Daughters who have lost their Mother

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by Shelly F - Ohio, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. Shelly F - Ohio

    Shelly F - Ohio Disney Extraordinaire

    Feb 22, 2004
    I thought I would start a thread for Daugthers who have lost their Mom's. Some place to share, reflect and get support from those of us who have lost our Mom's.

    I lost my Mom in 1993 and she was my best friend. I miss her dearly especially here at Christmas which was her favorite holiday.

    I miss some of the dishes she made like homemade red velvet cake, pumpkin cookies.

    I wish my hubby could have met her.
    Ladyandthepuppies likes this.
  2. Pkaroch

    Pkaroch <font color=red>Don't get me on a ferris wheel<br>

    Sep 15, 2003
    Count me in...a sad group to be a part of! I lost my mom in July 2007. This is the first year Dad and I have remotely gotten into 'The Christmas Spirit.' In 2007 we ran away to Las Vegas for Christmas and didn't put one stitch of decoration up.

    It's difficult to see all the commercials with happy families, and when we decorate, see her stocking and our last Disney ornament with our names on from her last trip with us. I miss her all the time, but the holiday season is harder than the rest of the year.

    :grouphug:to everyone who has lost their mom, no matter how old you are, it's such a hard thing to go through!
  3. Avatar


  4. luvmarypoppins

    luvmarypoppins <font color=darkorchid>I am debating whether to pu

    Aug 23, 2003
    I miss my mom too. I really didnt even have time to grieve as I had to take in my 90 year old grandma who lived with her and I was recovering from surgery which I had complications from and almost died from like a week before that.

    Now I have been fighting cancer all this year. I really wish my mom was around to encourage me and give me a hug etc. Her best friend lives in the next state. I call her aunt and she talks to me on the phone alot, I love her like a mom, but I miss my real mom.
  5. PrincessSuzanne

    PrincessSuzanne <font color=red>Guess I will be eating crow tonigh

    Jan 1, 2007
    I am so glad this got started, I hope we can keep it going.

    I lost my mom Aug 26, 2008, very suddenly. We had been talking about our upcoming Disney trip that weekend and she collapsed, I buried her the day we were supposed to leave for Disney.

    We weren't always quite as close, because of my grandmother. My parents divorced when I was just a year old and my father wasn't a part of my life (his choice). My mom and I lived in our house until my grandfather died when I was 5, then we moved in with my grandmother, who did most of my raising since mom had to work. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2000 and died in 2001, so mom and I grew closer.

    Mom was there for me through every rotten work day, all the infertility treatments, and the decision to remain childless. She was just always there for me literally everyday. I was ther for her through the 7 year fight with her sister and brother over my grandmothers estate and I bought my grandparents house and we moved in with her and DH, then my teenaged cousin. I worked nights, so we spent all morning together and she picked me up most evenings because of DH's job schedule.

    I don't know any other mothers and daughter who are closer. Everywhere we went everybody knew us and it was difficult going out for awhile, because everyone was so used to seeing us together.

    Disney was our favorite place, especially at Christmas, because they could accommodate her needs. It was difficult that first trip after her death and our Christmas 2008 trip was a blur, but I have such great memories.

    Well, I have gone on too much, but it helps to have someone who understands.

  6. alamode

    alamode Mouseketeer

    May 24, 2009
    My twin girls (and son) lost their Mom just over three years ago, when they were only 3. Unfortunately, since she was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma a week before they were born, they only remember Mommy "being sick".

    When we went to WDW last May it was very bittersweet, as my wife was the huge Disney fan, and I knew she would have wanted to be there with us. There were a few tears from me (hidden from the kids) when we entered the Magic Kingdom at rope drop.

    While at Pixie Hollow, Tinkerbell asked where Mommy was. After the girls replied that Mommy was in heaven, Tink replied "Well you just give some huge hugs to me, and I'll fly up to Heaven to give them to Mommy."

