Dating for a meal

[mikehn]

Time is money. No way would I just sit there for a free meal. That free meal is costing me two hours of my precious time I could be spending on the golf course or something. You all must go on a lot of time share tours

 

[Nancyg56]

My grandmother was a young widow, so I’m aware that there are circumstances that could cause me to re-enter the workforce full-time. I, also, have been in the workforce and was briefly the sole breadwinner in our house. I think it’s better for children to have their mother at home, people can disagree and I know it’s sometimes not even possible. I do currently work part-time from home and I have a degree, I could re-enter the workforce if I wanted to.

If I didn’t get married, I had plans in place for being a fully functioning independent member of society. If we hadn’t been able to have kids, I would have also kept working.

I never presume to disagree with choices a couple makes in their marraige, Had my DH and I been blessed with children together I would have stayed home with them as well. I have that deep trust in him and know what he has is shared between us, and he is not a man who controls thru finances. I work with a woman whose husband is nto a good man, and she feels trapped, even though her income surpasses mine. He controls every stinking penny that enters that home, and she and their children have next to nothing while he enjoys expensive vehicles. Beer, Dunkin' Donuts, scratch tix, lobster and steak. OMG, I have no words, and honestly, knowing how those poor children live make it very difficult for me to mind my own business in work. She refuses to put them or herself first, even though my employer and all of us have stepped in and up to help.

 

[Imzadi]

Doesn't stop me from expecting a man to open a door for me though.

All my BFs always opened the door for me, in the beginning. And yes, I'd wait for them the first few/several times. Frankly, that got old. If I got to the door first, I wasn't always just going to wait for them to walk past me to open the door. I'd just open the door. If they got to the door first, then they'd still open it for me.

However, what do you gals do when you are at the doors of, say, a department store? There are usually TWO sets of doors. They open the first, you walk through, take a couple steps, then there is a second set of doors. Do you routinely wait for them to walk past you and let him open the second door too?

What I usually do is: They open the first door. Since I'm standing right in front of the second set of doors and BF is now behind me, I open it and have BF walk through. This way, he opened one door and I opened the second door.

Same with opening the car door. (This was in the days before the keychains that can automatically unlock all the doors.) If he was driving and had the keys, he would open my door first. Once I was sitting inside, I leaned over and unlocked his door from the inside. So it's unlocked by the time he walks around the car to get in.

Anyone else do these?

 

[Imzadi]

Not sure if it counts but allowed the brother my parents never had to take me to dinner at the 4 Seasons when I couldn't pay my mortgage much less eat. I knew he liked me as more than a sister at that time but welllllllll I was hungry.

The good times are back so now we can laugh about then and trade tips about worthy brokers.

I bet he knew you only thought of him as a brother, and his chances were slim to none. Was taking you to the 4 Seasons was his Hail Mary pass? "She's GOT to fall in love with me after THIS!" That's probably why you can both laugh at such things now. It was pretty clear to both of you where each other stood in your friendship.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

I never presume to disagree with choices a couple makes in their marraige, Had my DH and I been blessed with children together I would have stayed home with them as well. I have that deep trust in him and know what he has is shared between us, and he is not a man who controls thru finances. I work with a woman whose husband is nto a good man, and she feels trapped, even though her income surpasses mine. He controls every stinking penny that enters that home, and she and their children have next to nothing while he enjoys expensive vehicles. Beer, Dunkin' Donuts, scratch tix, lobster and steak. OMG, I have no words, and honestly, knowing how those poor children live make it very difficult for me to mind my own business in work. She refuses to put them or herself first, even though my employer and all of us have stepped in and up to help.

I am currently trying to dig myself out of this position. After 23 years of marriage, I was left with two disabled children for a 29 year old also-married woman. Having been out of the workforce for many years as a military spouse and stay at home mom, the last few years have been.....interesting. My college degree was nearly worthless with no resume. I completely trusted my ex and he changed his colors overnight. I'm not casting judgment on anyone else's relationship, I'm just saying be cautious.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

All my BFs always opened the door for me, in the beginning. And yes, I'd wait for them the first few/several times. Frankly, that got old. If I got to the door first, I wasn't always just going to wait for them to walk past me to open the door. I'd just open the door. If they got to the door first, then they'd still open it for me.

However, what do you gals do when you are at the doors of, say, a department store? There are usually TWO sets of doors. They open the first, you walk through, take a couple steps, then there is a second set of doors. Do you routinely wait for them to walk past you and let him open the second door too?

What I usually do is: They open the first door. Since I'm standing right in front of the second set of doors and BF is now behind me, I open it and have BF walk through. This way, he opened one door and I opened the second door.

