DD has to give book report--excessively nervous--any tips?

[vhoffman]

My dd is 8 and in the third grade. Her assignment next week is to give an oral book report, and dress in a costume like her character. Well, she chose Pocohonatas, and that was convenient because it was her Halloween costume last year (still fits).

Problem is, dd is terribly nervous. She's so afraid of the whole thing. I feel so for her I've even considered asking the teacher to let her opt out, however, that would only reinforce her stage fright for future assignments. I haven't said anything to dd to convey my anxiety for her or in any way added to it, nor have I mentioned my idea of asking the teacher to allow her to opt out. However, it is a tough assignment--they aren't allowed any notes. The whole speech must be memorized. Even in college, we were allowed to use note cards. We've rehearsed the speech many times and she's got it down pat. However, stage fright might cause her to freeze and forget her place. Goodness--even the President uses a tele-prompter! I've tried to help her cut her speech down so there's less to memorize.Also, its to be done in the auditorium, in front of the whole 3rd grade and parents and other invited guests! Its further complicated because she has bad teeth, needs braces, and her speech isn't as clear as it could be. Her speech is understandable, but is going to make the whole situation more difficult. I'm just sick with anxiety for her. Its my understanding they don't even practice with the microphone--the first time she speaks into the microphone on stage she has 100+ people looking at her. And people (adults as well as children) can be cruel.

We have been rehearsing the speech all weekend, and tomorrow we plan to videotape her in her costume giving her speech. If she can see herself it might give her more confidence. However, that's done in the comfort of her living room, not on stage in front of almost 100 people! If she could just have some note cards! They don't want her to read the speech, but what if she loses her place? Then she's just there all by herself with nothing to fall back on? Honestly, I'm thinking she can "get sick" that day. Any suggestions for how to help her have confidence?

 

[DisneyDotty]

Yikes! I taught high school English, and never saw a point to requiring a student to memorize a speech! But that's beside the point. Have her practice, practice, practice. Tell her how proud you are of her and how you know she will do well. Give her lots of hugs and praise. Oh, you're already doing that. Reassure her, then, that EVERYONE hates public speaking, that EVERYONE is nervous, and that EVERYONE in the class is rooting her on and wishing her the best. That said, let her know she'll get through this and you will be proud of her no matter how well she does. And if she forgets her line, she knows the material well enough that she can fake her way through it!
Good luck to you. And you're right, don't ask for an opt-out. She needs practice in public speaking--once she does this and realizes she didn't fall dead as a result, the next time will be even easier.
But geesh, memorization?! Ouch!

 

[Vickie46]

bless her heart! I know I would want to be sick that day.. I would be so sick to my stomach... I am sure she will be fine though!

 

[vhoffman]

I can't stand the thought that she'll be standing out there floundering if she forgets her lines. I plan to sit front row center and prompt her if need be. If the school doesn't like it, let them deal with me, not a frightened 8 year old kid!

 

[Sandcass]

I can't stand the thought that she'll be standing out there floundering if she forgets her lines. I plan to sit front row center and prompt her if need be. If the school doesn't like it, let them deal with me, not a frightened 8 year old kid!

I was going to suggest she find a friendly face in the audience, glad to hear you'll be there.... she can focus on you and feel better. Maybe you can think of a secret signal that you can do for her. When she sees the signal she knows she's doing ok and you're there for her.

GOOD LUCK!

 

[Teacher03]

I teach third grade, and I would never expect a child to memorize a speech! But, I agree with finding a friendly face in the classroom....someone who will be rooting for her. Do you know her teacher well? Even if you don't, I would contact her and let her know how nervous your daughter is. I do have a boy in my class that gets extremely nervous during any type of presentation, and I allow him to give his presentation in front of me (just me) first, and he then gives it later in front of the whole class. He seems to be much more relaxed then. As long as your daughter is prepared, I think she will do great. Good luck!

 

[grlpwrd]

I'm just sick with anxiety for her.

Please do not project your issues onto her. If she feels that you are so worried about it (ie concern about audience size, her teeth, etc.) then that may make the problem worse.

Is there a way that you could somehow arrange practice time there at the auditorium or similar venue?

GL!

 

[tatooed goofy]

I teach fourth grade and agree. I did a similar project but my kids could use notecards. I say practice practice and practice. I like the idea of sitting in the front row with large construction paper cue cards. I would definately let the teacher know. I would want to know. It is too much anxiety for a child that age to deal with. Has she ever spoken at church, been in a ballet recital, or girl scouts? Sometimes reminding them of other activities they have been in and performed in can help. Either way, the project overall is a good one. The first time I had to speak in front of others was college and I cried like a baby. I wish my teachers would have made me do it sooner. This is one reason why I do the assignment. In Forensics, we make our kids memorize pieces as young as 1st grade. So, it is good practice. Bottom line, let the teacher know her feelings and see what she would suggest. You may be pleasantly surprised. Good luck!

