious in the emails she sent. Some of the emails were so bad, I could not even figure out what she was trying to say. What would possess a grown adult to do such a thing? I have no desire to work at any of these places, some of them would require a 2 hour commute. Oh, and the recruiters now think I am illiterate. And while mom was doing this, dad was sending emails & posting on people's facebook pages that I can't seem to find a job. ( I just got my license 7/16) So now all my friends and family think that I need my parents to find me a job. No thank you!!!!!!

Why can't they just mind their own business? And telling them to stop just ends in a huge screaming fight. They are always right and I am always wrong. Impersonating me and making me look like a fool IS NOT HELPFUL. This has been going on my whole life. I know I can't change them or their behavior, but I am so sick of it!!

BTW My out of state interview went REALLY well, please cross your fingers for me!

Fingers Crossed for you! And Pixie Dust Too!
Their hearts may be in the RIGHT place, but their methods leave a lot to be desired! Sorry!

 

[dzorn]

"Well I would post on my facebook that someone is out to sabatoge (sp?) my job prospects. Some unknown person has been applying for jobs pretending to be me. Copies of the e-mails were sent to me they are full of spelling errors, inaccuracies and illerate. Oh why Oh why would someone try to rune the chances of getting a job. "

Then I would just sit back and watch the posts fly.

OP sorry you are dealing with this, but congrats on passing the boards.

Denise in MI

 

[Robinrs]

I am 32 years old, moved out when I was 18, and there is a reason I do not communicate with you often. I am so sick of cleaning up messes that you create in my life. And it never ends.

I just returned home from a job interview out of state to find a million emails in my inbox. Apparently while I was gone, my mother took it upon herself to go to several websites, send inquiries & emails to nurse recruiters asking for a job, pretending to be me. She cannot type, and has no idea what spell check is, and it is very obvious in the emails she sent. Some of the emails were so bad, I could not even figure out what she was trying to say. What would possess a grown adult to do such a thing? I have no desire to work at any of these places, some of them would require a 2 hour commute. Oh, and the recruiters now think I am illiterate. And while mom was doing this, dad was sending emails & posting on people's facebook pages that I can't seem to find a job. ( I just got my license 7/16) So now all my friends and family think that I need my parents to find me a job. No thank you!!!!!!

Why can't they just mind their own business? And telling them to stop just ends in a huge screaming fight. They are always right and I am always wrong. Impersonating me and making me look like a fool IS NOT HELPFUL. This has been going on my whole life. I know I can't change them or their behavior, but I am so sick of it!!

BTW My out of state interview went REALLY well, please cross your fingers for me!

I dunno...unrequited LOVE?

 

[handinpocket]

I'm mid 40's & have a mother who still thinks like OPs parents. I would love to know how to make it stop too. Sadly, I've realized she will never stop. Its how its going to be until she's gone. And her aging is almost making it worse at times.

Hate to say this, but there are times that I look forward to when I'll finally have MY life & my freedom.

You look forward to the day your Mom is gone so you will have a life and freedom?! I think this is the saddest thing I have ever read on these boards. I hope my children never look forward to the day I am gone.

 

[okeydokey]

You look forward to the day your Mom is gone so you will have a life and freedom?! I think this is the saddest thing I have ever read on these boards. I hope my children never look forward to the day I am gone.

Then don't make them look forward to it. (not saying you do, but obviously the PP has valid reasons to feel this way).

 

[Robinrs]

You look forward to the day your Mom is gone so you will have a life and freedom?! I think this is the saddest thing I have ever read on these boards. I hope my children never look forward to the day I am gone.

It is soooo sad, especially since I know what it's like to be without. It's horrendous.

For the life of me I wish I knew why so many people on the DIS hate their mothers. It makes me want to never visit here. And MOST of them ARE mothers!

 

[bumbershoot]

You look forward to the day your Mom is gone so you will have a life and freedom?! I think this is the saddest thing I have ever read on these boards. I hope my children never look forward to the day I am gone.

If I start ruining my son's life and career prospects like the OP's mom is doing, I would certainly EXPECT my son to feel like that! Actions have consequences.

My dad ignored my brother and ignored him and ignored him, and the very last straw was at my wedding when he introduced our half brother to someone as his "eldest son", just as my brother, who IS his eldest son, turned the corner...and that was it. My dad is now dealing with not having his eldest son in his life in any way, shape, or form, and he DESERVES it.


OP I hope you're writing back to all the recruiters your mom contacted, trying to come up with an explanation. My stepmom is a nurse and is in the same hospital she started in, but I'm sure that isn't the norm, so I'm sure it would be good for you to clear anything nasty up, just in case someday you need to have their goodwill!


And I'd start being honest with your parents if you haven't already. Open and honest.


My mom died over 10 years ago. She was a good mom, a really good one, not like the OP's and a PP's...but I cannot agree with biting your tongue b/c someday she'll be dead. When my loss was new, I wanted everyone to treat their mothers like they were golden, but I mainly knew GOOD moms back then. I've since realized that not all parents are good people or parents (I've always sort of thought my dad was an exception) , and I just can't see why keeping silent and tearing yourself up inside (especially while having professional prospects DESTROYED!) just b/c someone will die some day, would be healthy for anyone....

 

[Silent1CB]

You look forward to the day your Mom is gone so you will have a life and freedom?! I think this is the saddest thing I have ever read on these boards. I hope my children never look forward to the day I am gone.

What I said was since I can find no other way to make her stop what she does, then yes, that is one sure way that I know it will stop. What I really look forward to is it stopping. You took my comment & twisted it.

And hopefully you've not done things to your children that would make them wish that.

 

[disykat]

If I start ruining my son's life and career prospects like the OP's mom is doing, I would certainly EXPECT my son to feel like that! Actions have consequences.

..

ITA! Being a parent does not give us "rights" into our adult children's lives.

OP, I'm sending best wishes that you get this job! Do you currently live at home? If so, maybe you can find a friend to room with while you job search? It sounds like your parents have very little faith in your ability to get a job and get out on your own? That can't be helping you. I'm really sad for you that your parents can't be a soft place for you to land and seem so desperate about your employment situation right after you've completed your training.

Sure, the OP's parents can worry, etc. That's what parents do! But what the OP has described is absolultely horrible! They have violated the OPs rights so badly I can't even imagine. I can't believe that people are excusing it because "they might be dead some day." How on earth is it okay to impersonate someone? HOnestly, that is sick!

 

[Silent1CB]

ITA! Being a parent does not give us "rights" into our adult children's lives.

Gosh, how I would love to point that out to my mother again & again, but she would not even hear it.

 

[AlleyKat]

"Well I would post on my facebook that someone is out to sabatoge (sp?) my job prospects. Some unknown person has been applying for jobs pretending to be me. Copies of the e-mails were sent to me they are full of spelling errors, inaccuracies and illerate. Oh why Oh why would someone try to rune the chances of getting a job. "

Then I would just sit back and watch the posts fly.

I like the way you think!

 

[AlleyKat]

I just can't see why keeping silent and tearing yourself up inside (especially while having professional prospects DESTROYED!) just b/c someone will die some day, would be healthy for anyone....

Amen!