Same with opening the car door. (This was in the days before the keychains that can automatically unlock all the doors.) If he was driving and had the keys, he would open my door first. Once I was sitting inside, I leaned over and unlocked his door from the inside. So it's unlocked by the time he walks around the car to get in.

Anyone else do these?

One major thing my dad instilled in me was to open doors for people (that and to say thank you). There are many times my husband opens the door for me;it's not on the basis of gender. There are many times I open the door for my husband (or random strangers or other family members or friends). And yes that happens a lot with the two sets of doors It's just what I was taught in terms of common courtesy so I guess I never saw it related to gender though I absolutely know it can be.

Car door thing was never really done maybe like once or twice with a previous boyfriend/dating interest. Frankly I see it more like a waste of time rather than being polite in opening the door for me lol. I may be weird in that thoughtprocess though lol. Maybe that's related to my upbringing because opening the car door for a passenger was not harped on. Maybe more on an automatic thing but my key fob has been broken for years so I just use my key. I open my driver's side door and before I even motion to get in I hit the unlock button which opens the passenger side door--we get in at the same time that way

 

[DisLiss]

Heck, no! Never would have even crossed my mind.

 

[Imzadi]

I just had a guy have me pay for a movie and dinner date, he told me the next time we go out it would be on him because he had a really good feeling about us. The next day he blocked me on everything. He was the first guy I went on a date with since my ex and I pretty much give up on the whole dating thing now.

I wonder if you had a male version of what the OP talked about?

At least you didn't have a "Dine-and-Dash dater." There was a guy in L.A. who routinely found women on dating apps. They'd meet for dinner at a posh restaurant. He's order extravagantly. Then come up with an excuse where he'd have to leave the table before the bill arrived. Never to return. And the women were stuck with the expensive check.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...es-dates-bill-comes-claims-latest-victim.html

Here is an article, a year later, when the guy was caught and charged with 10 felony counts of skipping out on the date & bill. I bet he he had done it several more times, but some women were too embarrassed to come forward to prosecute.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/dine-and...edly-skipping-out-on-dates-before-bill-report

 

[pahoben]

I always paid and never expected anything based on the fact I paid. I remember a couple times being so unhappy that I suddenly remembered some obligation and rushed through dinner and rushed taking her home.

You can say what you want but there is a million years of evolution that promoted a man being the protector of his family. It is a basic biological fact.

There are women as well as men that it would be a very bad idea for their spouse to completely cede control of finances no matter which of them is the primary earner. If you think this type of evil resides solely in the hearts of males then you are mistaken. I don’t believe this drive for absolute control is true for the vast majority of pairs but it does happen in both sexes.

I really enjoyed this thread and found the different perspectives very interesting. I for one believe if conditions are bad enough for you and ones children (whether you are male or female) then a high probability you will engage in behaviors you would otherwise find abhorrent to feed yourself and your children.

 

[MrsDuck]

Nope. But I know plenty who have. I didn’t date a lot; mostly just my current hubby.

 

[Imzadi]

I wonder if you had a male version of what the OP talked about?

At least you didn't have a "Dine-and-Dash dater." There was a guy in L.A. who routinely found women on dating apps. They'd meet for dinner at a posh restaurant. He's order extravagantly. Then come up with an excuse where he'd have to leave the table before the bill arrived. Never to return. And the women were stuck with the expensive check.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...es-dates-bill-comes-claims-latest-victim.html

Here is an article, a year later, when the guy was caught and charged with 10 felony counts of skipping out on the date & bill. I bet he he had done it several more times, but some women were too embarrassed to come forward to prosecute.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/dine-and...edly-skipping-out-on-dates-before-bill-report

Since the Dine-and-Dash dater had been caught a year ago. It occurred to me he may have been already sentenced and that I hadn't scrolled down far enough to find an article about it.

Here's an update to the louse:

https://la.eater.com/2019/1/17/18186932/dine-dash-dater-arrest-los-angeles-restaurants

 

[ronandannette]

All my BFs always opened the door for me, in the beginning. And yes, I'd wait for them the first few/several times. Frankly, that got old. If I got to the door first, I wasn't always just going to wait for them to walk past me to open the door. I'd just open the door. If they got to the door first, then they'd still open it for me.

However, what do you gals do when you are at the doors of, say, a department store? There are usually TWO sets of doors. They open the first, you walk through, take a couple steps, then there is a second set of doors. Do you routinely wait for them to walk past you and let him open the second door too?