 

[vhoffman]

Talking to the teacher won't do any good--I've tried. Its "eye-candy' for the school--a big deal where administrators, etc. come for the kids to "show off the teachers". However, they should be allowed to use some sort of cue card. Its just asking too much out of an 8-year old kid to get up in front of 100+ people, face a microphone for the first time, and give a perfect, flawless speech so the teacher can look good!

I'm working with her tonight. We videotaped her giving her speech in her costume. I shortened a lot of it, such at the birthdate and death date. Instead of giving the day, month, and year, city, state, country, etc., I just had her say the year and country. Less to memorize. At least have they should have some sort of dress rehershal in the auditorium with the microphone. What they're asking is just too much!

No, I'm not conveying my anxiety to her, that's why I'm venting on this board. I'm telling her how much fun it will be, etc. But I will be there, front row center, with cue cards (I don't care if the teacher likes it or not, she can deal with me!). We also divided her speech up into four simple parts, with cue cards for each part. That way if she freezes and loses her place I can flash her a card and it can serve as a prompt. Woe be the the person who giggles at my child, I will do some "public speaking"!

 

[NotUrsula]

I'm not sure your cue cards are going to help if she's speaking from an auditorium stage. If the stage lights are on, she will probably not be able to see anyone in the audience clearly. Stage prompters normally work from the wings for just this reason. She'll be able to hear the audience for sure, but seeing them isn't a sure thing. (BTW, if the lights are on they won't be able to see her clearly, either, unless you put rather heavy makeup on her.)

Speaking of stage lights, you might want to have her practice doing the speech under lights if she hasn't already. Lights shining into your face can be disorienting if you are not used to them. The key, of course, is not to attempt to see past the lights -- from the audience POV, that makes you look like you are not paying attention to what you are doing.

Remember that she is not the only child doing this assignment; each child has an equal opportunity to muck it up, and chances are that most of the others have not practiced nearly as much as your daughter has. She'll do just as well as any one of them, and probably much better.

 

[vhoffman]

There's just so many details to be thought through--how to speak into a microphone, how to handle stage lights, how's an 8 year old kid supposed to handle all that without even a practice session? I can rehearse all I want with her, it still won't prepare her for the actual event because I can't duplicate the stage, lights, etc. I just can't believe they're putting a kid through all this! Even the principal uses notes, cue cards, etc., when addressing a group such as PTA, etc. Perhaps next PTA meeting I should ask her to speak without notes? Why should she expect a kid to do something she's not willing/able to do? Well, others will "muck it up...." as well. I just think this is a lousey introduction to public speaking--just get up there and do it, no "dress rehersal, no practice under the actual conditions, and no notes or cue cards". DD's been trying to rehearse all weekend and she still forgets parts of her speech, in the comfort of her own living room. Would be no wonder if she freezes under the actual conditions. If she has a traumatic experience it will stay with her all her life, and public speaking is so hard anyways. I'm still thinking she could "get sick" the day of the presentation. Better to keep her out than allow her to have a negative experience such as that..............I still don't know how to handle it. Maybe try talking to the teacher again, this time more assertively about my concerns and how they are going to be handled.

 

[DisneyDotty]

I'm still thinking she could "get sick" the day of the presentation. Better to keep her out than allow her to have a negative experience such as that..............I still don't know how to handle it.

Aw--I really hope it doesn't come to this. Everyone can benefit with public speaking practice. Although you may question the teacher's methods, the experience of speaking in public is worthwhile.
Let your child do this--and praise her for her courage in trying, however it turns out.

 

[rhiannonwales]

Personally i think it would be a great disservice to your child to have her stage sickness to get out of doing the speech.Yes, its is unfair in my opinion to have her do that at her age.Yes she will probably make mistakes.But life is full of unfairness, and she will have to deal with it someday.By keeping her home all you are teaching her is that when life get tough, quit.

I understand your fears.I am a parent too, and we always want our kids to have positive experiences.But life doesnt work that way.As a child (and still now as an adult) i had/have extreme overbite and teeth problems., so i know that kids can be cruel.But, my parents never sheltered me from it.I had to learn that frankly some people are idiots, and will always be idiots.I cant change them all i can do is pity them for their narrowmindedness.

Had i been sheltered and kept from experiencing pain and loss, i would be a very different person today.Probably i would be like so many of those kids that did the teasing are today - selfish, egotistical, struggling, and wondering why they are alone.Filling their homes with expensive items which dont make them feel better.Running up credit cards they cant pay to get more stuff never realizing that more stuff cant fill the void in their life.