    While watching Wishes that night, the kids saw Tinkerbell scaling down from the castle and screamed "Look, Tinkerbell's coming down from Heaven, Mommy got our hugs!!" At the end of Wishes, the kids saw 3 huge heart shaped fireworks and they said in unison "Thanks Mommy, we love you too."
  7. Shelly F - Ohio

    Shelly F - Ohio Disney Extraordinaire

    Feb 22, 2004
    OMG where is my box of kleenex. That was such a touching story Alamode.
    I lost my Mom to lung cancer which spread to her brain. She under went an experimental treatment at the Cleveland Clinic which did shrink her brain tumor. She had 1/2 a lung removed. In the end the cancer had spread to bones. She was a good little fighter.
    The day of her funeral we had a blizzard! We no sooner left the graveyard and the declared the city in a state of emergency and closed all the roads. We had a lot of out of town guest stranded. I had a friend with a 4X4 SUV who transport people to the hotel. What an ordeal.

    What is the best memory or tradition you have about Christmas time spent with your Mom?
    One a few occasions my two sisters and their families would spend the night Christmas Eve and then we would wake up and open presents. There would be 16 people under one roof. Not to mention the huge pile of presents under the tree.
  8. Elfstar

    Elfstar Guarded by Dragons, Gargoyles...and Figment!

    Mar 3, 2005
    My mom died suddenly of a heart attack November 2, 1990. She was the family "Christmas Elf", getting everybody organized, decorations up, etc. It just wasn't the same after that.

    My fondest (and funniest) memory was Mom always letting in the dog Christmas morning for a treat and to open his present (a toy) and hearing her fuss when the first thing the dog did was chase the cat up the Christmas tree. After the first two years, she had Dad fasten the tree to the wall with wires so the pets couldn't tip it over.:rotfl::rotfl:
  9. mana

    mana Earning My Ears

    Jul 8, 2009
    that was wonderfully heartfelt and beautiful story. thank you for sharing it. I didn't lose my mom, but my dad, and I can truly almost imagine the excitement and joy your kids must have felt.

    ps. you sound like an awesome father!:thumbsup2
  10. WDWLVR

    WDWLVR <font color=green>DVC @ The Boardwalk</font><br><f

    Feb 17, 2000
    I lost my Mom back in 1997 to lung cancer and miss her very much especially at the holidays like this.

    We were supposed to go to Disney together in May of '97. In April she was on a trip with her seniors group (though she was a very young senior of 67) and came home with a nasty cough that wouldn't go away. She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Needless to say that trip got cancelled. We were going to be staying at the Poly and since that was her favorite resort we bought her a brick that year. It is on the path from the resort to the luau. So a part of her memory will always be at the Poly.

    Thankfully we had six months together where we could share things. One of the things she requested was to be buried in the dress she wore to my wedding some 7 years before. Turned out to be very profound as we waked her on our wedding anniversary. She and my husband were very close and I'm blessed that she got to know him so well.

    We still visit her brick at the Poly and I still talk to her every day. I know she is looking after us.
    brittlh likes this.
  11. Marina Del Rey

    Marina Del Rey King Triton's Daughters' Crazy Ex-Governess Incarn

    Dec 17, 2009
    Over a year ago, I lost my mother in her old age. She left shortly after a set of strokes while suffering from dementia. I felt like I never really had her. Our relationship was strained at best through the duration of my life.

    Last month, I lost my mother-in-law to cervical cancer. The lady was one of my dearest friends. She was a combination of the mother and big sister I never had. The matriarch of her family, she is SO MISSED. She left us far too soon!
  12. DVC Kathy

    DVC Kathy Mouseketeer

    May 22, 2003
    I lost my mother on April 16, 2001. She had COPD and between that and issues with some of my brothers, she just wore out. I miss her every day. She and I were the only girls in the family, so we stuck together against my father and three brothers.

    My favorite Christmas memory comes back to me every time I hear Feliz Navidad. Mom and I are in the car, driving back from the Plymouth Meeting Mall after a massive Christmas shopping attack, singing along with the radio at the top of our lungs. She was Santa, and I was her elf.

    Nothing can top watching the Osborne lights dance to Feliz Navidad for putting me in the spirit of the season.

  13. Magix

    Magix <font color=navy>Blackhearted Pirate<br><font colo

    Jun 24, 2003
    Oh, good heavens! I'm literally in tears.

    I lost my mom to colon cancer in January 2004. To this day, I can't watch it snow on Main Street at Disneyland, because that was the last thing that mom and I went out and did together. I know I'll just break down crying if I see it now. I ended up on Main St, watching the castle lighting moment at Disneyland the other evening and I started crying.

    During my second ABD trip, on a ferry boat from Capri back to Sorrento, I started to cry a bit, because I looked around at the beautiful sights around me and thought of how much mom would have loved to have gone on both the ABDs with me. She never got the chance to travel overseas and I know she would have loved to go, just us two girls.