What I usually do is: They open the first door. Since I'm standing right in front of the second set of doors and BF is now behind me, I open it and have BF walk through. This way, he opened one door and I opened the second door.

Same with opening the car door. (This was in the days before the keychains that can automatically unlock all the doors.) If he was driving and had the keys, he would open my door first. Once I was sitting inside, I leaned over and unlocked his door from the inside. So it's unlocked by the time he walks around the car to get in.

Anyone else do these?

Actually yes, I do wait at double-doors if I'm with my DH or DS. Usually not if it's a public place and a random gentleman has opened the first door. I'll quickly step to the second door and go through it while thanking him. It just seems to work a little less awkwardly that way and everyone has met their etiquette obligations.

 

[disneychrista]

I honestly don't get the door thing. There is one guy I work with that if we are walking up to the doors about the same time he will make sure to get there first so he can open the door for me/anyone else coming. It is nice. But honestly I can open a door myself and would never wait or expect someone to do it for me.

 

[pahoben]

I honestly don't get the door thing. There is one guy I work with that if we are walking up to the doors about the same time he will make sure to get there first so he can open the door for me/anyone else coming. It is nice. But honestly I can open a door myself and would never wait or expect someone to do it for me.

Door etiquette is strange. Many years ago there were a lot of jokes about a general manager in a district office (top guy in the office with maybe 200 office employees) who had zero people skills. Some of the jokes revolved around his arrival at the office in the morning. He came to work at the same time as many others and the door from the parking lot to the office was single so when he arrived people were behind him in line waiting to go through the door. He would crack the door just enough so he could slide through side ways and the door wouldn’t be open for anyone behind him. This was the basis for much office humor.

 

[NYCgrrl]

All my BFs always opened the door for me, in the beginning. And yes, I'd wait for them the first few/several times. Frankly, that got old. If I got to the door first, I wasn't always just going to wait for them to walk past me to open the door. I'd just open the door. If they got to the door first, then they'd still open it for me.

However, what do you gals do when you are at the doors of, say, a department store? There are usually TWO sets of doors. They open the first, you walk through, take a couple steps, then there is a second set of doors. Do you routinely wait for them to walk past you and let him open the second door too?

What I usually do is: They open the first door. Since I'm standing right in front of the second set of doors and BF is now behind me, I open it and have BF walk through. This way, he opened one door and I opened the second door.

Same with opening the car door. (This was in the days before the keychains that can automatically unlock all the doors.) If he was driving and had the keys, he would open my door first. Once I was sitting inside, I leaned over and unlocked his door from the inside. So it's unlocked by the time he walks around the car to get in.

Anyone else do these?

I can't recall much shopping with men besides the ones I bore but the door etiquette changes drastically at department stores and subways in particular. Whoever is at the door first opens it since the people behind you are not waiting around. Generally the 2nd door is a revolving type so hurry up and push in rhythm with the rest of the people. I guess men opening doors is something that happens to me when entering a taxi or restaurant and that's about it.

I bet he knew you only thought of him as a brother, and his chances were slim to none. Was taking you to the 4 Seasons was his Hail Mary pass? "She's GOT to fall in love with me after THIS!" That's probably why you can both laugh at such things now. It was pretty clear to both of you where each other stood in your friendship.

Decades back when I first met him he was a still struggling but on the brink of fame musician living in the Bronx which is my hometown. Women clamoured over him as they could see where he was headed and he's also very intelligent except in that time with money. I was dating a friend of his which is how we met and helped him figure out a budget which he paid no attention to initially. Made a hit record then spent his money recklessly. When it came time for his talents to shine again our earlier takes took hold thank goodness. Oh and I always called/call him a turkey when he screwed up which was not something he was used to hearing after a time, LOL. He frequently paraded these gorgeous model types around me as his latest girlfriends and they all hated me because they though we were a past item. Then they'd cuddle up close to me when they realised I was happily married (or deluded) with a few children and we were just friends. When he broke it off they frequently called to cry on my shoulder and maybe I'd get to tell him he was a turkey (and a dog) again.

When I was in the midst of getting divorced, working, and still going to school, I was required to eat at a specific type of restaurant for a college course and that's how the 4 Seasons dinner came into being.
He's never married, and I'll never again but he's still my closest male friend.

Oh and the Four Seasons recently closed and it makes me sad; the place had amazing food.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I haven't dated in over 20 years. The only way I would date again is if something horrible happened to end my relationship and then I decided to try again.

No way would I date for a free meal. Thata just messing with people's emotions. I mean, either it's a date or a meal with a friend or whatever. Not a free meal. You go to a meal with someone to spend time with them and get to know them. That's messed up.