Your daughter will be nervous - and you will be nervous for her - but she will learn that even when things are hard SHE CAN DO IT.Thats a valuable lesson that will only help her in her life.Dont take tht from her.
Sherrie

 

[NotUrsula]

Look, if they expected perfection they would surely be not only allowing rehearsals, but running them (and you) ragged with them. Obviously, if they are not doing them, they are not obsessing on quality, so you should not be, either. Odds are, this is mostly about teaching the kids that getting up in front of an audience is NOT supposed to be something to be feared.

Really, you DON'T want to get her out of this. I did my first solo speaking part in front of a large audience at age 6, and I have dozens of bad memories about it. However, at my school speaking in public was a given, and I thank G*d for that every day of my life, because no one ever told me that I was supposed to be afraid of it, and straight teeth were never an issue. To this day I am an excellent public speaker, and BTW, I still don't have straight teeth.

 

[Mom to Jordan]

First hugs and prayers for you. It is clear how much you love your child and want to protect her. However, life is not always fair and she needs to see how you handle this situation well. Letting her "be sick" teaches her so many wrong lessions and who knows, she might have to do hers when she returns to school and then the whole focus would be on her. Even harder than doing it with the class. Chances are that she is not the only one that is very anxious or worried that she might not do well. Encourage her to talk with her friends about what at they are feeling.
Experences like this bonds the children. The children seeing her not have to go through the same thing they are would be much worse than her going though the same ordeal and not doing well.
Be very honest with her. Tell her that you do not think that this assignment is right for a third grade child, BUT that you are not her teacher and that sometimes we just have to do things that we are afraid we might not do well.
Sounds like you encouraged her to be well prepared, give lots of praise but do not be afraid to give some constructive pointers too. for example " You know the info very well but it would be great if you try to talk a little slower". Make sure you do everything to boost her confidence that day. Make sure the outfit fits well and she is confortable in it. Perhaps a extra special ribbon for her hair or a squit of your special perfume.

In the end however, she has to do this on her own. Let her know you love and support her no matter how it truns out. AND...She might just do great!!!!!!!

Jordans' mom

 

[vhoffman]

Geez,
I hardly think keeping my child out of a bad situation is going to turn her into someone who runs up credit cards, in insensitive to others, and all the other great evils I'm being accused of.

I still say that a bad first experience with public speaking could stay with her the rest of her life. How many of you would be willing to face an audience of 100+ for the first time on a stage, with absolutely no notes, prompts or any kind, nothing to fall back on if you "freeze"? Even professional actors and public speakers use prompters of various types. All I'm asking is that the children be given better preparation--a chance to practice under the actual conditions so they know what to expect, and the use of some sort of "crutch" such as notes,etc. In short, what any professional public speaker would be able to do. Don't just expect an 8 year old kid to "wing " it.

 

[DisneyDotty]

Agreed, agreed, agreed. However, consider that all the 3rd graders are in the same boat. Your daughter will see some kids succeed and others fail. And she will see that regardless of how they did, all survived. Give her a chance. You will be so proud of her!

 

[Danaans]

They used to tell kids to imagine the audience in thier underwear to make the speaker more comfortable......

 

[NotUrsula]

You asked for ways to help her do well with it, and then suggested getting her out of it. What we are all telling you is that playing sick or complaining to the administration to get her out of it really wouldn't be helpful to her, either in the long run or the short run. I'll take your word for it that you are hiding your opinions from your child. I have to tell you, though, that your tone here makes your hatred of public speaking (not just this assignment, but apparently ANY public speaking responsibility) crystal clear. However you may actually feel, your words here have made you *sound* irrationally afraid of public speaking.

Also, you keep pointing out that professional speakers and politicians use aids, as if it is unheard of to be asked to speak without them. The thing is, the 3rd grader isn't a professional, she's a student. Professionals use aids because they *can*, not because they have to. It makes life easier for them, but they can manage without. You don't get to be a professional speaker of any kind unless you can speak extemporaneously, pace yourself properly, and hit your marks correctly ... without help. It is not at all unusual for a student to have to work without aids; that is how one learns. If public speaking is an integral part of an integrated curriculum (and I really applaud the school if it is), this type of assignment is not all that uncommon. It is also not at all unfair, so long as the whole class has to work within the same rules.

 

[rhiannonwales]

vhoffman,
Im sorry that my remarks have made you so defensive.I wasnt trying to say that one experience would do those things to her.I was trying to say that for lack of a better phrase "the road to h#ll is paved with good intentions" . Meaning that once you open the door for taking the easy road, its much harder to say no the next time, with a snowball effect.
And yes, the majority of those unhappy dysfunctional people have not heard no enough in their life, and have not been told that sometimes you just have to suck it up.
But i agree with the other poster, your tone here makes it clear that it is really you with the unresolved issues about public speaking.
And for the record, it is a requirement in the state i live in that all kids must do a public speech to graduate for elementary school. So yes 3rd and 4th graders.
Sherrie