    Dad and I have not had much Christmas spirit since mom died. We don't even bother to buy a tree or decorate the house at all. It just doesn't seem worth it now. Mom was always the one who organized all of that and made it seem fun.

    I don't spend too much time thinking about how much I miss her, but every now and then a thought will just hit me out of the blue and bring me to tears. No matter your age, it's just hard to lose mom.
  14. DIsNeYSweEtHrTs

    DIsNeYSweEtHrTs Mouseketeer

    Feb 5, 2006
    Hi all -

    I wanted to post about my wonderful, loving, caring, and generous mom who passed away Nov. 22, 2009. I feel like I have a huge hole in my gut and like my heart has been ripped out. I have lost my best friend, and my dad has lost his soulmate (they were high school sweethearts, and taught me what "true love" really is).

    She had been diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma back in 2005. During chemo, she picked up several lung infections that eventually left her with 20% lung function. She seemed to do pretty well mosying around the house with her 90 foot oxygen tubing, and we thought she could continue like that for a while, and be able to watch her grandbabies grow up.

    We got back from Disney on Oct. 22, 2009, from a FANTASTIC trip. Mom had said several times while we were there, that she had never felt better. A few days after we got home, we all started to feel very sick. Mom spent the next few days in bed with a fever and a cough. She was admitted to the hospital and discovered she, and probably all of us, had contracted the swine flu.

    She seemed to be tolerating it, until she started to seem confused. The night she was admitted to the hospital, we found out that the carbon dioxide level in her blood was three times what it should have been. She was placed on a ventilator, and began to deteriorate. Her lungs no longer were working, and the ventilator was barely keeping her going. She couldn't keep her blood gasses where they should have been. We took her off the ventilator at 3:00 p.m. on 11/22/09. She passed 10 minutes later. She was 50 years old.

    I hope someday that I can be half the mom she was. She was the perfect mom, times ten. She was there for everything. We did everything together. I can't even bring myself to get my hair done because we used to always go together. She loved her grandbabies, my DS Kaden (2.5) and my DD Allie (6 months), with all her heart. She wanted to see her granddaughter get married. She wanted to see Kaden's soccer games. She always said, I'm not ready to check out, I have too much to do! I go over it again and again wondering what we could have done differently.

    I am so sorry for everyone's losses on this thread. I can definately understand how you all feel, and my thoughts and prayers are with you all. We all have our very own guardian angels now. :littleangel:
  15. Carol17

    Carol17 Mouseketeer

    Sep 9, 2007
    My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in April 1987, and died 3 days after my 16th birthday on January 8 1988. Seeing her quickly slipping away through that Christmas was very difficult to watch. I was very close to my mom, and have felt so alone since she has been gone. Christmas has been such a sad time for me for many,many years. It was always a reminder of watching my mom dying. It is just in the last couple of years that I have started to appreciate Christmas again. Going to Disney and seeing all the beautiful decorations, and frankly, being able to get away from home has helped me get through the season. Even after all these years, I still miss my mom and think of her every day. It is such a huge loss and has changed me and my life in so many ways.

    It's kind of nice to be able to write this here, because after 23 years, I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad anymore.
  16. kathyseb

    kathyseb Dole Whips are the best

    Feb 19, 2004
    I lost my dad 3-4-79 and my mom 11-12-07. She passed away on my older sister's birthday.

    The only thing that keeps me going is that I now know my parents are together again.

    To think back and now realize that my mom was on her own for 28 years is amazing to me. They deserve to be together.

    I miss them both so much I can not begin to express it in words.

    Thanks for starting this thread.

    :grouphug: to everyone.
  17. Rustysmom

    Rustysmom DIS Veteran

    Aug 7, 2004
    My mom died 3/26/08. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer only 2 months before, but she was having back pain and constipation since the fall of 07, only we didn't know it was something that serious.

    I miss her so much every single day. My mom's cat Penny passed away right before Thanksgiving this year, which makes it even more sad. I can't even go into my mom's house anymore without thinking of the 2 of them and crying. I can't wait to finally get it back on the market and hopefull sell it next year.

    Christmas was very sad without her this year, as we always went to her house to spend Christmas day, and we don't have much other family left at all. My FIL also died last year. I wish we had the money to go to Disney for Christmas, but I just lost my P/T job so all money has to go for bills right now. I'd really like to go for Christmas in 2010, and I'm going to save up as much as I can to make that happen.
  18. kathleena

    kathleena <font color=FF99FF>Because everyone needs a Fairy

    Jan 27, 2001
    alamode - OMG I'm in tears at work reading this. Tinker Bell would probably love to hear how that story ended if you had a moment to send a note to disney with the date, they could get it to her.

    I lost my Mom to brain cancer just a few minutes after midnight on Jan 1st, 1998. We had her funeral on what would have been her 70th birthday, Jan 4th.

    She had been diagnosed in Sept with the tumor, before that she was in perfect health. Looking back, we can see the signs of what it was doing to her brain, although everything was very subtle.

    She was the type of person who everyone liked. She was just a nice, sweet, kind, gentle, humorous person. She struggled with her self-worth for her entire life, but her last 20 years brought changes as she became involved in Community Theatre and took to the stage. She really loved it and audiences loved her. Over 500 people attended her funeral. She had been in the church choir for over 40 years and we had them sing, inviting back members who had moved away, or left the choir.

    My Mom and I always believed in spiritual connections. There are many instances of psychic occurances with her and me while she was living. Also with her and others in our family. But it has been since she is gone that I feel it the strongest. When she is near spiritually, there are signs she sends to me. She is only around when there is something happening that I don't know about and need to know about - always involving someones health. There has been the final illness and death of her close friend, of my father's two brothers, his cousin, my husband's mother's brain tumor. And as if I needed further proof, while in an auditorium of 1900 other people, John Edward found me and the sign came through him. There's no way he could know. It almost brought me to my knees.

    I miss her so much - I want to know little things like how did she dip the needhams without losing them in the chocolate sauce - or the big things - like telling me more about what her life was like as a child.

    We go through so much our whole lives with education - but nothing teaches us how to lose a parent and how to live the rest of our lives missing them.
  19. rlduvall

    rlduvall DIS Veteran

    May 7, 2002
    I lost my mother, who was my bestfriend, to lung cancer on December 6, 2007 at the young age of 65. Three days later, our City was hit with an ice storm that had never been experienced before - totally debilitating and shutting everything down. We couldn't even bury her for another week which greatly contributed to my anxiety and mourning.

    While I "keep moving forward" and am thankful for my DH and DS, I will never have the same joy as I experienced before. The world is truly a little dimmer to me. :sad1:

    And one bad byproduct of intentionally waiting until you are older to have a child [I was 35] was that my mother only got to see him to age 8 and he no longer gets to experience her unyielding adoration and love. :angel:
  20. moepanz

    moepanz DIS Veteran

    Jul 9, 2007
    I lost my mom this past Thanksgiving day. She was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in March. This Christmas was almost unbearable. My mom was scheduled to leave for Disney the Monday after she was diagnosed but cancelled to start her treatments. She finished her chemo and radiation treatments in Sept. We all went to Disney on Sept 17. She was a trooper. We sat down for dinner on Saturday Sept.19 for dinner at the Cape May Cafe and without warning she did not know who we were and where she was. We called an ambulance she was taken to Dr. Phillips hosp and she had 3 seizures. It turned out the cancer had spread to the brain quicker and more than they had thought. She was in 3 different hospitals in Fla ( all more amazing than the next) for a month until we flew her home on an air ambulance. My brother and I were taking turns flying back and forth to Fla. (we are from NY) The time we had with her in Disney was amazing. We had dinner in the castle the first night and we made it to the Halloween party the second. I am grateful my children will have those memories of her. She passed away after midnight on Thanksgiving. It has been rough and I feel so sorry for my dad. I miss her more and more each day. I could not believe when I saw this thread. Thanks for letting me share. I will keep you all in my thoughts.
  21. ACDSNY

    ACDSNY Let the countdown begin!

    Jun 14, 2005
    Reading through these posts was like seeing pieces of me written by so many others as we all try to deal with our feelings of loss and of loosing our mother and best friend. :sad1:

    My mother was only 59 when she passed in July 1998 to colon cancer. She was the eldest of 8 sibblings, so we always had a large extended family that was very close knit. Now that she's gone we hardly ever get together like we use to which is something else I've missed. She always made the holidays special and like others have said they are now very difficult to get through, the magic is no longer there. I still miss her each and every day.

Share This Page